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Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by MrBrownJay1(m): 3:12am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: Exactly...also, these women must think of sitting in the front seat as a power thing over others...which is the saddest part. If anyone needs to sit in front to show some type of flimsy authority, then something is wrong on this family. Also, the man should put his foot down and stop this nonsense argument from even starting. 2 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:17am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: You missed the point, the writeup didn't say discard your mother, the write up simply talks about when to cut the boundaries. You can not share your love between you mum and wife. You have to choose one, either wife or mother. The joy of strong parenting is to see their son independent and be a man that can take decisions but i noticed most mothers are using their son for their own benefits while the marriage suffers. Are you from a single mum home? Which one is sweated it out to send the kid to school does she not have husband? In some cultures in Nigeria, once the man is married, you wont see the mother interfering or trying to struggle space with the wife, she herself will be comfortable to take care of her needs by trading, the mother never demands, it is up to the son once in a while to just send gift to the mother. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:24am On Sep 22, 2020 |
J111333: A rational and logical man will choose his family over his mum. As for women they are always attached, for men attachment to your mum is a big No. Choosing your wife and family over your mum does not mean you dont care, it is just a sign that you are a man not a boy, a man not living in the shadow of his mum, your wife will respect you for that. 1 Like |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:29am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:Oga, the topic says wife to-be and that's what I based my comment on. 1 Like |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:31am On Sep 22, 2020 |
J111333: Even wife to be. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:38am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:u sound like someone who doesnt get along with his parents..maybe that could explain ur stance and nope i am not from a single parent.My mom and dad are still much together.Anyway on ur discussion if the woman i am with should bring up any issue about to choose b/w her and my mom then that will be the end of the relationship cos such a woman when u marry her will become a bad wife and my mom and my dad will never instigate a division b/w the the woman i am with cos they not that type of ppl.Love ur wife and ur mom equally and stop thinking about disarding one and loving the other.Only children who have had bad relationships with their parents when growing up tend to think the way u do. 6 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:38am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: You didn't know if the wife and the husband contributed to create a budget, in that situation, wont it be logical to ask the wife if they can send money to the mother? Lets think about it why will a mother be depending on the son for survival. She can as well take care of her needs except she is an handicapped. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:41am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:so if ur mom(God forbid) suddenly got afflicted with one serious disease that might take her life so u would take permision from ur wife .Abeg i no talk again to each its own i have seen men ur type countless times 5 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 3:57am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: Not true. I dont have any bad relationships with my parents. From day one, my parents have already told me, they want me to florish in life and they are here not to put pressure on me financially or emotionally. Number 2 - yes, your mother gave birth to you and did all stuff for you, yes it should be appreciated but also a mother love can also destroy a man by creating an emotional dependent man and a mummy's boy aka simp. Number 3- when a man reaches a certain age, it is expected of him to be independent and be a man of his own, depend on himself and also his decisions, that makes a muscline man. Once he sees a girl for marriage, it is up to him to believe his intuition that he has seen and gotten a woman that will be his wife, a man seeking the opinion of his mother in choosing a wife is a weak man, a man allowing his mother to interfere with his decision is a weak man Number 4- once he gets married, his mom is his mom and his wife is his wife, the man and his wife function as one unit,his wife is now is the Priority, there should be a boundary, a real man knows how to create that boundaries, nobody should tell him that his mother can not interfere with his marriage or take decisions for him on how to treat his wife also A man needs to know how to protect his wife from his mum or even his family especially when they abusive or aggressive, your respect as a man will increase. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:02am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: The problem of people like you is that you jump into conclusions If my mother is sick and my dad is alive, it is his responsibility to take care of her not mine. My job is to go visit her in the hospital with my family. In another scenario if she sick and no husband, i can take care of her or another sibling can, it is just common logic. If your scenario, if we contributed to the budget and my mum gets sick, i will have to tell her that some money will be taken to treat her and it will be replaced, this is just common sense. Even apart from marriage, if you are the ceo of a company with shareholders, do you think you can just dip your hand into the company's purse and take money because you want to treat your mum? 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:05am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:agreed that that when u get married your family should be ur main priority but that does not mean you should now treat ur own dad and ur mom as outsiders.Anyway sha its up to u..it depends on the type of relationship u had with ur parents when u were younger.Most times when children have a bitter relationship with their parents it affects the way they relate with such parents as adults.Your mother should have a special place in your heart just as ur wife have a special place in your heart as well.U cant be saying u will be for one and be against the other.Its like u now saying u will choose b/w ur wife or ur kids..now does that sound sane? 4 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:07am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:so what of if ur parents are both old and ur mom falls sick..so u would expect ur old father to take care of ur old mom? u see why i say its like u dont have a good relationship with ur parents pls if u have issues with them biko u guys should try and make up o 4 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:12am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: Cutting boundaries does not nean treating them like outsiders, it just means creating and protecting your own territory. Nothing stops me and the family from visiting or buying them gifts once in a while. Yes, a person mother should have a special place in the heart of any man but also creating boundaries does not stop you from loving your mum. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:16am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:guy its like u dont love ur parents.u sound so stiff and hard hearted bro i certainly cant be like u u try abeg look like me i am over here in the carribeans It took me 3 days to fly here from naija to here Since since september last year i havent seen my parents and bros face to face.but we talk on video calls on whatsap.I always try to make saturdays and sundays as a special time to video chat with them and we talk.after i have talked with my parents i switch over to my bros..then during the week i try as much as possible to video chat with my aunt.these are the most important ppl in my life.I can not imagine one mumu girl will now be telling me i talk too much with siblings back home and dat she is not comfortable with it and dat if i keep doing such she will walk aways.dem never born the girl wey go do such.If she utter such words i will open the door wide for her to walk away.Like i said b4 its like u have issues with ur parents.I can feel it emitting in the way u type. 3 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:18am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:there should be no boundary when it comes to ur blood.Ur parents should feel comfortable when paying u a visit just as ur wife would feel comfortable in ur house.If its friends u creating boundary i can very much understand that one. 3 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:19am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: Haven't you watch videos of old men taking care of their old wives. There is a notion that old people can't take care of themselves. My grannies are 86 and 90 respectively, they live alone in their house and take care of themselves well. Even if you go to the villages, you will still old couples taking care of themselves while their children are in the city working. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:21am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: When i mean boundaries, i dont mean not allowing them to visit, i mean not allowing them to interference in your marriage 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:27am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:if u mean interference then its mostly bad mothers who interfer in their son"s marriage but then the way nollywood portrays mother in law in many of those paience ozokwor movies is always on the extreme.Many moms are actually nice to their dauther in laws.I dont see any reason why a mother would be fighting her dauther in law except maybe if she never liked her in the first place 1 Like |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:31am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: You are still attached to your parent, i promise you, you won't do this skyping and chatting for ever. When you are about to have a family, all chatting and skyping will stop and your allegiance will be to your own personal family. So if you are working in the rig or in the military, do you think, you gonna have time for all these skyping and chatting, a big No. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:33am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: Actually most mothers fight their daughter in laws especially when they see he is not yielding to their requests, they blame it on the wife. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:33am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:yes o even if i was working in the rig or whatever i will still make a special time to talk to them..even if that time permits me to talk to them only once a month or once a year i will still talk to them.Some guys spend hours everyday talking to their girlfriends but when it comes to their own parents they hardly speak to them.Someone that held u in her womb for months u wont talk to her but a random girl d guy go deny imsef sleep dey do skype or whatsap with her from 8pm to 5 am 3 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:42am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:but if na girlfriend u will make time to talk to her no matter how busy is ur schedule bah ..Some of my female friends back home they do send messages and for weeks i wont have that time to talk to them cos i am busy.Some will send annoying texts that oh i dont talk to them or i am ignoring them blah blah blah but who cares.Make time and speak to ur ppl.It doenst have to be a long chat.For me on saurdays around 12 pm our time here i always call them back home and i make time for them to speak with them.most times thats the time i have to videocall them.Your family is ur blood .Ur wife can dump u and run off with ur best if u broke..thats a bitter truth...but ur mama and papa weda u broke or rich they are with uu : .There is this singer called Yanni.i dont know if u have heard about him.One time he was intervied about how he made it in life.he told the reporter interviewing him that there was one time he was so broke he had no cash at hand and no job to do that he had to run home to his mom ..that it was his mom who sheltered and fed him .So thats a mother for you. 2 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 4:43am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1:those are bad mothers and such homes are broken homes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 5:05am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1: |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 5:09am On Sep 22, 2020 |
2dice01: oga Lol. I think if was my mother in law I'd offer the front seat to her out of respect for my elders n no other reason |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 5:17am On Sep 22, 2020 |
MrBrownJay1: I agree with U. Just cos Ur married it dnt mean Ur mother stops being family too. N as a good wife should do is offer the front seat respecting her elder and always considering the mother in law n if she's healthy n happy n included in things. Of course U should still have boundaries at some point like time just for the wife or the wife n kids as a family. Isn't just the husband's responsibility to include n care for his mother it's the wife's responsibilty too n not just cos it's a responsibility but cos it's her husband's mother therefore she's her family too n she should care. Yeah so I dnt think it's a "wife deserves front seat or the mother does" kinda thing I think it's about having respect for your elders and being a good wife/daughter in law. My man shouldn't have to stress over choosing between who to please either his wife/mother. We all family n should all consider each other (and using common sense in some situations where it's needed) |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by YoungDaNaval(m): 5:23am On Sep 22, 2020 |
Op is a first grade simp 2 Likes |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 5:35am On Sep 22, 2020 |
OPAA6: Not all whites get along with their in law's. Things dnt always work out perfectly for them either. I'm white n where I am most men once they marry alot are all for their wives families more than they're own. Not all but alot r like this. It's sad. Wen Ur married Ur husband's family becomes Ur own n vice versa. No good wife will let her husband stress over choosing between her n his mother. If anything she should encourage her husband to include his mother. She will treat the mother as she does her own. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 5:39am On Sep 22, 2020 |
lefulefu: Yes. U can't compare the love it's different but it still should be equal. A good wife won't stress her husband making him choose whos happiness is more important n a good wife will include the mother in law n make sure she's cared for, healthy n happy. She will respect her as an elder n treat her as she would her own mother. Even if the mother in law is a difficult one. If was me I'd always offer the front seat anyway it's respecting Ur elders. And a wife should encourage her husband to include his mother in their lives and treat her to things n treat her good as she's getting older n has raised her children n taught them things in life n loved them therefore she deserves love n happiness in her old age. The way I see it is that this woman birthed the man I love n she loves him unconditionally n I love my husband so therefore I love her unconditionally. I would give my hubby ideas to spoil his mother n visit her n take her out n stuff n make her old age a happy time |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 5:46am On Sep 22, 2020 |
YoungDaNaval: I realise most mama's boy like you call others Simp The day your mother stop influencing you is the day you become a man. You are apparently the simp. |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by Nobody: 6:05am On Sep 22, 2020 |
thebosstrevor1: Who says U can't share love? Nonsense. U can love both just in different ways. Is true a mother in law shouldn't interfere in her son's marriage tho. The son should be able to care for his wife n kids n still make sure his mother is having a comfortable happy healthy life. Ur mum gave birth to U, fed U raised U, taught U things n loved you n U will not give her time or attention? Ur mother needs love too. Any good wife will make sure u include Ur mother n care for her n sometimes let u put your mother's needs first if that occasion arises. Loving n caring n giving Ur mother time shouldn't interior Ur marriage in anyway Theres always a way of making it all work You're all family n that's wat families do..I understand there should be boundaries if the mother is a busybody type or interfering type but U can work that out n still make sure u include her in Ur family |
Re: Your Wife To Be Or Your Mum? by addicted268(f): 8:18am On Sep 22, 2020 |
MrBrownJay1: I totally agree with you. The OP is missing some vital points. It is the situation at the moment that should count,not the role they both play. I have a husband,my husband has a mother and I have a son. Now,my husband takes care of his immediate family and also his aged mother. I would never ever ever like for my husband to think like the OP and totally concentrate all his resources on us and give mama the left over (if anything is left)like she suddenly lost relevance because he got married.If anything, most mothers in law start giving their daughters in law stress when they get the kind of treatment op is advocating from their sons.wisdom is profitable. The stress of raising a child is not a joke,I wouldn't like for my son to grow up and suddenly throw me away because he has to be a man.im not looking at the financial aspect here but when my son gets married in future,I'd like to think I gained a daughter and not feel like I lost a son. I don't care about who sits in the front. If his friends come over,I chill at the back(that's my choice).if mama is going out with us,she sits wherever she wants,if I'm driving her somewhere,she sits at the back.i don't get why sitting in front is so important. 2 Likes |
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