In these few years I have spent on this terrestrial divide, I have seen how life treats men, especially in their old ages.

I have seen men work, labour, sweat throughout their youthful lives on their wives and children and I have also seen how they end up. My brother, as you are working hard to train your children and to make your wife proud, don't forget to have something for yourself for your old age. May you not be begging your children to eat in your old age. Remember, women can be jumping from one son's house to another daughter's house. Not so for men.

Can I tell you a truth? You are a stranger in that house you call yours today. That house you struggled to build is not yours. It’s for your wife and the children. Seriously!

A friend sent me a story recently. Let me quote him here: "My grandfather told me that a married man is like a tractor that builds a road, does it very nicely but when the road is completed, they bring a low loader and carry the tractor away, claiming it will spoil the road! That tractor is never allowed to step on the road it built!

"Same is the case of we married men. We deny ourselves, get loans, wear used clothes, etc, to see our children through high schools, universities, etc. because we believe that the only gift we can give them is quality education. When they are old enough, the fathers often become dispensable. The attention of the children shift to their mothers. May be these mothers poison their minds against their fathers, who knows? You hear a typical mother use languages like ...

"If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have gone to school.
"I sold all my gold, trinkets, wrappers to send you to school.
"Your father was only interested in alcohol and women while I suffered to pay your fees!"
(Now the tractor that built the road is being carried away!)

"Once the child starts working, father could have retired. When he come visiting his parents, the poor father is given N5k in front of the mother, while the mother pulls him to the kitchen to collect 50 times what father got... and the father doesn't know what mother got!

"Once the child drives off, the father is told to bring money from his pittance to buy this and that, buy sugar to prepare Lipton unless he wants to drink sugarless tea! These are some of the reasons men die early!

"A mother flies abroad to visit her children or go do Omorgwo while the father sits at home, buying and eating bread and ewa agonyin every morning! After six months abroad, she returns home fresh to meet father licking palm oil in ewa agonyin!"
Old age could be very lonely and agonising for men who did not plan for it. May you not become a liability on your children in your old age. May your children not wish you early death when they can't manage you again in your old age.

To live a happy old age,
* Build your own house where you will live in your old age
* Build businesses, preferably properties, that will feed you in your old age
* Create conveniences, start learning things that will engage you in your old age
* Build friendship and goodwill that will serve you in your old age
* Right now, start to be relevant in your Church, community so you could be reckoned with in your old age

Old age could be lonely. An old age without money in your pocket is a slow, agonising death sentence!

Be warned. Take action NOW...!

Source: By Bola Adewara, editor www.elifeonline.net

This is just the reality buh will men ever learn.... thanks OP

@elifeonline:

Are you saying if a man treats his wife and kids well and ensures a fantastic relationship with them, he suffers same fate?

Or could it be that these men are reaping the rewards of their behavior when they were younger?

Men own 30s to 60s. How did they invest this time?

Parties, adultery, bullying, not investing, not building relationships with their families?

This is an interesting trend. Me thinks you should interview as many older men as possible on why it is so.

I Vowed and Swore To Myself That I Will Always Put Myself First Before My Family, My Wife and Even My Own Children.... God In Heaven Is My Witness

So Far So good,...it's Been Working Like Magic, It's Good to be Self Centered, You'll Really Achieve Alot.

It is well. To the good fathers out there, keep grinding. One day na one day. May God never shame us, amen!

This is a conversation every man should have with himself.

Men: while you are doubling your hustle for the benefit of children and wife. Take time to enjoy your life and plan retirement. Don't leave it to chance.

It's a shame some men do not deserve the treatment they get from their family in old age.... but the world is engulfed in female equality. I think as a man I don't make an effort for my wife to prioritize me over the children. Being a good Father is sometimes deemed a thankless Job.

bukatyne:
@elifeonline:

Are you saying if a man treats his wife and kids well and ensures a fantastic relationship with them, he suffers same fate?

Or could it be that these men are reaping the rewards of their behavior when they were younger?

Men own 30s to 60s. How did they invest this time?

Parties, adultery, bullying, not investing, not building relationships with their families?

This is an interesting trend. Me thinks you should interview as many older men as possible on why it is so.

maybe because you're a woman, you may not relate well with what the OP said. But what he said is quite weighty and true. I'm a father so I know how it is. And I'm also a son, and I know how things are with my old man in his 70s. But it's not a discussion to argue on, else a can drum of worms will be open. May we no shake dis table abeg. Either take what he said or leave it. Good fathers are the unsung heroes in this world, many end up unappreciated or abandoned. If he is rich, then he might not feel it much or opt for a younger wife for companionship to keep him company because he's not getting that from his family again, but if he's poor then he will sink into depression like an old lion with a broken teeth, too old to fight, and just sits there thinking of the painful years when he gave it all for his family and waiting for the day he dies a lonely broken soul. Fathers I salute you

Openbusiness3:
maybe because you're a woman, you may not relate well with what the OP said. But what he said is quite weighty and true. I'm a father so I know how it is. And I'm also a son, and I know how things are with my old man in his 70s. But it's not a discussion to argue on, else a can drum of worms will be open. May we no shake dis table abeg. Either take what he said or leave it. Good fathers are the unsung heroes in this world, many end up unappreciated or abandoned. If he is rich, then he might not feel it much or opt for a younger wife for companionship to keep him company because he's not getting that from his family again, but if he's poor then he will sink into depression like an old lion with a broken teeth, too old to fight, and just sits there thinking of the painful years when he gave it all for his family and waiting for the day he dies a lonely broken soul. Fathers I salute you

Well said.

I think a man truly knows if is loved by his wife in his old age, a time when he is most vulnerable. Rather than spend unnecessary time with Family and adult kids. She would rather want to spend time with you talking about nothing.

All men won't be wealthy, but all men can plan to live a happier and better life.

If I was a journalist, I would make an interview of old men advising younger men.

Dont get it twisted, I am not saying dont love or provide for your family. I am saying you deserve a little love yourself while you still have life.

A solid man will know all this b4 old age .if u dont know this,it is to ur own peril o.because u will have no one to blame

Another major reason why marriage should be rejected by men.

Arrant nonsense.

all these long drama can be avoided if you marry the right woman, give your children, apart from quality education, but position their mindset on the positive side of life, no matter how you want or wish to prepare for your old age, someone will still be around to take care of you, money can't buy everything but doing the right thing can save your face in tomorrow.

So so true!!!

papa go collect wine
mama go collect wrapper, lace, money, more money
E go be

civilization

There is pension contributions for the working class people and there is now micropension for non working class citizens. If you are not good at investment ensure you utilize the two investments vehicles to save against old age.

In addition to that set aside 30% of your income to invest in either valued stock or money market funds before taking care of family problems.

If you do all these you won't fall victim of the what the OP narrated.

See as they open book of Lamentations early momo Sunday

Most men neglected by their kids have selective amnesia on when they were overly aggressive on their in the name of discipline, when they treated their wives like trash in the presence of their kids. A wise virtuous woman must take all sorts of suffering from her husband and must remain submissive ko? Guess who witnesses all of the sufferings? The virtuous kids! Virtuous wife grows old with bitterness in her heart, towards her husband, by then husband would have "repented" and wants the wife he treated badly to treat him with love and affection. Kolewerk!

My dad was strict when I was young but overall he wasn't a bad father. As close as we are to our mum, there's absolutely no way she can successfully poison our minds towards our dad because we can SEE that he's a good dad though he's strict.

Why not marry a good woman, treat her right, bond with your kids well and let's see if they will push you away in your old age when you need them most

Freestainworld:
all these long drama can be avoided if you marry the right woman, give your children, apart from quality education, but position their mindset on the positive side of life, no matter how you want or wish to prepare for your old age, someone will still be around to take care of you, money can't buy everything but doing the right thing can save your face in tomorrow.

Correct.

dominique:
See as they open book of Lamentations early momo Sunday

Most men neglected by their kids have selective amnesia on when they were overly aggressive on their in the name of discipline, when they treated their wives like trash in the presence of their kids. A wise virtuous woman must take all sorts of suffering from her husband and must remain submissive ko? Guess who witnesses all of the sufferings? The virtuous kids! Virtuous wife grows old with bitterness in her heart, towards her husband, by then husband would have "repented" and wants the wife he treated badly to treat him with love and affection. Kolewerk!

My dad was strict when I was young but overall he wasn't a bad father. As close as we are to our mum, there's absolutely no way she can successfully poison our minds towards our dad because we can SEE that he's a good dad though he's strict.

Why not marry a good woman, treat her right, bond with your kids well and let's see if they will push you away in your old age when you need them most

@bold:

Correct.

Openbusiness3:
maybe because you're a woman, you may not relate well with what the OP said. But what he said is quite weighty and true. I'm a father so I know how it is. And I'm also a son, and I know how things are with my old man in his 70s. But it's not a discussion to argue on, else a can drum of worms will be open. May we no shake dis table abeg. Either take what he said or leave it. Good fathers are the unsung heroes in this world, many end up unappreciated or abandoned. If he is rich, then he might not feel it much or opt for a younger wife for companionship to keep him company because he's not getting that from his family again, but if he's poor then he will sink into depression like an old lion with a broken teeth, too old to fight, and just sits there thinking of the painful years when he gave it all for his family and waiting for the day he dies a lonely broken soul. Fathers I salute you

While I might not relate well, I see and hear same stories around me.

And my question is this:

Has anyone interviewed this men to know what happened? Where did things change? How did they use their season (30 - 60s)?

Like I say to women: if you have an issue with a system, find out what the problem is and change.

You don't counter a 'bad' system with another bad one: it shows you are no different from the people or systems you are whinning against.

Rather than men/fathers to figure out where things went wrong and how to fix them, you are talking of 'putting yourself first' before your family bla bla.

You put yourself first, your wife puts herself first, the kids put themselves first. Wouldn't it be better you all live in separate houses and meet once a month for catch up?

1. What is fatherhood without sacrifice?
2. What is leadership without sacrifice?
3. What is husbandship without sacrifice?

Women una no de hear word. Them say only men should comment

The men being rejected were never good to their wives and kids. They, just like you lots, believe that they are polygamous in nature, they treated their own wife so badly, cheated on her, some were stingy with money, it was the wife who oversaw all their children school expenses and feeding. Then, when the man starts getting old and bankrupt, when no woman outside will look at him cos he's weak and broke, the man will now turn to the wife and kids he neglected and treated badly.
Some kids and wives forgive, some don't.

So, stop whining and treat your kids right. I've also seen women being rejected by their kids cos they all experienced how badly their mothers were to them when they were small.

Even you men come here to whine on how you will place your mother's above your wife, these kind of sentiment is prompted cos your fathers never gave you and your mothers the love and care you guys deserve. Then, when y'all grow, you lean towards your mothers cos of the sacrifices she made for you guys. Then, your own wife will start feeling dejected and not taken care of, your children grows up and start leaning towards their mothers and start treating you badly, same way you treated their mothers. They also vow never to give equal love to their future wives, they vow that their mothers will take greater percentage of their love and care and so So, the cycle continues.

You men who vowed never to treat your wives with much love and care will still come here to start complaining about the treatment you get in your old age.
You are simply reaping what you sowed. If you treat your wife and kids well, they will return same to you.

My fiancè just got a car for his father, it showed the father performed his fatherly love and care well, thereby, he's reaping the fruit of his Labour from his children in his old age.
Please, stop writing rubbish after treating your wife as second option, cheating on her and not paying your kids school fees, you have the guts to whine.

Dande55:
The men being rejected were never good to their wives and kids. They, just like you lots, believe that they are polygamous in nature, they treated their own wife so badly, cheated on her, some were stingy with money, it was the wife who oversaw all their children school expenses and feeding. Then, when the man starts getting old and bankrupt, when no woman outside will look at him cos he's weak and broke, the man will now turn to the wife and kids he neglected and treated badly.
Some kids and wives forgive, some don't.

So, stop whining and treat your kids right. I've also seen women being rejected by their kids cos they all experienced how badly their mothers were to them when they were small.

Even you men come here to whine on how you will place your mother's above your wife, these kind of sentiment is prompted cos your fathers never gave you and your mothers the love and care you guys deserve. Then, when y'all grow, you lean towards your mothers cos of the sacrifices she made for you guys. Then, your own wife will start feeling dejected and not taken care of, your children grows up and start leaning towards their mothers and start treating you badly, same way you treated their mothers. They also vow never to give equal love to their future wives, they vow that their mothers will take greater percentage of their love and care and so So, the cycle continues.

You men who vowed never to treat your wives with much love and care will still come here to start complaining about the treatment you get in your old age.
You are simply reaping what you sowed. If you treat your wife and kids well, they will return same to you.

My fiancè just got a car for his father, it showed the father performed his fatherly love and care well, thereby, he's reaping the fruit of his Labour from his children in his old age.
Please, stop writing rubbish after treating your wife as second option, cheating on her and not paying your kids school fees, you have the guts to whine.

Oko Oro.

You can not sow the wind and not expect to reap the whirlwind

And in this life, the law of sowing and harvest is very potent.

Some call it karma.

The advice is only suitable for men who have dysfunctional homes or those who hope to have dysfunctional homes.

The biggest dummy ever sold to this wannabe woke generation is that human beings are inherently self-absorbing and that, individually, one needs to remain self-absorbing in order to be safe and prosperous. Well, what's true is that human beings are inherently just and need to take to conscientiousness in order to remain safe, prosperous and fair.

As a man, and by extension husband and father, bulk of the family functionality or otherwise of it lies on your desk. Strive to conquer yourself without striving to conquer others and love others without hating yourself.

Working based on the postulation above, the onus is on you to be conscientious, marry a conscientious woman and be the best you can be to her manifesting it through your altruistic actions and equally be the best you can be to your offspring manifesting it through your altruistic actions too - reciprocation from them will be automatic. If the wife, however, one day decides to join Woke-Christian gang, a single bullet or something similar can do the magic.

The golden rule is sacrosanct.

bukatyne:


While I might not relate well, I see and hear same stories around me.

And my question is this:

Has anyone interviewed this men to know what happened? Where did things change? How did they use their season (30 - 60s)?

Like I say to women: if you have an issue with a system, find out what the problem is and change.

You don't counter a 'bad' system with another bad one: it shows you are no different from the people or systems you are whinning against.

Rather than men/fathers to figure out where things went wrong and how to fix them, you are talking of 'putting yourself first' before your family bla bla.

You put yourself first, your wife puts herself first, the kids put themselves first. Wouldn't it be better you all live in separate houses and meet once a month for catch up?

1. What is fatherhood without sacrifice?
2. What is leadership without sacrifice?
3. What is husbandship without sacrifice?

I never said a father should put himself first over his family. I can't do that. I won't do it. I put my sons first, I love them too much. Can't count how many times I went to bed hungry and weak just so I can put food in their mouth. Can't count the number of times I would eat once a day just so they can eat anytime they are hungry. I have forfeited things, gotten indebted, begged, crawled, scratched, swallowed ego, done things I never thought I would ever do for anyone just to be a good father to them. So this matter isn't about a father not wanting to sacrifice. This matter is about good fathers getting shut out of their children's lives when the harvest is ripe. It happens a lot, for different reasons too many to start talking about. So the OP is advising fathers to prepare for any eventuality, so they won't sink into depression and die as miserable frustrated sorrowful old men in their last days. That fathers should have a plan for themselves and put a little something away for themselves. Because often that not, as the days go by once the "dynamo of their lives" have been set in motion by good father who spent his best years making it happen, many are just left alone, with that subconscious idea that he is a man na, he can take care of himself. No, men need care too, especially after going through the toughest roughest battles of life to ensure the next generation are better off than where you were, than the best place you ever reached as a man. But many times, it looks like a case of 'use and dump', and sometimes, it is even worse when history is now "re-written" for the children and some good fathers are re-painted as absentees, yet they bore a lot of the dues that was paid. That's why you see many elderly men separating from their wives at old age and marrying younger girls. Many times, it is not about sex or lust. It is about companionship. The "old family" has abandoned him to himself and pushed him away with that "we don't need you anymore attitude". So he gets a younger girl (gold digger or not), that makes him feel special and wanted and gives him the companionship he desires to keep mind, body and soul together

bukatyne:


Oko Oro.

You can not sow the wind and not expect to reap the whirlwind

And in this life, the law of sowing and harvest is very potent.

Some call it karma.

Exactly.
Whatever you sow, you shall reap.

LordKO:
The advice is only suitable for men who have dysfunctional homes or those who hope to have dysfunctional homes.

The biggest dummy ever sold to this wannabe woke generation is that human beings are inherently self-absorbing and that individually one needs to remain self-absorbing in order to be safe and prosperous. Well, what's true is that human beings are inherently just and need to take to conscientiousness in order to remain safe, prosperous and fair.

As a man, and by extension husband and father, major bulk of the family functionality or otherwise of it lies on your desk. Strive to conquer yourself without striving to conquer others, and love others without hating yourself.

Working based on the postulation above, the onus is on you to be conscientious, marry a conscientious woman and be the best you can be to her manifesting it through your altruistic actions and equally be the best you can be to your offspring and manifesting it through your altruistic actions too - reciprocation from them will be automatic. If the wife, however, one day decides to join Woke-Christian gang, a single bullet or something similar can do the magic.

The golden rule is sacrosanct.

@ bold 1: the god of this new age is self. I have never seen a generation so selfish yet so unfulfilled. That's why they keep looking for the next fix, the next high to keep themselves temporarily 'happy'.

@bold 2: Hahahahahaha! Is it bullet drink or...?

Woke Muslims nko?

Ive never seen a man, who treated his family well, and end up being neglected by His family.
And moreover, careless mothers also get same treated meted on careless fathers. Ive seen both happen.

bukatyne:


@ bold 1: the god of this new age is self. I have never seen a generation so selfish yet so unfulfilled. That's why they keep looking for the next fix, the next high to keep themselves temporarily 'happy'.

@bold 2: Hahahahahaha! Is it bullet drink or...?

Woke Muslims nko?

LOL, you won't know the kind of bullet and it won't be your portion. Meanwhile, every wannabe woke person is a Woke-Christian, regardless of their belief system.

bukatyne:
@elifeonline:

Are you saying if a man treats his wife and kids well and ensures a fantastic relationship with them, he suffers same fate?

Or could it be that these men are reaping the rewards of their behavior when they were younger?

Men own 30s to 60s. How did they invest this time?

Parties, adultery, bullying, not investing, not building relationships with their families?

This is an interesting trend. Me thinks you should interview as many older men as possible on why it is so.

If the man has paid the school fees of his children why is the wife selling trinket to pay this same school fees?

@elifeonline Advise men to pay school fees so the children will not see their mother sell her trinket to educate them because of they do - the man is going to eat his night food ewa agoyin and palm oil.

Treat your wife well so that when the kids say mummy come she will say me and my husband are coming.

Treat your children well so they will say my daddy suffered for me I must look after him

If you donot sow school fees and shelter you will eat ewa agoyin in old age.

Cause and effect

I love this.....God bless you OP!

Openbusiness3:

1. I never said a father should put himself first over his family. I can't do that. I won't do it. I put my sons first, I love them too much. Can't count how many times I went to bed hungry and weak just so I can put food in their mouth. Can't count the number of times I would eat once a day just so they can eat anytime they are hungry. I have forfeited things, gotten indebted, begged, crawled, scratched, swallowed ego, done things I never thought I would ever do for anyone just to be a good father to them. So this matter isn't about a father not wanting to sacrifice.

2. This matter is about good fathers getting shut out of their children's lives when the harvest is ripe. It happens a lot, for different reasons too many to start talking about.

3. So the OP is advising fathers to prepare for any eventuality, so they won't sink into depression and die as miserable frustrated sorrowful old men in their last days. That fathers should have a plan for themselves and put a little something away for themselves.

4. Because often that not, as the days go by once the "dynamo of their lives" have been set in motion by good father who spent his best years making it happen, many are just left alone, with that subconscious idea that he is a man na, he can take care of himself.

5. No, men need care too, especially after going through the toughest roughest battles of life to ensure the next generation are better off than where you were, than the best place you ever reached as a man. But many times, it looks like a case of 'use and dump', and sometimes, it is even worse when history is now "re-written" for the children and some good fathers are re-painted as absentees, yet they bore a lot of the dues that was paid.

6. That's why you see many elderly men separating from their wives at old age and marrying younger girls. Many times, it is not about sex or lust. It is about companionship. The "old family" has abandoned him to himself and pushed him away with that "we don't need you anymore attitude".

7. So he gets a younger girl (gold digger or not), that makes him feel special and wanted and gives him the companionship he desires to keep mind, body and soul together

I copied this post to MS Word to properly count.

You wrote 405 words and not one mentioned the mother of your children (baby mama or wife); did your sons you love sooooooo much fall from heaven?

To your points:
1. Kudos, daddy wa. I hope you give your sons sneak peak into these activities?
a. They will appreciate you.
b. It will guide and guard them; they don't want to disappoint you.
c. They will learn how to be sacrificial fathers when they get to that stage.

2. Such as? It would be good to learn. I just hope you are not expecting (your woman) whom is conspicuously absent in your narrative to be the bridge between you and your kids. In addition to all you have done/doing, you need to cultivate a direct relationship with your children. No reported speech or second hand relationship.

3. While I understand the logic behind it (afterall, we have pension schemes for retirement), it sounds like a man who would not invest in his marriage and relationship with his kids because he has prepared for eventuality.

4. I agree with you that society would provide a cushion for an older woman than an older man. We have widowhood schemes everywhere, I have never heard of one for widowers. Old age is a woman's season again.

5. I also agree that men need care, companionship, affection etc. During the man's season, how did he build relationships? It is one thing to break your back to be a good provider, it is another to build relationships.

6 & 7. How did this older man treat his wife during his season? Yea, the young girl is providing the older man with warmth, companionship, care, her youth etc in exchange for his money. How did he treat his first wife in his season? Did he build that relationship for old age? What memories does he have with his wife to last into their old age? Why would a woman well loved turn her back against her husband in old age? Again, did these older men treat their new wives the way they treated their first wives?

LordKO:


LOL, you won't know the kind of bullet and it won't be your portion. Meanwhile, every wannabe woke person is a Woke-Christian, regardless of their belief system.

@Bold: Amen.

Let me leave you all to your Woke-Christianity

Islam's structure cannot allow for wokeness. You know you are in-line or out of it.