It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

FTC...after 8 years on nairaland....

A word to someone out there...your time to shine is coming...

Just continue believing in JESUS

Your brother should be more concerned if those children are his biological children, because whenever a wife start turning kids against their father, there are high chances and possibilities of paternity fraud.

Nigerian women didn't rank world number 2 in paternity fraud for no reason.

He should secretly opt for a DNA test first.

U for talk about ur own & allow ur brother carry him cross.... For this life, na how u make ur bed na so u go take lie on am.

True

Sundrus:
U for talk about ur own & allow ur brother carry him cross.... For this life, na how u make ur bed na so u go take lie on am.

Very sad. He is ageing and cannot perform financially?
He should use the small he has and start life afresh. Fear woman.

Wo marriage is overhyped Any marriage that want to collapse should collapse.
If he has money he should go on vacation to a developed country, sleep with women from different race and forget about those children and wife before they send him to his early grave all in the name of saving marriage.

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

Nah mumu nau.

I am surprised you are shocked.

There is foundational problem in that marriage .. The man made choice of the flesh when marrying his wife is never too late to save the family

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

I am telling you. If he put the energy he's using to carry his brother's problem into his marriage, he and his wife will be able to weather the storm approaching their marriage.

People no even wan put in work for their marriage the same way they don't want to put in work in a relationship.

As long as infidelity is not the cause of marital challenges, it can be worked on if the two parties are willing.

I've seen a marriage even scale through after infidelity.

Divorce is just the easiest and laziest way out for most.

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

I didn't carry marriage matter on my head like gala. if it works good, if it doesn't work let everyone one go in peace.

Hm

Romanoff:


I am telling you. If he put the energy he's using to carry his brother's problem into his marriage, he and his wife will be able to weather the stop approaching their marriage.

People no even wan put in work for their marriage the same way they don't want to put in work in a relationship.

As long as infidelity is not the cause of marital challenges, it can be worked on if the two parties are willing.

I've seen a marriage even scale through after infidelity.

Divorce is just the easiest and laziest way out for most.

I even prefer my marriage to collapse than my brother's own. His problem is my problem. I know how to handle mine, contribute to where I request your contribution or stfu

Sundrus:
U for talk about ur own & allow ur brother carry him cross.... For this life, na how u make ur bed na so u go take lie on am.

don't worry about me.
One of the main reason why I even marry is because I want to have a child that would be there for me at old age. That is why my brother's case makes me sad. I just need opinions on that, not that if it collapse it would be end of the world.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.
What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.
imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.
It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.
Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.
Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. They nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

How do we help your brother now?

Let him engage his wife on what is going on.

20 years plus is a long time.

Richy4:
I don't understand it.... Did he ask the wife to tell the kids to wash the car and she asked him to let them be or did he go to their room by himself and the wife intervened which one?

he's someone that wants his car washed daily. Will you have two grown up boys of 20 and 18 at home and still be washing your car yourself?? if he sent for his boys to do that the wife will block it. giving him sleep and rest as reason

omojesu202:


I even prefer my marriage to collapse than my brother's own. His problem is my problem. I know how to handle mine, contribute to where I request your contribution or stfu

I'm pretty sure you typed this with a straight face feeling like you made alotta sense, right?

omojesu202:


don't worry about me.
One of the main reason why I even marry is because I want to have a child that would be there for me at old age. That is why my brother's case makes me sad. I just need opinions on that, not that if it collapse it would be end of the world.

And if eventually the child isn't there at old age, who will you fall back on? Since you care less about your wife?

omojesu202:


I even prefer my marriage to collapse than my brother's own. His problem is my problem. I know how to handle mine, contribute to where I request your contribution or stfu

After 20 years of marriage, your brother doesn't know people to consult for advice to fix his marriage, you had to come to social media to seek the opinion of people, most who will give you negative advice.

I wish Una well.

Now I'll shut the front door.

omojesu202:


he's someone that wants his car washed daily. Will you have two grown up boys of 20 and 18 at home and still be washing your car yourself?? if he sent for his boys to do that the wife will block it. giving him sleep and rest as reason

Does this qualify as turning the children against their Father? No

The main issue should be addressed, I don't see why grown up boys can't wash their fathers car, except there's a genuine reason or they are spoilt brats which still boils down to one thing - Bad parenting.

Let me assume that your brother isn't the one with a problem. When a man marries an unconscientious woman who doesn't have an altruistic interest in him or a woman who has any form of personality disorder for whatever reason, he ought to know that he must have a well structured psychological game plan to keep her under control continually, fairly or unfairly. Your brother has long lost the union and family authority to his wife - psychological warfare is inevitable wherever two or more people who aren't mutually from strong ethical leanings share closeness/bonding, except where they mutually have an altruistic interest for each other. However, assuming that he knows his onus in this regard, it's still possible for him to bring her and the children under his authority, regardless of his financial standing and any damage already done to him.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.
What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.
imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.
It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.
Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.
Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. They nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

simple thing, bring a young respectable boy from his village, treat him like a son and let him wash your car like a son should. I believe 20year Olds should know not every father was ever there for their children, they that have a father who was there for them don't know what they have... Nonesense

Biglittlelois:



I'm pretty sure you typed this with a straight face feeling like you made alotta sense, right?

I said that because of my love for him and what he has invested in his marriage. I haven't invested 1/10000 of his. Of course I'll not want a broken home but I believe if it would not work it's better to go in peace than in pieces.

Why wash your car daily ? Once a week is enough.
Task them car wash duty on Saturdays after breakfast and see how it goes.

omojesu202:


he's someone that wants his car washed daily. Will you have two grown up boys of 20 and 18 at home and still be washing your car yourself?? if he sent for his boys to do that the wife will block it. giving him sleep and rest as reason

Washing a car or not washing is not a problem at all.

Most teenagers and post teens need to be reminded to do a lot of things in the house.

Please do not intervene in husband and wife matter though he is your brother.

His children are no longer kids and should be handled wisely.

If they don't wash his car, the man should wash his car by himself. It's no big deal. I wash my car myself despite having big teenagers. They do once in a while though.

I have consistently faced this challenge. Please don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Symptoms of the family being dysfunctional.

OP, focus on your marriage if there is ever one.

omojesu202:


I even prefer my marriage to collapse than my brother's own. His problem is my problem. I know how to handle mine, contribute to where I request your contribution or stfu

Go and engage yourself with something meaningful.

Your brother's marriage is his responsibility, not yours. Your own marriage that's about to collapse like his, is yours. Face yours, biko.

:U for talk about ur own & allow ur brother carry him cross.... For this life, na how u make ur bed na so u go take lie on am.