Mtola8:


Thanks so much bro, I understand your unbiased view. There is pressure from my mum asking me to consider my kid, never take her serious, play the game with her, be careful with her and watch if she really changed. It's just hard as I'll never trust her again. No one gave me a chance to be this responsible, even my dad once told her then to look for someone better. They all didn't understand me, the never saw my soft heart, my good side!!

They only saw me as a stubborn child, everyone (including her,her mum and siblings) thought I was going to mess up. I was always the one the one they all suspected would be the villian. She was always scared I'll cheat if she goes to school!! She once brought up the idea of "no sex relationship". I failed God!!

I sacrificed a lot, I fell out with my dad when he later found out I had a son years after(got to know from someone), he was devastated, I am his only son, I let him down. Till now, my dad and I are just communicating and trying to get back.

Why be with someone you can't trust or find hard to trust?

Mtola8:

Thanks so much, I just have to sacrifice that for him. I so much love him and wouldn't want my decisions to affect him.

please do or you will end up raising another beast

Davoneskay:
Mtola8, don't because a lady gives birth for you automatically makes her the right person to marry. That u deflowered a lady won't make her 100% faithful. If a lady becomes pregnant for me out of wedlock, I'll just take up responsibility (after DNA test proves positive as mine) as a good father.
Again, OP, be strong. Don't allow anyone coerce or blackmail u into marrying a perpetual cheat and a liar.

I understand you and I hold such mindset too. I just so much love my son and I won't want to regret my decisions if things end up bad and he's affected. My mum has advised me, I grew up with my dad after my mum left in 2004, my dad never re-married, he sacrificed his all just to raise me. All he did was for me and my sis cause he doesn't want someone to maltreat us all in the name of being a wife. I'll do same for my son if need be.
I'm deciding for him and not myself

dayleke:


Maybe it was never meant to be.
You can not force what was never meant to happen.
I love your spirit tho.
Like you too said that you have moved on. That is the best thing you can do. You gave it your best and you know it too.
Some never knew the value of what they have/ had until it is lost.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
From your comment, I can safely deduce that you have custody of your son. Raise him the best that you can. Give him your all in all. It will not be easy but try and do it.
This life no balance at all.
I wish you the best bro.
Hang in there and stay safe.
More blessings bro.

I did move on, but the pressure is so much, her mum called to appeal(I hold her in high esteem), my mum is also doing same, I haven't told my dad. Everyone close to me wants me to consider my son. It's been 3months but I just can't let go of the hurt.

dayleke:


Why be with someone you can't trust or find hard to trust?

That's the main reason why I've stood my ground for over 3months.

EAhumble:
please do or you will end up raising another beast

Never gonna let that happen

I felt your pain through the writeup

Auladimeji:
I felt your pain through the writeup

Omo bro, I fell out with my dad!! When my mum first heard about the act, she reminded me about my sacrifice, all I did.
There are many things I can't even say out.

Mtola8:

That's the main reason why I've stood my ground for over 3months.

And where's your boy?
Who has custody?

dayleke:


And where's your boy?
Who has custody?

He's with them, I'm responsible for him, I go visit, I engage in video call at least thrice a week. I do all I can.
I'm on good terms with them

If you cheat on me, I will never take u back.

God will not let my wife try it cos that ends the marriage.
Nothing can make me change my mind. Even if my kid is a day old, she's going.

Onye nkem etele ejo egwu memu ekirileye .

Homeboiy:
If you cheat on me, I will never take u back.

God will not let my wife try it cos that ends the marriage.
Nothing can make me change my mind. Even if my kid is a day old, she's going.

Onye nkem etele ejo egwu memu ekirileye .

I wouldn't also. She has being begging for 3months now, her mum spoke to me but I stood on my ground, my mum has also being calling and letting me see reason why I have to consider my son as well as being mindful and careful with her.

bro I know its very hard to build that trust again..but bro can u really sacrifice and not get married again n live to take care of d only child u have....have thoughts come to ur mind...thoughts like" is it just one child I plan on having in this life...what will happen to child maybe if incapable..will I be happy living such life...am not saying you just accept her back just like that...but she was there too from the start and you both experience the hardship together.... or do you think its easy to be pregnant at that age...am not justifying what she did...am just saying you should forgive her and take her back for your son's sake...and set rules DAT once they were broken that's the end and that's final...and with time you will forget this phase..and have a blessed union with lots of kids

ogboro1:
bro I know its very hard to build that trust again..but bro can u really sacrifice and not get married again n live to take care of d only child u have....have thoughts come to ur mind...thoughts like" is it just one child I plan on having in this life...what will happen to child maybe if incapable..will I be happy living such life...am not saying you just accept her back just like that...but she was there too from the start and you both experience the hardship together.... or do you think its easy to be pregnant at that age...am not justifying what she did...am just saying you should forgive her and take her back for your son's sake...and set rules DAT once they were broken that's the end and that's final...and with time you will forget this phase..and have a blessed union with lots of kids

Thanks for the advice, I know some of you are married, some are way older with lots of experience about life. I'll look into all you guys said and take the best decision for me and my son. My mum is already telling me not to call her anymore if I can't take her advise!! I'm not moved about that tho

Mtola8:


Thanks for the advice, I know some of you are married, some are way older with lots of experience about life. I'll look into all you guys said and take the best decision for me and my son. My mum is already telling me not to call her anymore if I can't take her advise!! I'm not moved about that tho

It was probably the devil or she was just too naive. Forgive and give her a second chance. Remember God said we should give as he forgives us our trespasses

SweetCunt97:
It was probably the devil or she was just too naive. Forgive and give her a second chance. Remember God said we should give as he forgives us our trespasses

That isn't applicable here, I have forgiven her and I've also moved on. I hold no grudge against her and even told her to call on me if she needs help and I'll assist if I'm capable.

I just can't trust her. If I'm going to consider her back, it's going to be cause of my son.

Please!! I still need more views/advice. My parents are already trying to talk me in and make me consider my son. I do not if I should stand my ground or succumb.

in all sincerity as regards to this post...
you handled the situation maturely. that's a plus one to every guy who wants to know the truth and not simp away!!

Odoogu:
in all sincerity as regards to this post...
you handled the situation maturely. that's a plus one to every guy who wants to know the truth and not simp away!!

Sincerely!! I'm one person who would rather die single than being a simp. I see taking her back as a sign of weakness but looking at the fact that people I hold in high esteem(my parents, her mum) are trying to talk me back. I don't want a situation where I'm being too stubborn or taking things too far.

I sensed the lies cause what she said wasn't feasible, I decided to also hear from him so as not to hold him for the crime he never committed!! The future is pregnant.

I've no issue with him

Mtola8:


Sincerely!! I'm one person who would rather die single than being a simp. I see taking her back as a sign of weakness but looking at the fact that people I hold in high esteem(my parents, her mum) are trying to talk me back. I don't want a situation where I'm being too stubborn or taking things too far.

I sensed the lies cause what she said wasn't feasible, I decided to also hear from him so as not to hold him for the crime he never committed!! The future is pregnant.

I've no issue with him

about taking her back... is not a bad thing, you both have been through thick and thin.
but do you personally trust her enough?
let's overlook the pressure from highly esteemed persons on the issue.
if your answer is of the affirmative on the trust. please do and make great again.

Odoogu:


about taking her back... is not a bad thing, you both have been through thick and thin.
but do you personally trust her enough?
let's overlook the pressure from highly esteemed persons on the issue.
if your answer is of the affirmative on the trust. please do and make great again.

I don't think I can trust her anymore. The level of transparency we had, the details we let out, so many married people can't do such. Funniest thing is that she told me about a guy asking her out, which she told him about me and my kid. I didn't even know she was already fucking him by then. She also schools in far away north while I'm in SW hustling to make life better.
I can't trust her anymore. Even if I would, it can never be like before.

Mtola8:

I don't think I can trust her anymore. The level of transparency we had, the details we let out, so many married people can't do such. Funniest thing is that she told me about a guy asking her out, which she told him about me and my kid. I didn't even know she was already fucking him by then. She also schools in far away north while I'm in SW hustling to make life better.
I can't trust her anymore. Even if I would, it can never be like before.

all said and done then bro.
I wish you the best and hope you find a woman worth your affections and all that you are. your Crown.
and pls for the sake of posterity, do not repeat your mistakes when you finally find her!
stay safe

Odoogu:


all said and done then bro.
I wish you the best and hope you find a woman worth your affections and all that you are. your Crown.
and pls for the sake of posterity, do not repeat your mistakes when you finally find her!
stay safe

Thanks so much bro, God bless.

the devil they you know is better than the angel you don't know...it takes the grace of God to meet a woman that would b faithful and loyal...and leaving her to marry another....you don't know how it could turn out to be....and deciding not to kind married again....is that really a life you want to live....how will it affect your son...he will be called all kinds of names whenever he is with his friends....so before you make a decision... think about today and the future

whatof the son she birthed for u?
who is looking after the boy after falling out with the mom?
though all this drama could have been avoided using a condom
i dont know why many guys dislike condoms

Mtola8:

I have, my parents and everyone wants me to consider my kid. Even if I do, I've moved on and would never give 100% for the relationship to work.

Good. Take it as lessons learned. You are wiser now. Cheers

Mtola8:

I really did, she had a son for me when I was 21. I was so young yet I acted strong, I wanted her to be safe, what I went through was beyond me and my age, no one from my family helped.

Even the nurse in the hospital she gave birth called me and praised me, when she got to know i was still in school then. She told me to be strong and prayed for me, I was treated different from other fathers, I was allowed to enter where other men couldn't, I slept in the hospital for some days so she doesn't feel lonely. I was writing exams then, I read in the waiting room and went to exam Hall from there. I was selfless. I've moved on tho and I'm just gonna try to make things better for me and my son. He's my all

She misbehaved for the exact reasons you typed up there. You were too caring. The thing about women is that there is a difference between what a woman NEEDS and what she WANTS. A woman needs a loving, caring man, but she usually wants and prefers a man that'll use her and boss her. Probably brutalise her to boot.

The moment you understand the fact that every story has there sides: yours, the other and the truth the better.

There are rapists, sure, but most rape cases these days are at best half-truths and at worse outright lies.

Just negodu..... Look at young people playing ping pong with their lives.

You are just 21. I'm 27, staying alone and.... Never mind.

Wish you d best.

Mtola8:

I did move on, but the pressure is so much, her mum called to appeal(I hold her in high esteem), my mum is also doing same, I haven't told my dad. Everyone close to me wants me to consider my son. It's been 3months but I just can't let go of the hurt.

Wait, you mean everyone in your family (including her family) knows your gf cheated on you? The way some people live their life is beyond me

Whatever happened between me and my gf is our business to solve, however heated it may be maybe one or two friends will know(even at that its unlikely because I know myself), but I doubt.

themaestro08:


Wait, you mean everyone in your family (including her family) knows your gf cheated on you? The way some people live their life is beyond me

Whatever happened between me and my gf is our business to solve, however heated it may be maybe one or two friends will know(even at that its unlikely because I know myself), but I doubt.

She decided to let them know herself cause I stood my ground. She told them with the hope of them begging me cause all she did/said and all her apologies didn't make me change my mind.

HedwigesMaduro:


She misbehaved for the exact reasons you typed up there. You were too caring. The thing about women is that there is a difference between what a woman NEEDS and what she WANTS. A woman needs a loving, caring man, but she usually wants and prefers a man that'll use her and boss her. Probably brutalise her to boot.

I really can't describe all tho but I wasn't too caring. I fact, I drew the line and she knows!! She knows I can decide to leave her if I want and that was why she even had to tell her mum to beg me, even my mum is doing same but I'm still indifferent.