Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,195,853 members, 7,959,675 topics. Date: Friday, 27 September 2024 at 02:02 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Way Out (1118 Views)
My Moms Tears Weaks Me Each Time I Try To Find My Way Out / Is IVF The Only Way Out??? (A Must Read) / "Mummy Calm Down" - Boy Negotiates His Way Out Of Beating By His Mother (2) (3) (4)
Way Out by Nobody: 12:26pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
I need advice on what to do though I won't like to go into much details.i need to leave my marriage and start a new life altogether. I'm a B.sc holder and I got married while serving so I currently have no work experience because I have been a house wife against my own wish for six years. My husband won't let me do anything for myself.it has been from one big issue to another and I am tired of them all. My relatives think everything will be fine with time because they see divorce as a sin but I can't cope anymore. The very worst right now is him accusing me of sleeping with different men behind him and planning with these same men to kill him and take away all his properties. I have begged him to take me back to my family and table all these concerns before them so we can go our separate ways as tradition demands,guess what....he refused. That I should leave on my own, fine by me..,he still refused to give me transport money ( we live somewhere in North Central while my mom is in South East) I "foolishly" have three kids and I really regret not leaving when I was meant to but kept believing everything will be fine. I have made up my mind now,my sis agrees to send me 15k(she doesn't know what it is for, don't need their permission anymore). P.S. I know I was foolish, stupid and naive,I acknowledge all of that and I have beaten myself up already for that.what I desperately need now is a WAY OUT.i have no work experience and my mom is a poor widow struggling to survive. Is there a possibility of me coping with my kids or without my kids...I am so confused. He says I can never be anything without him and yes physical and emotional abuse is involved. Please no front page please |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 2:53pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
anyone with any suggestion?
I don't want to make a mistake twice |
Re: Way Out by Acidosis(m): 3:14pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Momful: Would you agree to stay with your husband if he permits you to work? Not sure what the major problem is: failure to allow you work/unemployment, physical and emotional abuse, false accusations, or something else? |
Re: Way Out by ibkayee(f): 3:15pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Can you find work? You mentioned you have a BSc, can you put that to use? Divorce is the best option in my opinion (it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship in the first place but the abuse is the absolute dealbreaker) but let's start with you being able to support yourself financially I know you said he didn't want you working in your marriage but since you want to leave and he said he's fine with you leaving, he wouldn't be getting in your way of getting a job on your way out of the relationship right? |
Re: Way Out by SirWhiteFish: 3:21pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Avoid divorce at all cost. Divorce will come back to hunt your kids and later in life hunt you in your old age. Most of people online advocating for divorce doesn't even have a boyfriend or girlfriend talkless of ever being married. Avoid those opinion by all means. Nothing is stopping you from using your certificate to earn a living if you find a job |
Re: Way Out by ibkayee(f): 3:23pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
SirWhiteFish:What if he ends up killing her before she can reach the 'old age' since she mentioned physical abuse 2 Likes |
Re: Way Out by SirWhiteFish: 3:31pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Acidosis: What they both need is councelling and also reporting things to the man's family. That's why marriage isn't between two people but families. About the job, no one can stop you from being employed except you decide to stop yourself. |
Re: Way Out by LutanFyah: 3:36pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
How do you take away a man's children when he did not permit you, you're not granted custody by the court, you don't have a job to take care of them? If you want to leave, go ahead but don't drag the children into your problems cos they deserve better. |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 5:40pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Acidosis: I wouldn't stay with him either trust me more issues will come up, and I'm very honest to say I can't hang on anymore I just want to free myself from all this |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 5:45pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
ibkayee: I desperately need a job,he doesn't take care of any of my needs but I have been hanging on hoping things could change. can I keep on hanging on? till when? it's no longer feasible to me can't go out to find a job,he refused to enroll our 2 years old son in school. so I'm still babysitting him |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 5:47pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
SirWhiteFish: maybe you didn't understand my post. my husband stopped me from earning a living, and I don't know how long this would last. it's six years already |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 5:49pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
ibkayee: do you think I can get a good job with six years of no work experience? |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 5:53pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
SirWhiteFish: he tells his family that it is his family and decides what he feels important to do |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 5:55pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
LutanFyah: yes, I'm thinking of leaving them behind. I can't take care of them anyways but he can't take care of them either with no nanny |
Re: Way Out by Ginaz(f): 6:01pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Sis... Calm down. Try to look for an alternative first . The kids , how are they gonna cope without their mother at this stage if you leave them ? If you decide not to, how are they gonna cope without financial support since you have no job? I would suggest you start looking for a job anywhere you can. Start from there , it is not as easy as you think to fend for children in this economy by yourself and I'm having a feeling that your husband won't help you financially if you decide to move away with the kids. Kindly wait till your husband has enrolled your last baby in school , then start looking for a job. You don't have to tell him till you have started working . I know you're tired of the marriage but don't rush out of it just yet. Still push through. |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 6:08pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Momful: |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 6:14pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Ginaz: ok what about these accusations of me trying to kill him? I can't cope anymore and he's very serious |
Re: Way Out by Ginaz(f): 6:25pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Momful: A guilty conscience fears no accusations. If you didn't do what he is accusing you of then why are you bothering? Let him talk however he wants to so far you're clean at heart . Madam, life is not as easy as you think. You have no job and who will sponsor you in your family if you decide to leave ? So you will just be walking about town while your kids are not with you ? At this stage they can't fend for themselves for crying out loud. You have already brought children into this mess. And about the abuse , try to get out of his temper for now, When your last born is in school then you can look for a job. You sound like you're just tired of the marriage and have no fight in you to strive . Leaving isn't the thing , what are the plans you have made to live a productive life after leaving your marriage. What would be the fate of the children ? How are they going to cope with just their father if you leave them ? How do you expect a 2yrs old child to cope without his mother? Eh? Look for a side business, Just don't sit there. Sell pure water , soft drinks , small chops. Do something madam! Fight for your right to earn a living. 2 Likes |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 6:43pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Ginaz: I didn't want to dive into so much details.., but the part about me hawking.., my sis once tried sending me jewelries to sell. he seized them and accused her of trying to introduce me to prostitution. I have always been told to hang on by both families and I have done that and more.., but things went from worse to worst to unbearable I now wish that I had not listened to them then and walked.., things are so so complicated right now 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Way Out by FloraEC(f): 7:19pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Hi momful Only you know what you're going through. I won't say hang on, I won't say leave. But I'll be very very honest with you. First, is he a business man? One thing I'm sure is even if you get a job, he'll frustrate your little effort. Don't leave without the kids cos he'll lie against you that you ran away with another man and left him with the children. He'll restrict you from seeing them too. Yes you can get a job with no/little experience. Involving elders? I laugh in elderly manner, you'll wonder if he bribed the elders and get ready for them to tell you a man is never at fault and look for something that tallies with what your hubz said and finally drop all the blame on your head. If you leave with your kids: 1: He won't help you financially and he'll surely tarnish your name. That's the honest truth He says I can never be anything without him I hope you cancelled this statement immediately he said it. Love and light. 3 Likes |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 7:36pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
FloraEC: I have been thinking hard and deep, there isn't a better way out then but I won't give up either,I desperately need sanity 1 Like |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 9:34pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
21 century marriage has lost it's bliss and and savor. What we have now is a shadow of what it used to be. Most people are going into it just to save face and avoid societal scorn and pressure. 1 Like |
Re: Way Out by Karleb(m): 9:37pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
The best time to plant okra was 6 years ago, the next best time is now. If you don't leave now, things will become so much worse years to come. 2 Likes |
Re: Way Out by Ginaz(f): 9:57pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Momful: Things would have been easier if you didn't have this much kids. 3 is a lot to cater for by one person alone , a person who doesn't have a job, it is a burden. Get the thoughts of moving out from your mind for now . right now , it is to look for an alternative way you can survive. If you can plan with your sister to set up a business for you where she is , then you move with your kids . you can't leave them, they are too young to be left alone . If your husband comes back for you, you tell the whole family and everyone you're going back if he let you work and be financially independent. Give him a condition. Make a plan so when you move out, things will be easier for you. You can ask family and friends to give a financial support to start a side business so you cater for your kids if you so wish to leave your marriage . Pls don't move out without a backup plan. You will move from fry pan to fire when frustrations start coming . children complicate a lot. 1 Like |
Re: Way Out by Taal17: 10:36pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Momful: Gosh, With what ever spot of hope you still have Lady PRAY for a way out. There will be light at the end of this Dont let this break you - just hold out for a way out. Your mental health is paramount so feed it and protect it. If you need to leave , you leave with your kids Unfortunately we don't have social services that can help you out with shelter an cover whilst you rebuild yourself God be with you. |
Re: Way Out by Nobody: 10:45pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
You need an escape plan 1. should be kept secret and carried out without his knowledge 2. should include a job / business / source of income 3. should include a home for you and your kids to live *Do not leave your kids behind. The idea of leaving without them shouldn't even cross your mind*. 2 Likes |
Re: Way Out by zaynie(f): 11:04pm On Jan 25, 2021 |
Momful: I feel so sorry for you but now is not the time to leave. 3 kids with no job is no joke. You don't just up and leave such a union without a plan in place lest you find yourself at his feet begging to take you back. Except if your family or someone in your family is financially bouyant enough to host you till you find your feet. You need a solid plan in place. Do you have evidence of when he hit you? Save them on your email, that way you can always recover them even when your phone isn't with you. Start saving for your rainy days. Does he give you money for upkeep? Take a percentage of it and save it. Do you have household items, jewelry or clothes that belong to you that you can sell without him noticing? You won't be taking them with you after all! If he is not a stingy man, cook up ways to get money from him. Plan ahead on what you can do to make money, can you dust your CV and start asking friends if they can get you a job? Where you find a job will determine where you run to. But also remember that 3 kids and a working mom is no child's play. If you'd rather go into business, now is the time to start making your research. Most importantly, you have said all here but within yourself you know how really bad or not so bad it is. Take the best decision for you and your kids. If you leave your kids, don't expect to see them for a very long time. If he's truly abusive, expect some percentage to be passed on to your children especially the one who looks like you the most. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Way Out by faithfull18(f): 1:19pm On Jan 26, 2021 |
I feel you should look in the direction of businesses you can do from home, to earn at least. |
Re: Way Out by SirWhiteFish: 1:29pm On Jan 26, 2021 |
Momful: I will pretend as if I don't know who this is. I hope you have a reason for doing what you are doing. All these stories will not pay you in the long run. Good day |
Re: Way Out by SirWhiteFish: 1:31pm On Jan 26, 2021 |
Momful: . |
Re: Way Out by Pearl05(f): 5:27pm On Jan 26, 2021 |
SirWhiteFish: If you are the husband stop abusing her and try to fix your home. 3 Likes |
Re: Way Out by SirWhiteFish: 6:34pm On Jan 26, 2021 |
Pearl05:
|
If You Meet Yourself In This, What Would You Do? / Happy 6 Months Birthday To My Son, Aquinas / All The Women In These Pictures Are Dead! All Within A Space Of 5 Months.
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 93 |