I'm curious

"This is an OPEN DISCUSSION"

Why aren't many marriages of this generation durable and stable like those of our grandparents?

What are we doing wrong?

It's about all the factors of civilization you can think about

I used to think divorce happens among the educated but even illiterates too divorce.

Oluromantic:
It's about all the factors of civilization you can think about

I used to think divorce happens among the educated but even illiterates too divorce.

With all those Igando, Mapo and Ibadan cases?

bukatyne:


With all those Igando, Mapo and Ibadan cases?

Yes. They're included. Everyone claims to be eye-opened. No value for culture and moral ethics again.

BTW, which one happened in igando

Couples still believe in happily ever after when infact its all a fluke

Greed and or poverty and senselessness are the causes of almost all the marital woes/divorces in today's world:

- One who conquers greed will not marry another who didn't personify love for them, regardless of whatever such an unfit other entity possesses materially and physically.

- One who's economically poor and senseless, with or without being greedy, will fall for anyone that tickles their fancy because they don't have any set standard or plan.

- One who isn't economically poor but senseless and or greedy will fall for anyone without regard to principle.

- A senseless person might not want to be resourceful, just as a greedy person who manages to be resourceful can't be contented and selfless.

In summary, there can't be a healthy marriage in the absence of love - self-conquest and bonding with the one you shared the same ethical leanings breed love. Of course, a healthy marriage is one where the spouses involved are mutually happy.

Oluromantic:

Yes. They're included. Everyone claims to be eye-opened. No value for culture and moral ethics again.

BTW, which one happened in igando

Question is: what did NOT happen at Igando?

Just do search on NL and see all sort of cases comes up.

We've thrown our morals to the bin. We try to imitate the way of life of other countries thereby calling our own culture and traditions diabolic. We see our culture as orthodox way of living. Now we've totally embraced the wrong part of what we term civilization

There's a lot of abuse in many marriages. Emotional and physical.
I mean, there are soo many of us who come from abusive homes. Many people have watched their parents fight over and over again, but the marriage did not break up.
Unlike in the past where a lot of women endure abuse, women have learnt to walk away from abuse situations.
Plus, more and more women are becoming financially independent. They can take care of themselves and their kids without having to depend on the husband. So where the marriage becomes unhappy, they have the means to walk away.
Of a truth, the world is changing. We all need to change with it. The rules of marriage is changing. Everyone now has a voice.
.
Marriage is like a contract. What are you offering? Know what your partner is offering. If the terms are acceptable to both of you, fine. Proceed.
But people just go in with sentiments, emotions and blind trust. Many expect marriage to solve all their problems in life. They become disappointed when they learn that marriage is just a continuation of life, not a problem solver, or a happiness delivery truck.

lavylilly:
I'm curious

"This is an OPEN DISCUSSION"

Why aren't many marriages of this generation durable and stable like those of our grandparents?

What are we doing wrong?

Many things have contributed.

1. Life is getting harder for Men in general

2. Women have evolved over time

Dont let this suprise you, it's all signs of the end time. These things must happen before the world ends.

Oluromantic:
It's about all the factors of civilization you can think about

I used to think divorce happens among the educated but even illiterates too divorce.

Which civilization?

DICKstractor:


We've thrown our morals to the bin. We try to imitate the way of life of other countries thereby calling our own culture and traditions diabolic. We see our culture as orthodox way of living. Now we've totally embraced the wrong part of what we term civilization

I agree with you on this partially.

Winneygirl:
There's a lot of abuse in many marriages. Emotional and physical.
I mean, there are soo many of us who come from abusive homes. Many people have watched their parents fight over and over again, but the marriage did not break up.
Unlike in the past where a lot of women endure abuse, women have learnt to walk away from abuse situations.
Plus, more and more women are becoming financially independent. They can take care of themselves and their kids without having to depend on the husband. So where the marriage becomes unhappy, they have the means to walk away.
Of a truth, the world is changing. We all need to change with it. The rules of marriage is changing. Everyone now has a voice.
.
Marriage is like a contract. What are you offering? Know what your partner is offering. If the terms are acceptable to both of you, fine. Proceed.
But people just go in with sentiments, emotions and blind trust. Many expect marriage to solve all their problems in life. They become disappointed when they learn that marriage is just a continuation of life, not a problem solver, or a happiness delivery truck.

Spot on

Marriage that base on God prospective will last

When you love someone make sure that person is a devoted Christian that has embraced the great

Because I see dark force waging tiredlegs war against marriage not to succeed, because the hate marriage

Love is a language of the spirit,
A worldly person don't know or understand what love is
Because God is Love he who does not know him does not know love.
what the world know is lust they have misplaced it for love

So when next you are in a relationship ask yourself does this meet the criteria of the spirit.

Winneygirl:
There's a lot of abuse in many marriages. Emotional and physical.
I mean, there are soo many of us who come from abusive homes. Many people have watched their parents fight over and over again, but the marriage did not break up.
Unlike in the past where a lot of women endure abuse, women have learnt to walk away from abuse situations.
Plus, more and more women are becoming financially independent. They can take care of themselves and their kids without having to depend on the husband. So where the marriage becomes unhappy, they have the means to walk away.
Of a truth, the world is changing. We all need to change with it. The rules of marriage is changing. Everyone now has a voice.
.
Marriage is like a contract. What are you offering? Know what your partner is offering. If the terms are acceptable to both of you, fine. Proceed.
But people just go in with sentiments, emotions and blind trust. Many expect marriage to solve all their problems in life. They become disappointed when they learn that marriage is just a continuation of life, not a problem solver, or a happiness delivery truck.

Why do women usually make it seem like the reason marriages lasted more in the past, is because, women then had no other choice than to endure(in pain) their 'horrible husbands'?

Essentially absolving women of blame for marital decay today and equally praising them for maintaining marriages erstwhile, while villifying men of yesterday and blaming them for pushing women out of marriages today?

What's the point of tying the knot in the first place if you'll only be there for the good times? Life doesn't work that way, it has ups and downs....every living person( single or married) goes through good and bad times, but because many can't commit suicide, they won't quit on themselves

Marriage is a bond and a commitment and if not that many today have sex outside of marriage because they believe marriage and sex are divorced from each other, marriages won't suffer because values would be maintained and would drive human society

Whether we admit it or not, the existence of the marriage institution is rooted in religion and the more we abandon it, the more marriage itself would become endangered.

Evolved ideologies, more options and choices (for women particularly) etc.

I see people romanticising past marriages a lot but I'd argue that they were more like business contracts than nowadays

By the way a 'longer' lasting marriage isn't necessarily proof that it is 'stable'

I'm not against divorce at all if it's the healthiest option. Peace of mind trumps all

Men are becoming women and women are becoming men is what happened.

Ayaaz:


Why do women usually make it seem like the reason marriages lasted more in the past, is because, women then had no other choice than to endure(in pain) their 'horrible husbands'?

Essentially absolving women of blame for marital decay today and equally praising them for mainting marriages erstwhile, while villifying men of yesterday and blaming them for pushing women out of marriages today?

What's the point of tying the knot in the first place if you'll only be there for the good times? Life doesn't work that way, it has ups and downs....every living person( single or married) goes through good and bad times, but because many can't commit suicide, they won't quit on themselves

Marriage is a bond and a commitment and if not that many today have sex outside of marriage because they believe marriage and sex are divorced from each other, marriages won't suffer because values would be maintained and would drive human society

Whether we admit it or not, the existence of the marriage institution is rooted in religion and the more we abandon it, the more marriage itself would become endangered.

I agree with much of what you wrote except for the bolded. Actually, marriage has been an institution long before established religions came on the scene.

lavylilly:


Why aren't many marriages of this generation durable and stable like those of our grandparents?

Technology andExposure. Grandparents were exposed to mainly locals .... 15 eligible bachelors in the village...and neighbouring village. 20 females competing for them.. Not so in this digital times..... exposure is worldwide thanks to technology.... exposure to everything is sooo much greater... including the opportunity to cheat.... to run away.... for secret rendezvous... for everything that can crash a marriage.... and there is no longer that amount of shame /stigma attached to broken marriages.

RisenPhoenix1:


I agree with much of what you wrote except for the bolded. Actually, marriage has been an institution long before established religions came on the scene.

I'm a muslim and in Islam, the first contracted marriage was one done by Allah himself for the first man and woman He created i.e Adam and Hawa (known as Eve in the bible)...it's in the Qur'an, hence my assertion.

Ayaaz:


I'm a muslim and in Islam, the first contracted marriage was one done by Allah himself for the first man and woman He created i.e Adam and Hawa (known as Eve in the bible)...it's in the Qur'an, hence my assertion.

Doesn't that prove that marriage came before religions? Since Adam and Eve came centuries and maybe millions of years before Muhammad or even Moses or Jesus. I'm not sure what Hinduism teaches about marriage, but I assume that Adam and Hawa even predated Hinduism, no? And we don't know of any religion older than that as far as I know.

RisenPhoenix1:


Doesn't that prove that marriage came before religions? Since Adam and Eve came centuries and maybe millions of years before Muhammad or even Moses or Jesus. I'm not sure what Hinduism teaches about marriage, but I assume that Adam and Hawa even predated Hinduism, no? And we don't know of any religion older than that as far as I know.

This is a whole other debate, but muslims believe Islam started with Adam, down through Noah, Moses, Jesus, all the way down to Muhammad the last Messenger...the message of Allah given to all , starting from Adam, was only named as Islam when Muhammad completed the delivery of his message

In essence, to the muslim, Adam was a muslim

Islam meaning submission to Allah and a muslim being one who submits to Allah i.e one who obeys Allah's commands before all else

Ayaaz:


This is a whole other debate, but muslims believe Islam started with Adam, down through Noah, Moses, Jesus, all the way down to Muhammad the last Messenger...the message of Allah given to all , starting from Adam, was only named as Islam when Muhammad completed the delivery of his message

In essence, to the muslim, Adam was a muslim

Islam meaning submission to Allah and a muslim being one who submits to Allah i.e one who obeys Allah's commands before all else

Interesting theory. So one can theoretically be a Muslim by following any of the former laws he chooses? I'm a theist myself, but I find the seven noachide laws very compelling.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Laws_of_Noah

And couldn't we also postulate that marriage started with humanity and would remain as long as humanity existed? Why tie it to religion?

RisenPhoenix1:


Interesting theory. So one can theoretically be a Muslim by following any of the former laws he chooses? I'm a theist myself, but I find the seven noachide laws very compelling.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Laws_of_Noah

And couldn't we also postulate that marriage started with humanity and would remain as long as humanity existed? Why tie it to religion?

If any of the former laws align with the message of Islam, then the one who follows that particular law would be like the muslim, as far as his obeyance of that law is concerned

For the muslim, marriage is a standard for humanity and should be done...actually, in some cases, it could become an obligatory act

Islam is actually a way of life based on a belief, sort of like a manual of living and less so about religion

A non muslim can adopt an Islamic practice he/she finds compelling, if he/she so wishes and that won't mean they'll become muslim by adopting it

The Noahide laws are in line with Islam, we actually uphold the same beliefs.

Interesting responses, but I don't want to derail the thread, so my final questions;

Ayaaz:


If any of the former laws align with the message of Islam, then the one who follows that particular law would be like the muslim, as far as his obeyance of that law is concerned

Where would he differ from being a Muslim, since you say that all previous callers called to Islam? What is left after following the Noachide laws?

Ayaaz:

For the muslim, marriage is a standard for humanity and should be done...actually, in some cases, it could become an obligatory act

Islam is actually a way of life based on a belief, sort of like a manual of living and less so about religion

This is confusing. For ease of reference, let us refer to pre-Muhammadan Islam as Islam A, and post-Muhammadan Islam as Islam B. Which Islam are you referring to here? Since you say that 'earlier' laws of Islam are not real Islam and one cannot be a Muslim by following them.

Ayaaz:

A non muslim can adopt an Islamic practice he/she finds compelling, if he/she so wishes and that won't mean they'll become muslim by adopting it.

The Noachide laws are in line with Islam, we actually uphold the same beliefs.

Oh I see. What you mean to say is that Islam is not just about following rules on living as you stated earlier. Again, what in addition to the Noachide laws, does someone need to do/believe to become a full Muslim?

RisenPhoenix1:
Interesting responses, but I don't want to derail the thread, so my final questions;



Where would he differ from being a Muslim, since you say that all previous callers called to Islam? What is left after following the Noachide laws?



This is confusing. For ease of reference, let us refer to pre-Muhammadan Islam as Islam A, and post-Muhammadan Islam as Islam B. Which Islam are you referring to here? Since you say that 'earlier' laws of Islam are not real Islam and one cannot be a Muslim by following them.



Oh I see. What you mean to say is that Islam is not just about following rules on living as you stated earlier. Again, what in addition to the Noachide laws, does someone need to do/believe to become a full Muslim?

First of all, muslims believe in five divinely revealed books: Zabur(psalms) given to Dawud (David), the scrolls given to Ibrahim ( Abraham), Tawrat ( Torah) given to Musa ( Moses), Injeel ( Gospel) given to Isa (Jesus) and the Qur'an given to Muhammad

Muslims believe that the only one of the books still in it's original and untampered form is the Qur'an. The rest are not the originals , but they do contain some excerpts...Muhammad, being the last Messenger, was sent to all of humanity with a message for all mankind that will endure for all time, because, Allah will send no more messages in the form of revelations anymore, hence, the last message is preserved and untainted for all generations

That is why i say, whatever laws must align with Islam

Secondly:-

There are two compound things a muslim must believe in inorder to be a muslim, namely: the 6 articles of faith and the five pillars of Islam

The six articles of faith are: (1) belief in Allah and His singularity and total power, (2) belief in all the Prophets and messengers sent by Allah, (3) belief in the Angels, (4) belief in all divinely revealed books, (5) belief in the day of Judgement, (6) belief in pre-destination, both the good and bad i.e that all is as written and willed by Allah

The five pillars of faith are: (1) testifying to belief in Allah's Lordship alone without assistants and affirming submission to Him and testifying to Muhammad being His last and final messenger, (2) praying five times everyday at their set times, (3) fasting in the month of Ramadan ( this has exemptions e.g really sick people, really old people, people who have chronic illnesses that disallow them e.t.c), (4) paying the Zakat which is a compulsory tax on muslims' wealth (this is restricted to those that can afford it), (5) the Hajj pilgrimage to Makkah and Madina that one must undertake once in his/her lifetime( restricted to those that can afford to)

Belief in the articles and upholding the pillars make one a muslim, there are laws and regulations that a muslim must/should live by inorder to live Islam

Originalsly:


Technology andExposure. Grandparents were exposed to mainly locals .... 15 eligible bachelors in the village...and neighbouring village. 20 females competing for them.. Not so in this digital times..... exposure is worldwide thanks to technology.... exposure to everything is sooo much greater... including the opportunity to cheat.... to run away.... for secret rendezvous... for everything that can crash a marriage.... and there is no longer that amount of shame /stigma attached to broken marriages.

True

Ayaaz:


First of all, muslims believe in five divinely revealed books: Zabur(psalms) given to Dawud (David), the scrolls given to Ibrahim ( Abraham), Tawrat ( Torah) given to Musa ( Moses), Injeel ( Gospel) given to Isa (Jesus) and the Qur'an given to Muhammad

Muslims believe that the only one of the books still in it's original and untampered form is the Qur'an. The rest are not the originals , but they do contain some excerpts...Muhammad, being the last Messenger, was sent to all of humanity with a message for all mankind that will endure for all time, because, Allah will send no more messages in the form of revelations anymore, hence, the last message is preserved and untainted for all generations

That is why i say, whatever laws must align with Islam

Secondly:-

There are two compound things a muslim must believe in inorder to be a muslim, namely: the 6 articles of faith and the five pillars of Islam

The six articles of faith are: (1) belief in Allah and His singularity and total power, (2) belief in all the Prophets and messengers sent by Allah, (3) belief in the Angels, (4) belief in all divinely revealed books, (5) belief in the day of Judgement, (6) belief in pre-destination, both the good and bad i.e that all is as written and willed by Allah

The five pillars of faith are: (1) testifying to belief in Allah's Lordship alone without assistants and affirming submission to Him and testifying to Muhammad being His last and final messenger, (2) praying five times everyday at their set times, (3) fasting in the month of Ramadan ( this has exemptions e.g really sick people, really old people, people who have chronic illnesses that disallow them e.t.c), (4) paying the Zakat which is a compulsory tax on muslims' wealth (this is restricted to those that can afford it), (5) the Hajj pilgrimage to Makkah and Madina that one must undertake once in his/her lifetime( restricted to those that can afford to)

Belief in the articles and upholding the pillars make one a muslim, there are laws and regulations that a muslim must/should live by inorder to live Islam

Thank you. I would have liked to point out some observations there, but I wouldn't want to further detail this thread.

Winneygirl:
There's a lot of abuse in many marriages. Emotional and physical.
I mean, there are soo many of us who come from abusive homes. Many people have watched their parents fight over and over again, but the marriage did not break up.
Unlike in the past where a lot of women endure abuse, women have learnt to walk away from abuse situations.
Plus, more and more women are becoming financially independent. They can take care of themselves and their kids without having to depend on the husband. So where the marriage becomes unhappy, they have the means to walk away.
Of a truth, the world is changing. We all need to change with it. The rules of marriage is changing. Everyone now has a voice.
.
Marriage is like a contract. What are you offering? Know what your partner is offering. If the terms are acceptable to both of you, fine. Proceed.
But people just go in with sentiments, emotions and blind trust. Many expect marriage to solve all their problems in life. They become disappointed when they learn that marriage is just a continuation of life, not a problem solver, or a happiness delivery truck.

Left to men, marriage would've been scrapped a long time ago. Nah Una dey force am

RisenPhoenix1:


Thank you. I would have liked to point out some observations there, but I wouldn't want to further detail this thread.

I understand bro, enjoyed the exchange

Stay cool

BlackMamba69:


Left to men, marriage would've been scrapped a long time ago. Nah Una dey force am

How?