| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Kondomatic(m): 11:14am On Jan 20, 2021 |
mariahAngel:
It's just that so much is expected of a woman, it is hardly fair. The more they give, the more they're asked to give.
All they ever wanted is to be listened to.
And all the men ever wanted is not to be killed with responsibilities.
She wants her mom to come so she can work. Dude has been there for 17 years but his own mom is not there and possibly have never been there. Do you think he doesn't want his mom to have a taste of good life. He would have brought her and others a long time ago if he could finance it.
In bringing the mother abroad, husband may end up spending more than what the wife will make from work during the time her mother is there. That's if she will ever go again.
Wife prolly never sat down to think about the financial burden bringing her over will add to his already heavily laden shoulders.
Self centeredness is another problem you lots have. Down here, a wife will bring in her own siblings but the husband's siblings dare not stay more than a week.
It's the responsibility of a father and a mother to take care of their child not father and grandmother. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by donnie(m): 11:14am On Jan 20, 2021 |
RuddyFusion:
Prayer is needed intense one.....Locate any MFM church around you join the online programs and you will be fine She should complicate her life abi? I think she is too pushy and has this idea of an ideal marriage that she doesn't seem to be acheiving. If your husband is a selfish man, still act wisely and humbly as a woman and you will still be attractive to him. Don't try to claim right by saying "compromise on both sides". He should know that if he is wise. Even if he isn't he will learn the hard way on his own. So you want him to sleep with you after dragging right? How na... when you be boss? Just pray for him and believe... It will turn out for your good. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Hardgun: 11:15am On Jan 20, 2021 |
longetivity:
Gather here if you did not read the post Na middle of the road I stop o |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by frozen70(f): 11:16am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.
So here's my issue.
I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.
We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.
My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.
My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.
I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.
Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.
The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.
I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.
Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.
I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.
- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.
Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.
We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.
I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.
Help me out please Stop being in a sober mood for the mere fact that no man deserves to be died for You dont even know if the spirit in you is affecting the demons in him There is nothing God cannot do in this life If you think you still want to be in the marriage, go into prayers and stop crying for him to see you cry for God to arrest his stubborn spirit The idea of your mum coming is over sing it as a song for his own mum to relocate down to you people Don't worry much about your child, other people's child are in the same day care and they are well taken care of, so push that away from your mind When praying, do that behind his view as you don't know what made him to frequently visit a harbalist when he could as well remain faithful to God You don't know how much he has committed himself to spiritualism and don't come and carry what you did not prepare For the time being stop reporting him to his mum because she doesn't really have a firm grip over her son Your life is more important than anything both of you are dragging for Let him practice his traditional and harbalist life in as much as you can't bring him out and as well it doesn't affect your own life While all these are going on, prepare for the worst, if it happens that you have to pack out, "you only live once". You won't be the first or the last to get separated because of emotional abuse You must build your emotions Wether you like it or not When next he accuses you of using native means on you, just say "oh lord I thank you for you are the only God I serve" Assuming you are staying in niaja its a different thing, you are abroad so use your head well 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by omotomki: 11:16am On Jan 20, 2021 |
I understand your plight, I stay abroad and understand how difficult to take care of kids without help.I am a man and have a child too.I think you need to make your marriage work, understand your man.possibly he feels you are trying to bring your mum over so that she can take over your duties as a mother. Most Nigeria women are after money , am not saying you.they will choose career over home ,so if he does not agree for your mum to come ; and you can't sacrifice your work.let the child remain in kindergarten.no marriage is perfect, you may think your man is bad, there are worse men out there. Just my opinion, reach an agreement among yourself.
quote author=Vevejoy post=98230388]Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.
So here's my issue.
I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.
We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.
My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.
My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.
I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.
Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.
The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.
I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.
Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.
I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.
- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.
Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.
We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.
I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.
Help me out please[/quote] 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by GeneralPula: 11:16am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Cutehector:
continue Lol. Don’t know why I find your response funny broo 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by mohisd(m): 11:17am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.
So here's my issue.
I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.
We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.
My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.
My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.
I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.
Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.
The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.
I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.
Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.
I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.
- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.
Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.
We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.
I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.
Help me out please . My sister life is so short ..no more time should be wasted on him he will never change ...diabolic act is very dangerous. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by TheGift: 11:17am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Hmmmm.. There is a lot to unpack here. I may have to come back later, but for now let me just say if you guys were really ok until May last year-apart from "minor issues", then there is hope for restoration. But something will need to change, for change to come. I would have said you should speak with someone whom He respects and holds in high regards, like maybe His Mum and hopefully not His nativ3e doctor Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.
So here's my issue.
I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.
We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.
My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.
My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.
I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.
Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.
The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.
I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.
Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.
I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.
- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.
Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.
We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.
I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.
Help me out please 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by loco2(m): 11:18am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Pls your husband is showing sign of depression and you should do something before it's late. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by marwanafrica: 11:18am On Jan 20, 2021 |
sweetmelanin:
This is the life of 95% of parents abroad so I need you to put your big girl panties on and get on with life... welcome to motherhood, welcome to adulthood! 
Not everyone can afford such luxury of bringing a mother across nations simply to help take care of your child... especially when you outrightly insisted on your own mother! I honestly can't blame your husband for his reluctance.. try and see things from his perspective too... have you truly thought about the costs? Visa application, flight tickets, cost of maintenance when she gets there; feeding, higher electricity&water bills etc.. he will need to show proof of sufficient funds to cover her maintenance for the entire duration of her stay there.. that is approx £7000 or £10000 that has been sitting in his account for at least three consecutive months prior to filing the visa application.
It's simply not fair to expect him to be burdened with all that for your own mother while he may secretly be wishing his own mother also deserves such investment. I think you should just forget it if you won't be funding your mother's trip yourself..
There are ways you can minimize childcare costs abroad:
- you can opt to be a stay at home mum if your job is low paying i.e. if you deduct childcare costs from your salary and the balance it isn't up to £500, just stay at home.
- you can get a part time/work from home job which allows you to stay home with your kid.
- Claim child benefit.
- You can get 15-30 hours free childcare (per week) sponsored by the government once your little one turns 2 or 3 years old (if you are UK based).
The other alternative is to move back to nigeria if you feel you can cope better over there.. You as a Nigerian with high knowledge of foreign countries? The lord God that pave way for you people to visit other developed countries will do it for me too, In Sha Allah. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by clockwisereport: 11:18am On Jan 20, 2021 |
luminouz:
So going to native doctors is diabolic?
Are you that ashamed of your culture and values? Yet you are quick to accept and validate the white man's religion.
See how the West conquered Africa and still controls your psyche even now You just retorted to insults and las las you made no point. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by emerged01(m): 11:19am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Vevejoy,The first reason for misunderstanding which was bringing your mom over is so wrong. His mother should be the one to come over. You shouldn’t have brought this issue up since you won’t allow his mother to come. If you have a good relationship with his mother why didn’t you ask his mother to come?
How will you feel if you have a son who is in your husband’s shoe, and his wife is trying to bring her mother over to abroad to take care of your their son? Will you be happy with your son for that decision? You should know what your action will cause between your husband and his mother.
About the rest of your complain I don’t have much to say than to cut him off the native doctors. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 11:19am On Jan 20, 2021 |
HarunaWest:
God forbid...I can't be ugly like you. Let it sink in. I'm guessing you're somewhere between mid 30s to early 40s,yet you talk like a 15 year old. Grow up, old man. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by SirBunky85(m): 11:19am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Vevejoy:
I'll pass because the Bible says I should in the book of 2 Timothy.
2 Timothy 2:23-24 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.
Nice try to get me well said.just ignore the silly brat who lacks any decency to address issues 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Magnoliaa(f): 11:19am On Jan 20, 2021 |
mariahAngel:
Women have truly suffered! 
" Don't complain! Suck it up and bear it!" Says the world
Sigh! Likeeeee. All the comments I've been reading up till this point were just annoying, devoid of emotional intelligence and sensitivity towards the woman's plights.
If those advice reflects the mentality of all average Nigerian men, it's no surprise marriages are what they are to women. 8 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Kondomatic(m): 11:21am On Jan 20, 2021 |
NoToPile:
OP you have more serious issues, the herbalist issue, God help you.
Please how is this an issue?
Christians go to church and pray for their enemies to die and then turn around to complain when people visit herbalist.
It confuses me.
They're all people with same problem but have different ways of solving it. Last time I checked, most of the people who visit herbalists are more righteous than lots of Christians.
Christians visit herbalist anyways, lost of them but they do it secretly so let's keep pretending like it doesn't happen. 5 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by luminouz(m): 11:21am On Jan 20, 2021 |
clockwisereport:
You just retorted to insults and las las you made no point.
Made enough to get this confused response to me. I'm done with you. |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by GeneralPula: 11:21am On Jan 20, 2021 |
CalliDora1:
You caused it. When he asked you who was coming over, you should have been wise enough to say any one of them can come, instead of saying your mom "of course"... It sounds more like you're calling the shots in the marriage and men loath it.
Complaining about his dealings with native doctors now sounds out of place because you knew this before going into the marriage. So why complain now because everything is beginning to fall apart? You should know that anyone who visits native doctors is always hard hearted and suspects everyone and everything around them. So, learn to live with it cos you saw it from the beginning but chose to ignore maybe because he's Yankee based.
All that glitters is not gold. You gave it to her, sane and blunt.. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Remzoid: 11:21am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Madam, you simply need Jesus in you life and in your marriage, a life without Christ is full of crisis, a life controlled by the Holy Spirit is full of life and peace, You can not get peace in your marriage from anywhere, except you invite d prince of peace into your life and your marriage which is JESUS, try it and see that the Lord is good, that is what the spirit of God laid in my heart to tell you 3 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Tundex911: 11:21am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Your story sef too long |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 11:22am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Magnoliaa:
Likeeeee. All the comments I've been reading up till this point were just annoying, devoid of emotional intelligence and sensitivity towards the woman's plights.
If those advice reflects the mentality of all average Nigerian man, it's no surprise marriages are what they are to women. Exactly. This is why boo and I have to really talk extensively about things like this. In laws can make or break any marriage. 3 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by josephobaro(m): 11:22am On Jan 20, 2021 |
bukatyne:
@bold:
I tried to understand this, I couldn't.
A husband asks his wife: 'who should come for omugwo' and wifey said 'her mother'
Let's assume the husband wanted his mother to come over because he is the man/it is her right/or whatever:
Was the husband not supposed to state he wants his mother to come because of X, Y Z?
How can you ask your wife a question, she gives a 'wrong' answer and you start to fight and ruin things?
Does it make sense to you? Just maybe the tone in which you used in answering triggered all these. Remember how you say things is as important as what you say. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Mrnairalandd: 11:22am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Vevejoy:
I teared up. Atleast one person has looked at my writeup in bothways n not do the regular blame game.
Words heal and these few u just wrote right here brought forth some healing.
Thank you! I have seen lady like you before and i can say everything about you even though i have not lived with you for a day. Having read your write up, i can categorically say you are d problem. Listen, you are extremely selfish to the point your hubby set you up with that question, and as expected, you woefully failed it. Also, you claimed you are struggling with d first baby but wanted d same man to start making a 2nd baby again. The moment the 2nd baby comes, you would be all over the world holding responsible for your woes just like you are doing now. You are very manipulative, selfish and unreliable. I saw where you are rejoicing over someone being on your side in the comment session, isn’t that obvious you are d problem of that marriage? Selfish you! Grow up! You have done everything to manipulate this man but it all failed. Consequently you became miserable just cos you couldn’t get your way. Listen, your hubby knows you in and out hence his quiet reactions. If you like, jump on the advice of your fellow co-travellers here, you ll end up raising that child or kids with your mom as a single mother. Ode! Woman, listen, if you want that marriage, you better get rid of those selfish demands in your head and give your hubby enough time to decide on his own time. Stop forcing things on him! 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by HarunaWest(m): 11:23am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Chii59:
I'm guessing you're somewhere between mid 30s to early 40s,yet you talk like a 15 year old. Grow up, old man. u sef grow up and mind your business |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by GoldenJAT(m): 11:23am On Jan 20, 2021 |
MejiLoyon:
I stopped reading at believe in native doctor after 17years. It's simply impossible
And it made front page
Just so you know...if you carry your marriage matter come social media you deserve to be single forever.
Also ask those that have brought theirs here, was the problem solved here? So many things happen in marriages,they solve it themselves. Go come carry am.come social media.
No be relationship oooo. Marriage. Na wah o Are you married? |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by idu1(m): 11:23am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Vevejoy:
Ur assumption that I knew about his believes be4 marriage is wrong.
Also saying I probably got married to him bc of yankee is 100% wrong. Infact we were both based abroad and both citizens abroad when we met be4 u come up with paper issues.
Anyway thanks for ur judgemental comment. U said ur point and I appreciate ur time. � Mrs vevejoy you talk too much. And you are sounding too condescending menh. He visits native doctors and so what? They are his spiritual fathers like pastors so? Go on your two kneels and beg your husband sincerely. He will forgive you. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by greyvirgo(m): 11:24am On Jan 20, 2021 |
Hi,
This sounds like an accumulation of bigger issues that have come full circle.
And I have some semblance in my own relationship, especially when it comes to communication.
My mrs likes to have the first say, middle say and last say in every conversation.
Fortunately for her, am from Oyo state..grew up in Lagos and steeped in tradition lol...and fortunately, I don't have a reverse gear. She grew up amongst matriarch...and I grew up amongst patriarchs...see where this is heading?
I for one found communication difficult, because everything got emotional pretty quickly from her end and I never used to see her perspectives...it's all about traditions for me..being the dominant party bla bla bla...
Eventually, I started resesrching her background and also compared with mine...my parents where never lovers..they where simply married....and so..that was all I knew, meant I needed to unlearn and re-learn.how to love a woman, understand, communicate, than simply be married to one....let me not digress..!lol
You need a retrospective with someone that can be honest with both of you..
Your man needs a mentor...(I have one)..! A man without a mentor is like a ship sailing aimlessly...
You also need someone you can go to as well to show you how you are going wrong and how best to turn things around..
We both share the same mentors...a married couple.we've known them for years through church, and make it a habit to meet them every 6 months for a catchup and fellowship..even if all is well
It feels like you are both living and trying things out, including throwing your toys about......Eventually, it will come to a head.
Regarding NativeDs...if his parental history is linked to doing these things, will be extremely difficult to get him off this train...that one nah prayers...question is, are you Godly and spiritual as well? This one no be physical...
It took us 10 yrs to finally get a good balance on how we both communicate..even longer for me to meet her emotional needs..Meaning, taking her our more often to exciting places...given her time to speak and to feel heard...reaching out to her and making her feel wanted..all these have calmed her passived aggressive stance with me into the lady I married...I guess she was crying for help....and I didn't understand it..
Lots to suggest and advise, but, will leave others to contribute s well. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by CzarChris(m): 11:26am On Jan 20, 2021 |
HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him. Bros you too much, you said it all. For someone like me, i for don run leave house for this woman aswear. I can't stand a woman that nags. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Juoflife1(f): 11:28am On Jan 20, 2021 |
OP you have a right to your peace of mind. There's absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting your mom to come. If it were me, I will ignore him and focus on my child and job and if things don't get better, I file for divorce. I cannot die on top man matter abeg. 5 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by SirBunky85(m): 11:29am On Jan 20, 2021 |
CalliDora1:
My dear. I just wanted her to be off my neck. Some people don't like being told the bitter truth. That's her case. what bitter truth? you say sth from ur imagination and brand it "a bitter truth" .most of you are truly hypocrites 3 Likes |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by ernecy(m): 11:29am On Jan 20, 2021 |
I feel u are the one who is trying to destabilize ur marriage by suggesting to bring a relative over. Madam if u want ur marriage to work, keep family very far from ur home and stop complaining too much especially to outsiders and deal with issues internally. If he can afford daycare why are not move on. Don't create problem where there is non.. 1 Like |
| Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by emerged01(m): 11:29am On Jan 20, 2021 |
bukatyne:
@bold:
I tried to understand this, I couldn't.
A husband asks his wife: 'who should come for omugwo' and wifey said 'her mother'
Let's assume the husband wanted his mother to come over because he is the man/it is her right/or whatever:
Was the husband not supposed to state he wants his mother to come because of X, Y Z?
How can you ask your wife a question, she gives a 'wrong' answer and you start to fight and ruin things?
Does it make sense to you? You should read the write up again. When the husband asked her who should come,” she said of course my mom that it is normal for a wife’s mother to come”. Woman can think it is normal but when they become grandma,will they be happy when their son give such consent to his wife? 1 Like |
