NoToPile:


I believe there's a better way to solve this

Would you really be okay if she goes with the kids, what if you expect she comes begging later on and she calls your bluff? Do you think the court will grant you custody of the children? Even if the court does, can you take care of 5 children yourself. Wouldn't it be better if you worked towards all of you living together happily

Think about the ripple effect of your actions, if your wife was on this thread I would tell her same but since she's not here it you we will address .

Take note of the bolded below.



Wish you the best.

Best advise so far...everyone else just commenting with their emotion.
People forget 4 other innocent kids are involved.

Take a stand and stand your ground. Your daughter and her siblings are going nowhere. When men are supposed to be men, they chicken out.

Op, call everybody together at once and empower your 10 year old daughter never to take crap from anyone, not saying she should be disrespectful o but you should start helping her draw the line and let your wife know no harm should befall your daughter. Having said that, your step daughter needs some pep talk, don't send her away just yet, your family needs some lecture and guidance and your wife has a lot of adjustments to make. She is obviously in the wrong ... too bad. Dis life sha ... Olorun ma pa iya abi/ati baba omo wa.

boldx:
Before your family breaks up completely. You need to reconsider your decision, are you ready to lose your wife because of this?

Are you over-reacting?

Is there something else you could have done?

Are there options you may consider for your own daughter?

Have you discussed the matter with your parents?

I bet he isn't overreacting, I know first hand how women treat kids they didn't give birth to. While he was away, I believe the daughter went through hell from his wife and step daughter, he only came to see the bruise on her eye because that was recent.

@Boldz, let your wife go, if she wants to, like someone said, call both families and treaten to end everything.

How can another man's child treat your own flesh and blood like trash in your own ROOF, even insulting your late wife... Damn

Oladeji245:


Listen to sapore and notopile advise
I don't honestly think u should have sent the
stepdaughter away,...do you also think letting your wife walk away with 4 kids is not too hasty?
With all due respect, the life of your daughter is as crucial as those 4 other kids..
Tempers are still flaring...but I believe if u can retrospect maybe u can find ways of handling things in a better way so nobody will loose...
Pls settle this matter amicably and peacefully(maybe u have tried that though)at least for the sake of those 4 innocent kids.
God bless.

So you are trying to tell me because my wife doesn’t want my daughter so I have to abandon her on the street of Lagos for the sake of my other 4 children and to make my wife happy right ? No I can’t do that because I am all my first daughter have now she is not going anywhere and my wife chooses to take the 4 children with her I know they will not suffer because she is their biological mother she will never maltreat them since she want to leave with them it’s fine with me that won’t stop me from being their father , I will support them for afar and if she want to stay with me and my daughter that’s also fine with me all I want is peace to reign in our house since she doesn’t want peace leaving is the best option

Everyone in that house needs to be enlightened including you
You beat your stepdaughter she beats your daughter, it's a very simple circle
Coming from a 17 years old and currently living with children btw the ages of 7-12 I can tell you that these children say things that hurt me and pretend to be all good when their parents arrive. Yes she's wrong for beating her to that point but you are the elder and you messed up from the top
Simply call both girls, tell them how much you love them, tell them to be nice to each other, monitor them, tell the older sister to get gifts for the younger, be nice to them, tell them to apologize to each other and teach the older one to laugh whenever they start misbehaving or simply walk away from the environment. Apologize to your wife, teach her to love your children as well.
They stay with them longer than you do and you have no idea the shit they hear everyday trust me.

Do this and you will have your peace.
Sending either of the daughter's away is the first seed to destroy your marriage and Peace of mind.

Boldz:
Good evening all , I created this account because I desperately need advice from you guys.

My wife and I got married 6 years ago we both had children from a previous relationship , my daughter is 10 years old and my step daughter is 17 years it’s not that my wife is older than me but she just had her daughter when she was still in school which the father denied the pregnancy. I was married before but I lost my wife wife during the childbirth of our second child both mother and son didn’t survived, loosing my wife and baby was very hard for me I suffered from depression and blood pressure which I am on medications till now , I didn’t want to remarry but my family had pressured me to remarry so I can bear more children.

I met my wife 2 years after the death of my wife I knew her because she was working in a restaurant just closer to my workplace I was a regular customer , she told me about her child and I have accepted like my own child even before we got married I use to pay her school fee and buying her clothes just like a father can do for his daughter. My wife and I courted for 2 years we got married both traditional and church wedding and we are blessed with four beautiful children 2 boys and 2 girls.

My wife loves my daughter a lot just the same way I do love her daughter I take care of her I am paying her school fees , I buy her clothes , I sub her phone every week and I give her pocket money but I
Noticed that she doesn’t like my daughter she keep beating her even in my presence I have noticed how she talks to my daughter as if she is not a part of the family and my wife doesn’t scold her in fact she will blame my daughter for making her daughter angry and when I caution her my wife thinks I am harsh on her . I don’t flog her anymore but I do punish her by taking her phone away the last time I took her phone and keep
it for a month because of the same problem of her beating and being rude to my daughter but my wife was not happy but I didn’t care because I can watch my daughter being abuse in her own father house so I cautioned my step daughter.

I have been away since April I couldn’t come home because of the lockdown so I only return back 2 weeks ago , only to find her right eye was swollen , I asked my daughter what had happened to her she kept mute so I asked my wife she said she hit her head while they were playing and she said she had taken her to the hospital
And there’s nothing to worry about. The next day I was home playing with my children and was asking them how they been while I was away and just normal chats with the kids and my 5 years old son told me everything was bad because their big sister had been treating my daughter bad to the extend of punching her on her face so this swollen on her face was due to her punching her but my wife lied to me

So I called my step daughter since she was at home asking her why did she pinched her sister for and she told me my daughter insulted her and she has reported to my wife and she told her to beat her but I knew she was lying about the part that my daughter insulted her because my daughter doesn’t even insult in fact all my children knows that is not good to insult themselves including elders , so I asked my daughter my daughter said she didn’t insult her but it was my step daughter who was insulting her including her dead mother so my daughter gave her a dirty looks which made my step daughter to start hitting her even taught step daughter was trying to deny everything but I become angry and I had my belt next to me which I flogged her and took away her phone and have decided not to give her back anymore.

When my wife returned she got angry why did I flogged her daughter that my daughter is becoming very stubborn that her daughter as her older sister has the right to beat her we had quarrelled exchanging harsh words I told my wife her bastard of daughter has no right to insult my dead wife at least my daughter knows her mother is on the graveyard and what about her a bastard who doesn’t know where her sperm donor stays but she thinks she have the right to abuse my daughter in her own father house and I told her she will not longer stay in my house that she has to leave by next month and my wife said if her daughter leaves the same apply to my daughter too they should both stay or if her daughter leaves and my daughter stay she will show her hell

I reported her to her parents which her parents had agreed for her daughter to go and stay with her which she left yesterday being Sunday and my wife has given me the option to send my daughter to my parents in the village or to my sister in
Port harcourt or she will leave with the children . Have told her she is free to leave alone without my children but she is still threatening to leave when I am away from home last night we didn’t sleep she fought me all night saying my daughter must leave I almost hit her but I thank God I didn’t do it because it’s not my nature . Today she has started again but I have been ignoring her and if she continue I will arrest her and send her out of my house. How do I deal with her please

Boldz:

So you are trying to tell me because my wife doesn’t want my daughter so I have to abandon her on the street of Lagos for the sake of my other 4 children and to make my wife happy right ? No I can’t do that because I am all my first daughter have now she is not going anywhere and my wife chooses to take the 4 children with her I know they will not suffer because she is their biological mother she will never maltreat them since she want to leave with them it’s fine with me that won’t stop me from being their father , I will support them for
afar and if she want to stay with me and my daughter that’s also fine with me all I want is peace to reign in our house since she doesn’t want peace leaving is the best option

Don't misquote me pls,I never said what your wife did was right. Its very wrong..any form of verbal and physical assault and abuse is abhorrent..
My point is that you should also think of the 4 other kids in your decision, its not going to be that easy as u think...
Perhaps u can call back the stepdaughter to come back? And try to have a heart to heart talk with her alongside your daughter and wife...
I honestly believe the situation can still be handled better..(although only you know how where it pinches)

mrNelsonT:
Noting progressive abt sending away the child. I've two small kids. God forbid anything happens to my Queen, i no go remarry, but if I do i can't imagine sending my child out of my home. The child belongs in her father's house. Removing the child from the home could be part of the woman's game plan all along, she may prevent the child from returning or brainwash op into refusing her return. So OP shouldn't give in to sending her away in the first place. Imagine her daughter punching the child, giving her a black eye and telling OP her daughter had the right to such. The mother may have joined in to beat the kid sef. OP himself isn't safe living the woman. In saner climate the abusers gets removed from the home n charged, while the child remains with the saner adult.

Sending away is not the phrase but keeping the child away and it is temporary. It is just to relieve tension.The aim is just to make room for reconciliation of all except the marriage is over.

Nuelvee:
Everyone in that house needs to be enlightened including you
You beat your stepdaughter she beats your daughter, it's a very simple circle
Coming from a 17 years old and currently living with children btw the ages of 7-12 I can tell you that these children say things that hurt me and pretend to be all good when their parents arrive. Yes she's wrong for beating her to that point but you are the elder and you messed up from the top


Simply call both girls, tell them how much you love them, tell them to be nice to each other, monitor them, tell the older sister to get gifts for the younger, be nice to them, tell them to apologize to each other and teach the older one to laugh whenever they start misbehaving or
simply walk away from the environment. Apologize to your wife, teach her to love your children as well.
They stay with them longer than you do and you have no idea the shit they hear everyday trust me.


Do this and you will have your peace.
Sending either of the daughter's away is the first seed to destroy your marriage and Peace of mind.

Exactly what I'm trying to say but can't put together.

Oladeji245:


Ur emotion is just running high bro...do you also consider the emotional impact of leaving the house with their mother or their mother leaving them behind will also have on the other innocent 4 kids?
Should we save one kid to sacrifice 4?
I hate verbal and physical maltreatment like shi
But I believed the op can still handle things better.

The life of one kid is just as important as those of the other 4 kids.

Am a father. I've of a 7-yr daughter and 5 yr old son. I can't imagine my kids losing their mother, then me remarrying only for my daughter to be maltreated. Won't be under my watch.

Should this woman leave, the 4 kids will still have a living mother n father. U can't say the same for the 10year old girl who no longer has a mother. The other four kids are too witnessing the chaos in the home. You cannot remove the kid, she's not the problem. The woman n her daughter abusing little kid, are. Reason why single fathers needs to be careful before remarrying any woman

You can read op's post n tell he's a good father, has been a good stepfather to the abusive 17-year old. Money no be problem for him, he go still perform his duties for the other 4 kids he has with the woman.

mrNelsonT:
The life of one kid is just as important as those of the other 4 kids.

Am a father. I've of a 7-yr daughter and 5 yr old son. I can't imagine my kids losing their mother, then me remarrying only for my daughter to be maltreated. Won't be under my watch.

Should this woman leave, the 4 kids will still have a living mother n father. U can't say the same for the 10year old girl who no longer has a


mother. The other four kids are too witnessing
the chaos in the home. You cannot remove the kid, she's not the problem. The woman n her daughter picking on a little kid, are.

You can read op's post n tell he's a good father,
has been a good stepfather to the abusive 17-year old. Money no be problem for him, he go
still perform his duties for the other 4 kids he has with the woman.

U are well entitled to ur opinion though..but I never condone what the woman did,its terrible..
I'm not a fan of divorce either( where the situation can still be handled)

Sapore:
For your sake, I created this handle to reply you. I have a slightly similar experience but not to your level. My wife died at childbirth too, but the baby survived. I remarried sometime later however I was very careful to avoid marrying any woman already having children, whether a widow or otherwise, to avoid exactly the problem you are facing now- not that there were no suitable candidates. Inspite of that, for a good while, my wife who is actually a good god fearing woman several times used very bad words to me about my children. I can not explain it really. She cares for them, takes care of them and loves them, but in the early days, did not trust that they truly appreciated her as a new mother. She would be very free with the smaller ones but felt the older ones did not accept her - which was not really true. They may not have been lapping at her, but they respected her because I made it clear they had to do that. No matter what I did, to assure my wife that she was only imagining things, it did not help. Nevertheless during those word-fights, i did not hesitate to make it absolutely clear to my wife that I will not tolerate emotional abuse or otherwise of my children, while at the same time i disciplined my children thoroughly whenever i found them culpable. Non of the two parties could justly accuse me of partiality. I fiercely defended my children against my wife and sternly disciplined my children in her presence when they were guilty of any grievous misdemeanor.

My saving grace is that my wife is actually godly. if not, i would have been in big soup. Over time, we both learned to avoid what will provoke each other. She knew clearly that unjustified accusations (even if she felt they were justified) against my children will never fly with me. i will defend them to the last blood, because , their mother is late. If i allow them feel in the slightest, that they have lost me too, it will be a disaster for them. So till now, they are very close to me and I am actually both their friend and father. So my wife, on learning that such things wont work with me, so as not to loose me too, she also decided to back down, to let peace reign. Gradually she has become more relatable with the older children, but due to her own nature, a fairly reserved one, there is a limit she can go. But what is certain, she cares for the children but i do not know where that misconception initially was coming from. So today, we live in peace, everyone carefully honouring and respecting boundaries. Since then word-fights between the two of us have practically gone.

From your description, something similar may be playing out in your home. Unfortunately, the person who has one of the main keys to keep that family in peace together is your wife. If she is not godly enough to recognise her home is about to be torn apart, there will be problem. Its unfortunate you did not anticipate sibling problem coming. It was naive of you. Now the deed is already done. Bitter words have already been spoken that can never be forgotten even if forgiven. Its painful.

What you must not do, is to not send ANY of your children from your late wife away. Never never never ever try it. Those childrens' spirit will die and they will become what you will regret you ever gave birth to. Similarly, as i said, the deed is already done, YOU CANNOT SEND YOUR STEP DAUGHTER AWAY ALSO. There is nothing you can do on that. You all have to stay in the house and slug it out. But here is my counsel: Since I can not tell how godly your wife is, she is angry now, and angry women can say and do terrible things. bring your step daughter back. apologise for ever calling her a bastard child - that was terrible of you. i know you were angry, i have said terrible things too when i and my wife quarrelled because of the children, but the thing is , I knew what i said was bad. So you MUST apologise for those terrible words. comfort all parties, wife, step daughter and your daughter. Resolve between you and your wife to stop saying "my children" "your daughter". That must stop. The final and the most crucial aspect of solving the problem in your home - you need to bring in somebody else to stay in your house to act as a check to your step daughter, since your wife can not be trusted to do a good job of that. Somebody she has to fear and respect. Maybe your mother, or sister or aunty, someone you trust that will not come and add petrol to the fire - a female family member. Someone that, as long as your step daughter knows that person is around, she will restrain herself. Its a temporary measure but crucial one for now - very crucial, seeing you are not always at home. It needs to be somebody even your wife will restrain herself. This step will cause strain with your relationship with your wife. But you have to let her know she has not handled things properly, so this is the only way you can be sure of what is going on under your roof. She willbe bitter about it sha but na condition make crayfish bend. Just reassure her that it is a temporary measure. Only you know how long it will be...keep that to your chest.

This will buy you time to draw all parties closer to you. Win your step daughters love and respect while not depriving your own children. Hopefully, if they are normal human beings and not diabolical, things will get better. if however diabolism is involved, you need God to step in or else, even your life is at stake.

So much respect sir. Words of wisdom

I feel for ur daughter, some step mothers are terrible, for your peace of mind let her leave without ur children, if she stays she will make life unbearable for ur daughter, all d best

Don't use the fact that her mother is no more as a leverage to spoil her and don't think because the 17 year old has both parents she should also be spoilt
Society has played it in our minds that the step mother is always evil, films, books, songs name it, they are all the same script
The OP is still hurting, he needs to get his head right and understand that his wife wants the best for him and their child.
There is no marriage or in fact relationship on earth where there are no fight, arguments or disagreements the only difference is how it is managed
I repeat once again EVERYONE IN THAT HOUSE HAS A FAULT INCLUDING THE FATHER!

A good FATHER is one that can organize his household without even the neighbors hearing about it.
No one has ever solved a problem by sending it away, the solution is always stay there and fight it. Period.

The only time you can make such a decision is if after teaching them all the things I stated in my last reply and they still act irrational then and there your conscience is justified and you know you have tried.

mrNelsonT:
The life of one kid is just as important as those of the other 4 kids.

Am a father. I've of a 7-yr daughter and 5 yr old son. I can't imagine my kids losing their mother, then me remarrying only for my daughter to be maltreated. Won't be under my watch.

Should this woman leave, the 4 kids will still have a living mother n father. U can't say the same for the 10year old girl who no longer has a mother. The other four kids are too witnessing the chaos in the home. You cannot remove the kid, she's not the problem. The woman n her daughter abusing little kid, are. Reason why single fathers needs to be careful before remarrying any woman

You can read op's post n tell he's a good father, has been a good stepfather to the abusive 17-year old. Money no be problem for him, he go still perform his duties for the other 4 kids he has with the woman.

Nuelvee:
Don't use the fact that her mother is no more as a leverage to spoil her and don't think because the 17 year old has both parents she should also be spoilt
Society has played it in our minds that the step mother is always evil, films, books, songs name it, they are all the same script
The OP is still hurting, he needs to get his head right and understand that his wife wants the best for him and their child.
There is no marriage or in fact relationship on earth where there are no fight, arguments or disagreements the only difference is how it is managed
I repeat once again EVERYONE IN THAT HOUSE HAS A FAULT INCLUDING THE FATHER!

A good FATHER is one that can organize his household without even the neighbors hearing about it.
No one has ever solved a problem by sending it away, the solution is always stay there and fight it. Period.

The only time you can make such a decision is if after teaching them all the things I stated in my last reply and they still act irrational then and there your conscience is justified and you know you have tried.

Who his talking about spoiling anyone? But if you want to talk abt who may be spoiled, let's look. Simply read op's post again u will see the older girl may be the spoiled one. Op has been trying- paying her school fees, buying her clothes, subbing her phone weekly, giving her pocket money. He may be doing more for her the older girl than his own daughter sef. All these and she can't behave. Someone who should be happy another man is performing the duties her father should be doing. Then for her to have the audacity to physically assault the girl to the point of giving her swollen face, no remorse or apology from her or her mother to the poor girl or father, is another indication she's a spoiled brat. She has the backing of her mother who's also abusive to the child, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Even the son he has wit the woman told him his mother n sister has been treating the age 10 girl badly.

The only fault I see is with the daughter and her mother. Only if Nigeria were a decent country, law enforcement would rule exactly that- they don't joke with the abuse of minors. They will NOT find fault with a 10-yr old who has been physically abused as nothing justifies the abuse ,assault of a child. I'm saying physical abuse but there's also verbal abuse going on if they're talking about her dead mother and who knows what else they've told the kid? Op messed up marrying this kinda woman

As for the op, am trying hard to not fault him. He may have been too laxed in the home. He needs to put his foot down and make it known he will no longer tolerate any abuse or assault of any sort in the home from anybody to his daughter.

Calm down bros.. your blood still dey hot. Stop and think. Six years....6 long years you have managed this family and despite normal hiccups, from your testimony, your wife has been decent for that time. If this has been going on all that time, the fracas will not just be starting. You would have had it all along. Something new has cropped into the picture. Step daughter is now seventeen, That age when it takes the grace of God if she has not sold herself to God at that age, not to carry belle for one stupid boy somewhere. Hormones , new friends, some influence somewhere has crept in. Except this has been going on for 6 years and you did not say so here. But it does not seem so from your statements. Something new has come in and as the head of that home, it is your job to detect it and kick it out. Your step daughter is a part of your wife as much as your daughter is a part of you. You can not send her away. You do that, you are saying you want the marriage to break. Thank God you have been a widower like myself. Except you are one who sleeps around (you dont sound that type either), it was not an easy time. If you insist the girl has to go, your wife has no choice too but to dig in that your own daughter has to go too so it becomes 1-1 draw. So you will feel the pain like she will feel the pain. It does not have to be that way.

Pause and think...6 years...6 years..all was good..or at least manageable. Dont throw your family away. Those four kids also, will become conflicted, confused. Calm down and think...Those telling you to ditch her, she is a bad woman etc, the girl is this and that, not saying they are not in the wrong, the question is why? Why now after 6 years? what has happened..Many of them may not have your values. Its your life, your family, not theirs.

Boldz:

So you are trying to tell me because my wife doesn’t want my daughter so I have to abandon her on the street of Lagos for the sake of my other 4 children and to make my wife happy right ? No I can’t do that because I am all my first daughter have now she is not going anywhere and my wife chooses to take the 4 children with her I know they will not suffer because she is their biological mother she will never maltreat them since she want to leave with them it’s fine with me that won’t stop me from being their father , I will support them for afar and if she want to stay with me and my daughter that’s also fine with me all I want is peace to reign in our house since she doesn’t want peace leaving is the best option

Wel since her daughter is gone and she want you to send ur first daughter away that isnt possible.the woman has to go without ur children .if she stay she may poison or arrange kidnappers to kidnap her because her hatred for her is much so let her go .u made a mistake by allowing her daughter to stay with u. may the lord be ur strength.

Nuelvee:
Don't use the fact that her mother is no more as a leverage to spoil her and don't think because the 17 year old has both parents she should also be spoilt
Society has played it in our minds that the step mother is always evil, films, books, songs name it, they are all the same script
The OP is still hurting, he needs to get his head right and understand that his wife wants the best for him and their child.
There is no marriage or in fact relationship on earth where there are no fight, arguments or disagreements the only difference is how it is managed
I repeat once again EVERYONE IN THAT HOUSE HAS A FAULT INCLUDING THE FATHER!

A good FATHER is one that can organize his household without even the neighbors hearing about it.
No one has ever solved a problem by sending it away, the solution is always stay there and fight it. Period.

The only time you can make such a decision is if after teaching them all the things I stated in my last reply and they still act irrational then and there your conscience is justified and you know you have tried.

Hehn hehn.
By allowing her daughter (17 years) to beat a 10 year old girl to the extent of giving her swollen eye and also lied to her father when he asked about it.

Klass99:
If it weren't for the younger children you have with your wife, I will say let that woman and her daughter go. In fact I will still say it, let her and her daughter go.

I felt a lot of irritation and annoyance towards your wife and her daughter, while reading through your post. They don't sound like good people at all

The way some women use their children as a bargaining chip or weapon during marital clashes, dey annoy me join sef. They act like they came by those children on their own and by themselves, without the hubby's input.

Leave them alone with those kids for three months only and you start to see their ineptitude when it comes to adequately clothing, feeding and paying other bills for the upkeep of those kids.

OP, you sef to slap you dey sweet me small. How did you allow relatives, pressure you into re-marrying for the sake of more children? You and your daughter were more than enough and you could have done things at your own pace and time, without family stressing you out.

Now that you have remarried with more kids, are you happier, healthier, wealthier or even full of joy/peace? Are those same relatives helping you pay bills like school fees?

True talk. In this present day Naija, one or two kids is more than enough. Max 3. But 5, 6, haba.

2 years max another woman again and kids - the story continues. Dysfunction everywhere - i vex you vex - pack up and go and another lady will be happy to play the good new wife....until another knock and ear pulling again.

Op, humble yourself and get your wife - apologize for your own bad mouths and get everyone together.

You don't want to disorganize your four kids life, do you ?

mrNelsonT:
True talk. In this present day Naija, one or two kids is more than enough. Max 3. But 5, 6, haba.

armyofone:
2 years max another woman again and kids - the story continues. Dysfunction everywhere - i vex you vex - pack up and go and another lady will be happy to play the good new wife....until another knock and ear pulling again.

Op, humble yourself and get your wife - apologize for your own bad mouths and get everyone together.

You don't want to disorganize your four kids life, do you ?

The last thing op should do is remarry again. He can get a girlfriend.., but getting married again should be out of the question. If he stay in this marriage, the wife n her daughter should be the first to apologize to him and the little girl they have been tormenting. They need to apologize to the girl especially and make sure they don't mistreat her again, else she may grow up thinking anybody can abuse her anyhow. Children are shaped by these things, op has to take care to make sure she doesn't endure any more physical or verbal abuse at their hands to avoid any psychological damage on her. OP should go as far as making them sign a written contract not to abuse her again, else the marriage will be over at that moment.

You shouldn't have sent away your step daughter.
The 2 children were fighting and instead you chose a side and weren't diplomatic about it.
You are an adult who scatters the family.
Even if you were going to warn her never to beat her step sister again, why send her away from her mother while your own child remains with you?
How can you send your step daughter away because she fought with your daughter and you really expect your wife not to insist your own daughter goes?
You both have a stake in that home, and you can't say your daughter is superior to your step daughter. While your daughter is your own blood, you seem to have forgotten her own daughter is her blood too.
You should have built unity amongst the children long before now. Your stepdaugter has been with you since she was 11 years old, so you are also responsible for her behaviour.
Even children of same parents fight bloody fights, so do you chase one out for the other?
Your first wife is late, God rest her soul. You've been married far longer to your 2nd wife than you were with your first and she already has 4 children for you.
If you cannot handle your home well and make everyone happy, you're not really ready to lead a home.

mrNelsonT:
Who his talking about spoiling anyone? But if you want to talk abt who may be spoiled, let's look. Simply read op's post again u will see the older girl may be the spoiled one. Op has been trying- paying her school fees, buying her clothes, subbing her phone weekly, giving her pocket money. He may be doing more for her the older girl than his own daughter sef. All these and she can't behave. Someone who should be happy another man is performing the duties her father should be doing. Then for her to have the audacity to physically assault the girl to the point of giving her swollen face, no remorse or apology from her or her mother to the poor girl or father, is another indication she's a spoiled brat. She has the backing of her mother who's also abusive to the child, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Even the son he has wit the woman told him his mother n sister has been treating the age 10 girl badly.

The only fault I see is with the daughter and her mother. Only if Nigeria were a decent country, law enforcement would rule exactly that- they don't joke with the abuse of minors. They will NOT find fault with a 10-yr old who has been physically abused as nothing justifies the abuse ,assault of a child. I'm saying physical abuse but there's verbal abuse going on if they're talking about her dead mother and who knows what else they've told the kid? Op messed up marrying this kinda woman

He needs to put his foot down and make it known he will no longer tolerate any abuse or assault of any sort in the home from anybody to his daughter.

Don't change the narrative.
OPs wife never had any issues with his daughter and never mistreated her. He wrote clearly in his post that she loved his daughter same way he loved her own daughter. OP should be happy his wife has been looking after his child very well since she was that young at 4years.
It is obviously a case of 2 children fighting with one being much older and stronger.
I remember some fights with my older brothers when we were younger and I no dey gree with my mouth.
Even fights with our older househelp who beat the devil out of me in primary school . My mama no send am away o.
Talkmore of sending away someone with same right in the house.

eyinjuege:


Don't change the narrative.
OPs wife never had any issues with his daughter and never mistreated her. He wrote clearly in his post that she loved his daughter same way he loved her own daughter. OP should be happy his wife has been looking after his child very well since she was that young at 4years.
It is obviously a case of 2 children fighting with one being much older and stronger.
I remember some fights with my older brothers when we were younger and I no dey gree with my mouth.
Even fights with our older househelp who beat the devil out of me in primary school . My mama no send am away o.
Talkmore of sending away someone with same right in the house.

She loves his daughter but when he was away she was abusing her or allowing her daughter to abuse her . Is that ur idea of love? Love the kid in his face but torment her behind his back? . OP got to find out this time as a result of physical evidence, no one knows what else they've been doing to the kid before now, all these didn't just start today. In another part of the world her and her daughter would be arrested, no stories as nothing justifies physical assault on a child. She would be an accessory while the daughter gets charged as an adult.

mrNelsonT:
She loves his daughter but when he was away she was abusing her or allowing her daughter to abuse her . Is that ur idea of love? Love the kid in his face but torment her behind his back? . OP got to find out this time as a result of physical evidence, no one knows what else they've been doing to the kid before now, all these didn't just start today. In another part of the world her and her daughter would be arrested, no stories as nothing justifies physical assault on a child. She would be an accessory while the daughter gets charged as an adult.

Leave them make dem defend child abuse. She loves his daughter but watched her own to brutalized his daughter, then cover it up when she was asked about the kid's swollen eyes. The man should act fast before they start dissecting his kid's body like we read on nairaland front page. Op will just come home one day and meet his daughter's fingers chopped off for stealing.

Klass99:

OP, you sef to slap you dey sweet me small. How did you allow relatives, pressure you into re-marrying for the sake of more children? You and your daughter were more than enough and you could have done things at your own pace and time, without family stressing you out.

Now that you have remarried with more kids, are you happier, healthier, wealthier or even full of joy/peace? Are those same relatives helping you pay bills like school fees?

God bless u plenty...

Freestainworld:
Oga, one thing you should know is that hence the two daughters didn't come from both of you, the situation will continue to occur but don't let that destroy your home, if you have a good mother, allow your daughter to stay with her at the moment same goes to your step daughter, with time, am sure you will sort out the issue with your wife.

For what? Woman will dictate where his daughter stay? She can't chase that girl from her father's house. Make the trouble maker daughter go n stay with her missing father.
Oga, stand ur ground.
I stand for women, but this is nonsense attitude from ur wife.

Boldz:

So you are trying to tell me because my wife doesn’t want my daughter so I have to abandon her on the street of Lagos for the sake of my other 4 children and to make my wife happy right ? No I can’t do that because I am all my first daughter have now she is not going anywhere and my wife chooses to take the 4 children with her I know they will not suffer because she is their biological mother she will never maltreat them since she want to leave with them it’s fine with me that won’t stop me from being their father , I will support them for afar and if she want to stay with me and my daughter that’s also fine with me all I want is peace to reign in our house since she doesn’t want peace leaving is the best option

Don’t listen to any people telling you nonsense . It may work for them doesn’t mean it would work for you. You are in the best position to do what works best according to the situation on ground now.

Protect your daughter and stand by her . You see the extent you wife goes to any length to protect her daughter? So should you.

She’s mad in her head . What has she done for your daughter that is extraordinary? You pay for fees of the children , pay for shelter, clothes and food. What is it she is doing that is so extraordinary?

She doesn’t have sense . I’m so mad with anger right now. How can you let your 17 daughter to beat a 10yr old that way?

She’s showing fake love to your child obviously. Behind you only God knows what they might have said to her and abused her with . For the little girl not to talk shows she may be afraid of her step mother or at the verge of feeling depressed .

Leave her with the kids let her go. When she’s tired she will come back cos what extraordinary thing is she doing ? Does she pays for anything in the house ?

When her madness has come down and she has decided to come back to you, make sure you put someone to supervise your daughter when you’re away. Don’t let her depressed that young child and maltreat her .

Handle issues with strong hands that call for it. It’s not everything that demands a soft hand and talk. Diplomacy my foot!

Your wife is very mad and I’m not sorry to say that.

She said Your daughter is getting stubborn( which to me is a self defense to justify the beatings). So by letting her 17yrs old beat her is the best way to correct the child ?

She’s just 10 for goodness sake !!! I put it to you that she has been showing your daughter fake love to win you over to marry her . Now she is the madam , and feels like she has nothing to lose , her inner character has begin to show .

Her statement that she would show your daughter hell if her daughter leaves while yours stays is a sign .

She’s mad !!!

themayor4542:
Single mothers.......... Make i no talk.

I swear bro. Single mothers should be avoided at all cost!!!




Except widows and divorcee

Ginaz:
Oh my God ! I’m so sad right now . Poor child lost her mother and has to be maltreated under the roof of her biological father.

I’m really so sad she May not know the joy of having a mother figure as your wife doesn’t seem interested in uniting the family. For her daughter to be abusing your child shows she has the backing of her mother , your wife.

Poster do not move that child anywhere for any peace sake or one stupid marriage . She’s your biological child and has right to stay under her father’s roof.

Note that the girl child faces dangers from environment. Cases of rape, bad friends , men who are out lure youngsters and whatever are everywhere . She has to be watched and protected and you as a father should dutifully Protect her.

God won’t forgive you if you take her out of that house and your wife God will punish her for putting the poor girl through emotional pain at a young age . She must miss her late mother so much.

Some women are devils !!

A man took you and your child into his house and you can’t even unite the family.
Why why why?

I’m so sad !!!

You this girl. You're pretending here on NL as if you're a born again while we know what you are behind the keyboard. Continue, we're watching

LadySarah:
That both of you already have children complicated the issue.

pls never let that girl out of your home unless you are traveling then let her stay with your mum before nwunye gi egbuo ochu! You owe your late wife that!

Nigerian relatives with their unsolicited advice. You ppl have succeeded in bringing restiveness to this man's life ontop his hbp.

Things can never remain the same in that home.

But Oga cummed 4 kids in 6 yrs wow!

How's the bolded your business

YoungDaNaval:
You this girl. You're pretending here on NL as if you're a born again while we know what you are behind the keyboard. Continue, we're watching

What am I doing ? Is something wrong with your head?