What I have seen happen over and over again is that when a loved one dies, the initial reaction of religious folks is to bombard them with prayers, phone calls and some even generously contribute financially. I have observed most of this support ends around about 40 days and then we all return to our daily lives.

The questions on my mind are

do we think life returns to normal for the person/ families of those who have lost their loved one after 40days?
what are some things we can do to support them?
How long do you think they need support?

abeg no vex for the jam queshuns, d tin dey hot hot for mt bodi

NairaPound:
What I have seen happen over and over again is that when a loved one dies, the initial reaction of religious folks is to bombard them with prayers, phone calls and some even generously contribute financially. I have observed most of this support ends around about 40 days and then we all return to our daily lives.

The questions on my mind are

do we think life returns to normal for the person/ families of those who have lost their loved one after 40days?
what are some things we can do to support them?
How long do you think they need support?

abeg no vex for the jam queshuns, d tin dey hot hot for mt bodi

I'm not sure if that is a cultural thing there in Nigeria to comfort the grieving ones for "40" days or not?
However, people generally do the best they can to comfort grieving people. No one really knows what to say. It can be uncomfortable all the way around.
Here in the U.S., some people do not go to funerals because they cannot handle being at them.
Truth is, there is nothing that anyone can do to truly give the grieving person what he/she would actually want: the deceased loved one alive again.
However, all that you stated above do help in one way or another.
There really is no time limit on checking on people going through the mourning stages.
There are some stages that a person should go through in order to process his/her emotions in a healthy way: Shock, anger, depression and final aceptance/healing.
It could even be more intense if the manner in which the loved one(s) died was gruesome or abnormal.

I think occasionally checking on the person is a step. He/she will eventually and hopefully return to living life daily. Perhaps suggesting a Christian counselor (if the person is Christian) who can help the person process the loss, may be an option.
Time slowly heals wounds...but the loss is felt forever

NairaPound:
What I have seen happen over and over again is that when a loved one dies, the initial reaction of religious folks is to bombard them with prayers, phone calls and some even generously contribute financially. I have observed most of this support ends around about 40 days and then we all return to our daily lives.

The questions on my mind are

do we think life returns to normal for the person/ families of those who have lost their loved one after 40days?
what are some things we can do to support them?
How long do you think they need support?

abeg no vex for the jam queshuns, d tin dey hot hot for mt bodi

are you asking in terms of what is expected of us as Followers of Jesus Christ or simply as members of any given society?

Kobojunkie:
are you asking in terms of what is expected of us as Followers of Jesus Christ or simply as members of any given society?

It would be interesting hearing both sides, to compare and contrast should there be a difference abi?

eviana3:


I'm not sure if that is a cultural thing there in Nigeria to comfort the grieving ones for "40" days or not?
However, people generally do the best they can to comfort grieving people. No one really knows what to say. It can be uncomfortable all the way around.
Here in the U.S., some people do not go to funerals because they cannot handle being at them.
Truth is, there is nothing that anyone can do to truly give the grieving person what he/she would actually want: the deceased loved one alive again.
However, all that you stated above do help in one way or another.
There really is no time limit on checking on people going through the mourning stages.
There are some stages that a person should go through in order to process his/her emotions in a healthy way: Shock, anger, depression and final aceptance/healing.
It could even be more intense if the manner in which the loved one(s) died was gruesome or abnormal.

I think occasionally checking on the person is a step. He/she will eventually and hopefully return to living life daily. Perhaps suggesting a Christian counselor (if the person is Christian) who can help the person process the loss, may be an option.
Time slowly heals wounds...but the loss is felt forever

Hmmmmmm, besides checking in on them, what else can one do? how does one check up?

NairaPound:


Hmmmmmm, besides checking in on them, what else can one do? how does one check up?

What I mean by that is visiting, calling, texting, letter etc. just to let the person know you are thinking about him/her.
Sometimes you may want to do an activity with them.
This would all depend on the level of relationship you have with the particular person(s).

NairaPound:

It would be interesting hearing both sides, to compare and contrast should there be a difference abi?

Following Jesus Christ's teachings,I don't believe there are any special rules as far as those who have lost loved ones. There is the general rule, Love they neighbor as you love thy own self" and then there is "do unto others as we would like for them to do to you", all of them rules directed at individuals, instructions on how to live with their fellow man. And then you have the works of righteousness which every one who hopes to enter the Kingdom of Heaven is meant to do I.e. to feed and care for His sheep - His Sheep referring to the "least of these".


The teachings of Jesus Christ aside, there is not much that anyone can and should expect from others in the way of giving. That is why it is essential for folks to plan ahead and be sure to make wiser decisions particularly where it concerns living and raising of family. Death ought to be a part of the plan.

I think it's interesting to note that professing Christ through mouth only or having intellectual knowledge doesn't relate to "relationship" with Him. A wise person takes that intellectual knowledge of Christianity and makes it "practical".
Christianity is relational and extends to one's fellow man.
No one fully thrives alone.
The majority of Nigerian men (and I feel qualified to say this to an extent), do not properly handle certain emotions and feelings: sadness, and vulnerability/humility being the most dominant.
Culture (most cultures in fact) says that men are to be strong and dominant without a lack of real emotions that expose their humanity.
When they do, they are then labeled "homosexual" or "effeminate".
I think we, as women, have the mastery of emotions....also because society has condoned it for us. I will be quick to cry if I am hurt or sad, just as I do with other emotions...but it's ok for me cause I'm a female. Yet males are conditioned "not to show sad emotions" even if the situation truly calls for it.
Loss of life is one of the most emotion-filled experience that one can have. It affects one in a way that nothing else can.
Death knocks at everyone's door in one way or another....ALL have experienced it and will experience it.
Even an animal feels the emotion of sorrow, and we, humans, are no less than they.
No amount of "planning" or "wearing a facade in order to save face" will combat against the sadness and despair of losing a loved one.
Show the person that you "care".
Sometimes all that is needed is one's presence.
It takes a wise person to know that comforting a person who has experienced loss, is a normal and appreciated kindness...religion or "no religion".

@NairaPound, what eviana said is correct. Some activities can be done for the bereaved family, not only by calls, text. If the bereaved one wants to talk, listen sympathetically. You can also give the person the hope that he or she will see their loved again as Acts 24:15 stated there will be a resurrection.

NairaPound:
What I have seen happen over and over again is that when a loved one dies, the initial reaction of religious folks is to bombard them with prayers, phone calls and some even generously contribute financially. I have observed most of this support ends around about 40 days and then we all return to our daily lives.

The questions on my mind are

do we think life returns to normal for the person/ families of those who have lost their loved one after 40days?
what are some things we can do to support them?
How long do you think they need support?

abeg no vex for the jam queshuns, d tin dey hot hot for mt bodi

Best of all, do something for the bereaved family, perhaps performing a chore the grieving one has not been able to care for, such as cooking a meal, caring for the children, or helping with funeral arrangements if that is desired. Such actions may speak louder than the most eloquent words. These activities can be done even after a long period of time (1 year or more).

gideonjeta:
@NairaPound, what e.viana said is correct. Some activities can be done for the bereaved family, not only by calls, text. If the bereaved one wants to talk, listen sympathetically. You can also give the person the hope that he or she will see their loved again as Acts 24:15 stated there will be a resurrection. Best of all, do something for the bereaved family, perhaps performing a chore the grieving one has not been able to care for, such as cooking a meal, caring for the children, or helping with funeral arrangements if that is desired. Such actions may speak louder than the most eloquent words. These activities can be done even after a long period of time (1 year or more).

Very well said sir.
Thank you for this.

gideonjeta:
@NairaPound, what eviana said is correct. Some activities can be done for the bereaved family, not only by calls, text. If the bereaved one wants to talk, listen sympathetically. You can also give the person the hope that he or she will see their loved again as Acts 24:15 stated there will be a resurrection. Best of all, do something for the bereaved family, perhaps performing a chore the grieving one has not been able to care for, such as cooking a meal, caring for the children, or helping with funeral arrangements if that is desired. Such actions may speak louder than the most eloquent words. These activities can be done even after a long period of time (1 year or more).

Give them hope even if false hope?

The resurrection that Jesus Christ taught was of only those who are saved(have eternal life) as those who are not saved will not be resurrected, and of those who are resurrected, many will spend eternity in Hell.

Kobojunkie:
Give them hope even if false hope?

The resurrection that Jesus Christ taught was of only those who are saved(have eternal life) as those who are not saved will not be resurrected, and of those who are resurrected, many will spend eternity in Hell.

I don't want to deviate from the thread, the Bible verse I stated in my previous post was Acts 24:15 which says in part there is going to be a resurrection of the righteous and the unrighteous and it was Apostle Paul that said it and not Jesus Christ.

gideonjeta:


I don't want to deviate from the thread, the Bible verse I stated in my previous post was Acts 24:15 which says in part there is going to be a resurrection of the righteous and the unrighteous and it was Apostle Paul that said it and not Jesus Christ.

I don't believe that Paul was in anyway trying to define a separate resurrection event from the one presched by Jesus Christ, even there in the book of Acts. As we read in the Gospel of John, chapter 5, it is those who belong to Jesus Christ that will hear His voice and be raised - those who are saved/believe in Him. Unbelievers will not be raised on that day since they do not belong to Him.

Promising people that they will see their loved one again is akin to lying given that there is no such guarantee given of this ever happening by Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of our faith.