I can't imagine. Assuming, I were him, I'd be appreciative of all her sacrifices. She's a saint in my opinion. There's going to be so much pent up frustration but for peace in her home, she can buy him a gift. In this Buhari economy, with school fees to pay for 3 kids, house rent amongst other costs, don't even understand why a gift is warranted from a woman's 3rd hustle.

pocohantas:


He isn’t entitled, he is a USER! The only reason guys are not seeing it is because he is a MAN.

That is why I pity women who use emotions to follow Nigerian men. You will stress yourself and help him save money. Money he will use to pursue girls that haven’t stressed away their youthfulness and feminity.

OP had a baby last year and here she is, doing 3 jobs to provide for herself and kids. I can imagine her blouse dropping off her shoulders. She has been seriously complaining of this same husband. He doesn’t give her money, except she asks and he doesn’t buy her gifts. She also stated that she is beginning to resent him and that is not surprising. Any man that allows his wife/woman do what OP is doing, would definitely get RESENTED. She might succeed in hiding her disgust, but the passive aggressiveness would be there.

Men provide for women because men expect women to have kids, take care of the home, submit, support, position in bed...etc. It is not because they are nice. The only nice man is your father!! After him, if you don’t behave well to a Nigerian husband, you go collect.

Anyway @op, sometimes you gotta choose your battles. Buy him a gift, present it to him with a flourish with sweet words and save future income like crazy. Best of luck!

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

yes you can uy for him,maybe his breakthrough will come one day,ladies is nt a crime to spend on ur man,its nt jst a man's duty to take care of the woman,have u tot of a man who married a jobless woman nd still take care of her till forever?

dominique:
Even if he's making more money than you there's nothing wrong in buying gifts for your partner na. This should not even be an issue for consideration. If you love your husband, buy him stuff too alongside yourself and your kids.

She must have insulted the guy by now... I know her type

You knew he was earnjng 70k monthly and went on to have 3 children? You should have first gotten the money before having many children and not children first then looking for money. You started a business that is booming and you are already trying to snub your husband that he is not hard working enough. If you love him, you won't care who has the higher income as long as it is meeting your needs.

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.


This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

I would buy for him as I buy for myself and the kids. I will however save more for more important things. I will not nag him about business again but I will go on my knees and discuss the matter with my maker

pocohantas:


So you remember her?

OP’s husband would never buy her gifts. OP’s husband would show her rudeness and aggressiveness in the presence of visitors, just to prove he is in charge. OP’s husband has refused to be productive, that she has to handle three jobs alongside the homefront.

OP is here again and is being advised to keep giving this same man money. OP is a woman, women can never be SIMPS, they can only be VIRTUOUS.

Kudos to OP and her kind out there. You all are the real ALPHAS.

You spend too much time on nairaland. While I perceive you have a good head on your shoulders, I hope what you do here doesn't spill into your real life.
It'd be a total mess.

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

how did u respond to his request?

Seems op has been having issues with her husband since the past year going by some comments here

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

Did he give you support when you were trying to start the third business? If he made any meaningful input I think he has paid his dues.

Olunmercy56:
I'll definitely buy it for him. He will be glad to take those gifts from me, our children will be happy to. I don't see anything wrong in that, since he is not lazy

You nailed it

@OP you can buy for him but this is not the time to be buying gifts from your proceed, keep saving and reinvesting, humans are created differently, some can multi task and still make headways while others will fail woefully. From your previous threads I think you and your husband need to sit and discuss extensively on your marriage. God bless you

SirMichael1:
This is one of the reasons I love nairaland. Some people here will help you checkmate spousal execesses. I remember bringing an issue here about my wife refusing to cook... Turns out that she was trying to pass a message to me and it's all thanks to nairaland that I figured it out and my marriage is rock solid than ever.

Lol I remember that thread and even made a contribution. Happy to hear that everything eventually went well.

You should have updated us in another thread o, so that others can learn.

pocohantas:


He isn’t entitled, he is a USER! The only reason guys are not seeing it is because he is a MAN.

That is why I pity women who use emotions to follow Nigerian men. You will stress yourself and help him save money. Money he will use to pursue girls that haven’t stressed away their youthfulness and feminity.

Men provide for women because men expect women to have kids, take care of the home, submit, support, position in bed...etc. It is not because they are nice. The only nice man is your father!! After him, if you don’t behave well to a Nigerian husband, you go collect.

@last paragraph, that is so true.
OP did not give full details of how her marriage is that is why she is now receiving mumu advice from women who think marriage is Telemundo or Korean love series.

Michelle55:
Before the kids, he came first. He was your first baby and therefore needs a little pamper and then a nudge to set him in the right direction you want him to follow.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in buying him gifts from your profits, trust me, those little gestures from you might just be what he needs to take up the challenge of sourcing for another source of income, and everything for life no be gragra or fight. There are some things your wisdom and insight can solve.

Men are babies as well and deserve to be pampered, they ain't meant to suffer till they die while providing for the family, God gave you to him for this singular reason, help him harness his potentials, he is lazy and can't seem to think ahead and the reason you are there in his life is to help him see what he can't see, but you are expected to do it politely and lovingly.

So there's nothing to react here my sister, he's your first baby before the mini ones started popping out so treat him right.

Your sweet gestures and nudge will help reset his thinking faculty!!

Wow we need more sensible folks like you on this forum...

dingbang:
I am surprised that the premier comments from ladies made sense.. from page two down you will soon start seeing stupid comments from ladies who dont have sense.. I am even looking forward to a comment from a popular female nlder. I am sure she will never dissapoint with her zigzag opinion

im sure u are talking about zzor

LINTUNE:
im sure u are talking about zzor

zzor wetin..

dingbang:
zzor wetin..

untill I hear from my fellow man

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

And has he asked for too much??

Your husband fa? The father of your children?

Burstscam:
Miserable life of a man

From kindergarten, a boy gives his candy to little girls
He becomes a teenager and start buying presents for girls with his launch money
He becomes older and start giving his girlfriend, his siblings and his parents
When he marries, he gives, first, his wife, then his children, then his parents, then his in-laws, then his extended families.
In the end he has little or nothing left for himself.

Yet he doesn't complain.

Madam, receive sense, I beg you. Your husband knows that consistency and resilience pays off in the end. In the meantime, being more buoyant than him, be the source of his Joy and motivation and stop being selfish.

That op is no good person

GuyWise101:
Nna mehnnnn Madam we all know you reacted with insults and was blaming him for refusing to adhere to your third business idea.


Nna mehnnnn Madam we all know you may be giving him order in the other room as you are now 'richer' than him forgetting he is the one that married you.


Nna mehnnnn if you want to test women loyality give them power and let them have more money they will definetly show their true colour.

May our women never be richer than us
Amen

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

Yes,buying for him is necessary and after buying,remind him of the plan again and make him see reasons why he has to expand

ThierryJay:


Lol I remember that thread and even made a contribution. Happy to hear that everything eventually went well.

You should have updated us in another thread o, so that others can learn.

Lol. I'm glad it did too.

I felt the was no need.

Women are too stingy... If you can buy little things for your husband, who will you do it for then? Will you die if you buy him a bottle of beer/wine/malt?

Do you think you would make such money in business if there no peace in the marriage. kindly appreciate him too.

But if it's your pastor,... we all know what happens.

Gloriagee:
I can't imagine. Assuming, I were him, I'd be appreciative of all her sacrifices. She's a saint in my opinion. There's going to be so much pent up frustration but for peace in her home, she can buy him a gift. In this Buhari economy, with school fees to pay for 3 kids, house rent amongst other costs, don't even understand why a gift is warranted from a woman's 3rd hustle.

why not stick to the story and put sentiment asides, Op might av insinuate making more money buh she insinuated anytin that relates to sacrifice, there collective income sustains d family , also from her story her xtra income are spent on herself & kids. that a woman makes more money doesnt mean she foot more of d bills sometimes
sacrifice is what you forgo @ your very own detriment just to make someone happy .... so from all what Op said where did she sacrifice for d man, if she buys c'mon mr biggs snacks for her children n can't include her husband what sacrifice could she possibly made. if my wife comes home every day buyin eatables 4 d kids & herself, i will joking remind her am her baby tew .. no hard feelings that is how it should be. speaking of gift i don't see why OP needs to open a thread or she planning to buy him a car or house. gift could be boxers & byc singlet

Sometimes men needs pampering too.
Do things for him not because of what you'll gain but because you are a family.
But him gifts not minding if he does same for you, those little things would melt his heart, you would even discover on the long run he'll have a rethink of your discussions with him.

nahzyla:



@last paragraph, that is so true.
OP did not give full details of how her marriage is that is why she is now receiving mumu advice from women who think marriage is Telemundo or Korean love series.

The cost of doing an elaborated wedding now is from 5m above, on a normal a man spends 2m.
if her last paragraph is so true, that men just need a wife to av kids ,clean the house & position in bed.
Now what doez it cost men to opt for baby mama, what does it cost men to employ maid to clean d house ,and how much olosho wan collect to position on bed.
sum up the cost minus it from cost of a wedding & maintain a wife. then draw a conclusion in ur mind.

pocohantas:


He isn’t entitled, he is a USER! The only reason guys are not seeing it is because he is a MAN.

That is why I pity women who use emotions to follow Nigerian men. You will stress yourself and help him save money. Money he will use to pursue girls that haven’t stressed away their youthfulness and feminity.

OP had a baby last year and here she is, doing 3 jobs to provide for herself and kids. I can imagine her blouse dropping off her shoulders. She has been seriously complaining of this same husband. He doesn’t give her money, except she asks and he doesn’t buy her gifts. She also stated that she is beginning to resent him and that is not surprising. Any man that allows his wife/woman do what OP is doing, would definitely get RESENTED. She might succeed in hiding her disgust, but the passive aggressiveness would be there.

Men provide for women because men expect women to have kids, take care of the home, submit, support, position in bed...etc. It is not because they are nice. The only nice man is your father!! After him, if you don’t behave well to a Nigerian husband, you go collect.

Happy sunday ma' lets not 4get only jesus can save

There is absolutely nothing wrong in buying him gifts, he will so appreciate it cos he doesn't have the time to go to market. Or madam don't you admire how some men do dress and look good? Please do the needful. And if he's cool with his wholesale business allow him all he needs from you is encouragement and prayers. Thanks!

midolian:
Even though he is shameless to have insisted on you buying him gifts just as you buy for the kids, at least you know he is not lazy

Still give him that respect, sis. The fact that what he believes in isn't fetching him much yet doesn't mean it will never fetch him more than enough tomorrow.

Women are naturally impatient and terribly poor at making decisions that will pay in the long-run.

If his business pays him off tomorrow, he will remind you of what you are doing today. I hope you are prepared.

I don't think it's shameful to ask your wife for a gift, the same way the wife ask their husband's for gifts.
It's a vice versa thing if you ask me and there's probably nothing bad in reciprocating your husband love and generosity.
#MyOpinionThough#