Even me sef tire.. I couldnt even read. Yall will be fine just go and have sex.

Cutehector:
Even me sef tire.. I couldnt even read. Yall will be fine just go and have sex.

We've been having alot of sex. �

HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.

Thank you!
Exactly my thought.

DoubleEngine007:
You should have asked him.. "Baby who among your mom and his mom,he wants to come over"Then you wait for him to decide. He asked you as a trap,then the selfish you go fall put. Now look at what you have caused. Did you even say you don't know how to tell people that he visits or believes in native doctors
Don't try it please.. Someone above said ,you talk too much. I don't know how true is that,but if actually you talk too much.. Avoid telling the world the secrets of your husband, if you still do love your marriage.
The only thing that can safe you and your marriage right now,like the poster above me said is Prayers if you believe in God.

@bold:

I tried to understand this, I couldn't.

A husband asks his wife: 'who should come for omugwo' and wifey said 'her mother'


Let's assume the husband wanted his mother to come over because he is the man/it is her right/or whatever:

Was the husband not supposed to state he wants his mother to come because of X, Y Z?

How can you ask your wife a question, she gives a 'wrong' answer and you start to fight and ruin things?

Does it make sense to you?

Vevejoy:



Thank you!

I refuse to believe your husband went 360 because you said you want your mom.

Perhaps your 'stable' marriage was not stable at your husband's end.

This sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back.

Engage him on his exact problem and take it from there.

Vevejoy:


We've been having alot of sex. �

In this situation?

And you both can't resolve your issues thereafter?

Toor!

Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

May God restore the peace that once existed in your home. Amen! Madam, I advice you take your time and decipher the remote cause of your husband's behaviour and see what you can do to address it. More importantly, couple must learn to reach a compromise on every issue in their home; but it seems your husband is ignorance of this. I suggest you both meet a councillor who would help educate him and council both of you approximately. Please, make sure you remain submissive to him and remind him that it is his duty to love and cherish you. Good luck!

Which tribe are you?

Vevejoy:


I teared up. Atleast one person has looked at my writeup in bothways n not do the regular blame game.
Words heal and these few u just wrote right here brought forth some healing.
Thank you!

Ndo.

Most mothers would prefer their mum coming to help them after delivery in naija for obvious reasons, its not even an issue but because its abroad its now a problem. Hr never stated his preference , she did and it was used against her.

Lots of people are very hypocritical.

OP you have more serious issues, the herbalist issue, God help you.

bukatyne:


@bold:

I tried to understand this, I couldn't.

A husband asks his wife: 'who should come for omugwo' and wifey said 'her mother'


Let's assume the husband wanted his mother to come over because he is the man/it is her right/or whatever:

Was the husband not supposed to state he wants his mother to come because of X, Y Z?

How can you ask your wife a question, she gives a 'wrong' answer and you start to fight and ruin things?

Does it make sense to you?

Even if I try to explain to you from now till next month ,you might still not understand the point I'm making,because you are not seeing it from the angle I'm seeing it. So,just give op your advice ,yours might be of help to her. Enjoy the rest of your evening/night relaxatn.

Wahala for who no look well before them say "I Do".

Mood11:
Your husband set trap and you fell into it

You would have simply asked him who he would like to have over and allow him throw the dice to your choice. Even if his mother comes, it is not an achievement..

As matter don be like this, just allow him some time. He will come around.

Imagine walking on egg shells around your husband because he “set a trap” for you. Which kind of nonsense life is that one. Where they can’t just freely communicate.

Okay even if she anticipated the trick question and gave him the answer he wasn’t really looking for (seems he was looking for the “wrong answer” so he can have a reason to fight). What can she do about his dalliance with native doctors.

Not that he shouldn’t be free to practice the religion he wants to. but if the priests/prophets he sees are only the ones who see problems around him especially in his family members, then there’s nothing she can do about it. First his father. Now his wife. They will always tell him someone in how life is causing him problems.
It’s hard to live in peace with people who believe such things.

cococandy:


Imagine walking on egg shells around your husband because he “set a trap” for you. Which kind of nonsense life is that one. Where they can’t just freely communicate.

Okay even if she anticipated the trick question and gave him the answer he wasn’t really looking for (seems he was looking for the “wrong answer” so he can have a reason to fight). What can she do about his dalliance with native doctors.

Not that he shouldn’t be free to practice the religion he wants to. but if the priests/prophets he sees are only the ones who see problems around him especially in his family members, then there’s nothing she can do about it. First his father. Now his wife. They will always tell him someone in how life is causing him problems.
It’s hard to live in peace with people who believe such things.

The only person who has addressed the native drs issue. I was almost wondering based on the focus of the comments on this thread if believing so much in native drs is a normal thing for most people in naija.

Truly my dear trading with someone who can lay his life for native drs is a bitter pill to swallow.

Thanks for ur comment.
What will u do in my situation?

CalliDora1:
You caused it. When he asked you who was coming over, you should have been wise enough to say anyone of them can come, instead of saying your mom "of course"... It sounds more like you're calling the shots in the marriage and men loath it.

Complaining about his dealings with native doctors now sounds out of place because you knew this before going into the marriage. So why complain now because everything is beginning to fall apart? You should know that anyone who visits native doctors is always hard hearted and suspects everyone and everything around them. So, learn to leave with it cos you saw it from the beginning but chose to ignore maybe because he's Yankee based.

All that glitters is not gold.

You're making sense

Which tribe are you?

SweetCunt97:
Wahala for who no look well before them say "I Do".

Big wahala.

CalliDora1:
You caused it. When he asked you who was coming over, you should have been wise enough to say any one of them can come, instead of saying your mom "of course"... It sounds more like you're calling the shots in the marriage and men loath it.

Complaining about his dealings with native doctors now sounds out of place because you knew this before going into the marriage. So why complain now because everything is beginning to fall apart? You should know that anyone who visits native doctors is always hard hearted and suspects everyone and everything around them. So, learn to live with it cos you saw it from the beginning but chose to ignore maybe because he's Yankee based.

All that glitters is not gold.

Ur assumption that I knew about his believes be4 marriage is wrong.
Also saying I probably got married to him bc of yankee is 100% wrong. Infact we were both based abroad and both citizens abroad when we met be4 u come up with paper issues.
Anyway thanks for ur judgemental comment. U said ur point and I appreciate ur time. �

Vevejoy:


We've been having alot of sex. �

continue

Vevejoy:



Ur assumption that I knew about his believes be4 marriage is wrong.
Also saying I probably got married to him bc of yankee is 100% wrong. Infact we were both based abroad and both citizens abroad when we met be4 u come up with paper issues.
Anyway thanks for ur judgemental comment. U said ur point and I appreciate ur time. �

Sorry if I come across as judgemental. I'm not.
They were just mere speculations.

Good luck!

bukatyne:


@bold:

I tried to understand this, I couldn't.

A husband asks his wife: 'who should come for omugwo' and wifey said 'her mother'


Let's assume the husband wanted his mother to come over because he is the man/it is her right/or whatever:

Was the husband not supposed to state he wants his mother to come because of X, Y Z?

How can you ask your wife a question, she gives a 'wrong' answer and you start to fight and ruin things?

Does it make sense to you?

Thank you.
Why would a man want to set a "wrong answer" trap for his wife.
She should not be in a hurry to have baby number 2

Vevejoy:



Ur assumption that I knew about his believes be4 marriage is wrong.
Also saying I probably got married to him bc of yankee is 100% wrong. Infact we were both based abroad and both citizens abroad when we met be4 u come up with paper issues.
Anyway thanks for ur judgemental comment. U said ur point and I appreciate ur time. �

Sorry hun, Don't take things said here too seriously.

Vevejoy:


The only person who has addressed the native drs issue. I was almost wondering based on the focus of the comments on this thread if believing so much in native drs is a normal thing for most people in naija.

Truly my dear trading with someone who can lay his life for native drs is a bitter pill to swallow.

Thanks for ur comment.
What will u do in my situation?

Well People do still believe in such things but can be double faced about it. Due to stigma? Most likely.

I am open minded about religious inclinations and could very well accommodate a spouse who believes in a different religion or what we consider to be unknown gods. Each person to their own. Depending on what they teach them there and if it’s compatible with peaceful coexistence between them and others.

But I won’t tolerate being the villain in the story based on whatever their priest, pastor or doctor is feeding them. I won’t tell you what to do with your life or marriage, but if I were put in such a position, I can’t live with a person who really and whole heartedly believes I am the evil presence in their life. I’d be worried and scared about what they could be advised to do next.

I’ve seen people horribly abuse children and spouses because they genuinely believed the so called family members are witches/evil/bad luck etc . All because someone told them so. They don’t even think they are doing anything bad. In their story, they are doing the right things because they are on the side of ‘good’. The power of mental manipulation can’t be underestimated.

If he’s ready to work on the relationship now, does that mean he no longer believes what the native doctor told him about you? these are questions you need to ask him.

Vevejoy:


The only person who has addressed the native drs issue. I was almost wondering based on the focus of the comments on this thread if believing so much in native drs is a normal thing for most people in naija.

Truly my dear trading with someone who can lay his life for native drs is a bitter pill to swallow.

Thanks for ur comment.
What will u do in my situation?

Your own don dey too much sef. Haba!

Na by force to marry? Free the nigga if you no sabi deal with am. Afterall you said you're self sufficient enough to survive on your own.
Talking as if you are perfect and your shiit doesn't stink. What were you hoping to gain from this thread sef or you just want us to insult your husband so that you will feel good about yourself.

Very soon you will claim you didn't know he was diabolical before you married him. Mtcheww

OP if your husband does something that bothers you speak up,but don't do it in a way that it becomes nagging.Make person no go get high BP because of overthinking.

BlackMamba69:





Your own don dey too much sef. Haba!

Na by force to marry? Free the nigga if you no sabi deal with am. Afterall you said you're self sufficient enough to survive on your own.
Talking as if you are perfect and your shiit doesn't stink. What were you hoping to gain from this thread sef or you just want us to insult your husband so that you will feel good about yourself.

Very soon you will claim you didn't know he was diabolical before you married him. Mtcheww

Ok sir! Thanks for ur time.

cococandy:

Well People do still believe in such things but can be double faced about it. Due to stigma? Most likely.

I am open minded about religious inclinations and could very well accommodate a spouse who believes in a different religion or what we consider to be unknown gods. Each person to their own. Depending on what they reach them there and if it’s compatible with peaceful coexistence between them and others.

But I won’t tolerate being the villain in the story based on whatever their priest, pastor or doctor is feeding them. I won’t tell you what to do with your life or marriage, but if I were put in such a position, I can’t live with a person who really and whole heartedly believes I am the evil presence in their life. I’d be worried and scared about what they could be advised to do next.

I’ve seen people horribly abuse children and spouses because they genuinely believed the so called family members are witches/evil/bad luck etc . All because someone told them so. They don’t even think they are doing anything bad. In their story, they are doing the right things because they are on the side of ‘good’. The power of mental manipulation can’t be underestimated.

If he’s ready to work on the relationship now, does that mean he no longer believes what the native doctor told him about you? these are questions you need to ask him.

Thanks alot for taking out your time to respond. I truly appreciate your input.

SweetCunt97:
Wahala for who no look well before them say "I Do".

i agree. anyways, |Hello. I am a new person on nairaland and I juss hapen to see your picture and u very beautiful and I used to be a millionaire but am now a thousanier. Please can i have your nomba and please can i date u and please can i take u out on date this week end please? I have money
am a new person on nairaland and this is my first day,
Are u intarested and please can i love u and continue to love u?
I am not really intarested in punny for now but maybe later when i get to no u and u my girl friend. Deal?

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020

Really? So you mean you used to be happy even with all the Native Dr. Issues? That means you always ignore obvious signs.

2. You said your baby is suffering waking up at 6am. My kids wake up at 6 too and i get them ready for daycare. The secret to waking early is to sleep very early. Bed time for my kids is 7pm. You can try that.

3. Stop reporting him to his mom. They can't save the marriage if he decides to kick you out. It's like reporting a cheating husband to the wife. When they make up, you become a topic for discussion. His mother can never love you more than she loves him.

4. Stop repeating the "independent" "can take care of myself" talk. You're grooming something that may overwhelm you.

5. Suggesting that your mom comes first is not wrong. You'd be able to "command" your mom to help put things in order or press your stomach much more than you'd be able to "command" his mom.

In conclusion, it's unfortunate that your husband is who he is. Except he loses contact with those native doctors, they will be at the helm of affairs in your home.

If you people are still fvucking, then be hopeful, another baby may come soon. If you're not, then just go ahead to care for the one you already have.

You may share a home, but don't let anything get to you. Live your life to the fullest. Get busy with activities, spring is coming, summer thereafter. Plan a trip, if he comes, fine, if he doesnt, fine. Make yourself happy.

Commotfornigeri:
We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020

Really? So you mean you used to be happy even with all the Native Dr. Issues? That means you always ignore obvious signs.

2. You said your baby is suffering waking up at 6am. My kids wake up at 6 too and i get them ready for daycare. The secret to waking early is to sleep very early. Bed time for my kids is 7pm. You can try that.

3. Stop reporting him to his mom. They can't save the marriage if he decides to kick you out. It's like reporting a cheating husband to the wife. When they make up, you become a topic for discussion. His mother can never love you more than she loves him.

4. Stop repeating the "independent" "can take care of myself" talk. You're grooming something that may overwhelm you.

5. Suggesting that your mom comes first is not wrong. You'd be able to "command" your mom to help put things in order or press your stomach much more than you'd be able to "command" his mom.

In conclusion, it's unfortunate that your husband is who he is. Except he loses contact with those native doctors, they will be at the helm of affairs in your home.

If you people are still fvucking, then be hopeful, another baby may come soon. If you're not, then just go ahead to care for the one you already have.

You may share a home, but don't let anything get to you. Live your life to the fullest. Get busy with activities, spring is coming, summer thereafter. Plan a trip, if he comes, fine, if he doesnt, fine. Make yourself happy.

This advice can only work on a matured mind - op is a spoilt, childish little girl who believes the world owes her something because she happens to have a vagina. Imagine a mother thinking taking a child to nursery is suffering. Tueh!

heniford2:
all this thing you typed here break up with him please let me ask you what is wrong with him seen a native doctor, if we check very well know we will get to understand that the whole problem is from your side, you talk, abuse him, yet you want him to act so you will use it against him in overseas, maybe the will depot him thank God the young guy is smart very smart to avoid you, better re arrange your life oh or break up with him you want to have another issue while your still queering with him Ahh! you self shall chill oh or move on since you claim independent

very wise, bad sharp guy I tell you - glad he ignores her wailings.
Proverbs 25:24 it is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman
That niggar is a practicing Christian if you ask me!

Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.


Help me out please

Let me get this straight, in all this mess you still want to add another child to this equation? So if he had really wanted another baby despite showing that he doesn't love you, you would have gotten pregnant again?

If your story is the way you said it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with bringing your mum over to nurse you after childbirth as most women are more comfortable around their own mothers during this time. Unfortunately you married a selfish man and you know it, but you are looking for the typical “pray for him” advice. So I'll go with the flow and ask you to pray for him and watch war room.