Married to a wrong person how?.

I even think say you wan talk better thing.

Since when did a bride start to fix her own dowry before marriage?
Is the dowry not fixed by her family elders according to their cultural?
That was the beginning of the whole wahala...
That marriage is doomed because it's sitting on a faulty foundation.

Nawa o
Na men dey open book of Lamentations pass this days

It's Obvious the tables have turned.... Enjoy the ride Brothers

In all u stated I couldn't find any problems with your wife. First she saved you from embarrassment, the help you secure a good accomodation then you begin threatening her with divorce, haba oga. If na Ur daughter that is done to how will u feel ? Learn to be a man and take decision u feel u okay with. Think, work n pray to get out of poverty cus na big disease. If u are a Muslim recite suratul khaf every Friday and see wonders.

Angy55:
Don't rush into marriage until you are financially stable some of you won't listen.

Guy you need to go and follow Reno Omokri on Facebook, maybe you will have some sense.

My mates are getting married, time is not on my side bla bla. At the end of the day you end up regretting.

I need to have kids bla bla. At the end of the day you pressurize yourself into what you can't come out from.

Sister, have kids... It's important.. infact, I'll advise you have dem earlier....

Marriage is over hype!

Do intro, and registery. Chikinaa... Forget the white part

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

You should be ashamed for by cutting the dowry payment. Who does that? Jeez

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

Love your wife, respect your wife, BUT, don't be a mumu to everything she says or wants.

You don't grow a marriage by bending to everything the other partner wants, especially if what they want is not reasonable or wise.

You have begun on the wrong foot by allowing her force you into using money above your means.

Now, you must not allow that mistake happen again.

If you know what you are doing is right, do not be afraid to stand your ground.

BigSarah:
No you're looking at it the wrong way, the problem is you got MARRIED.

you fine like oyibo pple

My friend, be a man

Where is the 150k land located?

Guy u b clown

JudgeKronos:
Oga,
I bet my January salary, your wife is from Imo State...

I'm more interested in the stupid comfortable Environment the O.p is paying 100k for a 2 bedroom(Which he nor gree pay sef).

I don't see any fault with the wife or the marriage

All the faults dey come from the O.P.
I think O.P is one of these people that don't like being told the truth.

Poverty mindset done chop O.P finish

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

First thing that made me laugh out loud was hearing religious lady. even religious ladies have their own wahala and character these days. The religion doesn’t touch that side that much. If they like money nothing religion fit do.

U sound like u rushed into this thing called marriage and now ure asking us jamb question?!!

From all I can see Ure major issues are about money. Ur wife isn’t understanding ur point of view and u are not understanding hers bt both of u are correct. Dowry amount, size of apartment and some other stuffs u can’t mention for privacy reasons.

U both need to sit down and share u plans and future ideas ahead of time so everyone is on same page. Both sides should compromise not just u. Then everything will be fine.

How can u marry without money ! Ooh boi I'm flabbergasted

You are definitely the wrong person.
She saved you a lot of embarrassment.
Just imagine not being able to pay 50k bride price.
You were never ripe enough for marriage.
She even offered to support the family to get a better accommodation, you are expected to double your Hustle after marriage and not remain in your comfort zone.

Now that kids have not started coming you are complaining like this, what if you have 2 kids added to the family?

Bros, pray for wisdom and God's favor for financial breakthrough and stop this embarrassing mentions

What's the essence of marriage when you can't afford 50k for dowry

Mr Poster, you are not with the wrong person. The only problem I see here is MONEY NO DEY. Hustle harder, make a little money for your comfort stop reasoning like an alien that considers how much land is sold in his village before spending. Follow my advice and thank me later. Did I tell you: Women love comfort.

We have a few vocal females here that think the men gets it easy and there is too much misogyny on nairaland...

If I was to answer the question posed by the OP, the answer is YES, you married the wrong person. In the sense that she is not what you thought she was and she already three you a curved ball on the dowry and will not stop going on about it. Moreover, she is just like many of the entitled women we have in Nigeria...

This lady knows your situation but she decided to get married to you anyways. Why is it all the man's fault when it comes to finance and why is she making financial demands that you cannot fulfil. Basically, she is already stressing you at a young age and expecting you to borrow,natural or otherwise to provide for her elevated status.

What is this nonsense about owning a DOWRY in 2021? And why does she want it all in cash and all that...

If you do not have children, I will advice you to sit her down and trash this financial issues out. If she is not a builder but a digger then divorce her. Why say it 3 times? Are a Muslim?

Entitled women are a turn off - it will never stop!

* Yes, you married too early and should not have done so given your means but you already know that fact.

The stupid dowry that is collected by family and very often given back or given to the wife. She did well to cover you but she was already scheming by upping the amount and the pretending that she has collected the DOWRY. Everyone knows what the situation is, if a woman convinces her family that she has received her dowry.

Finally, we have another situation where your money is ours and mine is mine alone. Tell her to do one if there are no children involved in this marriage - she will also think twice if you are serious about it.

Mrtaye:
What's the essence of marriage when you can't afford 50k for dowry

So marriage is simply about money? How about broke women not getting married too.

Your wife is a good woman naa. You are even complaining when you should be Thanking her. No woman wants to live with a poor man. Guy , work hard and pray well.

That woman is a good woman, like WTF! All I see is a woman who's always trying to help you, the woman and palor you're talking about, have you considered what will happen when you start having children? Be a man and double your hustle.

There is no need to quote the whole post from OP to reply. It is like writing the question out in an exam before answering... It is just taking up bandwidth

Emu4u2c:
I'm more interested in the stupid comfortable Environment the O.p is paying 100k for a 2 bedroom(Which he nor gree pay sef).

I don't see any fault with the wife or the marriage

All the faults dey come from the O.P.
I think O.P is one of these people that don't like being told the truth.

Poverty mindset done chop O.P finish

Comprehension seems to be a problem here. One person even said the OP is arrogant. He already accepted that he made a mistake getting married without money.

However, did he know that his wife to be will ask directly for a dowry that he could not afford just before the wedding.
A dowry is a token gesture and it mean nothing at all but silly old tradition of selling a daughter or old testament ***p.

He should get out of the marriage right now. As if it is easy to increase hustle in these day and age. Maybe he should start stealing?

banmee:


I agree with everything but that. Whatever income comes into a marriage is yours and hers.

It's a dowry that was supposed to be collected by her parents, in the story he said that the wife shouted in response that she has collected the money.

Kapilta:
Honestly after reading this your gibberish, i think your wife married the wrong man actually and not what you insinuate.

Buy 150k land so you can join in building another set of slums in 2021 when we are already tired of the ones that abound everywhere. Poverty mentality kill you there.

And the lady is even supporting you one way or the other while pushing you to become your best version but poverty mentality has taken over your body and soul already.

Useless lots, when they find angels trying to bring out the best out of them in life they start to complain because they are so used to status quo. Nonsense. Poverty mentality kee you dia once more.

Bros, u dey vex oo . The man thought that the woman was going to spoonfeed him and shoulder all his responsibilities, while he just becomes a man with penis. Mtcheew. Oga o.p divorce her if u no wan marry again because that your wife no go take any form of laziness from you.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

The problem of the marriage lie mostly with you

Your wife isn't asking for too much, get out there and step up your game financially. The union is suffering from finances. It was a bad decision for you guys to start building without counting the cost.

2. Watch your tongue! You are sowing a seed of divorce by your utterances anytime you have misunderstanding

You didn't marry the wrong person, you are just waking up to the reality of what marriage about. Am not a writer of some sort but I will only enumerate some thoughts for you.
1. See her as an opportunity to grow yourself financially.
2. Work on your self esteem cos I see you have a low self esteem and a poor worldview.
3. Your wife is supportive and she thinks big, use that to your advantage.
4. Be a leader in your home.
5. Be proactive, don't be reactive.
6. Initiate things and don't accept anything that would put you in debt.
7. Change how you see things. Be a man.
8. Hustle ooooo..
9. Let me say this again, your wife is not a bad person, don't see her as that.
10. Stop thinking you made a mistake.

I may be naive.

chrisj2:

So marriage is simply about money? How about broke women not getting married too.

This is Africa guy, a man is responsible for his home upkeep,marriage and running of home with kids involve money, so money is a major determinant factor in marriage.

Europe, Canada,US and other developed countries you are trying to copy run a social system that cater for families but in Africa you are on your own.

There is nothing like a broke woman in Africa. A man is responsible for marriage and a woman can assist if she have and willing to do so.

Number one rule of marriage: a broke man should never be in a relationship.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

there notting wrong with marriage....just that u have financial challenges ....going forward try an improve your income by having more streams of income include small business like hair salon etc....

JudgeKronos:
Oga,
I bet my January salary, your wife is from Imo State...

Women have no business receiving dowries in Igboland. Stop making a fool of yourself