J111333:
If this incident is the only reason you lost trust in her, my guy, have a rethink.

Honestly, she hasn't done anything wrong here. She might have been saving from her business and the 40k you send every month so she deserves an applause, not humiliation. How can you order her to send you a picture of her bank statement?Are you her father?

If she is a loyal partner and has loved you unconditionally for 5years, my guy don't dump that girl to avoid regrets later.

This is just my personal opinion.

I'm sorry for calling you a STUPID guy. Let her go meet her father for the 150k then since he's not his father and she has been collecting 40k every month. Nonsense and ingredient.

Antiochus:
I go dey abroad i go dey send money to one naija girl at home? When i no craze, even my grand father will come back from the grave and give me 200 strokes.

She has to provide the statement of acct. She shouldn't have problem doing that if truly she has nothing to hide.

Lol

i926:
Buhari and his other goons are defrauding 200m people and 1 out of the defrauded 200m is defrauding another mr nice guy probably living in a sane country..
If she doesn't defraud you, who else will??

This life truly no balance

Oga, I almost stopped reading your story, when I got to the 2nd paragraph because I know it will end in tears.

In 2009, my coz wanted to marry a girl and then send her to same university that I finished from, before he travels abroad. I told him the hard truth, the probability of me protecting this beautiful girl in school is zero, and the chances of her banging lecturers, her course mates, or other students is 97%. He listened. He is married to a woman he met over there.

Oga, do you think as you are sending her monthly stipend, she is going to be faithful and won't lie to you? Maybe, she's innocent but for your bullsh!t alarm to be raised means something is wrong. Tell her yes, you don't trust her.

For you not to be in a deeper sh!t, you have to be logical in your thinking.

Some men dey try sha.

Good luck

I am not sending the money to buy her loyalty. Loyalty can't be bought.
I am sending it cos I want her to be reasonably comfortable.
If you love someone, you look out for them if you are in a position to do so.

TheAviator2000:


I am not sending the money to buy her loyalty. Loyalty can't be bought.
I am sending it cos I want her to be reasonably comfortable.
If you love someone, you look out for them if you are in a position to do so.

God knows you're a good guy but please and please don't be stupid. It's a simple thing for her to do if she respect you. What is there for her to send you what you asked for? How would you feel after you sent her the money and later you find out that there's no shop and all? Please use your HEAD. It seems she's in control of the relationship sef cos all this kind the de vex me as I de type sef. I hate make my fellow guy de behave like this, e de pain me reach bone marrow.

Fvck mehnnnnnnnnnnnn

Don't send the money bruv, don't even try it
You've told her what to do and she refused by turning tables, that's a no sign of dishonesty
Naija is hot and rugged at the moment
Na Wella Fargo we take they sustain E nor easy

Stand as a man and tell her boldly on what to do , if she loves and respects you she'll do as you've said without playing smart with pretending to be angry and accusing you of insecurities and trust
I've been to the Diaspora and I know how hard it is to make money there

If only bank details were to be deleted , she would've done that and send you the screenshot right away
You sef suppose don try to use another nigga or girl test her to know what and who she spends much time with bc you're not there

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Somebody said you should trust your instinct. do just that brother...

Airtimex:
Somebody said you should trust your instinct. do just that brother...

Yeah, I believe that is the answer to this!

Life no balance wish I have a helper too

TheAviator2000:


I don't believe there is a wrong or right here.
The fact is that there is no evidence to prove that there is 240k savings on her part - No bank statement screenshot
There is also no evidence to prove there is actually a store - No pictures
Also, all the while I have been sending her "upkeep" money, she has never indicated she had savings - Facts


Those are the facts.
I hate relying on my imagination to connect the dots but there are more questions than answers here

bro very few women will be very sincere with they man when it comes to how much they have. A woman may have 100k but will tell u she has 30k.
Even my own Girl does same .
She always have her reason of not wanting me to know.
So am used to that.tho sometimes she open up.

So maybe same is applied to your girl.

TheAviator2000:


Bro mi, I am not trying to humiliate her but the thing be say she has never ever ever mentioned any savings to me until she wanted to get a shop.
She knows how much I make and when I was struggling as an uber driver in the cold winter or as a food delivery guy, she knew those times...
All I am saying is that I believed that we kept an open and honest communication in our relationship!.....

Sending her upkeep money every month was not because i am rich but because i believed i would marry her and wanted her to be okay and not lack.... Even if she was saving the money, I think she should have mentioned it looking at the fact that month after month, when i asked how much she had in her account, It was never above 10k.

If she really know how much you make.You are suppose to know about her own too.For you to trust her to the extent of telling her how much you earn and she is angry about your question.Then,there is a problem somewhere
You also said that she gave her money for her to start the process of getting an international passport and she did not agree with your decision.Sir,I must say this.This girl does not really love you.Because a girl that really love a guy will be full of joy to hear that a guy she have be together with for years is doing everything possible to bring her over despite that fact that he can see better and more beautiful ladies broad that are better than her.I pray you don't make mistake in life.

TheAviator2000:
At this point, i have mentally moved on and after i send that 150k, i will block her everywhere and move on with my life. ... That is honestly how i feel right now

If she feels the way she does, and she isn't willing to send what you asked her (talking about trust BS) then why would you still send the 150k for her deceitful act?!?!?!?

So you are doing your best to help this babe (thinking she is broke) while she cunningly has 240k in the bank?!?!?! What else is this woman hiding from you....

Caio:

bro very few women will be very sincere with they man when it comes to how much they have. A woman may have 100k but will tell u she has 30k.Even my own Girl does same .
She always have her reason of not wanting me to know.
So am used to that.tho sometimes she open up.

So maybe same is applied to your girl.

Bro, you do know that the above is wrong, right?

She is in love with someone else, which lady wouldn't be happy to start processing her passport. She doesn't want to come over.

Hmmm..
Oga y would u be sending a girl money every month like she's serving ur father's land.. Ahhh 40 k for dah matter.. That's where u missed the road from the first place.. Bro u don't trust girls with money oo.. Money will make them gum to u oo..
Sha thank God u used ur head..


But another thing again, were u trying to say you're planning on sending her 150k for d last time b4 blocking her?
Ahhh..... bross y naa.... Just kukuma do charity with am naaa...
I don't mind if get 5k inside.. E go better

TheAviator2000:
I have a situation going on in my life right now with the woman that I love and i need your perspective in this situation.

To give you some background, my girlfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years in a mostly long distance relationship as i left the country after the first year of meeting her. When I finally found my feet abroad, I started sending her about 40k every month as upkeep money even without her asking. I have been consistently sending her this upkeep for about a year now and have never asked nor received anything in return.

Few weeks ago, my girlfriend mentioned that she needed a shop to expand has fast growing business as working from home is no longer convenient and she is beginning to loose customers as a result of that. I was really happy to hear that and promised to give her my support.

She eventually found a store that cost about N300k per annum and indicated that she had saved about 240k and needed about 150k from me to cover the remaining rent fees, agency fees, admin fees and minor renovations. I pledged to send her the money this week and as a man of my words, i intend to send it.

However, somethings did not sit right in with me and I inquired to know how she was able to save 240k as she had never ever mentioned having that type of money saved up. Before i sent her monthly upkeep money (40k), i always inquired to know how she was doing financially and there has never been a time where she mentioned she was saving money or have 240k saved up somewhere. As a matter of fact, she has never indicated to have more than 10k at any point in time

To end my doubts, i asked her send me a screenshot of her bank statement showing the savings and this made her really upset to the point of going into a rant about "lack of trust" in the relationship. Mind you, i have never asked her to send her back statement before and have never been the type to distrust the things she said as she has never really given me any reason to. I have always been supportive and the one time I actually needed some "assurance" to quell my doubts, she wasn't able to provide it.
At this point, I feel there is some level of deceit on her part to get some money from me.

I also asked her to send me picture of the store and she said she didn't take any picture when she went to check it ...

Last week, i told her to apply for a passport and wanted to send her like 80k to do that as my goal was to facilitate her eventual relocation to join me but on Saturday, she told me that she prefers the money goes into getting her store set up and she can always apply the passport with the money she makes from her store... hmmmm

To be honest, i am really upset and slightly depressed because I come across people back home trying to "job" me for cash but never thought it would come from my inner circle.

At this point, i have mentally moved on and after i send that 150k, i will block her everywhere and move on with my life. ... That is honestly how i feel right now

wait you are in abroad and you want to settle for less. I am in abroad like you bro. and I am very wary of our girls back home. She is not even your wife and you are paying her 40k monthly for doing what exactly? You even want to give her 150k and block her like it would make commit suicide or what? You think if you block her that's the end of her getting money, lol. Don't be like the biblical story of a fool that will soon part with his money.

Any woman that does not have savings is a fool. I believe, there might be red flag deposits she does not want you to see.

She can as well snap any vacant shop and there is no way you will know.

If you instinct tells you something is wrong 9/10 it is. It's possible she is actually trying to rent a shop. But you are not the only one paying for that shop.

TheAviator2000:


I don't believe there is a wrong or right here.
The fact is that there is no evidence to prove that there is 240k savings on her part - No bank statement screenshot
There is also no evidence to prove there is actually a store - No pictures
Also, all the while I have been sending her "upkeep" money, she has never indicated she had savings - Facts


Those are the facts.
I hate relying on my imagination to connect the dots but there are more questions than answers here

TheAviator2000:


I am not sending the money to buy her loyalty. Loyalty can't be bought.
I am sending it cos I want her to be reasonably comfortable.
If you love someone, you look out for them if you are in a position to do so.

you want her to be comfortable for not offering anything to earn that comfort?

TheAviator2000:


I am not sending the money to buy her loyalty. Loyalty can't be bought.
I am sending it cos I want her to be reasonably comfortable.
If you love someone, you look out for them if you are in a position to do so.

you want her to be comfortable for not offering anything to earn that comfort?
Try stopping the monthly comfort and see whether the love is still there. To be frank our abroad men the loneliness in abroad the make una dey needy and vulnerable to our naija babes.

TheAviator2000:


Bro mi, I am not trying to humiliate her but the thing be say she has never ever ever mentioned any savings to me until she wanted to get a shop.
She knows how much I make and when I was struggling as an uber driver in the cold winter or as a food delivery guy, she knew those times...
All I am saying is that I believed that we kept an open and honest communication in our relationship!.....

Sending her upkeep money every month was not because i am rich but because i believed i would marry her and wanted her to be okay and not lack.... Even if she was saving the money, I think she should have mentioned it looking at the fact that month after month, when i asked how much she had in her account, It was never above 10k.

marry her first and then you can send monthly money

Powerfly:


all of una is evil.!

That's my take-home lesson.. My English teacher must see this. Funke!!!

lwkmd....
Person dey seek for advice, and u na wetin u fit notice be dis? Lol...

TheAviator2000:
I have a situation going on in my life right now with the woman that I love and i need your perspective in this situation.

To give you some background, my girlfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years in a mostly long distance relationship as i left the country after the first year of meeting her. When I finally found my feet abroad, I started sending her about 40k every month as upkeep money even without her asking. I have been consistently sending her this upkeep for about a year now and have never asked nor received anything in return.

Few weeks ago, my girlfriend mentioned that she needed a shop to expand has fast growing business as working from home is no longer convenient and she is beginning to loose customers as a result of that. I was really happy to hear that and promised to give her my support.

She eventually found a store that cost about N300k per annum and indicated that she had saved about 240k and needed about 150k from me to cover the remaining rent fees, agency fees, admin fees and minor renovations. I pledged to send her the money this week and as a man of my words, i intend to send it.

However, somethings did not sit right in with me and I inquired to know how she was able to save 240k as she had never ever mentioned having that type of money saved up. Before i sent her monthly upkeep money (40k), i always inquired to know how she was doing financially and there has never been a time where she mentioned she was saving money or have 240k saved up somewhere. As a matter of fact, she has never indicated to have more than 10k at any point in time

To end my doubts, i asked her send me a screenshot of her bank statement showing the savings and this made her really upset to the point of going into a rant about "lack of trust" in the relationship. Mind you, i have never asked her to send her back statement before and have never been the type to distrust the things she said as she has never really given me any reason to. I have always been supportive and the one time I actually needed some "assurance" to quell my doubts, she wasn't able to provide it.
At this point, I feel there is some level of deceit on her part to get some money from me.

I also asked her to send me picture of the store and she said she didn't take any picture when she went to check it ...

Last week, i told her to apply for a passport and wanted to send her like 80k to do that as my goal was to facilitate her eventual relocation to join me but on Saturday, she told me that she prefers the money goes into getting her store set up and she can always apply the passport with the money she makes from her store... hmmmm

To be honest, i am really upset and slightly depressed because I come across people back home trying to "job" me for cash but never thought it would come from my inner circle.

At this point, i have mentally moved on and after i send that 150k, i will block her everywhere and move on with my life. ... That is honestly how i feel right now

I am coming.
Make i watch bal first

J111333:
If this incident is the only reason you lost trust in her, my guy, have a rethink.

Honestly, she hasn't done anything wrong here. She might have been saving from her business and the 40k you send every month so she deserves an applause, not humiliation. How can you order her to send you a picture of her bank statement?Are you her father?

If she is a loyal partner and has loved you unconditionally for 5years, my guy don't dump that girl to avoid regrets later.

This is just my personal opinion.

Guy which kind talk come be dis one.. Why are u asking him if he's her father.
Her father dey send her 40k every month?
Habaaa... He has every right to ask her oooo...

Ehe...bros, you funny o.

You are giving her monwy to expand her business and you are asking hiw she saved money. The business she is expanding, do they pay her with slaps? Are you not the one who said, she said she is losing customers because she operates from home? Dont her customers pay her?

That said tho, so you think she survives on your 40k? And if she is saving she will tell you? Never try to investigate a woman's income. Women get money from diverse sources, chief of which is from men. She may not be sleeping with those men, but she gets money from them nonetheless. Those are undeclared sources and she cant exolain them. And jf yoy are not picking all her bills, 100%, dont ask.

How do you think she was survivung the first four years before you found your feet? Without income? Na from man na, see this guy o.

I have also been in your situation before so i can advice you-being abroad with a dependent woman at home. Mine was staying with her friend and needed to get her own place.

Difference between me and you is that, we discussed the reason why she needed to leave and it was an ongoing discussion. I gavs her the go ahead to look for a place

First day she went looking for a house, ahe told me. As she was leaving, she will tell me. As she is meeting agent she is telling me. As she agent is showing her house, she is doung video. As agent is discusssing price with her, she has me on the other end on the phone secretly listening.

When they finally agreed on 500k, i was listening. I gave her the money. The furninshing, i was drained but i did the bit i could.she did the rest. I never asked her for one minute where she got money to do the furnishing. She was just a student graduating then, so asides small.auppoet from her father,there was supposed to be no one else apart from me giving her money. I didnt even bother to try to test that assumption.

If she no talk say she save 240k..if she say make you give am the entire 390k, you fit? So why you dey find trouble?

Why tell her to show you her account balance? Ah, ah..you don marry am? But if she cant provide even picture of the shop, not even video, then she is hiding something tho. My own girl sha, there was no reason to doubt her. Once she woke up, we were talking on her phone, if she was eating she was telling me, if she was on okada, she was doing video and sending me, if she was in uber...we were doing video call, so i knew every..so i had no reason to ask her to prove what she was doing or send account balance

Maybe you and your woman were not that close,. Me and mine were..we even only met in Nigeria once before i travelled, you, you have even been with your own a whole year before you travelled

In conclusion, give her the money, if you can afford it, dont block her, but become laid back, see whether she will make any effort to keep the relationship alive.

If she doesnt, cut her lose- she belongs to the street. But be sure of her Bleep up before you cut her lose. Dont behave like a small child.

TheAviator2000:


Bro mi, I am not trying to humiliate her but the thing be say she has never ever ever mentioned any savings to me until she wanted to get a shop.
She knows how much I make and when I was struggling as an uber driver in the cold winter or as a food delivery guy, she knew those times...
All I am saying is that I believed that we kept an open and honest communication in our relationship!.....

Sending her upkeep money every month was not because i am rich but because i believed i would marry her and wanted her to be okay and not lack.... Even if she was saving the money, I think she should have mentioned it looking at the fact that month after month, when i asked how much she had in her account, It was never above 10k.

Obviously she knows almost everything about u, so if she can't just let u see her bank statement after dating for 5 years then oga she's not worth trusting..
Shekenan...
And please I beg u don't send that 150k please....
U can look for sure 2 odds and stake on it, dah one go better sef

MY people, should we tell him ?

maiiilooo:
Hmmm..
Oga y would u be sending a girl money every month like she's serving ur father's land.. Ahhh 40 k for dah matter.. That's where u missed the road from the first place.. Bro u don't trust girls with money oo.. Money will make them gum to u oo..
Sha thank God u used ur head..


But another thing again, were u trying to say you're planning on sending her 150k for d last time b4 blocking her?
Ahhh..... bross y naa.... Just kukuma do charity with am naaa...
I don't mind if get 5k inside.. E go better

Lolssss

You are a mumu man
Let me be the fortieth person to call you a Simp.

Female Slawormir is using your head anyhow.

TheAviator2000:
I have a situation going on in my life right now with the woman that I love and i need your perspective in this situation.

To give you some background, my girlfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years in a mostly long distance relationship as i left the country after the first year of meeting her. When I finally found my feet abroad, I started sending her about 40k every month as upkeep money even without her asking. I have been consistently sending her this upkeep for about a year now and have never asked nor received anything in return.

Few weeks ago, my girlfriend mentioned that she needed a shop to expand has fast growing business as working from home is no longer convenient and she is beginning to loose customers as a result of that. I was really happy to hear that and promised to give her my support.

She eventually found a store that cost about N300k per annum and indicated that she had saved about 240k and needed about 150k from me to cover the remaining rent fees, agency fees, admin fees and minor renovations. I pledged to send her the money this week and as a man of my words, i intend to send it.

However, somethings did not sit right in with me and I inquired to know how she was able to save 240k as she had never ever mentioned having that type of money saved up. Before i sent her monthly upkeep money (40k), i always inquired to know how she was doing financially and there has never been a time where she mentioned she was saving money or have 240k saved up somewhere. As a matter of fact, she has never indicated to have more than 10k at any point in time

To end my doubts, i asked her send me a screenshot of her bank statement showing the savings and this made her really upset to the point of going into a rant about "lack of trust" in the relationship. Mind you, i have never asked her to send her back statement before and have never been the type to distrust the things she said as she has never really given me any reason to. I have always been supportive and the one time I actually needed some "assurance" to quell my doubts, she wasn't able to provide it.
At this point, I feel there is some level of deceit on her part to get some money from me.

I also asked her to send me picture of the store and she said she didn't take any picture when she went to check it ...

Last week, i told her to apply for a passport and wanted to send her like 80k to do that as my goal was to facilitate her eventual relocation to join me but on Saturday, she told me that she prefers the money goes into getting her store set up and she can always apply the passport with the money she makes from her store... hmmmm

To be honest, i am really upset and slightly depressed because I come across people back home trying to "job" me for cash but never thought it would come from my inner circle.

At this point, i have mentally moved on and after i send that 150k, i will block her everywhere and move on with my life. ... That is honestly how i feel right now

How much are u sending ur mum in Nigeria every month?
Be honest in your answer

pls can u send me 10k? I want to use it for transport fare and feeding on my new job. I will payback at month end pls
TheAviator2000

deewhydoski:

How much are u sending ur mum in Nigeria every month?
Be honest in your answer

This would be the last time i will address this question.

All my family have now joined me abroad and are living with me.
God has been good and things worked out and now they are all doing well and trying to go to the next level.