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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Travel / Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? (52616 Views)
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Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SoccerUSA(m): 6:56pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left. The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply. I don't hold any grudges against them though Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me? Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones. 162 Likes 15 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Obinnau(m): 6:59pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
Don't judge them until you leave. Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats 572 Likes 30 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SocialJustice: 7:05pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
SoccerUSA:Wait until you leave. No need to assume or worry your mind now. 72 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SoccerUSA(m): 7:05pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
Obinnau:As much as I would not want to judge them. Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats? I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here 496 Likes 25 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SoccerUSA(m): 7:06pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
SocialJustice:I am not assuming or worried I am just curious to know. 54 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by heendrix(m): 7:14pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
I think it's just some people's Life's orientation, any time they get way ahead a certain level they rather drop the friends they had there off and get to make new ones not minding what you guys had in the past 317 Likes 14 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Obinnau(m): 7:15pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
SoccerUSA:I am in Nigeria, I haven't traveled. But I have received the same treatment from friends that have traveled. One way to look at it is to put yourself in the shoes if people outside the country. A lot of people will usually use the guise of checking up on them to 'bill' them. Also there is a reason why they went to the abroad in the first place and it's usually overwhelming to adjust to the new place and still keep up with others. What I would advice you to do is to leave them a voice message or call directly if you can afford it. Well... That's the way I handle my own business 183 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Petyprincess(f): 7:18pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!! I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me ![]() He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!! I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses. Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc ![]() If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!! 515 Likes 36 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SoccerUSA(m): 7:25pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
Obinnau:Thank you I understand 8 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SoccerUSA(m): 7:28pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
Petyprincess: Thank you. I understand Real friends will always keep in touch no matter where they are. 160 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by DICKstractor: 7:41pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
I have friends abroad 2 in china 1 in Dubai We talk very well as far as there is topic to talk about. It just about personality. One thing I'm sure is that I can never ask any of them for money except they give me 156 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by kellycute(m): 8:25pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
Obinnau:no need for long talk. The reason we the abroadian hardly respond to some our folks messages is that they like to change every conversation or chat to monetary favour. I was chatting with my cousin and the next thing she said "you just forget me oo, I dey hungry oo., I need money" can u imagine that rubbish? Most people don't even know how to have a prosper conversation without resorting to financial favor. The main reason abroadian don't respond to some people in naija is because y'all like to use every conversation as financial opportunity as if we are picking the money from tree ![]() ![]() ![]() 191 Likes 18 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by otipoju(m): 9:07pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
First of all...the time difference. Some of my very stupid friends will be chatting or calling me at 2 am after I have explained several times that Nigeria is five to six hours ahead of me and it's best we talk on the weekends. Last last the whole talk will still boil down to "abeg come and give me money." Secondly... the mindset is different. The western world is not a laid back environment. You are constantly on your toes working to pay your bills and thinking of taking advantage of the next opportunity so you dont get left behind . "Abeg Sir" no dey there if you fail to pay on the due date, you get charged a penalty fee which you must pay in addition to the original amount. If you dont, they disconnect the service. End of story. If you still fail to pay your "gbese" after a while, your personal data is sent to a Collections Agency and will appear on your credit history. This will drop your credit score and signal to everyone that wants to employ or do any business with you that they should be extremely careful as you are not trustworthy. To rent or buy house in your name will be nearly impossible. E get as the case go be they will garnish your wages. i.e go to your employer and be removing their money direct from your salary. Compare this to Nigeria settings where men can chill every evening after work with beer, peppersoup and football. Even party every weekend until maybe 3 months to pay the annual rent then begin hustling for the money to pay rent and can even owe and bribe NEPA for 9 months sef. If dem cut light,you just tap from your neighbour.Shikena! Lastly most Nigerians just want to beg for money whether they are in need or not. Some, if you dare give them once, dem go open office for your head. Them no get shame rara and na to dey carry real and imaginary problem come every month or three months. No single Self Respect!!! When you compare that "begi begi mindset with that of the west where everyone is self dependent you will understand why your friends or relatives in the abroad eventually ghost you. For instance, I have a relative who will be sending me prayer and happy new month messages forming like one good Christian. Every three months he will always have one problem or project that needs my support. Recently I decided to borrow him money instead of the usual give. Three weeks turned into three months. Na so so excuse every month. Not paid back one kobo. Last week the person had the guts to send the proposal of a business plan along with voice note that he needs my support. Meanwhile there is a group that we are both on that he does not know that I am on as well where he was suggesting to them that they must contribute money for this years Independence day party. Coronavirus or not. I just shook my head and blocked his number. 354 Likes 27 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SoccerUSA(m): 9:55pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
otipoju:My story different sha, though it must be because I am not abroad. Before he travelled we buy ourselves gift on our birthdays can be as little as you can afford. Fast forward to days or months he arrived the US comes his birthday so I created an amazon account gave him and told him to pick anything of his choice. I paid for them. You won't believe the guy went back to order things. He claimed it was a mistake I couldn't get a refund till date he later blocked me on all social mediums when I texted him. Not everybody wants their money I just want to have a genuine relationship with them. 116 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by otipoju(m): 10:33pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: He showed his true colors. Be glad that he is gone. 117 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Obinnau(m): 10:49pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
SoccerUSA:Seriously, the guy did it wrong. Be glad you are no longer friends. 62 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Xzellentgraphic: 10:51pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: This one weak me o 22 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by uboma(m): 11:09pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
kellycute: I will like to know the country you travelled to because of the way you have murdered the English language. Which one be abroadian? Is there a word like that on the Dictionary? By the way, you need to correct your thinking. Not ALL Nigerians at home are beggers. Not EVERYONE will ask a fellow Nigerian living abroad for money. I do understand that sometimes, these persons need sometime (may take a longer time for others) to find their feet in the country they traveled to. Hence the continued silence on their part even when their families and friends at home are eager to hear from them. 69 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Nobody: 11:49pm On Sep 02, 2020 |
This topic reminds me of my secondary classmate that travelled out. We were good friends. 3years later he was added to our class whatsApp group chat. I commented and said hey it's been a while ooo. He asked of my name, I told him. He said he can't remember me. I was really embarrassed. Just 3years ooo. I started describing how we always gist and how we were encouraging ourselves during waec. (Shalayeing things) Lmao he said "i don't know who you are ooo". I was shocked. Omo that was the last time we spoke. I will travel out one day too. e be things ooo�� One day sha, i will come back to quote this again one day. Amen. 200 Likes 13 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SoccerUSA(m): 12:00am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Sweetness4: He probably lost his memory � 120 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Flytime: 12:01am On Sep 03, 2020 |
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Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Nobody: 12:06am On Sep 03, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: Nah I don't think so. he remember some of my Classmates. Level don change ni. He keep telling us about the land /house he just bought in Nigeria lmao. 39 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Etinosa1234: 1:13am On Sep 03, 2020 |
I have a cousin that I’m older than with a year We were tight friends when he was still in Nigeria Then when he travelled to Australia , after I struggled to look for his fb username... he doesn’t reply my msgs... even if I comment under his posts, he’ll hardly reply He’s not working or doing anything but he doesn’t reply my msg His elder sister came back to Nigeria last year(that one is older than me with a year) I asked her, give me ur WhatsApp number... let’s continue chatting when u get to Aussie, omo she jus snub me ooo It’s ego that’s also doing some of them I’ve stopped messaging them sha ... me self get self esteem Las las i still wish them well I have many cousins abroad but I was jus too close with this boy that I went through stress of searching for him online Now I’m just planning my own movement out of this country lemme show the guy say abroad nor be anything for we Naija guys Modified: 2 years on,24 May 2022, I finally got my visa to Australia.. And I'll soon be leaving My cousin came back last Christmas and we talked.. I just didn't try to bring up the fact that he ignored my msg sometime in 2017 or so ... But we enjoyed ourselves this holiday so I think all grudges are forgotten.. Plus since I'm going, I need someone to show me around sha 171 Likes 12 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by paul100(m): 1:22am On Sep 03, 2020 |
A real friend will always be there forever.My friend traveled abroad,2yrs ago but we do talk steady,do video calls at least 4times a week. The guy said no matter the years,he cannot forget his true friends in Nigeria. 131 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Nobody: 1:33am On Sep 03, 2020 |
SoccerUSA:The TRUTH is The moment you arrive a country like the United States..... especially for the First Time, you will need time to learn a lot of things. Most especially the LAWLESSNESS you carry with you must be dropped at the Nigerian Airport. Never Never Never think of carrying that along with you, else Nigeria will be like Paradise 4u. So, your FRIENDS need time to adjust since we have been exposed to such Life back home. Again, Most Immigrants from Developing Nations go back to school.... which comes with so much commitment. Again, there are a lot of BILLS to be paid in the United States and for your Information you can't cheat them or evade anyone. Yes! everything is provided 4, but u must pay for them. And when it's your RIGHT to receive your benefits from the GOVERNMENT u will receive such without putting up a single fight. So your FRIENDS must WORK to Pay their BILLS. There are lots of JOBS, but they must WORK to earn. I used to think people in the United States don't work that much until I relocated too. Dey work more dan those in most parts of the WORLD. When I first came, I was paying monthly rent of 550k Naira equivalent and u must be seeing to be paying that few hours to the expiration of the previous one. U don't owe in the US... People believe you have got a JOB and there are Jobs for real. In a NUTSHELL, your FRIENDS do not HATE you neither have they deserted you. They just need your PRAYERS, PATIENCE and SPACE. PEOPLE don't pluck money in the United States, they work and toil for it. 83 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by ednut1(m): 2:15am On Sep 03, 2020 |
They made new friends, time difference, fear of billings, very busy time is money over there. Like some said not everyone is like that. The first time i left 9ja in 2005 i never deserted my friends even when some asked for silly things like address to receive package and all. I still talk to my old and new friends. 44 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by seunny4lif(m): 2:49am On Sep 03, 2020 |
1.The problem with most Nigerians are once you starts chatting with them then they start billing you immediately after few messages 2.Then depending on what each individual is facing from no Documents to sleeping diff locations each night.(Me Join) 3.If they are married to White man or Woman or Akata girls then forget it. 4.This people have want is called Time management which we Nigerians don't have 5.Most Nigerians work overtime from 12 hrs to 15hrs in a day and only rest on Sunday 45 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by optimusprime2(m): 3:25am On Sep 03, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: Hey I couldn't just ignore this post... At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ... 1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward. 2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages... It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance. 3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point. 4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation. 5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true. 6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies 7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you. Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed. There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly. 262 Likes 24 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Nobody: 6:20am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Optimusprime's comment above has done justice to the topic so no need for more comments. One thing I will tell you here is that oftentimes, diasporans who have excess time for social media and chats are either not working (JJC stage) or have balanced a little. Your friends probably stopped chatting when they stopped having free time and maybe started working. They will come around when they get well settled. 54 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by soleexx(m): 6:22am On Sep 03, 2020 |
kellycute: Dash ham 50box @all@all The dude will rest 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by soleexx(m): 6:25am On Sep 03, 2020 |
Sweetness4: Its a Motivation! You will get there too. 7 Likes 1 Share |
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