horpigee1:
sorry to say! ur I.Q is low!, it better you keep silent than to spit rubbish out from ur fucking mouth, Bible never lies......... if you av an elder in ur house, you can jt go to him/her to explain the phrase for u.

Big shame on you! Idiotic hypocrite. Using dirty language (ffkc)to defend the bible. Na ya papa write the bible?

For your information the bible tells really stupid lies! Ignoramus, the bible we are using in Nigeria was printed in ffking England.

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

God bless you abundantly!!!


This is one of the reasons I love Igbo guys of today; majority of Igbo guys of today will never think of settling down without attaining some level of financial comfort. This is why other tribes mock Igbo men that they marry at old age; they do it because they are working to stabilize their income before jumping into marriage.



Another thing I have noticed is most Nigerian girls born into poor families usually end up with futureless boys they call boyfriends who eventually impregnate them. Funny enough these poor girls, some of them that nature cheerfully bestowed some good natural looks do meet well to do guys who approach them, they will either turn these men down in their effort to prove that they don't love a man because of his money.....some will will reject serious well to do guys and accept their fellow miserable poor boys as boyfriends in the foolish belief that what they watch on Nollywood whereby two poor lovers later became rich.


Some of them will meet financially buoyant guys and guess what They will be playing these well to do men, they will collect money from the financially buoyant guys and go give their fellow rifraf street boyfriend who have no future.....hoping that soon the guy will become rich and marry them and he won't tell them that she married him for money, who cares if you


If you want to succeed in this life, use your head not your emotions!!

Guys marry only when you have attained a certain level of financial security for your gwn good and for your own sanity!!


Ladies if you are from a poor family, don't you ever accept to marry a poor guy from a poor family unless you yourself you have money or good job or business or income to join effort with him to build a better future! If not, don't marry poor guys....forget all those crap of gold digging, if you see well to do guys come your way, give them a chance oh...stop proving stubborn and hard to get for well to do guys while you go back to your broke area to be fvcking one futureless boy for free hoping that he would hammer soon through the useless yahoo yahoo he is doing!!


Make una de use una head oh guys and ladies!!!


Op thank you oh jareh, I be think say na only me de see these societal anomalies practiced by Naija guys

uchennaq:
IF YOU HAVE THAT SHALLOW MENTALITY OF BEEN FINANCIALLY STABLE BEFORE BRINGING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORD, THEN THINK AGAIN. WHERE IS HUSHPUPI NOW? THE FACT IS YOU CAN STILL BE FINANCIALLY STABLE, MARRY AND CIRCUMSTANCES WILL MAKE YOU TO LOSE ALL YOU HAVE. WILL YOU KILL YOUR CHILDREN, OPT THEM FOR ADOPTION AND DIVORCE YOUR WIFE?

OP YOUR WRITE UP IS SENSELESS AND BASELESS. ABI NA EVERYONE WEY MARRY DEY FINANCIALLY OK? I DON'T WANT TO BE FIFTY AND MY 1ST BORN WILL BE 10. THANK GOD I HAVE A WIFE AND A 3 MONTHS OLD BABY. WE ARE MANAGING.

Imagine what someone is saying

Acidosis:


I understand your point but I don't like the rich-poor dichotomy when it comes to issues such as this.

Ignorance or arrogance is the only reason anyone, whether rich or poor, in this age will birth many kids. It takes more than money to raise 2 kids, so a rich man that goes around distributing sperm like dispenser is not in anyway better than the poor man with many kids. His money won't raise a proper child, if other factors are missing.

So I don't like to give people the impression that as soon as they make some money, they're free to do whatever (the kind of message Nigerians gave Davido, WizKid, Flavour, and more to come).

Money is not why Tony Elumelu or Dangote choose to keep it minimal. They're simply informed and educated -- a virtue a poor man in a one room sef con can possess; a virtue the rich 2face failed to learn on time.

When you see the extent of love some kids from poor backgrounds show their parents, you would understand there's more to these things, especially when you hardly see the same level of love between rich kids and their parents. Go figure.

Dude
Do you know how many kids Elumelu have?

humilitypays:
God bless you abundantly!!!


This is one of the reasons I love Igbo guys of today; majority of Igbo guys of today will never think of settling down without attaining some level of financial comfort. This is why other tribes mock Igbo men that they marry at old age; they do it because they are working to stabilize their income before jumping into marriage.



Another thing I have noticed is most Nigerian girls born into poor families usually end up with futureless boys they call boyfriends who eventually impregnate them. Funny enough these poor girls, some of them that nature cheerfully bestowed some good natural looks do meet well to do guys who approach them, they will either turn these men down in their effort to prove that they don't love a man because of his money.....some will will reject serious well to do guys and accept their fellow miserable poor boys as boyfriends in the foolish belief that what they watch on Nollywood whereby two poor lovers later became rich.


Some of them will meet financially buoyant guys and guess what They will be playing these well to do men, they will collect money from the financially buoyant guys and go give their fellow rifraf street boyfriend who have no future.....hoping that soon the guy will become rich and marry them and he won't tell them that she married him for money, who cares if you


If you want to succeed in this life, use your head not your emotions!!

Guys marry only when you have attained a certain level of financial security for your gwn good and for your own sanity!!


Ladies if you are from a poor family, don't you ever accept to marry a poor guy from a poor family unless you yourself you have money or good job or business or income to join effort with him to build a better future! If not, don't marry poor guys....forget all those crap of gold digging, if you see well to do guys come your way, give them a chance oh...stop proving stubborn and hard to get for well to do guys while you go back to your broke area to be fvcking one futureless boy for free hoping that he would hammer soon through the useless yahoo yahoo he is doing!!


Make una de use una head oh guys and ladies!!!


Op thank you oh jareh, I be think say na only me de see these societal anomalies practiced by Naija guys

You have a good broad message

But some aspects of it are flawed
Especially when it comes to the women part.


While ladies should not be dating riff raffs

At the same time I always tell women regardless of background that THEIR DESTINY IS IN THEIR OWN HANDS.

Hustle and hustle well

Never see marriage to a man as a way out of want.



This attitude is somewhat prevalent in my ethnic group (I'm Igbo btw) and its nauseating

Everyone should double their hustle

eniorisha:
It's always smooth & easy to say when u are privileged never to av been in their shoes. There are some things the op & his stalwarts got wrong in their various submission. Only d real victims will know how best to paint d picture.

When a guy is poor & unwelcoming to people, any girl dt accept to date or marry him will appear to him as though she is doing him a great favor. Need for Companionship doesnt respect status anyway.

U & your fellow theorists probably got it rousy due to your privileged background & well-enlightened exposure. Even gv some poor dudes without privileged & enlightened exposure, million of Naira to start up sth for themselves. Check back in few months, it is either d money remained locked in bank or fast spending it for consumption. Yet, most times it's not their fault, generational & subsisting poverty in their live has battered them so so deep.


Also, one of d theorist said one will be so happily married when there is money....as in eh!!!! Most jobless broke ass trekking couples are happily married eating their soaked garri in peace while many rich couples are having it so tough & rough in their marriages.


Finally, if u are truly humane, u are to pity those people not to mock nor condemn them.

You are missing the point


Companionship is all good

And sometimes

The woman you marry gives you good direction in life


The problem is when the kids start coming


No matter how anyone wants to explain it

Having four kids when you are financially handicapped is STUPID


This is not a case of theory or practical

It's the fact of life.


Marriage and Child bearing are mutually exclusive


One can get married and decide not to have kids at all


One can delay child bearing after some years of marriage to sort some things out


One can decide not to marry and have kids anyways


And one can marry and give birth immediately


So you see
Mutually exclusive


But in africa
One morally bankrupt mentality that is pervasive is that the kids MUST show up shortly after the marriage


Where did we learn that from?


Yes indeed if one who is down on his luck gets a woman who wants to build with him

Getting hitched to her is not a very bad idea
Especially If you have something doing no matter how small


But for christ sakes

DELAY CHILD POPPING


You are already struggling as a man, then you go get a woman who is not contributing much (or even at all) and you marry her


Three years and ten months after

You now have two kids in addition to the wife to take care of


And you wonder why Nigeria is in dire straits and multiplying poverty

Poseidon000:


Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

Sincerely speaking, you knows nothing about life, you're just blabbing. Aren't you surprise about the woman that agree to start a life with such a man, In an uncompleted building?
If you're still thinking that evading poverty is by not getting married when the time comes, then you still need to sit with elders, not just any how elders but the ones that fit the saying "The death of an old man is like a burning library"
Everything in live is stages.

Modified: https://www.nairaland.com/5999807/38-no-urge-get-married

The points raised by the original poster are somewhat unimpeachable , a man is better of planning a sustainable future , but life can happen to a man and someone who doesn't know better might suggest he hadn't a plan, I use myself as an example ,before I decided to get married , i had at least 50m in raw cash and probably worth about 80m in assets and cash summed together , I had two cars (2010 spiders and lexus rx350) and a very comfortable apartment wit a plan to commence my home project after marriage , of course everything looked set for a very comfortable sustainable future and the ever ambitious guy that I am I married a woman who brought serious value to the prospect, fastforward to 2 years after marriage throw in series of investments that went very bad and a couple of not very informed financial decisions and everything is gone, I just laugh when I think of it all ,these days I look at the price tag of goods lol!! Again a man is better of having a plan for his future but life is just bleeped up and one never knows it all ,some.may counter argue that I made bad decisions as result responsible for the unfortunate turn of events but you never know it all and there is such a thing as good luck,yeah I said it cuz I know people who lived life carefree and continue to beat the odds with opportunities after opportunities , not everyone has this luxury , there is no one true path to a successful life , just millions of paths unique to everyone else,when a man sits and has the opinion he has it all figured out and can now talk authoritatively on very sensitive subject bothering on life , it's almost as if fate decides to take a bet against such a man and fate wins always .you could be rich and comfortable with investments and all and one government policy diminishes your wealth or wipes u out , and you could wind up like the guy living in the uncompleted building, would it then be fair to accuse you of not having planned your life ? Sometimes some of us young guys , when we start making a lot of progress ,it brings some kind of faux
wisdom , you got it all figured out ,you Marry a lady who got it all figured out and you both make decent money and lifes good , then you tell your wife honey! We got this let's not have kids for 3 years let's save up and grow wealth etc cuz you both are educated and have everything figured out and then when you do want the kids , just maybe, fate decides to give you general picking , no kids and sex becomes a job that gives you blisters on your member , or you have a kid and it wont breath or some weird birth complication science ain't have name for.yet and u spend /liquidate half or all of your savings/assets to save the kids life cuz then wealth wont matter,you just wanna see your child survive and u wind up broke and then you become a philosopher asking rhetorical questions to your POP roofing .Sooner or later everyone grows older lonely and in need of companionship , I used to "life coach" too wear business suits and tell people how to be successful and how not to live their lives and I realise I do not have all the answers for the folks discounting the presence of God in the affairs of men I can only say a big sorry as you may find truth indeed when it has become too late , who decided blood must be red? Ad most flow through veins in a humans body, Science can explain how but science cannot explain why , why did it have to be blood and why did it have to be composed of cells that turn red when in contact with oxygen, why not mercury or HCL these are mystries some of us attribute to the workings of a supreme being and science respects this , all of us young men who are doing fine must become humble and stop talking in finality about human affairs,you dont want to take a bet against fate, paddle your canoe quietly and help a brother whenever and wherever you can and keep your mouth shut , when u are 50 or 60 and have beat the odds of life then you can speak to younger folks and not be deemed arrogant ,,,,,,, I don talk my own

DexterousOne:


Dude
Do you know how many kids Elumelu have?

Either 3 or 4 children.

Dangote has 3

unclecycs:
The points raised by the original poster are somewhat unimpeachable , a man is better of planning a sustainable future , but life can happen to a man and someone who doesn't know better might suggest he hadn't a plan, I use myself as an example ,before I decided to get married , i had at least 50m in raw cash and probably worth about 80m in assets and cash summed together , I had two cars (2010 spiders and lexus rx350) and a very comfortable apartment wit a plan to commence my home project after marriage , of course everything looked set for a very comfortable sustainable future and the ever ambitious guy that I am I married a woman who brought serious value to the prospect, fastforward to 2 years after marriage throw in series of investments that went very bad and a couple of not very informed financial decisions and everything is gone, I just laugh when I think of it all ,these days I look at the price tag of goods lol!! Again a man is better of having a plan for his future but life is just bleeped up and one never knows it all ,some.may counter argue that I made bad decisions as result responsible for the unfortunate turn of events but you never know it all and there is such a thing as good luck,yeah I said it cuz I know people who lived life carefree and continue to beat the odds with opportunities after opportunities , not everyone has this luxury , there is no one true path to a successful life , just millions of paths unique to everyone else,when a man sits and has the opinion he has it all figured out and can now talk authoritatively on very sensitive subject bothering on life , it's almost as if fate decides to take a bet against such a man and fate wins always .you could be rich and comfortable with investments and all and one government policy diminishes your wealth or wipes u out , and you could wind up like the guy living in the uncompleted building, would it then be fair to accuse you of not having planned your life ? Sometimes some of us young guys , when we start making a lot of progress ,it brings some kind of faux
wisdom , you got it all figured out ,you Marry a lady who got it all figured out and you both make decent money and lifes good , then you tell your wife honey! We got this let's not have kids for 3 years let's save up and grow wealth etc cuz you both are educated and have everything figured out and then when you do want the kids , just maybe, fate decides to give you general picking , no kids and sex becomes a job that gives you blisters on your member , or you have a kid and it wont breath or some weird birth complication science ain't have name for.yet and u spend /liquidate half or all of your savings/assets to save the kids life cuz then wealth wont matter,you just wanna see your child survive and u wind up broke and then you become a philosopher asking rhetorical questions to your POP roofing .Sooner or later everyone grows older lonely and in need of companionship , I used to "life coach" too wear business suits and tell people how to be successful and how not to live their lives and I realise I do not have all the answers for the folks discounting the presence of God in the affairs of men I can only say a big sorry as you may find truth indeed when it has become too late , who decided blood must be red? Ad most flow through veins in a humans body, Science can explain how but science cannot explain why , why did it have to be blood and why did it have to be composed of cells that turn red when in contact with oxygen, why not mercury or HCL these are mystries some of us attribute to the workings of a supreme being and science respects this , all of us young men who are doing fine must become humble and stop talking in finality about human affairs,you dont want to take a bet against fate, paddle your canoe quietly and help a brother whenever and wherever you can and keep your mouth shut , when u are 50 or 60 and have beat the odds of life then you can speak to younger folks and not be deemed arrogant ,,,,,,, I don talk my own

Slow and steady wins the race, what was the foundation of the N80 million Networth you had before you got married which evaporated 2 years after your wedding?

Was the hustle, a legitimate one ?

Diversification is key, some Investment of the N80 million should be in your business, FG bonds, real estate, Treasury Bills, if you have the knowledge of the stock market you can also invest some in it.

But what some of do is that because we want hot and fast money, we will invest all the N80 million in a new venture that offered extremely juicy returns, which is akin to gambling at the end of the day we will lose all and start all over from square one.


Risk management and having our personal prudential guidelines are very important.


We should pray for the best, plan for the worst and prepare for surprises and disappointments

eniorisha:
It's always smooth & easy to say when u are privileged never to av been in their shoes. There are some things the op & his stalwarts got wrong in their various submission. Only d real victims will know how best to paint d picture.

When a guy is poor & unwelcoming to people, any girl dt accept to date or marry him will appear to him as though she is doing him a great favor. Need for Companionship doesnt respect status anyway.

U & your fellow theorists probably got it rousy due to your privileged background & well-enlightened exposure. Even gv some poor dudes without privileged & enlightened exposure, million of Naira to start up sth for themselves. Check back in few months, it is either d money remained locked in bank or fast spending it for consumption. Yet, most times it's not their fault, generational & subsisting poverty in their live has battered them so so deep.


Also, one of d theorist said one will be so happily married when there is money....as in eh!!!! Most jobless broke ass trekking couples are happily married eating their soaked garri in peace while many rich couples are having it so tough & rough in their marriages.


Finally, if u are truly humane, u are to pity those people not to mock nor condemn them.

Pity alone is useless though. What you probably mean is empathy. I.e. Pity + action. Yes there's a difference between empathy and sympathy.

The OP has shown empathy by extending a helping hand. And coming here to share lessons he picked from the situation for us all to learn.

I am not better than the said man. Although what you've said about upbringing and background is correct, should we stop trying ?

.

decatalyst:


1. Thank you for lending help to that frustrated man and for at least alleviating his misery for a few days with the 10k.

2. Someone can be a victim of circumstance and choose to remain a victim of the circumstance or jakpa from it! Like the common saying 'how does a poor man manage to have erection...even sustained enough to donate a baby'?

3. Clearly, the man is not living a purposeful life, neither does he have any plan to change his fortune. How can you go ahead and marry/cohabit with a lady that will largely depend on you, in that present state? Why should they choose to add or compound their misery by having a baby in that state? Gosh! No iota of reasoning!

4. As for yielding to some hogwash acceptable societal teachings of "there is blessing in marriage" is utter nonsense! Lemme use the word of this dude on Nairaland "a real niggerr" takes charge of his life and decides which way/path he want to follow.


He is simply not a man! The child should demand for "accountability" when he/she is grown!

and the painful truth is most parent are still forcing their children who are over 26 years to make such mistake ,
with the claim of it's good you marry and give birth on time

emmanuelewumi:



Slow and steady wins the race, what was the foundation of the N80 million Networth you had before you got married which evaporated 2 years after your wedding?

Was the hustle, a legitimate one ?

Diversification is key, some Investment of the N80 million should be in your business, FG bonds, real estate, Treasury Bills, if you have the knowledge of the stock market you can also invest some in it.

But what some of do is that because we want hot and fast money, we will invest all the N80 million in a new venture that offered extremely juicy returns, which is akin to gambling at the end of the day we will lose all and start all over from square one.


Risk management and having our personal prudential guidelines are very important.


We should pray for the best, plan for the worst and prepare for surprises and disappointments

nice one ,I was also thinking if I got 80million ,I kw go go buy estate house for different location ,at least I don secure half of my wealth

There is nothing wrong with a poor man having lots of sex , as long as he has vision of improving his situation. What is utterly wrong is having sex to sire little innocent beings enmass in to poverty. It is not the amount of sex, the poor man have that is the problem, it is lack of family planning that is wrong.

uchennaq:

WHICH TRUTH. THAT GUY IS MISLEADING YOU. MARRIAGE IS NOT ALL ABOUT MONEY.

Ok, Marriage is truly not about money..but does that mean you support early marriage with no skills and a fair financial security from the guy's side, to a chronic dependant lady?.... like do you say there's no single point from what the OP has stated?

merieam16:
pele o professor,so wif ur writing completely hw much do u in ur account. Elenu gborò

If I show you my balance, you will keep quiet for good

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

Did you know that the bible that you are shamelessly mocking says Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night....way before the verse you quoted?


Before a man should marry a woman, he should "marry" the Living God first and be engaged in productive work. This will make him successful in his work. It is until he does this before he will find a wife and obtain (favor) from God. Favor is EXTRA from God.

Don't Get it twisted, Son.

Luxurydriverng:


Yet to read but I already love the topic. Right now i am on the verge of dumping my marriage. I was so pained when my suppose wife didn't let me rest after hustling and coming home to relax this woman just dey nag me over money for pad. I just had to rethink the entire thing. And wonder is it really worth it. Guys think am well oh don't let society push you into what will kill you. Because if u die another man go shine that Congo.

My guy, reason am well oooo. If she continues to nag you endlessly she will KILL you. Get rid of her if you have to and don’t give a damn about our useless society.
If you allow her to damage your health or finances, our useless society will not come to your rescue. Just remember this.

MondayOsunbor:


you dey talk you never jam Hausa youth ? who is jobless with 3 to 4 wives !!! at 25

bro this life no balance at all.

binghamm:

He isn't good with words. Don't be deceived. This is your usual Nigerian who believes throwing "big" words about should make him sound educated. The words hardly made any sense in the context they were used.

You know my guy. Wanted to point that out, but decided to read comments instead.

I would say get a source of income and keep the kids minimal to one or max max max two.

Thin resources spread over a child would work magic compared to spreading same thin resources over five children.

chinchum:
There is nothing wrong with a poor man having lots of sex , as long as he has vision of improving his situation. What is utterly wrong is having sex to sire little innocent beings enmass in to poverty. It is not the amount of sex, the poor man have that is the problem, it is lack of family planning that is wrong.

Eggzactily.

And family planning in General Hospitals are free or at a token.

mrchineke:


My guy, reason am well oooo. If she continues to nag you endlessly she will KILL you. Get rid of her if you have to and don’t give a damn about our useless society.
If you allow her to damage your health or finances, our useless society will not come to your rescue. Just remember this.

As I dey now I don't give a F what anyone says right now. Being married for over 2years now and what I have come to notice is that woman love comfort and don't deeply care if you die as a man so long you provide that comfort. Guys if the woman is not doing well or from a home liberated from poverty my guy Japa.

bukatyne:
I would say get a source of income and keep the kids minimal to one or max max max two.

Thin resources spread over a child would work magic compared to spreading same thin resources over five children.

I have a daughter that turned one last month, as I dey so I nor do again.

merieam16:
Okay buh d truth is d poor will always b among u. at least u helped out dat wat matters

You can choose 2 remain poor by nt doubling ur hustle buh der some people hustle or no hustle dey er destined 2 b poor.Not everytime u see a poor person nd u say he or she is lazy or hasnt taken steps buh time nd chance happen 2 dem all. They will still av 2 get married nd do wat oda people do cos dey are still humans


ti o ban ri se, ma se pe padi e lo lè

This your comment cannot be divorced from the truth.

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

you are one of the many wise ones

unclecycs:
The points raised by the original poster are somewhat unimpeachable , a man is better of planning a sustainable future , but life can happen to a man and someone who doesn't know better might suggest he hadn't a plan, I use myself as an example ,before I decided to get married , i had at least 50m in raw cash and probably worth about 80m in assets and cash summed together , I had two cars (2010 spiders and lexus rx350) and a very comfortable apartment wit a plan to commence my home project after marriage , of course everything looked set for a very comfortable sustainable future and the ever ambitious guy that I am I married a woman who brought serious value to the prospect, fastforward to 2 years after marriage throw in series of investments that went very bad and a couple of not very informed financial decisions and everything is gone, I just laugh when I think of it all ,these days I look at the price tag of goods lol!! Again a man is better of having a plan for his future but life is just bleeped up and one never knows it all ,some.may counter argue that I made bad decisions as result responsible for the unfortunate turn of events but you never know it all and there is such a thing as good luck,yeah I said it cuz I know people who lived life carefree and continue to beat the odds with opportunities after opportunities , not everyone has this luxury , there is no one true path to a successful life , just millions of paths unique to everyone else,when a man sits and has the opinion he has it all figured out and can now talk authoritatively on very sensitive subject bothering on life , it's almost as if fate decides to take a bet against such a man and fate wins always .you could be rich and comfortable with investments and all and one government policy diminishes your wealth or wipes u out , and you could wind up like the guy living in the uncompleted building, would it then be fair to accuse you of not having planned your life ? Sometimes some of us young guys , when we start making a lot of progress ,it brings some kind of faux
wisdom , you got it all figured out ,you Marry a lady who got it all figured out and you both make decent money and lifes good , then you tell your wife honey! We got this let's not have kids for 3 years let's save up and grow wealth etc cuz you both are educated and have everything figured out and then when you do want the kids , just maybe, fate decides to give you general picking , no kids and sex becomes a job that gives you blisters on your member , or you have a kid and it wont breath or some weird birth complication science ain't have name for.yet and u spend /liquidate half or all of your savings/assets to save the kids life cuz then wealth wont matter,you just wanna see your child survive and u wind up broke and then you become a philosopher asking rhetorical questions to your POP roofing .Sooner or later everyone grows older lonely and in need of companionship , I used to "life coach" too wear business suits and tell people how to be successful and how not to live their lives and I realise I do not have all the answers for the folks discounting the presence of God in the affairs of men I can only say a big sorry as you may find truth indeed when it has become too late , who decided blood must be red? Ad most flow through veins in a humans body, Science can explain how but science cannot explain why , why did it have to be blood and why did it have to be composed of cells that turn red when in contact with oxygen, why not mercury or HCL these are mystries some of us attribute to the workings of a supreme being and science respects this , all of us young men who are doing fine must become humble and stop talking in finality about human affairs,you dont want to take a bet against fate, paddle your canoe quietly and help a brother whenever and wherever you can and keep your mouth shut , when u are 50 or 60 and have beat the odds of life then you can speak to younger folks and not be deemed arrogant ,,,,,,, I don talk my own

When those who have experienced life talk, I know, Bless for this sir.

Most people think because they are financially stable, then they have life figured, life can be funny, and in a twinkle of an eye, everything can turn in favour or against you.

I understand some points the OP raised, like we should limit the rate we give birth to uncountable kids, but that shouldn't be directed to poor people alone.

Poseidon000:

O'level

If you can encourage him to further his education. May be we can set up
'Go Fund" for him. Also let him and his wife do family planning for now. God will send help to him

emmanuelewumi:



Slow and steady wins the race, what was the foundation of the N80 million Networth you had before you got married which evaporated 2 years after your wedding?

Was the hustle, a legitimate one ?

Diversification is key, some Investment of the N80 million should be in your business, FG bonds, real estate, Treasury Bills, if you have the knowledge of the stock market you can also invest some in it.

But what some of do is that because we want hot and fast money, we will invest all the N80 million in a new venture that offered extremely juicy returns, which is akin to gambling at the end of the day we will lose all and start all over from square one.


Risk management and having our personal prudential guidelines are very important.


We should pray for the best, plan for the worst and prepare for surprises and disappointments

Did seriously ask me if my hustle was legitimate ? Please do not insult me ,I'm sure a lot of us would be having perfect lives with the benefit of hindsight nothing u hav said here I ain't heard tons of times ,did u never make mistakes for which you learnt bitter lessons and are probably a better man for it ? Or u just grew up to be a perfect man who knew everything and never made mistakes ?

merieam16:
Okay buh d truth is d poor will always b among u. at least u helped out dat wat matters

You can choose 2 remain poor by nt doubling ur hustle buh der some people hustle or no hustle dey er destined 2 b poor.Not everytime u see a poor person nd u say he or she is lazy or hasnt taken steps buh time nd chance happen 2 dem all. They will still av 2 get married nd do wat oda people do cos dey are still humans


ti o ban ri se, ma se pe padi e lo lè

"ti o ban ri se, ma se pe padi e lo lè"
Hmmm!
Òrò!