I know the heading will trigger some of you who believe you can do anything or even die for your mothers, but hear me out before you crucify me.

First of all, I am 34 years old. I work here in Lagos and earn a decent income. My mom also lives in Lagos.


My mom was a disciplinarian when I was a kid. She punished and flogged us when we misbehaved so much that I once wondered if she was my mother. Normal thing in Nigeria at that time. You either did things her way or you did it her way, the hard way. Whatever you do, you would end up doing as she says. I was relieved the day I gathered my savings and rented an apartment 3 hours away from her.

Why am I ranting here? You may ask. Well, it is because of woman matter. That’s what can make a man rant about his mother.

I’m in love with a Muslim woman. I was raised a Christian. My mother is a staunch Christian (like many Nigerian Christian mothers in their 50s and 60s) who doesn’t joke around with spiritual things. She is easily swayed by prophets plus she has recently joined a white garment church where prophecies are like an everyday thing. I have told her not to bother me with her prophecies. The few she has shared with me went offside anyway, and I pointed it out to her, so she has learned to pray on her own if she receives any “message” concerning me.

I have dated only Christian ladies in the past and have been disappointed by all of them, right from when I was a broke student to when I was a Corper to when I began living fairly comfortably. They have either cheated or moved mad or just up and left. Anyway, that’s in the past.

Two years ago, I met a lovely Muslim lady who is just 4 years younger, not too young, still within my preferred age bracket. She is beautiful. Like many men, I am attracted to beautiful women. We became friends then grew to be close friends and only started dating this year during the pandemic. I met her shortly before my last breakup. She was NOT the reason my ex left me. That is a story for another day. I had been solitarily single since then until I started dating this friend of mine. Now, the issue is, my mother is tribalistic to the core so we know we cannot marry anyone who is not from our tribe. That is the LAW. Even my father supports her on this. But I wonder if my own is a different issue as it involves religion. I haven’t discussed with my mom yet nor have I told my girlfriend about my mother’s proclivity for discrimination. But when a close relative of mine married a non-Christian my mother was one of the people against the union.

I am enjoying this new relationship. It is a beautiful upgrade from my friendship with her. She has her shortcomings but I can live with them because she apologises and accepts my apology as well. She wants our relationship to work. She has shown me her commitment. She works for her own money and doesn’t stress me for mundane things like hair or wigs or phones. She is the only woman in this life (apart from my mom) that has given me gifts without “using style” to collect it threefold later. I give her random gifts too. It comes naturally. She is different from all my exes. In fact, she eclipses them all. I never imagined I’d find someone as thoughtful, practical and deliberate about love like her. Hers is a practical, demonstrable love.


The challenge is, I know my dear mother. She will raise a storm once I tell her about my girl. She did something at my younger sister’s wedding that made me realize that she would always be domineering. My dad managed to stay on in the marriage until he retired and informally separated and relocated to another state to start a business and enjoy his retirement. She won’t listen to him.

My girlfriend is from my tribe but she is Muslim. I am not a serious Christian at all. I only pray just before eat because that has been programmed into my being. My babe doesn’t judge me (I think) on my lack of spirituality or my scepticism. Her parents are staunch Muslims and I don’t even know if they would agree to giving their daughter to a non-muslim. When we get to that bridge we will cross.


I don’t want to start a fire in my family cos heaven knows I want this girl.



What do I do?

Should I let go of this clear chance at happiness? Should I dig in?

Mods, help me push it to a large audience. I need practical advice.

You can either be under your mother' s fingers OR live your own life.

Since YOU are the one who is gonna spend the rest of your life with this woman, I suggest YOU choose her

Lets wait for the married ones. They will advice you better.

The fvck
Niggarr!!

One thing I'm sure of, at this age we are now, nobody can tell me who to marry and who not to marry, when they are not the one feeding me. Are you still eating in your mothers' house at your age? and you're not telling us.

When a maggot gives u advice, take it seriously.

Leave that lady, and go marry daughter of a traditionalist, that's way better.

Muslims are unpredictable, before her dad would slash ur throat with suya knife.

My mother was strict almost like that when I was a kid and a little tribalistic even though she had friends from other tribes. She has changed sha. Also, there is hardly any devoted Christian or Muslim who wouldn’t frown at their children getting married to people of other faiths. The ones that intermarry are often not spiri koko in practising their religion.

I would tell you to damn the consequences and marry the babe but you just said you’re not even sure her parents would accept you.

See ehn, there are red flags everywhere.

The way you described your babe is making me jealous cos single ladies like that are not many. Will you leave her for the unknown? Do you know if it’s one nagging, “I-never-chop”, pretty-face, banging-body, problematic babe you would jam next?

I do not think ushering your wife into a family, where her mother in-law is against her, is a good option, especially when the problem is something as fundamental as religion.

You are between a rock and a hard place.

In your shoes, I think I would damn the consequences. Young women like her are scarce bro. Hopefully your mum will come around. But if she can get one or two supporters like your dad or any of your siblings, bro, e go hard o.

But again Bro, to be honest, I don’t really know what you should do. This one hard.

Let me invite palema007 to settle this matter.

same with my father....he take pastor and even army join before we convince am say covid19 de kill people

#ILMOVON
#Attitude
#Bliv

Be a Man my Brother..
My advice is this.. don't let either your mom or your girlfriend decide things for you..
Be in charge and stamp your authority ..

I had a colleague (igbo) that married a Kano muslim girl against all odd..
He stamped his authority and today the girl attends his church (catholic)..
They are leaving peacefully for over 5 yrs now..
Dont let your mom stop you from marrying her if you want to and don't let her continue with her religion after moving in..
If you allow any of this two things to happen.. Trust me you would regret it..

Disclaimer : my advice is for you if you got balls, not if you have cowardice and weakling tendencies ..

W

Most mothers on earth are stubborn. Remember, you will be the one to live with the lady and not your mom or dad. Good luck with your final decision.

I'm not sure what to say but you first need to be sure that your girlfriend's family will accept you before you start battling to convince your own family

MAGG0T:


When a maggot gives u advice, take it seriously.

Leave that lady, and go marry daughter of a traditionalist, that's way better.

Muslims are unpredictable, before her dad would slash ur throat with suya knife.

u be maggot true true.....
i no really blame u sha,ur brain don rot na why!

Well Im not married or remotely ready for one,? However one thing is sure, nobody is telling me anything when i think the go is good...

AfroKnight:
My mother was strict almost like that when I was a kid and a little tribalistic even though she had friends from other tribes. She has changed sha. Also, there is hardly any devoted Christian or Muslim who wouldn’t frown at their children getting married to people of other faiths. The ones that intermarry are often not spiri koko in practising their religion.

I would tell you to damn the consequences and marry the babe but you just said you’re not even sure her parents would accept you.

See ehn, there are red flags everywhere.

The way you described your babe is making me jealous cos single ladies like that are not many. Will you leave her for the unknown? Do you know if it’s one nagging, “I-never-chop”, pretty-face, banging-body, problematic babe you would jam next?

I do not think ushering your wife into a family, where her mother in-law is against her, is a good option, especially when the problem is something as fundamental as religion.

You are between a rock and a hard place.

In your shoes, I think I would damn the consequences. Young women like her are scarce bro. Hopefully your mum will come around. But if she can get one or two supporters like your dad or any of your siblings, bro, e go hard o.

But again Bro, to be honest, I don’t really know what you should do. This one hard.

Let me invite palema007 to settle this matter.

Dude, you're one indecisive fella!

You kept going back and forth.

mariahAngel:


Dude, you're one indecisive fella!

You kept going back and forth.

The matter heavy na. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I just highlighted the pros and cons. He will decide.

So you are using this username now? Palema is that you?

Hmmn

paulolee:
same with my father....he take pastor and even army join before we convince am say covid19 de kill people

You people will not kill me with laughter

ABANGWABOI:
#ILMOVON
#Attitude
#Bliv

Be a Man my Brother..
My advice is this.. don't let either your mom or your girlfriend decide things for you..
Be in charge and stamp your authority ..

I had a colleague (igbo) that married a Kano muslim girl against all odd..
He stamped his authority and today the girl attends his church (catholic)..
They are leaving peacefully for over 5 yrs now..
Dont let your mom stop you from marrying her if you want to and don't let her continue with her religion after moving in..
If you allow any of this two things to happen.. Trust me you would regret it..

Disclaimer : my advice is for you if you got balls, not if you have cowardice and weakling tendencies ..

I don't know what to say to you, I have sworn not to be hurting people with words anymore

My real guy! I like your spirit. Do your thing. Your the one making decisions for your life your mom has very little input.

AfroKnight:


The matter heavy na. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I just highlighted the pros and cons. He will decide.

So you are using this username now? Palema is that you?

Naaaaaah

Afroknight seriously the matter carry weight... But here's my own opinion ooo. I will never marry into a family I'm not wanted. If my man's family aren't in support of my relationship with their son, nah to carry bag dey go ooo.

Yes I know people would advice op to go ahead, that He is the one marrying not his family. But take note most times people who give such advice are Men. Sadly these Men don't know what Women go through when their husbands family don't accept them. If the op were to be a lady I would have typed more. But he isn't he won't understand.

All I can say is, for the lady's sake he should do all he can to make sure his family accept her before MARRYING her. If they don't he should let her go. He will be doing more harm to that lady than good if he go ahead to marry her without his family's acceptance. My own perspective based what I've seen happen around, moreover in my tribe we believe marriage is between in-laws don't blame me if I take In-laws opinion too seriously.

ModestGal:

I don't know what to say to you, I have sworn not top be hurting people with words anymore

#ILMOVON
#Attitude
#Bliv

Who is this Kid ??
Hurt mw with words ??
Definitely not me.. i careless about your existence and this is my last reply to you Kid..
Check next door..
Now, Run along kid.

ModestGal:

I don't know what to say to you, I have sworn not top be hurting people with words anymore

#ILMOVON
#Attitude
#Bliv

Who is this Kid ??
Hurt me with words ??
Definitely not me.. i careless about your existence and this is my last reply to you Kid..
Check next door..
Now, Run along kid.

Palema007:
Afro knight seriously the matter carry weight... But here's my own opinion ooo. I will never marry into a family I'm not wanted. If my man's family aren't in support of my relationship with their son, nah to carry bag dey go ooo.

Yes I know people would advice op to go ahead, that He is the one marrying not his family. But take note most times people who give such advice are Men. Sadly these Men don't know what Women go through when their husbands family don't accept them. If the op were to be a lady I would have typed more. But he isn't he won't understand.

All I can say is, for the lady's sake he should do all he can to make sure his family accept her before MARRYING her. If they don't he should let her go. He will be doing more harm to that lady than good if he go ahead to marry her without his family's acceptance. My own perspective based what I've seen happen around, moreover in my tribe we believe marriage is between in-laws don't blame me if I take In-laws opinion too seriously.

Well said. We marry into families.

Some battles are not worth it at all. It’s just a pity he won’t be sure if the next girlfriend would be half as good as the present babe.

This life no balance at all.

This one pass my power. I'll wait patiently for the elders to come do their thing.

AfroKnight:


Well said. We marry into families.

Some battles are not worth it at all. It’s just a pity he won’t be sure if the next girlfriend would be half as good as the present babe.

This life no balance at all.

What's the assurance that the good girlfriend will make a good wife? Or a good boyfriend will make a good husband? Nothing is certain Knight... All we can do is cast lot and pray that luck smile on us. Thats the truth! Nothing is certain