I got married to this lady on 3rd December 2016 in Jos, plateau state. We were both staying together until she decided to absconds from my house on May 29th 2019. She gave birth to 'our son' on 1st February 2018.
Although I can term the marriage as marriage of convinience where both of us are never happy staying together and I became the happiest man on earth the day she left even though she stole a lot of my properties while I was away for work including my ATM card and withdrawing every money from my bank account.
I reported it to her mother and her mother was threatening me with jail terms if I don't produce her daughter. Meanwhile, her dad is late even before we got married. I never knew that her mom 'rented' people to stand in for her late father claiming they are her father's family members not knowing that her father's people have since cut off the relationship between them since the issues of inheritance came in because her mom doesn't want to share a dime with them.

Fast forward to few months ago, although she don't pick my calls but we do chat occasionally on whatshapp where she has been telling me that her 'son' is not mine. The last time she said that was the third time she will be saying that.
Now I really want to know the options I have, kindly assist with valuable information if you are in the know, a lawyer preferably.

Note:

She is now in Lagos with her mother and I really don't know the exact place. When I visited Jos where the marriage took place, I found out that they've sold their house there which is now a hospital.

I really want to know if truly I'm not responsible for the birth of the boy and if he's truly my son, I can't continue to trust him on her.
If otherwise he's not mine, I believe there should be a form of punishment for infedelity while under marriage contract. Besides, I think I deserve to be fully compensated for all the time we were together, the money she stole, the care I gave her, the nursing of her pregnancy, the monies I do transfer to her mother and siblings, the monies I spent in marrying her, her clothing and shelter while we were together etc.

Kindly advise, criticisms are also welcome.

Thanks.

First thing I think you should do, you should try any possible means to do a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the child.

As for punishment, that can come later . Let’s finish one first .

Firstly, if you have families, most especially sisters (which I doubt), get them involved.
Try and get a DNA test done on your boy. But if she refuses you access, just relax, and trust God. Life is too short to be involved in drama. She'll come around when she gets tired of being dramatic.

Ginaz:
First thing I think you should do, you should try any possible means to do a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the child.

As for punishment, that can come later . Let’s finish one first .

God bless you my sister for your advice, I'm very ready to do a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the child but I can only do that if I know their new home. Someone hint me that she's working with multi choice DSTV as call center agent. I'm working on knowing there address maybe to get her arrested from there.

In my tribe, you don't marry a woman without knowing everything about her. From the last generation to her current generation. How they behave in their house, how they relate with members if their community. Every thing about her, you must know before going further for introduction.

But some woke people think this is a waste of time, they go and marry anyone they meet without knowing the kind of family they came from or how genuine their intentions are.

Now look at the consequences.

Teerach:
Firstly, if you have families, most especially sisters (which I doubt), get them involved.
Try and get a DNA test done on your boy. But if she refuses you access, just relax, and trust God. Life is too short to be involved in drama. She'll come around when she gets tired of being dramatic.

Waiting for God and relaxing is a good option but I'm really tired of seeing myself as irresponsible father but I see two sides to it, one, if the boy became successful in life, he'll have been brainwashed with negativity about me and if on the other hand turned something else, he may never forgive me. I'm just confused

Dsimple:

God bless you my sister for your advice, I'm very ready to do a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the child but I can only do that if I know their new home. Someone hint me that she's working with multi choice DSTV as call center agent. I'm working on knowing there address maybe to get her arrested from there.

Hmmm na wa o. It is well my brother . But on the other hand, you can catch her by promising her mouth watering deals, you have been with her for a long time and Should know her weak spots. .

Before she comes , you can meet a medical personnel to teach you how to take swap for dna test. You don’t need to move the baby to the hospital as you think. Hairs can be taken or tooth brush smeared with spittle from the baby’s mouth. Blood can be taken too.

Since you guys chat on WhatsApp occasionally, you have a chance to convince her to come with the baby to visit you.

That’s an option if you look at it .

Shortyy:
In my tribe, you don't marry a woman without knowing everything about her. From the last generation to her current generation. How they behave in their house, how they relate with members if their community. Every thing about her, you must know before going further for introduction.

But some woke people think this is a waste of time, they go and marry anyone they meet without knowing the kind of family they came from or how genuine their intentions are.

Now look at the consequences.

You're absolutely right dear, but lesson learnt the hard way.

Shortyy:
In my tribe, you don't marry a woman without knowing everything about her. From the last generation to her current generation. How they behave in their house, how they relate with members if their community. Every thing about her, you must know before going further for introduction.

But some woke people think this is a waste of time, they go and marry anyone they meet without knowing the kind of family they came from or how genuine their intentions are.

Now look at the consequences.

Be calming down. It’s not so easy as you think.

Go for DNA test,if it is true just leave everything for God and continue your live God will surely bless you in a way u can't imagine and give you better children.

Ginaz:


Hmmm na wa o. It is well my brother . But on the other hand, you can catch her by promising her mouth watering deals, you have been with her for a long time and Should know her weak spots. .

Before she comes , you can meet a medical personnel to teach you how to take swap for dna test. You don’t need to move the baby to the hospital as you think. Hairs can be taken or tooth brush smeared with spittle from the baby’s mouth. Blood can be taken too.

Since you guys chats on WhatsApp occasionally, you have a chance to convince her to come with the baby to visit you.

That’s an option if you look at it .

Wow!!!
So easy, I was thinking conducting DNA test requires penetrating the bone marrow and some sort of rocket science like that. Thanks for the information, I will try work on that.

Ginaz:


Be calming down. It’s not so easy as you think.

It's very easy dear.
My father won't marry me out to any man that just walks in our home.

We must know everything about him first. That's our tradition. And if we find out any shady thing about their family, that's the end of the courtship.

And if I refuse, whatever I face in that marriage will sorely be of no concern to my family and kinsmen.

Shortyy:
In my tribe, you don't marry a woman without knowing everything about her. From the last generation to her current generation. How they behave in their house, how they relate with members if their community. Every thing about her, you must know before going further for introduction.

But some woke people think this is a waste of time, they go and marry anyone they meet without knowing the kind of family they came from or how genuine their intentions are.

Now look at the consequences.

Will knowing all that prevent the woman from misbehaving during marriage?

Just curious...

Plead:


Will knowing all that prevent the woman from misbehaving during marriage?

Just curious...

Absolutely NO, no matter how careful you are, you can fall for their traps, the only way to be free is for God to guide and protect you.

Kai,she and her family played you from the onset.
As in you went to where your traditional marriage to her was conducted and found out it has sold and it's now a hospital?
This your story shock aswear

Since you still have some form of communication with her via WhatsApp,just keep that line open.
Don't rush trying to force her to bring the boy,you have to find a way to LURE her.
You will have to bid your time.

Try to be there financially for your boy's need meanwhile.

Dsimple:
I got married to this lady on 3rd December 2016 in Jos, plateau state. We were both staying together until she decided to absconds from my house on May 29th 2019. She gave birth to 'our son' on 1st February 2018.
Although I can term the marriage as marriage of convinience where both of us are never happy staying together and I became the happiest man on earth the day she left even though she stole a lot of my properties while I was away for work including my ATM card and withdrawing every money from my bank account.
I reported it to her mother and her mother was threatening me with jail terms if I don't produce her daughter. Meanwhile, her dad is late even before we got married. I never knew that her mom 'rented' people to stand in for her late father claiming they are her father's family members not knowing that her father's people have since cut off the relationship between them since the issues of inheritance came in because her mom doesn't want to share a dime with them.

Fast forward to few months ago, although she don't pick my calls but we do chat occasionally on whatshapp where she has been telling me that her 'son' is not mine. The last time she said that was the third time she will be saying that.
Now I really want to know the options I have, kindly assist with valuable information if you are in the know, a lawyer preferably.

Note:

She is now in Lagos with her mother and I really don't know the exact place. When I visited Jos where the marriage took place, I found out that they've sold their house there which is now a hospital.

I really want to know if truly I'm not responsible for the birth of the boy and if he's truly my son, I can't continue to trust him on her.
If otherwise he's not mine, I believe there should be a form of punishment for infedelity while under marriage contract. Besides, I think I deserve to be fully compensated for all the time we were together, the money she stole, the care I gave her, the nursing of her pregnancy, the monies I do transfer to her mother and siblings, the monies I spent in marrying her, her clothing and shelter while we were together etc.

Kindly advise, criticisms are also welcome.

Thanks.

Mehnnnnn. This your story is disheartening. Your Wife and her mother played you big time.

You mean without your consent she carted away with your properties and ATM card, withdrawing anything she want? Wow that sounds like a predatory female to me. I think she has been planning this all along.

For you guys to be in " marriage of convinience where both of us are never happy staying together" as you said, there is high probability that the child is not yours. However only a DNA test could ascertain that 99.9%.

It is not a must for you to get and her and the son. Forget about them now since she ran away from you. Sometimes you have to move on with life.

Get a DNA test done on the baby.

File a complaint to the Police and submit her phone number.
Simple.

For your peace of mind, leave her and your "son" alone. Let her take care of him by herself since she says you're not the father. A day will come when the boy will ask for his father biko. Just ex her and anything relating to her for now.

As for your expenditure on her...count your loss and move on. Good luck.

Dsimple:
I got married to this lady on 3rd December 2016 in Jos, plateau state. We were both staying together until she decided to absconds from my house on May 29th 2019. She gave birth to 'our son' on 1st February 2018.
Although I can term the marriage as marriage of convinience where both of us are never happy staying together and I became the happiest man on earth the day she left even though she stole a lot of my properties while I was away for work including my ATM card and withdrawing every money from my bank account.
I reported it to her mother and her mother was threatening me with jail terms if I don't produce her daughter. Meanwhile, her dad is late even before we got married. I never knew that her mom 'rented' people to stand in for her late father claiming they are her father's family members not knowing that her father's people have since cut off the relationship between them since the issues of inheritance came in because her mom doesn't want to share a dime with them.

Fast forward to few months ago, although she don't pick my calls but we do chat occasionally on whatshapp where she has been telling me that her 'son' is not mine. The last time she said that was the third time she will be saying that.
Now I really want to know the options I have, kindly assist with valuable information if you are in the know, a lawyer preferably.

Note:

She is now in Lagos with her mother and I really don't know the exact place. When I visited Jos where the marriage took place, I found out that they've sold their house there which is now a hospital.

I really want to know if truly I'm not responsible for the birth of the boy and if he's truly my son, I can't continue to trust him on her.
If otherwise he's not mine, I believe there should be a form of punishment for infedelity while under marriage contract. Besides, I think I deserve to be fully compensated for all the time we were together, the money she stole, the care I gave her, the nursing of her pregnancy, the monies I do transfer to her mother and siblings, the monies I spent in marrying her, her clothing and shelter while we were together etc.

Kindly advise, criticisms are also welcome.

Thanks.

Move on bro, shit happens

Kai,she and her family played you from the onset.As in you went to where your traditional marriage to her was conducted and found out it has sold and it's now a hospital?This your story shock aswear

sisisioge:
For your peace of mind, leave her and your "son" alone. Let her take care of him by herself since she says you're not the father. A day will come when the boy will ask for his father biko. Just ex her and anything relating to her for now.

As for your expenditure on her...count your loss and move on. Good luck.

Op please do this fa.

Well, it may seem difficult but this is surely the best way to go. sometimes, the more effort we make to find closure on anything, the more we hurt ourselves.

Let everything be, make peace with yourself, heal from the relationship, and move on with your life. This life fa, is too short to spend it worrying on a lady that has moved on.

mrphysics:

Op please do this fa.

Well, it may seem difficult but this is surely the best way to go. sometimes, the more effort we make to find closure on anything, the more we hurt ourselves.

Let everything be, make peace with yourself, heal from the relationship, and move on with your life. This life fa, is too short to spend it worrying on a lady that has moved on.

Thank you fa

I think you might be able to legally request a DNA test. I don’t know how it works in Nigeria but she can subpoenaed to submit the child for DNA testing if you’re interested in being a father to the kid.

If it turns out he’s not your son and you want to end things formally, then file for a divorce and have the bride price returned to you. You can’t possibly get any other compensation. You guys were married and whatever you spent on each (financial and otherwise) other is part of being married.

The only way you could some type of compensation would be if you somehow got custody of the child and she has to pay child support to help you while you care for him. (I don’t see that happening). Even then the money wouldn’t be for you it would be to help in paying for whatever the boy needs

Plead:


Will knowing all that prevent the woman from misbehaving during marriage?

Just curious...

No my, but if you read that thread very well, you'll realize he doesn't know the wife very much. And the girl's kinsmen doesn't even know. If it was a situation where they know him, they'll help him resolve the matter amicably.

You might have to chase them through the law court. If I may ask, in all this, what has your own family said about the lady running away with your child

All so fill for theft and report to the Nigerian police and your bank since you mentioned that she once used your atm to withdrawal Money..
remember it's just a desperate measure to make her come out with your child.

If the police and your bank question why it took you so long to report, tell them you just got to know.

She told you that hoping you'd get mad and dump the kid. The aim is to keep the kid for themselves alone.

When ladies of today tell you to run, stand firm and when tell you to stand, that's when to run.

Chances that the kid is your son is very high so don't fall for her gimmick.

Ecne:
File a complaint to the Police and submit her phone number.
Simple.

I went to a police station in my area, they were telling me nonsense, telling me to sponsor at least two police officers to Lagos from Abuja inorder to look for her and like you know there's a high chance we might not find her. I advised they call her even if it means me footing the bill but they said ''you want dey teach us our job abi"?

Chapter1vs6:
You might have to chase them through the law court. If I may ask, in all this, what has your own family said about the lady running away with your child

All so fill for theft and report to the Nigerian police and your bank since you mentioned that she once used your atm to withdrawal Money..
remember it's just a desperate measure to make her come out with your child.

If the police and your bank question why it took you so long to report, tell them you just got to know.

Thanks so much sir for your comment!
My dad and mum are really trying to reach out to her and her family but they are not ready to cooperate not even giving me a chance to fair hearing. Apart from the fact that we both are cat and rat that quarrel on everything every other day, the day she left my house, we didn't have a fight. It was even in the month of Ramadan last year. In fact, we had a visitor who came a day prior to the day she left. Our visitor just like myself and my neighbors were astonished at what might cause her to leave.
I even gave her money to plait her hair and to cook for dinner. The most worrying part of it was that I personally handed the boy to her where she was making her hair because he insisted on staying with me while she was going out.


As for the bank, I reported the incident to them through mail. My account was later placed on no debit until I was able to get a new ATM card.

but why did you marry at first place when you know you won't be happy
Do you wish to work or study in countries like Canada, New Zealand, Australia, Dubai, Germany, Cyprus, Malaysia, Turkey check my signature for my contact

Plead:


Will knowing all that prevent the woman from misbehaving during marriage?

Just curious...

It gives u pointers about where u are going, some families have questionable issues surrounding them.


Our parents ask before they married, but our generation nowadays only see and marry.