JONNYSPUTE:
.... Agreed.
Some people are like that and I think what he needs is a reassurance that everything is fine.

He who comes to equity, must come with clean hands.

I just didn’t want to add that cheating partners are the most suspicious people.

No trust between two parties... slawormin do you think a hubby is a real nigggarr or just a pusssy niqqarr? Could it be weed or tryna use his wife's account to bomb ayam confusion.

Mimiliciously:
Is it right for my hubby to ask for passwords to my social media passwords yet refuse to supply his.

This is a very dicey situation and I don't want it to lead to unecessary issues.

I love my privacy alot and hardly post pictures. I never post him and he never posts me too but he always blows out my not posting him out of proportion. He's obsessed with my social media accounts and I don't even care about his. I also feel giving him him my password will have him posting his picture at will, which I wouldn't like.

What do you guys think.

Nothing goes for nothing.

Your social media password?? Do people still log on to Facebook, IG, Twitter, WhatsApp, or Etc now that we all make use of Apps? Can't remember using my password on WhatsApp or Facebook since I started using android OS (unless of course, times I changed my phone).

All you need to gain access to anyone's social media page these days is the phone password unless you're the type that locks your App with a third party App locker.

If your phone password is the issue, I would advise you both to know your passwords. You're going to need it days you least expect. It also shouldn't be a big deal especially if that's all you need to gain each others' trusts.

Trust is not gotten automatically, it requires work, communication, sharing of passwords, etc. If anyone tells you they trust you without any of these, they're simply saying that they trust their idea and perception of you. They cannot trust the part of you that you have consistently refused to share.

As regards the photo thing, communication is key. Some people do not enjoy the whole idea of uploading photos on the social media. However, if you both upload your individual pictures or pictures of others (random friends even friends of opposite gender), then it would be wrong to say you can't upload photos of your spouse. What is it you're hiding?

JONNYSPUTE:
.....Both should not see anything wrong in posting their pictures on each others social media statues except they are both cheating.

Are they not married for Christ sake?

Not everyone likes that kind of exposure; showing their spouses of children. I don't put up my husband's picture on my status except on Father's Day and his birthday. If she communicates her reasons well enough, he might understand.

Mimiliciously:


He refuses to give me his and when I ask, he says it's because he's the one marrying me and not other way around. That he has the rights to my social media but I don't have the right to his.
This is really stressing me out. When people are having real issues in their unions, mine is social media. In the past this same issue have snowballed into something ugly. We were even on the verge of breakup. He says I disrespect him because I don't post his pictures. At some point, I had to block him and lied that I've deleted the account so I can have peace. But he later figured out I blocked him and continued stressing me about it.

@bold:

Yoi know you both have bigger problems that swapping of passwords would not solve.

Your husband (from your account) sounds like the traditional Nigerian husband who wants to rule and not lead.

You sound like you are the modern Nigerian wife expecting a husband to lead and not rule.

Find whatever made you two see past your different worldviews to marry and keep at it.

You will need it for the long ride.

pocohantas:


He who comes to equity, must come with clean hands.

I just didn’t want to add that cheating partners are the most suspicious people.

.....Agreed. They are the most suspicious but let her just assure him that she is not like him by giving him the SM password.

Atleast for now so that peace can reign in the family.

ImaIma1:


Not everyone likes that kind of exposure; showing their spouses of children. I don't put up my husband's picture on my status except on Father's Day and his birthday. If she communicates her reasons well enough, he might understand.

....You re right on this but what I can understand here is that there's no trust in their marriage.

Both are suspicious of each other

Mimiliciously:


He tried to get me to change the sim I had been using for years immediately after we got married. I refused. The phone got lost one day and he told me to get a fresh sim and not retrieve the old number. . I did, so that peace can reign. Since then he's been on my social media. Stressing me about it.

Ahhhhh. Sounds like the insecure and possessive type, marking his territory.

Such men will never be satisfied with anything because of their insecurities. Today it is your SM, tomorrow it might be your friends and something else after that.

Giving him your passwords is giving him control over you and feeding his insecurities. I would say...stand your ground and probably escalate the matter to an elder if it persists.

Mimiliciously:


he says it's because he's the one marrying me and not other way around.

This is actually your main problem, you need other Men who will talk sense into his brain. Someone he respects & listens to.

Marriage is a partnership, this is the reason Women must bring financial contribution to a marriage & avoid this type of I own you talks or na me marry you put for house etc.

Acidosis:
Your social media password?? Do people still log on to Facebook, IG, Twitter, WhatsApp, or Etc now that we all make use of Apps? Can't remember using my password on WhatsApp or Facebook since I started using android OS (unless of course, times I changed my phone).

All you need to gain access to anyone's social media page these days is the phone password unless you're the type that locks your App with a third party App locker.

If your phone password is the issue, I would advise you both to know your passwords. You're going to need it days you least expect. It also shouldn't be a big deal especially if that's all you need to gain each others' trusts.

Trust is not gotten automatically, it requires work, communication, sharing of passwords, etc. If anyone tells you they trust you without any of these, they're simply saying that they trust their idea and perception of you. They cannot trust the part of you that you have consistently refused to share.

As regards the photo thing, communication is key. Some people do not enjoy the whole idea of uploading photos on the social media. However, if you both upload your individual pictures or pictures of others (random friends even friends of opposite gender), then it would be wrong to say you can't upload photos of your spouse. What is it you're hiding?

He's 6 months in Nigeria and 6 months abroad. But when he's around his phone is always passworded while mine isn't because I have nothing to hide.

This quest for social media password isn't more because of insecurity but more a quest to control. If he succeeds with this, what next will he be pushing for. I'm honestly tired!

bukatyne:


@bold:

Yoi know you both have bigger problems that swapping of passwords would not solve.

Your husband (from your account) sounds like the traditional Nigerian husband who wants to rule and not lead.

You sound like you are the modern Nigerian wife expecting a husband to lead and not rule.

Find whatever made you two see past your different worldviews to marry and keep at it.

You will need it for the long ride.

....I love what you said here.

You captured their problems very well.

Husband is traditional and wife is modern.

It can't work.May God help them

Fake story.
Tales by moonlight everywhere.

pocohantas:


I just didn’t want to add that cheating partners are the most suspicious people.

GBAM! Baba dey suspect him wife, unto say himself dey cheat. Guilty conscience

Elder0001:
Fake story.

Tales by moonlight everywhere.

Why would someone share a fake story though. Is there payment for it? Once someone writes decently and uses a new account, it's a fake story to you guys. Shift abeg. Not everyone likes to share their issues with their main moniker.

JONNYSPUTE:
....I love what you said here.

You captured their problems very well.

Husband is traditional and wife is modern.

It can't work.May God help them

If they can agree enough to marry, they should be able to work it out.

Mimiliciously:


[s] Why would someone share a fake story though. Is there payment for it? Once someone writes decently and uses a new account, it's a fake story to you guys. Shift abeg. Not everyone likes to share their issues with their main moniker[/s] .

You just confirmed what I said.

bukatyne:


@bold:

Yoi know you both have bigger problems that swapping of passwords would not solve.

Your husband (from your account) sounds like the traditional Nigerian husband who wants to rule and not lead.

You sound like you are the modern Nigerian wife expecting a husband to lead and not rule.

Find whatever made you two see past your different worldviews to marry and keep at it.

You will need it for the long ride.

I don't nag, I don't stress him, I let him be. But he just won't let me be with this social media thing. And if I give in, will I keep giving in to his every whim.

JONNYSPUTE:
....You re right on this but what I can understand here is that there's no trust in their marriage.

Both are suspicious of each other

From what she said, the trust issues seem to be from the man's side; asking her to get a new sim, asking for her passwords. It's except she did something in the past that made him so distrustful or he is just the insecure type.

Mimiliciously:
Is it right for my hubby to ask for passwords to my social media passwords yet refuse to supply his.

This is a very dicey situation and I don't want it to lead to unecessary issues.

I love my privacy alot and hardly post pictures. I never post him and he never posts me too but he always blows out my not posting him out of proportion. He's obsessed with my social media accounts and I don't even care about his. I also feel giving him him my password will have him posting his picture at will, which I wouldn't like.

What do you guys think.

If he wants 'transparency', he should lead by example.

ImaIma1:


From what she said, the trust issues seem to be from the man's side; asking her to get a new sim, asking for her passwords. It's except she did something in the past that made him so distrustful or he is just the insecure type.

Not necessarily.

Some people think a woman should change her signature, SIM, passwords etc. immediately after marriage so she starts on a clean 'sheet.'

Read it first on NL and started observing offline that some people also hold that view.

It is not insecurity, it is more of control.

ImaIma1:


From what she said, the trust issues seem to be from the man's side; asking her to get a new sim, asking for her passwords. It's except she did something in the past that made him so distrustful or he is just the insecure type.

......Then let her show the husband that she is trustworthy and has nothing to hide by posting his pics on her SM statues and giving him her PW

Very simple.

The husband already has shown that he is not to be trusted.

Does two wrongs make a right?

truthsayer009:


This is actually your main problem, you need other Men who will talk sense into his brain. Someone he respects & listens to.

Marriage is a partnership, this is the reason Women must bring financial contribution to a marriage & avoid this type of I own you talks or na me marry you put for house etc.

@bold:

Hahahahahahaha

You have not seen a woman totally breadwinning and still cowering before her husband? Or facing the issues in bold?

Mimiliciously:


I don't nag, I don't stress him, I let him be. But he just won't let me be with this social media thing. And if I give in, will I keep giving in to his every whim.

But you started this marriage with giving in to his whims.

Continue to 'don't nag, don't stress and let him be.'

If he wants the password or wants you to post his pictures, you have to keep giving him to the whims.

If you want to break free, then you have to overhaul the marriage and start afresh.

Do you have the strength and tenacity for that?

- Show me a cynical/suspicious person and I will point to you a perfidious person - a discerning person shouldn't be mistaken for a cynical/suspicious though.

- Show me a sententious person and I will point to you a hypocritically disingenuous person.

- Show me a paranoid person and I will point to you a person who has penchant for subjugation.

OP, neither he nor you are of strong ethical leanings, so endurance and tolerance rather than enjoyment and celebration will persist in the union, until . . . it's well.

bukatyne:



Not necessarily.

Some people think a woman should change her signature, SIM, passwords etc. immediately after marriage so she starts on a clean 'sheet.'

Read it first on NL and started observing offline that some people also hold that view.

It is not insecurity, it is more of control.

That is a silly request. I think it is both; insecurity and control.

After almost 5yrs of marriage, my SM accounts still have my maiden name. My husband sees it and doesn't flinch. The most important documents have his names.

Some people major on the minor and minor on the major.

.

Klass99:


I hate taking pictures unless it is absolutely relevant and I hate having my photos taken by anyone or posted on social media platforms.

I am simply not a picture person I don't care for photos, not mine or other people's own either. If the OP's husband was married to me we would have issues and it won't have anything to do with cheating.

.....It's a two way thing.

Some people don't like it because they are not into it while some don't because they are not trustworthy.

We can't say the category the op and the husband belong from what she wrote.

Mimiliciously:


He refuses to give me his and when I ask, he says it's because he's the one marrying me and not other way around. That he has the rights to my social media but I don't have the right to his.
This is really stressing me out. When people are having real issues in their unions, mine is social media. In the past this same issue have snowballed into something ugly. We were even on the verge of breakup. He says I disrespect him because I don't post his pictures. At some point, I had to block him and lied that I've deleted the account so I can have peace. But he later figured out I blocked him and continued stressing me about it.

You knew what you were signing up for when you married him, he already showed the signs. The only thing you can do to let peace reign is to give him the password, but like I said if he posts anything without your permission, change the password.

[s]

Hathor5:

If he wants 'transparency', he should lead by example.

[/s]

Mimiliciously:


I have no idea. I think it's a control thing.

This social media thing have been a recurring issue in our 3 years of marriage. He can't just let it rest.

...and you haven't thought to give it to him since then?
Do you have anything to hide?
Why does he not trust you?
Give him your password and ask for his if that'll bring peace between you two.

LordKO:
- Show me a cynical/suspicious person and I will point to you a perfidious person - a discerning person shouldn't be mistaken for a cynical/suspicious though.

- Show me a sententious person and I will point to you a hypocritically disingenuous person.

- Show me a paranoid person and I will point to you a person who has penchant for subjugation.

OP, neither he nor you are of strong ethical leanings, so endurance and tolerance rather than enjoyment and celebration will persist in the union, until . . . it's well.

I swear, you have successfully confused the OP patapata