Nice one. We await series 4

Oya broo

Op we Dey wait �

skylane:
thabks for the call my main G we self do document our own too

That one sure pa

NiklauseFred:


Haaa! Baba how you take jam this thread!?
Make sense
Thanks Mann

Na Richdee1 summon me o

Hadampson:


Na Richdee1 summon me o

Lol him summon you like ogun

Richdee1 thanks Mann

OAP come and finish it oo,,Me that I am Already seeing myself inside KLM plane

NiklauseFred:

Lol him summon you like ogun
Richdee1 thanks Mann

Welcome bro..

Hadampson:

Thanks for the call bro. I'm here with Danny6552, Subomi007, skylane, Iamboladee, and NiklauseFred

baba I sight you

Series 4 (Flight experience for the Tier 2 immigrant)

You see, 6 hours shouldn’t be long especially if you have great movies like 24, House MD, How I met Your Mother, Boston Legal, Money Heist etc. and something to “kpanu” on. I mean time flies by like the snap of your fingers and voila, 6 hours gone! That’s like 6 episodes (or 7) of 24. Unfortunately for you, in this flight, it will be long. As you slumber along, the flight has attained cruising altitude and the fasten seat belt sign has been turned off which means that the air hostesses can begin making arrangements to have meals served.

You awake in stages – it takes a while for your brain to boot and for your eyes to acclimatise. You realise that the beau beside you is both tapping you gently of course and asking you a question on behalf of the air hostess serving your section. “They’ve got chicken and pasta, which do you prefer?” Your brain by default answers “chicken please.” You are unaware that your manners have started changing unconsciously (you are now using “please”. Your bae back in Nigeria will be shocked). You are handed your tray and asked, “wine, juice or beer?” “Wine please.” Please again! The hostess responds, “we’ve got Merlot and Pinot Noir?” You mumble “merlot” because it is easier to pronounce and voila it lands on your tray. Remembering “Akpos” in 30 days in Atlanta, you request for water and apple juice (all in addition to your Merlot). The hostess smiles and hands them to you politely (in your mind, you are making a grave assumption that the flight food is worth it).

As you struggle to sort out yourself, the beau next to you is kind enough to point out your tray table and helps you get it in place while you place your tray on it. You thank her but this time with less enthusiasm. You just want to eat and sleep. You have heard of airline food but this time around, you are in for a shocker. You ordered chicken right, well chicken you have.

The air hostess has moved past your row and your neighbour wants to make small chat. “Good evening, I’m Biola” she says. You smile (at last), “hello, I’m Gbenga, nice to meet you and thanks for helping me with the table tray”, you respond. You see, ladies generally like to “shekini”. Your neighbour has done her analysis and assumed you to be a first-time flyer and most likely a student (or a visitor). “Going for a visit?” She asks, “No, I’m resuming work” you respond as you try to understand the content of your tray. You notice a momentary pause and you don’t bother to glance in her direction.

While you struggle to know in what order you should consume the contents on your tray, your neighbour is doing some mental calculation. This is way before 2021 so the typical minimum salary for a Tier 2 migrant is £30K. More chips to your shoulder and more rep. She notices your frustration and offers you a way out. “Maybe you would want to start with the fruits?” “Sure thanks”, you respond. You delve into the fruit bowl following her lead while she continues to load you with more questions. “So are you going to be based in London”, she asks, “No, Bradford”, you respond. “Waoh, that’s some distance from London”, she responds. “Yeah, I’ll take the National Express”, you reply (inwardly you smile and thank God for @Justwise for creating the thread on Travel and @Seun for starting Nairaland). “Oh, ok”, she responds, and you smile further as she didn’t even ask why you aren’t catching a flight from Heathrow to Leeds Bradford Airport and taking a bus onwards.

By now you are done with the fruit and on to the chicken wrap. You open it to be greeted by a sight that you cannot explain. You see, having spent countless time at joints across Lagos Nigeria devouring chicken and rice (notice the order), you already have a standard definition of what chicken should be. Unfortunately, your attempt at probing the meal further with your fork is unsuccessful. Your companion notices your frustration and comes to the rescue – “don’t worry, we could ask the air hostess for an extra. It’s usually small like this” she further adds. You smile and decline (remembering Akpos in 30 days in Atlanta). “It’s ok” you conclude.

As you go through your chicken meal, your companion continues the questioning. “Sorry for the troubles, but what work will you be doing in the UK?” “Oh, I will be working as a DBA – that’s a database administrator for xyz LTD.” “Waoh, you are an IT guy” she responds. “So were you working in similar role in Nigeria?” she asks. You notice that this question was a professional one as it appears neutral on surface evaluation. A deeper evaluation of the question would be – “where you working in Nigeria or is this your first employment?” You catch the drift and smile, “actually, I was working similar role in Zenith Bank as a senior manager” you respond. The silence that follows gives you cause to smile.

By now you have worked your way through your chicken meal and currently downing your red wine. You discover that you aren’t that excited or interested in chatting with your companion as you want to sleep. You remember that she has been doing all the talking and you quickly get to being “responsible”. “So, do you work in the UK?” you ask, aware that she is on a business trip. “No, I’m representing my company at a conference.” “That’s great”, you respond. “How long will you be staying?”, you ask. “2 weeks”, she responds. You tell her to enjoy herself and hand in your tray to the hostesses who are cleaning up.

You inform her that you want to grab some sleep, she smiles at you while you lean over to the window to sleep. As you sleep, you have that deep-seated peace in your mind. For the first time in a long time, you realise that you have just had a mature conversation with a beautiful lady and the end result was not s*x. It’s 2.5 hours into a 6 hours flight. You try to imagine what your bae will be doing at this hour of the night. You assume she will be missing you – probably crying. You smile with a wide grin as you remember the all-night session you had with her before your departure. You remember all you have gone through with her and how you want to marry her and have a family with her. You think about her plenty issues and you feel elated knowing that your place in her heart is well guaranteed. Na she dey rush you now, you chuckle. You gradually drift into sleep dreaming of that time masquerades were pursuing you and your friends around Gbagada.

“Fasten your seat belts please.” You awake to that sound and the vibration of the aircraft. Finally, village people are having their comeuppance you think. You look around you to see most of the flyers sleeping coolly. “It’s just turbulence” your companion offers, and you glance towards her with scare and some relief. As the flight stabilises, you rest back and gradually take in the scene around you. The lights are dim, and the flight is very quiet. You take a brief glance at your watch and notice it is just 4 hours into your flight.

You carefully observe the air hostesses going about handing people drinks and you wonder if these guys no dey sleep ni. You’ve had some sleep and your head is a little relaxed. Perhaps it’s time for some chit chat with your companion. You take a glance again towards her and notice she is wide awake. “So, what do you do in Nigeria?” you ask. “She turns her face towards you and responds, “oh, I’m a banker”. “Nice, what bank you query?” “Zenith Bank” she responds. “No way”, you respond, and she knowingly smiles at you, “I’m the branch manager of xyz branch.” “Wow”, that’s what you can mutter for now as you digest the news that you have an “oga” beside you. You make further small talks as she inquires about your job, how you applied, salary range and future plans. Into the discussion, you realise that she is married with kids (you make a mental not to trespass as she is a “no go area”). She further informs you that you are indeed lucky and tells you that she and her husband are also exploring similar option for Canada. You realise as your discussion continues that she is quite frank with you and is acting more like your senior sister. She admonishes you to make the best of the opportunity and avoid “white girls”. She tells you not to forget God o and avoid bad company.

You don’t realise how long you guys have been chatting until you hear the hostess ask, “we’ve omelette or bacon” You follow her lead for omelette and request for tea. You open your meal package to realise that it is a worst disaster than the dinner you had previously. Your companion smiles knowingly while you settle for the tea. During your chit chat with your companion, she has informed you that she will be heading out to Reading after claiming her baggage as she has family there (her younger sister who is married with their kids) and would assist you with locating the Central Bus Station and getting your tickets. You claim another victory.

You hear the pilot come over the speakers telling you that approach will soon be made and to get settled in for landing. The air hostesses collect your unfinished meals as well as ensure you are buckled in. You sigh and relax as you savour in the experiences of your flight. Whether village people like it or yes, you have just scored a major goal. You look out through the window and notice the outline of London. You don’t want to look too excited but then the sight out of the window is heavenly. You imagine how London will look like. You imagine the skyscrapers and the scenery. You are already in awe of London, the capital of the UK. Of course, by now, you have familiarised yourself with the differences between London, England, Great Britain and the UK.

5.05am London time (this time of the year, the UK and Nigeria are in the same time zone), your flight lands on the tarmac in Heathrow Airport and taxis to your exit point. You look out of your window again and see sights that shock you. The first thing that catches your attention is how well lit the airport exterior is. You remember MMIA and the stories of cows and birds and stowaways preventing flights from taking off – Cows preventing flights can only happen in Nigeria! Next, you notice organisation! You see ground staff and a lot of equipment you’ve never even seen before. You look back into the aircraft to see people getting restless – it seems a new spirit has just possessed the aircraft.

As the plane comes to a stop, seat belt signs go off and everyone starts being noisy. Overhead cabin doors pop open as folks attempt to get their bags out. It dawns on you that there was no major drama on the flight. You turn to your companion who has gotten her bag from the overhead compartment and is doing a light makeover (women are just something else). You see a queue forming along the aisle as you struggle to get your bag out from the overhead compartment. Your mind flashes back to those folks in the first/business class section and you realise the first real life application of FIFO – first in, first out.

As you take your place in the queue with your companion, your mind flashes back to the countless films of flights you have watched and the numerous times you had seen a plane fly overhead. Today, you have made history not just for yourself, but also for your close family. You have that deep feeling of excitement that can’t be described considering that there are no words to express how you feel. You trudge along with others and as you progress out of the aircraft you go through the first/business class section. You see the spacious setting and the comfort (you remind yourself to inquire about the cost of a first/business class ticket later on).

For the first time, you take a detailed look of the aircraft. This big metal box has been instrumental in flying you non-stop in a red eye flight to London Heathrow from Lagos Nigeria. You made it; here you are in the UK. You Gbenga are made. You approach the exit doors and notice a section of other privileged flyers beyond the exit door and sight what definitely is the outline of the cockpit. Inside life!

As you approach the exit, you are greeted by the hostesses and flight captain who are all smiling and wishing you a happy trip. More chips to your shoulders and then it hits you. All this while, you have been in a regulated and confined space and unknown to you, your body has adjusted. However, considering that in London, ground temperature is 6 degrees with some bit of wind, the space between the aircraft and the passenger boarding bridge has allowed the chilly wind to give you a welcome blast. Instinctively, you recoil. As you move past that area, it becomes a lot warmer and you cautiously make your way out into the airport.

All this while, you have kept pace with your companion while still taking in the sight of the airport. Of course, you are a first-time traveller, so Heathrow will look amazing and dazzling. For the first time, you understand how symbols, markings and signage can be very explicit in helping you navigate an area. You cast your mind back to Nigeria and wonder where we missed it. You ponder about the politeness of the airport officials and the orderliness and neatness of the airport and contrast it with your experience at MMIA – nothing to write home about. You see organisation at its peak. Your companion informs you that you both will have to go through immigrations before heading to the reclaim baggage area. You nod in agreement as you continue to take in more sights. You cast your gaze outside to see more aircrafts and the “beauty” of Heathrow Airport. You assure yourself that even if you get deported at this point, you have done well for yourself.

You get to a slope and navigate right while your companion navigates left. She quickly calls out to you to join her in the right lane. You renegotiate your direction still amazed considering that you can see “blacks” like you are going right.

“But why aren’t we going through that side”, you ask.

See you in series 5 (hopefully in a week's time).

Interesting

Nostalgia!

Nice one, UKLifeIssues. You write so well!

bro you should consider writing full time, it was as if I was reading a novel.Nice one

Amazing.... don't keep us waiting pls!

Funny @ "Even if you got deported at this point, you know you've done well for yourself" i'm glued to your thread....bring it on!

Ah! No ooo. Not a week's time, it's too far and I'm really enjoying your story. You write well.

following you bumper to bumper

Wonderful thread well done op

In block => EUROPE OR NOTHING

Series 5 (First Heathrow experience for the Tier 2 immigrant)

In secondary school (SSS 1 I would think), we studied separation techniques. One thing that has been from time immemorial is separation. Even in our everyday life, we have come to see it in different forms. “Gent’s only”, “female only”, “no children allowed” etc. Girls have separation techniques which they use in classifying their male admirers – “maga”, “mumu”, “film guy”, “scholar”, “Jane’s crush” etc. Guys have similar techniques – “Chioma Unizik”, “Nike Rhema”, “Sade Shoprite” etc. Don’t bother asking what they mean as the originator alone has the decode key.

One unsuspecting mistake which a person can make at an international and busy airport like Heathrow is not to be fast at reading signs and assimilating the implications quickly. You see, as the journey into the airport terminal began, I had unconsciously forgotten that all passengers weren’t the same. Just the same way we were categorised into sections while boarding, so also, we are categorised into sections during immigration protocols.

Yes, now I remember. You see during my pre-boarding checks at MMIA while I was at the queue waiting to have my passport and boarding pass checked and also have the final security check/frisking, I noticed something. As the queue progressed, not all of us presented the same passport. I noticed some people presenting what looked like a burgundy coloured passport (definitely EU/UK). Others presented a blue coloured passport with a sheet of paper or showed the official something on their phone (American passport definitely) while the majority of us presented our green coloured passports.

For the two earlier passports, I noticed that it was only the data page that was checked and sometimes they asked for a NIS stamp or a Nigerian passport or the sheet of paper/phone printout for the folks having the blue coloured passport. On the other hand, those with the green passport presented it either alone or with a card (BRP I will later know it is called). The scrutiny for those with the green passport was more than the others. While they smiled and chatted with the folks with the EU/UK/USA passports, they seemed serious, doubtful, apprehensive and sceptical about those having the Nigerian passport. This here was the beginning of my understanding of what separation means and its application in real life.

Anyone can fly first/business class, but not anyone can use the e-gates as I will shortly come to understand. My companion understanding my confusion took us back a few steps to read the sign I had ignored. The picture attached below better describes it.

There is no worse classification in life than “others”. I mean who is “others”? What does it even me? You taking something or a people and lumping them into one big pot called “others” isn’t just unfair, it is also demeaning.

Well back to the airport, not fully grasping what it means I carefully follow my companion as we take the route that concerns us. As we progress along, I see that even if I had attempted to press along with my earlier choice, ‘angels’ at the gate would have prevented that considering that there are such ‘angels’ placed strategically most especially within that axis.

Well it’s taken us some time, but we have now navigated a huge maze to join hundreds of other ‘unfortunates’ waiting to see a border official before it is decided if we would make heaven or not. These ‘unfortunates’ include non-European/British/American/Canadian/etc passport holders, ILR (indefinite leave to remain) holders, Africans etc. Also, among these ‘unfortunates’ are citizens (of countries allowed to use the e-gates) who have been flagged so they must see a UK Border official.

Yeah, I’m in Heathrow Airport and I begin to take in the sights. This is one big hall that looks like an industrial complex. With all the overhead maze of pipes and neon signs and lighting, cameras and bold signs that tell you you are approaching the UK BORDER FORCE, you get intimidated. Across this large hall are UK border officials dressed and looking serious. You are amazed not just by the sheer size of this Airport but the organisation and orderliness.

You cast your mind back to MMIA and you recall the chaos you saw before departing, you remember all the drama that played out in MMIA, the officials you ‘sorted’ before you could be allowed to check-in your baggage with palm oil and those local condiments. You remember how hot and stuffy the airport was and how noisy the place was. Here you look for such tell-tale signs and can find none.

You take your gaze back to the UK BORDER OFFICIALS as they scrutinise every arrival. You imagine all the kind of questions one would be asked and the different “what if scenarios”. You observe that different arrivals spend different times with officials and that different officials spend different times with arrivals. You carefully observe that there is one particular official who spends more time scrutinising arrivals and silently mutter a prayer that your paths shouldn’t cross.

As the line progresses, you notice that some arrivals are taken to a cut-out space beside the queue. You stretch your neck to see a section with seats neatly arranged and barricaded. The border officials take some people there and proceed to a place outside their seats perhaps to do further investigation. You raise that issue with your companion who briefs you that usually such occurs when there is suspicion that someone is not having genuine reasons to be coming into the UK or there are major discrepancies between what you filled in your application form and what you are saying or there is suspicion that your visa entry stamps have been forged or you are using someone else’s identity or other reasons.

You notice that families and group of friends who applied together perhaps to attend same conference or study at same place or visit together can approach the same border official. Usually, such groups are quickly processed you are told. You recall the many tales you had been told of how Nigerians who were friendly on the plane try to avoid themselves in the airport and you query your companion on why she feels comfortable with you considering that this is your first time flying to the abroad. She laughs and goes further to inform you that Nigerians do such not because of the attitude of Nigerians but the difficult process of obtaining the visas. She continues that she has benefitted from friendly Nigerians and foreigners both here in the UK and in other countries in North America, Europe and Asia who were magnanimous enough to assist her through immigrations protocol, baggage claim and locating her destination. She tells you that she feels obliged to offer the same courtesy to you and that your conversations in the flight were a motivating factor considering that back home in Nigeria you weren’t doing badly and you are now coming to the UK to work legitimately. She tells you to also remember to offer the same courtesy to others in the future – “motigbo”, you respond.

Considering that you both have a long queue owing to about 6 flights arriving before yours, you whip out your phone to see what’s going on. As you bring out your phone, your eyes catch a sign that surprises you. It says ‘mobile phones are allowed but no taking pictures’. You sigh and cast your mind back to Nigeria. You see, you just can’t help it. Considering that’s the only country you have and been to, it automatically forms a basis for comparison for you. As you bring out your phone to see what’s up, it hits you – gbam! You discover there and then that you didn’t prepare for roaming. Back home in Nigeria, someone had erroneously informed you that on arrival, you were going to be presented with a sim card with £1 credit. In fact, another person had told you that he was aware that onboard flights, there are usually free sim cards with £1 credit. As it turns out, you are confronted with a different reality (we can’t say they lied, abi we no get respect again ni?).

Of course, you ‘used’ MTN back home and so you get that unrelenting barrage of text messages from them that you can roam at cheap costs (thieves!). Well, you were so busy preparing for other things that you failed to do a proper research and get reliable intel (me self). You begin to wander what other things you have been told by those folks back home that you have believed. Your mind tells you to search for free WiFi but then you remember that you have some “step-down” videos from that site that must not be mentioned and you get scared that the UK intelligence may hack into your phone, see those porn videos and deny you entry. You are determined not to give village people a chance. You think of deleting those videos and wonder how you forgot to delete them before leaving Nigeria. You begin to imagine how many other important things you may have forgotten. Village people must really be working overtime you think.

Your companion has popped out her phone and made a couple of calls. You have imagined that she must have been roaming. You quickly inquire from her and she tells you she has a contract plan with O2 which her sister pays for her monthly and so whenever she is in the UK which is almost every other quarter, she gets to enjoy the benefits of the sim. Well, there is still some 20 minutes before you guys get to see a border official and time for small gist.