Loool I find it interesting that the same people shouting marriage is a partnership, she is supposed to have outlined financial roles etc etc are the same who won't remember that partner ship when it comes to women roles, they will never tolerate helping the woman in chores or anything.

They choose the traditional when it comes to the women chores/nuturing matter, then in cases like this they want an equal contributor.


All this story is based on just one major thing a husband is meant to do which is PROVIDE shikena, all this story na long thing. They dont want to take responsibility again. Fulfil your role she will naturally do somethings.

All these boys will be running away from their responsibility. A man should be able to provide in his own little capacity for his family.

Personally I think the OP is not mature to get married. Business man looking for ROI, The question was the wrongest of all moves, she too will be thinking about your motive for asking such.


Nairaland is full of comedy,

erico2k2:

cos they cant do business simply put!

Not necessarily they can't do business, they can.

Just that women tend to be financially irresponsible due to society always try to exempt them from the Hustle.

Op is trying to invest 1.5 million into his wife business for no other reason because she is a woman. Infact he would think he is HELPING her.
The truth is OP is not. It took me 5 years of running my business to raise 1.5 million to reinvest back.

Tru that 5 years I learnt a lot, gathered multiple experiences... If I was a woman one naive man would had given me the money, set me up, plus a car, plus a house, plus food stuff.... With all these I would be programmed to fail.

And still depend on the naive man.

But if a well trained woman, is taught to take responsibility of events happening around her. To avoid free meals. He would rise to the top.

Nazgul:

You're the one going off point.

So where will your salary go if not your home?

And why should your husband borrow money from you to run a home which you belong to?

If he tells you his problem and you remain mute waiting for him to borrow from you doesn't that make you self centered?

What stops you from cutting the cost of the household expenses and supporting him however you can without asking for a refund pending when he'll get back on his feet?

If you the one who runs into financial crisis and he gives you money and asks you to pay him back how would you react, wouldn't you call him a stingy fellow and all manner of degoratory names?

Why must everything be about you?

If he has a problem, he has to borrow from me if we have defined financial roles, which ordinary shouldn't happen if I'm to help around the house. It's a house I belong to, yes, but since I already covered my own part of the deal, if he needs financial help, he has to borrow it. It's that simple.

Giving him without expecting a refund is like me taking up more financial roles. And how long do I need to do this till he gets back to his feet? A year? Five years? See, anytime someone has to take up more financial roles than they normally do, it usually takes them digging into their 'emergency saving' and they would want it back. Marriage is a partnership doesn't mean everybody has to be a fool.

Sixfeetbelle:


If he has a problem, he has to borrow from me if we have defined financial roles, which ordinary shouldn't happen if I'm to help around the house. It's a house I belong to, yes, but since I already covered my own part of the deal, if he needs financial help, he has to borrow it. It's that simple.

Giving him without expecting a refund is like me taking up more financial roles. And how long do I need to do this till he gets back to his feet? A year? Five years? See, anytime someone has to take up more financial roles than they normally do, it usually takes them digging into their 'emergency saving' and they would want it back. Marriage is a partnership doesn't mean everybody has to be a fool.

But it would be totally ok for him to assist you with you repaying if reverse is the case right?

Nazgul:

But it would be totally ok for him to assist you with you repaying if reverse is the case right?

I don't quite get you.

Repeat the question with a sentence or two.

Sixfeetbelle:


I don't quite get you.

Repeat the question with a sentence or two.

Ok....

How would you feel if you run into financial crisis and approach your husband for relief and he tells you that he's giving you the money you requested for on the grounds that you'll pay him back because the financial responsibilities in the home has been shared?

Nazgul:

Ok....

How would you feel if you run into financial crisis and approach your husband for relief and he tells you that he's giving you the money you requested for on the grounds that you'll pay him back because the financial responsibilities in the home has been shared?

I'd agree to it because I have the same thought towards him too. Sharing financial responsibilities at home means that no one party stays to be receiving money just because. That's what modern marriages imply sha

GIANTPLUSHUB:
This is parts of the reasons the rich will continue to marry the rich while the poor does the same. Your wife behaves like someone who hasn't worked hard for money before, so she doesn't have the mentality that someone that supported her business with his hard earned money needs to be supported too. Bro, trust me, she's said exactly what she would do and that's what will happen. Infact, it might even be worst. Have seen several of such cases to the extent of ordinary pencil, the lady will ask her daughter to wait for her dad.

See, here's my advice for you. Please, support her business but drastically reduce the support amount to like 300 to 500k and use the remaining to invest in yourself as you can see that, you now have a load of task ahead of you.

Once you support the business, guide her in upgrading to a larger space and more machines just the way you want. This, you aren't doing with your money but her money. Only advice and guide her.

Lastly, as times goes on. Bring in tactics towards her supporting the family. I wish you all the very best!

300k me?
Abi one sewing machine?

Sixfeetbelle:



I'd agree to it because I have the same thought towards him too. Sharing financial responsibilities at home means that no one party stays to be receiving money just because. That's what modern marriages imply sha

You're so funny...you women that are naturally manipulative in nature agree to it.

Pay your husband back the money her gives you.

biko ka m nuru okwu, umu nwanyi na-ekwu otutu okwu mana mgbe oge ruru ime ihe, i hapuru ya di gi ma gwa ya na obu ya

Nazgul:

You're so funny...you women that are naturally manipulative in nature agree to it.

Pay your husband back the money her gives you.

biko ka m nuru okwu, umu nwanyi na-ekwu otutu okwu mana mgbe oge ruru ime ihe, i hapuru ya di gi ma gwa ya na obu ya

I said I'd pay back nah. Didn't you see it?

That's what modern trend in marriages entail. Forget manipulation. If duties are shared 50/50 then there's no longer "his money is my money". Everybody will have their money to theirselves and for the home. If you borrow, you pay back.


This your Igbo sef. Forget story. I'm only a talk and do person if my husband will be insistent like Op is being, otherwise, he will have a happy home

Sixfeetbelle:


I said I'd pay back nah. Didn't you see it?

That's what modern trend in marriages entail. Forget manipulation. If duties are shared 50/50 then there's no longer "his money is my money". Everybody will have their money to theirselves and for the home. If you borrow, you pay back.


This your Igbo sef. Forget story. I'm only a talk and do person if my husband will be insistent like Op is being, otherwise, he will have a happy home

Hmmm...ok o.

Tho you sound stubborn to me.

More like a hard nut to crack, not easily bent and won't compromise not even for love. Am I wrong?

Nazgul:

Hmmm...ok o.

Tho you sound stubborn to me.

More like a hard nut to crack, not easily bent and won't compromise not even for love. Am I wrong?

I'm stubborn on certain things but I've learnt to bend if the situation demands it. Most times, I don't get enough reason to compromise, so...

When it concerns love, however, me not compromising is because I haven't found love yet. Once I do, I'm sure my second name will turn to 'compromise'. I think I can do anything for love.

Sixfeetbelle:


You're misunderstanding my point.

He wants her to be supporting the family based on a particular assigned role. Eg she pays for water and light, he pays for school fees and rent. The girlfriend doesn't want that. She wants to maybe pay for water bill if his salary for the month doesn't cover that because something else came up (such that if he ever runs out of cash, she will step in but she doesn't want to be required to be doing it everytime)

Now if she's being forced to be responsible for water and light bill every month with proceeds from her business, do you think she'll be willing to cover any other expenses if by bad luck, husband can't come through? Will she be able (financially) to step in?

Can someone please tell her, she's nt making sense.

Silentgroper:
Can someone please tell her, she's nt making sense.

Why can't you do it yourself? Did the birds wring your mouth on your way to my mention?

Sixfeetbelle:


I'm stubborn on certain things but I've learnt to bend if the situation demands it. Most times, I don't get enough reason to compromise, so...

When it concerns love, however, me not compromising is because I haven't found love yet. Once I do, I'm sure my second name will turn to 'compromise'. I think I can do anything for love.

Easier said than done.

Sixfeetbelle:


I'm stubborn on certain things but I've learnt to bend if the situation demands it. Most times, I don't get enough reason to compromise, so...

When it concerns love, however, me not compromising is because I haven't found love yet. Once I do, I'm sure my second name will turn to 'compromise'. I think I can do anything for love.

Even with your 6 ft belle?

Sixfeetbelle:


Why can't you do it yourself? Did the birds wring your mouth on your way to my mention?

I havent d strength to engage u, reason y i requested someone else to.
So i'm requesting again. Someone please tell her, all she has been typing/spew has no atom of sense.

goodnight.

Sydebel:


What if shes giving it to boyz and other unknown? Is she also helping.
You?

we are talking about a responsible family. No one goes into marriage automatically thinking he’s wife will cheat on him.

yesloaded:


Even with your 6 ft belle?

Why I said if the situation demands it

Nazgul:

Easier said than done.

Let me not argue with you on that as you may be right.

NoToPile:
Loool I find it interesting that the same people shouting marriage is a partnership, she is supposed to have outlined financial roles etc etc are the same who won't remember that partner ship when it comes to women roles, they will never tolerate helping the woman in chores or anything.

They choose the traditional when it comes to the women chores/nuturing matter, then in cases like this they want an equal contributor.


All this story is based on just one major thing a husband is meant to do which is PROVIDE shikena, all this story na long thing. They dont want to take responsibility again. Fulfil your role she will naturally do somethings.

All these boys will be running away from their responsibility. A man should be able to provide in his own little capacity for his family.

Personally I think the OP is not mature to get married. Business man looking for ROI, The question was the wrongest of all moves, she too will be thinking about your motive for asking such.


Nairaland is full of comedy,

Nairaland is obviously the wrongest place to seek reasonable advise. If he’s mother’s advice isn’t enough for him . Then it’s safe to say this man is very immature.

Sixfeetbelle:


Let me not argue with you on that as you may be right.

Good...I appreciate your honesty.

Nazgul:

He needs her to pickup stipulated financial roles because he's planning on investing a reasonable amount of money on her. Or didn't you read that part?

If she wants to remain a housewife, then there's no need for him to spend such money on her. He can use it to expand his business then use the proceedings to take care of her and the family.

The reason he's investing so much on her is because he wants financial relief, someone that can help him absorb petite domestic responsibilities.

what’s 1.5 million? Lol is 1.5 million a reasonable amount of money to stabilize a business? That’s peanuts . That’s not enough reason to start asking unreasonable questions . When she hasn’t started making the so called money

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Your reasoning is right to me brother. It is not even because you will support her business she should shoulder some responsibilities in the home, it is because it is marriage.

She should at least have negotiated what her responsibilities would be not back away from it. I don't like that.

Further communication between both of you is necessary.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

even my baby mama this December spent over 100k on our daughter while I haven't spent any yet due to recession wey hit street. Sadly, I was fucking someone else not knowing she was married while my own baby mama kept busy with her work. May God forgive me

Run for ur life. She shud b grateful u wanna marry her n set her up and willingly help. So where will all her money go to? Run o

Zzor:
I support her fully, it's a big turn off for a man to be asking hid wife to be such question,assist her if you can from your heart and I believe she's wise enough to know where and when to assist you as per responsibilities. I hate guys who throw such question,i have ignored a guy for this reason and till today he's still wondering what he did to me, don't give me the impression that your eyes are fixed on my money, its a big turn off

This is why you'll keep shouting "God when?" on posts about married people for a very long time

Hassanmaye:

Another lucky guy where do you get such kind of girlfriend abeg in Nigeria form great beyond?

Nigeria, Igbo and Abia girl

OkikewinD:


Your reasoning is right to me brother. It is not even because you will support her business she should shoulder some responsibilities in the home, it is because it is marriage.

She should at least have negotiated what her responsibilities would be not back away from it. I don't like that.

Further communication between both of you is necessary.

What would your response be as a man if you are asked by your wife to be, what house chores you are willing to take up when you get married?

Let's get this clear, you don't ask such questions. In the normal order of things, it's the man's duty to provide for the house, if the woman decides to, she can assist. It shouldnt be imposed as much as she shouldn't impose on you things that are not your natural roles on you.

But any human that has common sense would know she has to.

If it's the investing part you are not comfortable with, then don't invest in her and let her know why.
Let her find her way around it herself.

Life no hard reach like this na.

Just do what you expect to be done to you. and let matter rest.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

I just love ur instincts
Bro invest more in urself

@ OP it's such a dicey cultural issue. Its not much about her personality but about something taught her by society- u can see even ur own mum is supporting her on d matter against u her son. So u shouldn't take it on her. Just like somewhere u also would be uncomfortable being told that the chores in the house, market runs and caring for baby should be shared 50:50. - it's d society. If u are mostly ok with the rest of her personality & principles you could go ahead and marry her. U should just find a way to walk around that issue(like taking your eyes of her finances, begging her for support in d home if really needed)while both of u can make adjustments away from the culture.

Plz not all men can carry it all.. some of us are managing we need genuine partnership not the one sided type. I can do 70% she will handle 30%. I build the house we will live in without her 1 kobo cos I dont want to ever hear we built the house together..she will handle all chores and feeding . While i pay the kids school fees up to 70%.. nothing concern me and her family plz.. she will take care of her siblings and parents 100% I will handle mine 100%