Good morning my NL people.

I usually don't do this but I've been forced to create this thread because my friend (a lady) needs my advice on the subject.

She met this cool dude about two years ago, they started dating after 2 months or thereabouts and everything has been fine with them.

Dude has a good career and she's also doing very well for herself. A couple of days back, she ran into some of his documents and realized that she is 5 years older than him she confirmed this via a photocopy of his international passport, WAEC certificate and Jamb documents; his DOB was consistent in all.

I advised her to confront him, at least to hear his own part of the story (because I'm aware so many Nigerians tend to reduce their "official" ages). But she insisted that that wasn't the case because she remembered when her boyfriend's elder brother in the US once celebrated his birthday with a cake with "**** at 29" inscription. She saw the photos on IG late last year and she was confused but decided to shrug it off thinking it could be a mistake.

As of this moment, she feels the dude must be hiding some other things from her, she's so broken right now.

I'll be expecting your input guys.

I don't mind if you help push this to the promised land.

Thanks

Arrrrrrrh

Broken? Just two months?

If she can't confront him to hear his story she should quit, since she can't over look the age.

I've always believed age is just a number and shouldn't come in the way of marriage. But this is not about the age, it's about trust. The ideal thing is for her to confront him and hear what he's got to say. Such conversations are painful cause the idea of your lover keeping such a secret could really hurt. If he's really younger and has been hiding it all this while, trust has been broken and there's no telling how much more he's got to hide. Men get away with many things in a relationship so expect a lot of people here to suggest she should pardon him and stay since he's been a cool guy but I personally believe that apologies offered when one is already caught don't mean true repentance and, like I said, there could still be a lot the guy is hiding. The foundation is already shaky. Reverse this case in your mind, assume it was a lady that came with a baggage of lies, would you still trust her to be your second half?

I'm not saying she should stay, neither am I saying she should quite. This is because I don't know their personal circumstances. I don't know what could have made the guy to lie and how long he planned to keep up with it. I don't know the sacrifices both have made for each other in the past. I don't know how much time, energy and other resources they've invested in the relationship before now. So whether she stays afterwards or not depends all these and also on her personality: can she deal with the knowledge that her partner once harboured such a secret or will that always creep up every now and then and make her feel uncomfortable or unsure of his words? This kind of thing could hurt for long and she will blame herself if she decides to stay and later discover more lies.

Let her follow her heart and even if her final decision leads to regrets, she should take solace in the fact that she did what she felt was the right thing at the moment. As humans, we can only work with the limited knowledge we have as no one knows the future.

Cc: kingemaker

gaius01:
Arrrrrrrh

Broken? Just two months?

If she can't confront him to hear his story she should quit, since she can't over look the age.

No, they started dating 2 months after they met two years ago. Meaning, dude has been keeping this lie to himself since that time.

etrange:
I've always believed age is just a number and shouldn't come in the way of marriage. But this is not about the age, it's about trust. The ideal thing is for her to confront him and hear what he's got to say. Such conversations are painful cause the idea of your lover keeping such a secret could really hurt. If he's really younger and has been hiding it all this while, trust has been broken and there's no telling how much more he's got to hide. Men get away with many things in a relationship so expect a lot of people here to suggest she should pardon him and stay since he's been a cool guy but I personally believe that apologies offered when one is already caught isn't true repentance and, like I said, there could still be a lot the guy is hiding. The foundation is already shaky. Reverse this case in your mind, assume it was a lady that came with a baggage of lies, would you still trust her to be your second half?

Exactly, she's not so worried about the age difference. The guy looks older than the said age (maybe the beards) and acts like a real man. Her major concern is the trust.

For the question, I don't think I'll be able to forgive my girlfriend if we are to reverse the case. Thanks for your input.

kingemaker:

Exactly, she's not so worried about the age difference. The guy looks older than the said age (maybe the beards) and acts like a real man. Her major concern is the trust.

For the question, I don't think I'll be able to forgive my girlfriend if we are to reverse the case. Thanks for your input.

I was actually still typing. Lol. But yeah, you got the point.

You're welcome.

Age matter again

He doesn't care about that... but if she does then she should let him know and move on with her life.
By her reaction, we can understand why he hid it from her.

Nonsense talk no dey full basket

don't let age deprive you your happiness if the guy is treating you well, and respecting you, sometimes the reason why some people hide their in relationships is for fear of losing their beloved partners, I hope you understand this.

Let her talk to him about it. Is she in love with his age or his character? Sportsmen reduce their ages but still get married. I'm not encouraging his wrong doing but no one does anything without a reason. So, talk to him

A friend once said this:

"I did the same exact thing once, a gal I genuinely loved left me after finding out.

I am currently doing it with a babe 3 years older. I feel what she doesnt know can't hurt her.

The truth is, the moment she knows...her attitude would change. "

Have I not seen this kind story before in nairaland?

Let her do anything she wants, her decision won't change the world.

kingemaker:


No, they started dating 2 months after they met two years ago. Meaning, dude has been keeping this lie to himself since that time.

Alright, but has she for once ask him about his age?

kingemaker:
Good morning my NL people.

I usually don't do this but I've been forced to create this thread because my friend (a lady) needs my advice on the subject.

She met this cool dude about two years ago, they started dating after 2 months or thereabouts and everything has been fine with them.

Dude has a good career and she's also doing very well for herself. A couple of days back, she ran into some of his documents and realized that she is 5 years older than him she confirmed this via a photocopy of his international passport, WAEC certificate and Jamb documents; his DOB was consistent in all.

I advised her to confront him, at least to hear his own part of the story (because I'm aware so many Nigerians tend to reduce their "official" ages). But she insisted that that wasn't the case because she remembered when her boyfriend's elder brother in the US once celebrated his birthday with a cake with "**** at 29" inscription. She saw the photos on IG late last year and she was confused but decided to shrug it off thinking it could be a mistake.

As of this moment, she feels the dude must be hiding some other things from her, she's so broken right now.

I'll be expecting your input guys.

Lalasticlala, I don't mind if you help push this to the promised land.

Thanks

Age is the least thing one could make an issue in a relationship.... It may seem as though trust may be in doubt but in this case proper dialogue is of Paramount Importance.........For the guy in question not to have the age thing to be an issue makes the case a lot more easier cos in my opinion men are mostly the ones to boarder much over women's age cos of fertility sake.... As long as the guy voluntarily held on to the relationship knowing fully well that the girl is five years older it clearly shows he's down with whatever that comes out from it....... The best the girl can do now is to push further to know if the guy is ready to walk her down the aisle to avoid stories that touches the heart on the long run......That should be her next line of action rather than worrying over age difference which means little or nothing to maintain a relationship....... Shalom......

The age ain't really the bone of contention here, trust is. He should have been honest from the onset, if the said relationship is meant to be, it definitely will. Let her confront him with her findings and if he's remorseful about it, and also states why he did that, then she should reconsider and forgive him.

No relationship is ever perfect, and for the fact that the guy treats her right should make her give the union another chance.

She shouldn't lose a beautiful thing she had going all because of age wahala. It's only but a number! The happiness and peace of mind you enjoy when with someone is all that matters.

Age is just a number,don't allow ageism rob you off your happiness

If she has issues with his age she should confront him

D young guy who is with d older lady isn't complaining so what's d fuss from her about?

We all know "Age is just a Number" but he shouldn't have lied about it anyway........

To the lady, if he was to be so Rich, would you be here complaining about his age? You would've even loved him for being younger

Anyway, follow your heart

We all know what we want in relationships.

God gives you the whole package. You will be the one to pick out the Stones from the rice.

It is your package. Settle down and do the picking of the bad character and the foreign rice will be all yours...

[img][/img]

Well that's his own issue.

Contact us for affordable trendy websites and mobile apps

This one doesn't have problem....poured olive oil on the thread and walk away ........

I hope she doesn't lose a love becoz of age/ego.

Friendship-turned-love is always lovely

She wouldn't have accepted initially if the guy is worse.


Whatever her decision is,,,, good luck to her.