My dad has been living a lonely life for a decade now and his life style scares me a lot. I really your advise on how to improve his life style.

We are a family of 6 with 3 girls and a boy. My Dad is a loving, funny, caring and responsible father but he is a drunkard(not an insult but a fact).

Due to his drunken nature and irreconcilable differences between with my mum , the home was always hot with everyday fight between my dad and mum which affected we the children alot. We practically lived with curses which they rain on each other morning, afternoon,night and many midnights.
When I gained admission into uni and thought I had escaped, I would receive calls almost everyday about my parents fight especially during exams.
Family members, police, court and even the Oba of the community had intervene all to no avail.

My mum could no longer bare it 11 years ago, so she left my dad without notice and took us along except my brother because she didn't want my dad to be alone.
My dad wanted to move in with my mum but she refused because she wanted peace. He brought my brother to us that he doesnt want we the children to be separated which my mum accepted and that was how my dad started living alone.

After my mum left, my dad lost his job (forced to retire as a civil servant), lost his car and his inherited house was 'grabbed' by the so called omo-oniles. They paid the family off which was shared between my dad, his brother, his mum and he also gave we his children some percentage out of his own share. He refused to rent an apartment and told us he would sort himself out because he doesnt want to be a tenant. I kept my own share just in case. He squandered his own share and was thrown out of the sold house, Btw, I was married and had just delivered my baby when the house was sold.
I later heard he was sleeping on the street so I rented an apartment for him with my own share that I had set aside. He didnt live up to one month when the landlord refunded his money excluding agency fee et al and asked my dad to leave his house because of his alcohol nature and fights. He lavished the money and was back on the street. When i heard and asked him he told us he now squarts with a friend till he gets another apartment , he never allowed us to know or visit him at that friend's house.

Finally he was paid his pension which he had been waiting for so that he can buy a house but I had travelled to a remote area for work at that time. Someone that knows my family well reached me and informed me that my dad had been sleeping in front of a church, I was shocked and sad when I heard about it, I requested for 2 days off to come to Lagos and sort things out. When I arrived I lodged my dad in a hotel for 2 weeks so that i can go back to complete my remaining 1week rotation at work and still have the time to search for a good house for him to buy. When i returned a week later, my dad told me he had already rented an apartment. I said no problem we can still buy the house but he refused and said he has to utilise his one year which he just paid for before buying his house and that was how he squandered his pension lump sum on alcohol and women and dashing people on the street money anyhow.

He started living on his monthly pension which was okay for him initially but due to his alcohol nature, he is in so much debt and his pension allowance N49k lasts for only two days. I and my sister support him with 15k monthly which doesn't last up to a week as well.

His lifestyle now is an eye sore , his landlady and neighbor keeps complains alot about him, he is so unkempt, drinks to stupor and sleeps with the small girls in the area. Everyone keeps telling us to take care of our dad as if we don't. We always have to reach him through his neighbours as he always misplace his phone, sometimes seized by those he owes.

We discussed about taking him to an elderly home facility which he declined because he doesnt want to live with a non family member and doesnt want restriction of movement.

My dad is 59 years old.
One of my sister lives with me due to proximity to work while my other sister lives with my mum.
My brother is still in uni and he is not interested in living with him because of his lifestyle.

I really want him to enjoy his old age and care from his children. I have been praying and will keep praying for him. I am also trusting to get good advice from matured people here.

If one of your brother has an apartment of his own, your father can move in with him. He will be able to monitor his activities. But that may also have negative effects on your brother if he's not yet married.
I am experiencing same now. My dad lives with me but he's not a drinker. This makes it had for ladies to visit me.

God Almighty will be with you and your family. take him to church for prayer.and don't far away from him.try to beg your mum to pardon your daddy that is when your daddy going to be okay.if both leave together things can change.

You're a real Gee.
I must commend you for your efforts so far and the fact that you haven't written your dad off as many would have.

Yes, you're in a real 3 junction road and confusion is a natural friend with the attitude of your Dad.

He has lost the drive to change, even if he wants too.

My suggestion is that, make one last effort to get him into an institution where his movements can be monitored so he can sober up.
But na Naija we dey, not sure this type of facility is in abundance.

Please, don't give up on him. just yet!



Modified : Try reaching out to Freedom foundation.
There's Dr Tony Rapu, a medical practitioner, the senior pastor, always ready to assist addicts.

but why is ur father like this cant he change for once

Better don't kill yourself because of your Dad that have chosen to live his life the way he want. Face your life squarely . I hate seeing grown up men misbehaving

If I can't give my parent headache , both of them shouldn't give me headache , except in the case of sickness ,I mean if they are sick ,I can be running up and down to take care of them and even be changing their diaper if need be , but as for a dad that is drinking to stupor and refused to change , I'll drive pass him by the road side . Or a mom that contact a deadly diseases as a result of jumping from one dick to the other, I won't look at her side twice , I can't kill myself . I will never live a life that will be disturbing the peace of my children.

You are very kind. Where did all this love come from if he has given you nothing but headache? Stop flogging a dead horse. he needs rehabilitation but he won't stick to it. I would move on if it were me but we are all different. I don't see a headway on this. may God reward your labour of love.

It's a season of *all man for himself* in these mordern times as indicated by posters above.

What you guys fail to realize is that family is family!
I will do all I can to make my family member a better version of themselves. Not forming one irrational "woke" or what do you modern people call it?

Minjim:
If one of your brother has an apartment of his own, your father can move in with him. He will be able to monitor his activities. But that may also have negative effects on your brother if he's not yet married.
I am experiencing same now. My dad lives with me but he's not a drinker. This makes it had for ladies to visit me.

Thanks for your response.
My brother is still an undergraduate living with my mum.

Nisland:
God Almighty will be with you and your family. take him to church for prayer.and don't far away from him.try to beg your mum to pardon your daddy that is when your daddy going to be okay.if both leave together things can change.

Thank for your advice.
My dad was born into a Muslim home but he doesn't practice any religion since I know him. He belongs to the free thinker group, though he allowed us practice my mum's religion - Christianity, infact he used to give us offering and ensure we go to church early when we were still living together. He only attends church for celebration. He doesn't believe in people praying for him so he won't follow me to church for prayer.

Again, my mum still works as she is not retired yet. I am scared of both of them fighting and I will be called to settle quarrel everyday again. We also don't want a situation whereby my mum will go to work and my dad will be back home drinking, sleeping and fighting around. My mum is old and doesn't have strength for this kind wahala anymore. I want peace for both of them

Same way I watched my once caring, fun to be with, agile dad, take a turn for the worst till I lost him to illness...
My dear if his demise will bring u pain I suggest u do anything humanly possible to make him change, make him feel loved and relevant again, tell him your problems and challenges and seek his advice, he needs more than just a home, But also a small business to keep him busy and purposeful every day, something to live for...
Just don't give up on him..please

Loveandwar:


Thank for your advice.
My dad was born into a Muslim home but he doesn't practice any religion since I know him. He belongs to the free thinker group, though he allowed us practice my mum's religion - Christianity, infact he used to give us offering and ensure we go to church early when we were still living together. He only attends church for celebration. He doesn't believe in people praying for him so he won't follow me to church for prayer.

how will your dad abandon this drunken.he need counseling and prayer.

jeffizy:
You're a real Gee.
I must commend you for your efforts so far and the fact that you haven't written your dad off as many would have.

Yes, you're in a real 3 junction road and confusion is a natural friend with the attitude of your Dad.

He has lost the drive to change, even if he wants too.

My suggestion is that, make one last effort to get him into an institution where his movements can be monitored so he can sober up.
But na Naija we dey, not sure this type of facility is in abundance.

Please, don't give up on him. just yet!



Modified : Try reaching out to Freedom foundation.
There's Dr Tony Rapu, a medical practitioner, the senior pastor, always ready to assist addicts.

Thank you. I will reach out to them. One thing I know is that my dad needs force to move. I will confirm if this foundation can allow me bring him there with force.

Mekudi:
Better don't kill yourself because of your Dad that have chosen to live his life the way he want. Face your life squarely . I hate seeing grown up men misbehaving

If I can't give my parent headache , both of them shouldn't give me headache , except in the case of sickness ,I mean if they are sick ,I can be running up and down to take care of them and even be changing their diaper if need be , but as for a dad that is drinking to stupor and refused to change , I'll drive pass him by the road side . Or a mom that contact a deadly diseases as a result of jumping from one dick to the other, I won't look at her side twice , I can't kill myself . I will never live a life that will be disturbing the peace of my children.

I wanted to give up so many times. But the thought of his care and sacrifice when I was younger crips into my mind. Infact Sometimes I see him suffering in my dreams. I get scared and feel indebted never to give up on him.

chocboi78:
Same way I watched my once caring, fun to be with, agile dad, take a turn for the worst till I lost him to illness...
My dear if his demise will bring u pain I suggest u do anything humanly possible to make him change, make him feel loved and relevant again, tell him your problems and challenges and seek his advice, he needs more than just a home, But also a small business to keep him busy and purposeful every day, something to live for...
Just don't give up on him..please

Thank you, you have really been in my shoes.
He needs to live a purposeful life, infact if he has a job or business he can go to everyday, I can still talk to my mum to accept him but my challenge is him spending business capital on drinks and we are back to square one.

Nisland:
how will your dad abandon this drunken.he need counseling and prayer.

You are right but you know at this age he must have been advised since he was young.

He had stopped severally but these were short lived.

Loveandwar:


Thank you, you have really been in my shoes.
He needs to live a purposeful life, infact if he has a job or business he can go to everyday, I can still talk to my mum to accept him but my challenge is him spending business capital on drinks and we are back to square one.

its a gradual process, just try nd be close to him while this process manifests

The money you and your sister send to him to squander anyhow should have been used to put him in a rehabilitation facility. Your dad has gotten to a stage where he can't change on his own unless he's properly rehabilitated.

This is so pathetic. My prayer is he doesn't contract HIV. Hmm...

You have no choice but to take him back to the elderly home facility to stay there by force otherwise he'll continue to disgrace you. Meanwhile, he needs serious prayers. You guys be praying for him.


Also try to look for a way to manage his funds for him. Like report him to the pension office to let you be in care of his money to control his access to money and curb his spending. You only cook and buy what he needs for him. That way, he won't be able to afford alcohol anyhow. You have to be strict about this. You seem to be pitying him a lot. Don't pity him anymore.

It is well.

pozehnani:
This is so pathetic. My prayer is he doesn't contract HIV. Hmm...

You have no choice but to take him back to the elderly home facility to stay there by force otherwise he'll continue to disgrace you. Meanwhile, he needs serious prayers. You guys be praying for him.


Also try to look for a way to manage his funds for him. Like report him to the pension office to let you be in care of his money to control his access to money and curb his spending. You only cook and buy what he needs for him. That way, he won't be able to afford alcohol anyhow. You have to be strict about this. You seem to be pitying him a lot. Don't pity him anymore.

It is well.

Waooh, I never knew reporting him to te pension office will allow me be in care of his money. Thanks for this.

I have no choose but to apply force. I was initially concerned about the embarrassment as I will need to to hire some boys to move him forcefully to the rehabilitation centre/elderly people's home.

Thank you

Loveandwar:


Waooh, I never knew reporting him to te pension office will allow me be in care of his money. Thanks for this.

I have no choose but to apply force. I was initially concerned about the embarrassment as I will need to to hire some boys to move him forcefully to the rehabilitation centre/elderly people's home.

Thank you

Yeah you can win if you explain things as they are to them and express your fear of losing him to that lifestyle. I'm sure theyd listen. And yes, you can use the boys to force him down there before he lands everyone into a bigger mess.

You are welcome dear.

Loveandwar:


Waooh, I never knew reporting him to te pension office will allow me be in care of his money. Thanks for this.

I have no choose but to apply force. I was initially concerned about the embarrassment as I will need to to hire some boys to move him forcefully to the rehabilitation centre/elderly people's home.

Thank you

Start out with him getting admitted into a rehabilitation centre though not voluntary and reason why many addicts wake up to find themselves in the rehab and get aggressive on realization but they would calm down later.

He should be spending nothing less than 3 months there and upon discharge, fix him in a elderly people's home for assisted living as that would help his sobriety though the reality of relapse is always in the horizon.

Your Dad is still young at 59 and shouldn't throw his life away.

Reading your post, it's obvious he needs the following professional help:

~A Psychiatrist
~A rehabilitation/addictions counsellor
~A life coach

Loveandwar:
My dad has been living a lonely life for a decade now and his life style scares me a lot. I really your advise on how to improve his life style.

We are a family of 6 with 3 girls and a boy. My Dad is a loving, funny, caring and responsible father but he is a drunkard(not an insult but a fact).

Due to his drunken nature and irreconcilable differences between with my mum , the home was always hot with everyday fight between my dad and mum which affected we the children alot. We practically lived with curses which they rain on each other morning, afternoon,night and many midnights.
When I gained admission into uni and thought I had escaped, I would receive calls almost everyday about my parents fight especially during exams.
Family members, police, court and even the Oba of the community had intervene all to no avail.

My mum could no longer bare it 11 years ago, so she left my dad without notice and took us along except my brother because she didn't want my dad to be alone.
My dad wanted to move in with my mum but she refused because she wanted peace. He brought my brother to us that he doesnt want we the children to be separated which my mum accepted and that was how my dad started living alone.

After my mum left, my dad lost his job (forced to retire as a civil servant), lost his car and his inherited house was 'grabbed' by the so called omo-oniles. They paid the family off which was shared between my dad, his brother, his mum and he also gave we his children some percentage out of his own share. He refused to rent an apartment and told us he would sort himself out because he doesnt want to be a tenant. I kept my own share just in case. He squandered his own share and was thrown out of the sold house, Btw, I was married and had just delivered my baby when the house was sold.
I later heard he was sleeping on the street so I rented an apartment for him with my own share that I had set aside. He didnt live up to one month when the landlord refunded his money excluding agency fee et al and asked my dad to leave his house because of his alcohol nature and fights. He lavished the money and was back on the street. When i heard and asked him he told us he now squarts with a friend till he gets another apartment , he never allowed us to know or visit him at that friend's house.

Finally he was paid his pension which he had been waiting for so that he can buy a house but I had travelled to a remote area for work at that time. Someone that knows my family well reached me and informed me that my dad had been sleeping in front of a church, I was shocked and sad when I heard about it, I requested for 2 days off to come to Lagos and sort things out. When I arrived I lodged my dad in a hotel for 2 weeks so that i can go back to complete my remaining 1week rotation at work and still have the time to search for a good house for him to buy. When i returned a week later, my dad told me he had already rented an apartment. I said no problem we can still buy the house but he refused and said he has to utilise his one year which he just paid for before buying his house and that was how he squandered his pension lump sum on alcohol and women and dashing people on the street money anyhow.

He started living on his monthly pension which was okay for him initially but due to his alcohol nature, he is in so much debt and his pension allowance N49k lasts for only two days. I and my sister support him with 15k monthly which doesn't last up to a week as well.

His lifestyle now is an eye sore , his landlady and neighbor keeps complains alot about him, he is so unkempt, drinks to stupor and sleeps with the small girls in the area. Everyone keeps telling us to take care of our dad as if we don't. We always have to reach him through his neighbours as he always misplace his phone, sometimes seized by those he owes.

We discussed about taking him to an elderly home facility which he declined because he doesnt want to live with a non family member and doesnt want restriction of movement.

My dad is 59 years old.
One of my sister lives with me due to proximity to work while my other sister lives with my mum.
My brother is still in uni and he is not interested in living with him because of his lifestyle.

I really want him to enjoy his old age and care from his children. I have been praying and will keep praying for him. I am also trusting to get good advice from matured people here.

I will sound harsh but let me speak my mind

Now you see why your mother couldn't cope with him

Now you see why no one can live with him

He wants his freedom and let him have it as that's the only thing that gives him joy

You have to live your life else that man will majevyiy nit to be happy and not to have savings, then you will have issues with your wife

Take him to a rehabilitation home and pay for the services if you guys really want him changed

He will never set his eyes on alcohol talk more of women to sleep with

Your mum is not even ready to look his side, yes she is right, she can't kill herself

Your dad is suffering from his stubbornness

Hi dominique, could you help me review the bit ban on my teemy account. Thanks

@topic, Loveandwar, there will be a friend of your dad that he highly respects that can talk sense to him. Get that friend.

dominique, puskin, same issue happening on my account teemy again. Please review. Thanks.

Also, if someone is misusing the report button based on the discussion ongoing, could you please send the person a warning.

Loveandwar:
My dad has been living a lonely life for a decade now and his life style scares me a lot. I really your advise on how to improve his life style.

We are a family of 6 with 3 girls and a boy. My Dad is a loving, funny, caring and responsible father but he is a drunkard(not an insult but a fact).

Due to his drunken nature and irreconcilable differences between with my mum , the home was always hot with everyday fight between my dad and mum which affected we the children alot. We practically lived with curses which they rain on each other morning, afternoon,night and many midnights.
When I gained admission into uni and thought I had escaped, I would receive calls almost everyday about my parents fight especially during exams.
Family members, police, court and even the Oba of the community had intervene all to no avail.

My mum could no longer bare it 11 years ago, so she left my dad without notice and took us along except my brother because she didn't want my dad to be alone.
My dad wanted to move in with my mum but she refused because she wanted peace. He brought my brother to us that he doesnt want we the children to be separated which my mum accepted and that was how my dad started living alone.

After my mum left, my dad lost his job (forced to retire as a civil servant), lost his car and his inherited house was 'grabbed' by the so called omo-oniles. They paid the family off which was shared between my dad, his brother, his mum and he also gave we his children some percentage out of his own share. He refused to rent an apartment and told us he would sort himself out because he doesnt want to be a tenant. I kept my own share just in case. He squandered his own share and was thrown out of the sold house, Btw, I was married and had just delivered my baby when the house was sold.
I later heard he was sleeping on the street so I rented an apartment for him with my own share that I had set aside. He didnt live up to one month when the landlord refunded his money excluding agency fee et al and asked my dad to leave his house because of his alcohol nature and fights. He lavished the money and was back on the street. When i heard and asked him he told us he now squarts with a friend till he gets another apartment , he never allowed us to know or visit him at that friend's house.

Finally he was paid his pension which he had been waiting for so that he can buy a house but I had travelled to a remote area for work at that time. Someone that knows my family well reached me and informed me that my dad had been sleeping in front of a church, I was shocked and sad when I heard about it, I requested for 2 days off to come to Lagos and sort things out. When I arrived I lodged my dad in a hotel for 2 weeks so that i can go back to complete my remaining 1week rotation at work and still have the time to search for a good house for him to buy. When i returned a week later, my dad told me he had already rented an apartment. I said no problem we can still buy the house but he refused and said he has to utilise his one year which he just paid for before buying his house and that was how he squandered his pension lump sum on alcohol and women and dashing people on the street money anyhow.

He started living on his monthly pension which was okay for him initially but due to his alcohol nature, he is in so much debt and his pension allowance N49k lasts for only two days. I and my sister support him with 15k monthly which doesn't last up to a week as well.

His lifestyle now is an eye sore , his landlady and neighbor keeps complains alot about him, he is so unkempt, drinks to stupor and sleeps with the small girls in the area. Everyone keeps telling us to take care of our dad as if we don't. We always have to reach him through his neighbours as he always misplace his phone, sometimes seized by those he owes.

We discussed about taking him to an elderly home facility which he declined because he doesnt want to live with a non family member and doesnt want restriction of movement.

My dad is 59 years old.
One of my sister lives with me due to proximity to work while my other sister lives with my mum.
My brother is still in uni and he is not interested in living with him because of his lifestyle.

I really want him to enjoy his old age and care from his children. I have been praying and will keep praying for him. I am also trusting to get good advice from matured people here.

When did he start to exhibit this behavior? I used to know a man who behaved exactly like your dad, if not worse. Years later, we got to know it was a spiritual manipulation. He was put in bondage by his wife's ex fiance.

We4all:


When did he start to exhibit this behavior? I used to know a man who behaved exactly like your dad, if not worse. Years later, we got to know it was a spiritual manipulation. He was put in bondage by his wife's ex fiance.

And has he been released from the bondage of alcoholism and womanizing?

Mindlog:


And has he been released from the bondage of alcoholism and womanizing?

His family is doing everything to help. Mind you, they got to know about the bondage cos the man responsible confessed to it before he died. A once loving dad just woke up one day and became a different person entirely. I mean, it was strange cos we all knew how chilled and level headed he was.

Whenever people say such things don't exist, I just laugh cos I have seen it all. Sometimes, I wonder where those powers come from, then I remind myself that we are Africans and the devil must have lived with us.

We4all:


His family is doing everything to help. Mind you, they got to know about the bondage cos the man responsible confessed to it before he died. A once loving dad just woke up one day and became a different person entirely. I mean, it was strange cos we all knew how chilled and level headed he was.

Whenever people say such things don't exist, I just laugh cos I have seen it all. Sometimes, I wonder where those powers come from, then I remind myself that we are Africans and the devil must have lived with us.

From what you shared, it means the man's was "spiritually".manipulated into descending into alcoholism and other addictions he may be battling with?

I work in a psychiatric facility and most relatives of patients insists that the mental health issues has roots in "jazz" and they have gone to many prayer homes and healing centres before finally resorting to getting them admitted in a psychiatric hospital. For me, I interrogate that "jazz" angle they come up with while being culturally sensitive.

You have a good heart, do the best humanly possible to save him. Most times, these parents become stubborn as they grow older. I am having almost similar issues with my mum at the moment.