sapien:
Thanks, boss. I deleted her pictures and phone numbers from my phone since the last episode already. I don't want anything to tempt me from calling her, unless she makes a U-turn, just like you have said.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Four years isn't four years. The matured thing she can do is tell you she's no longer interested than playing soccer with your emotions.
Take a pause, draw your plan and re strategize for your new babe.

I no dey put mouth for relationship matter,but guy,it is over,don't force it.

[quote author=

I wanted her to round up or almost rounding up her NYSC before making it official, which would have been later this year before she screwed up.[/quote]


From this, I see that GOD has answered your father's prayer of preventing any of his children from making a marital mistake.

Cheers bro. Look around you, there are better, more qualified single ladies praying for a hubby.

sapien:
You don't seem to understand. Go through my previous replies.

I spoke to her through her mum's phone, since she wasn't picking her phone. I asked her what the problem was, she said there is nothing happening to her. I asked if she was seeing another man, she said she wasn't that type of chick, that she does not have time for such. I also asked if I offended her or she caught me with any other woman, she said no. She was repeating "No Problem" as if her life depended on that phrase. I finally asked her if she was still interested in the relationship, she said yes. I called her the next day, she didn't pick again, despite giving her several missed calls.

It would smack of inferiority complex if I went to her place and saw her. I have tried my possible best to make it work but, apparently, she wouldn't give the relationship a chance any longer.

I have moved on. Even if she calls me back later, I don't see myself picking her calls ever again.

And she wouldn't even dare visit me without notifying me first.

I believe once communication collapses in a relationship, the relationship is as good as dead. I don't need to visit her before she communicates with me if she is sensible.

Thank God say you get sense. Word of advice, since you have made up your mind, unfollow this thread, and stop replying anyone here. Women and simps have a way of making you change your frame (mind). They're pretty much good at it.


They will tell you the girl is having crisis, this and that... Forgetting you are also human and could have yours. What good is it of having someone to talk to during your worse times and you don't talk to that person during your worse time?

Break up and never take her back. 4yrs is nothing. Get another girl.

iRepNaija1:


Everything I bolded is a huge red flag. You haven't seen your fiancee since September? And she makes excuses not to see you? And you live in the same city? Second, stop involving the mother in this matter. If you marry this woman and when she "acts up," are you going to report her each time to her mother? The fact that the mother is saying you should take a break from your fiancee is another red flag. Finally, general advice, you need to exercise patience period because marriage is 100x harder than what you're experiencing now.

All that being said, you should break up with this woman. I know four years is a long time to invest in someone but she's obviously changed and is refusing to tell you why. Break up with her, cut her off entirely (do not reach out, it's for your benefit), and start dating other people and refocus on your hobbies. The ONLY reasons you would even consider talking to her again are if she apologizes AND she explains her strange behavior AND promises never to do it again. Other than those reasons, don't ever respond. She'll eventually understand this is the consequence of her changed behavior. Good luck.

Follow this advice and know peace.

*drops mic*

See

4teeron:
You see if you don't drop your ego you will lose another relationship after this. One thing is missing here, go visit her at home even though she maybe absent or refuse to see you drop a note or let someone close to her acknowledge your presence then you can come back here and tell us steps you took to get things in order.
You need to stop the habit of calling her Mom, you need to man up and face it.

I really don't understand this idea of going to her place that most of you keep insisting on!
He said in his subsequent comments that he had tried to reach her by going to see her at her place but she kept making flimsy excuses until she stopped picking his calls!
She should be the one going to see him or even try to call him with reasons why she refused to pick his calls!
You make it sound as if she is doing him a favour by being in the relationship!
Who claims to love someone and yet avoids her lover's calls without any single explanation!
Even if she is no longer interested,she should tell him explicitly so that he can move on!

ucheemmadu18:
I can swear with my life that she's seeing another guy.This is exactly what happened to me in my previous relationship.
She's seeing someone else but don't have the courage to tell u out of pity.

Courage is not the issue, she doesn’t want to mention it to the guy so she can manipulate him with it later in case it doesn’t work out with her new guy.

[color=#006600][/color]

sapien:
If this is the case, then it's her loss, because once I find out it's another guy that's taking her attention, then it's officially over between us.

I think this is the reason she's scared of telling me anything. She probably wants to test both waters and see which is deeper.

Op let us be honest with ourselves.
Your woman is seeing someone else. The only reason she has not officially ended the relationship,is because she wants to be sure that the new guy will not disappoint her.....

The question her is if the other guy disappoints her and she returns to you with their usual victim mentality tears will you be a SIMP and accept her back ?

sapien:
If this is the case, then it's her loss, because once I find out it's another guy that's taking her attention, then it's officially over between us.

I think this is the reason she's scared of telling me anything. She probably wants to test both waters and see which is deeper.

u lk 2much English.

You are playing yourself..... She's out of love.
Meuve on bra

sapien:
If this is the case, then it's her loss, because once I find out it's another guy that's taking her attention, then it's officially over between us.

I think this is the reason she's scared of telling me anything. She probably wants to test both waters and see which is deeper.

Mr. Man, sharrrapp there, abeg! You're indeed a FOOL! Are you too blind to see or realize she's no longer interested? Why do you need to find out when it's all there for you to see. Over the course of the 4yrs when things were great, was she like this? No.
Ogbeni, use ur brain and let her be... she already dumped you a while ago while you're still hoping to dump her. NONSENSE!
Women are so deceptive! Just imagine the mom pretending not to know when she's fully aware of what her daughter is doing else, she won't have proposed a break btw you guys. Trust me, their mum always know what's going on and they all pretend. RUBBISH! The thing is at this stage of her life, the mum can't risk her daughter taking a break in any relationship without a backup.

Baba, get back to ur senses and don't lose ur self worth!

wow! what a good write-up u put there, I must acknowledge u for ur courage and indeed U're a good author.


My Advice is Simple: Just "Move-on" cuz she has moved on.



Best regards.

EmeraldKing7:
Baba 4 years...this relationship suppose doh get BSC ooh

On a serious note,she is not interested again
The signs are too blaring

Count your losses and go and do another course again

Woman matter be like economics
Have an abundance mentality and do not put all your eggs in one basket.
Diversify your investments so as to avoid the effects of a future recession

I will be on the look out for your posts going forward.

sapien:
Good evening, Romancelanders. It's quite a lengthy read, so bear with me.

Want advice? Here it is: leave the daughter and date the mum, SIMP !

SpicyMimi:

Don’t call her again. She might not be a bad person but not your God ordained spouse and this is usually the signs especially when your God ordained spouse is somewhere praying that God separates her hubby from the other woman so he can locate her. These were my prayers too and it worked!

Let God’s will be done, trust me His Will is the best and you’d forget this lady totally if she isn’t yours.

Lmao, you must be a religious zombie, no offense .

emmyN:


Lmao, you must be a religious zombie, no offense .

Yes I’m ooo....the reality of life is Serving God and only God lives Forever.

addexx:


That's why he should take a fishing net next time so he won't be bothered if one escape. You dig?

One shark trapped in his net, is a disaster to the rest of the fishes and even the fisher man...

Munzy14:

One shark trapped in his net, is a disaster to the rest of the fishes and even the fisher man...

do you know about shark hunting?

baralatie:

do you know about shark hunting?

Shark in this context is being used figuratively...

Munzy14:
Shark in this context is being used figuratively...

ehn now! all fish in this case including sharks,whales are been used figuratively

baralatie:

ehn now!
all fish in this case including sharks,whales are been used figuratively

K

samwillyco1:


What!!! BETTER OFFER is a contractor

kokaneprodigy:

In your mind you are sharp.
Girl hasn’t called him since last year, he should wait for her, after she must have satisfied her quest with another diçk she’ll come back to him. He should even call her after sometime to check on her well-being. What kind of man are you? If this isn’t low self esteem I wonder what is!

Value and respect yourself, if you don’t nobody will.

the four years wasn't him alone... them gather dey the boat.
if he was sure of his actions, he wouldn't need any advice from anyone.
and whatever he really feels for the girl none of y'all can never know. I only gave my opinion based on what I perceived from the post.
and calling her to know her well being and not about the relationship isn't low self esteem, it portrays strength.
that is true Value and Respect.

dotedote:


Yeah that's true. He should give her some time. Like another 4 years. Do like NEPA (One day ON, one day OFF)
Radarada

the four years was enough for anything... marriage, divorce, breakup, make up and all those things.
if he wasn't interested anymore the four years were enough for that.
there was a reason the guy stood his ground, which none of us are gonna know.
there is time for everything.
my opinion.

lilyheaven:
Please don’t call her mom again, or anyone related to her. Find time and visit her, if you don’t like her anymore move on.
I think distance and lack of communication is the problem here.

Communication is the problem you said?

But he said he has been calling her, she is not picking. The problem there is that, the girl doesn't love him and has no feelings for him. She already seeing someone else.

sapien:
Thanks, boss. I deleted her pictures and phone numbers from my phone since the last episode already. I don't want anything to tempt me from calling her, unless she makes a U-turn, just like you have said.

Wow, you just reminded me of the hell I used to go through before I got married to my wife. Mine was even for SIX WHOLE YEARS, cos we started dating when she was still young- about 18 and in 100 level. I had similar episodes, not once, not twice. It gets you confused, you want to leave, you want to stay, if you leave, she comes back with her mess, if you stay, you remain in the mess. Truth about such girls is they're seeing someone else. It surely isn't an easy experience that's why you brought it here but the earlier you lock up and completely forget about them, the better for you. These stories usually happen to good guys who stay in a relationship with just one girl over a long period of time hoping it will end in marriage. We both got married the same year we finally broke up, to different people of course.

sapien:
Good evening, Romancelanders. It's quite a lengthy read, so bear with me.

This lady and I have been dating for the past 4 years, and I am planning on making it official later this year, though Covid-19 made my finances quite complicated recently, but things are getting back in shape.

Recently, specifically over 2 weeks ago, she suddenly stopped picking my calls. Prior to that, we haven't seen each other since September last year. She always comes up with one excuses or the other every weekend whenever I tell her to come over to my place or if I want to go over to her place to see her. I always have busy schedules during the midweek, so we usually have only weekends to see each other.

I have gone to see her mother and her siblings last year. They accepted me as a prospective in-law. The mum said she queried her daughter and she told her that I was the one she would like to spend the rest of her life with, hence the mum's invitation. Her mum usually calls me from time to time, and I do talk to her, too.

Couple of days back, I had to call the mum to report her daughter to her regarding the uncharacteristic change in her daughter's behaviour, and how, despite living in the same city, we haven't seen each other in 4 months, and how she has refused picking my calls in more than 2 weeks.

She promised to talk to her and ask her what the problem was and get back to me. I waited for some couple of days, but when I didn't see the mum's call, I had to call her back. I had to ask her to give her daughter her phone so I could talk to her and ask her some salient questions regarding our relationship. She kept saying there is no problem and that I didn't offend her, and our relationship is still standing strong. I asked if she was going through some personal issues that she could share with me and we might find a solution; she said she was perfectly okay. We settled our issues right there and then, and she promised to call back the second day.

I waited for the second day and I did not see her call. I had no choice than to call her back. Ladies and gentlemen, this girl didn't pick my calls. When she eventually picked after multiple missed calls, she was talking to someone else, while my airtime was burning out. I became enraged. I had to call the mum the second day to tell her I was no longer interested in the daughter, that she was probably seeing someone else, and she didn't have the guts to tell me.

The mum swore that her daughter is not seeing someone else, as far as she knows, and that she hasn't brought anyone to meet her. The mum is a Deeper Lifer, and from my interactions with her, she doesn't condone two-timing. She promised to talk to her daughter, that maybe we should give ourselves more time, like taking a break for a couple of months.

I am not usually this patient, and never condoned negligence and disregard in my previous relationships. However, this girl had been special to me, prior to her negligence. She was quite dedicated to me during the course of our 4-year-old relationship. She was never demanding, and was contented and altruistic, too. She helped me many times in the past, financially, whenever I was broke, and I always repaid her back, too. She was a wife material, and loved by my family as well.

The questions are;

1. Do I disregard the mum's advice?

2. Do I still give this girl another chance after her blatant negligence?

Mods, you might do well by moving this piece to the front page.

It's your fault!

You kept her for far too long, then she lost interest in you. You don't excite her heart anymore.
Did you think you were the only one who saw those good qualities in her? You should've done the needful.
Move on!

sapien:
Good evening, Romancelanders. It's quite a lengthy read, so bear with me.

This lady and I have been dating for the past 4 years, and I am planning on making it official later this year, though Covid-19 made my finances quite complicated recently, but things are getting back in shape.

Recently, specifically over 2 weeks ago, she suddenly stopped picking my calls. Prior to that, we haven't seen each other since September last year. She always comes up with one excuses or the other every weekend whenever I tell her to come over to my place or if I want to go over to her place to see her. I always have busy schedules during the midweek, so we usually have only weekends to see each other.

I have gone to see her mother and her siblings last year. They accepted me as a prospective in-law. The mum said she queried her daughter and she told her that I was the one she would like to spend the rest of her life with, hence the mum's invitation. Her mum usually calls me from time to time, and I do talk to her, too.

Couple of days back, I had to call the mum to report her daughter to her regarding the uncharacteristic change in her daughter's behaviour, and how, despite living in the same city, we haven't seen each other in 4 months, and how she has refused picking my calls in more than 2 weeks.

She promised to talk to her and ask her what the problem was and get back to me. I waited for some couple of days, but when I didn't see the mum's call, I had to call her back. I had to ask her to give her daughter her phone so I could talk to her and ask her some salient questions regarding our relationship. She kept saying there is no problem and that I didn't offend her, and our relationship is still standing strong. I asked if she was going through some personal issues that she could share with me and we might find a solution; she said she was perfectly okay. We settled our issues right there and then, and she promised to call back the second day.

I waited for the second day and I did not see her call. I had no choice than to call her back. Ladies and gentlemen, this girl didn't pick my calls. When she eventually picked after multiple missed calls, she was talking to someone else, while my airtime was burning out. I became enraged. I had to call the mum the second day to tell her I was no longer interested in the daughter, that she was probably seeing someone else, and she didn't have the guts to tell me.

The mum swore that her daughter is not seeing someone else, as far as she knows, and that she hasn't brought anyone to meet her. The mum is a Deeper Lifer, and from my interactions with her, she doesn't condone two-timing. She promised to talk to her daughter, that maybe we should give ourselves more time, like taking a break for a couple of months.

I am not usually this patient, and never condoned negligence and disregard in my previous relationships. However, this girl had been special to me, prior to her negligence. She was quite dedicated to me during the course of our 4-year-old relationship. She was never demanding, and was contented and altruistic, too. She helped me many times in the past, financially, whenever I was broke, and I always repaid her back, too. She was a wife material, and loved by my family as well.

The questions are;

1. Do I disregard the mum's advice?

2. Do I still give this girl another chance after her blatant negligence?

Mods, you might do well by moving this piece to the front page.

Una be Yoruba abi?

sapien:
Good evening, Romancelanders. It's quite a lengthy read, so bear with me.

Mods, you might do well by moving this piece to the front page.

Some thing is definitely wrong. She has opened up to her mum about it. They both know but are not willing to share at least not now. Leave her alone for now, unlike men who never open up on why they suddenly leave a girlfriend, women tend to do so. It may not be now but someday, you will know. Let her go for now.

Broken engagement is better than broken marriage

Odoogu:


the four years wasn't him alone... them gather dey the boat.
if he was sure of his actions, he wouldn't need any advice from anyone.
and whatever he really feels for the girl none of y'all can never know. I only gave my opinion based on what I perceived from the post.
and calling her to know her well being and not about the relationship isn't low self esteem, it portrays strength.
that is true Value and Respect.

There’s nothing valuable and Respectful about going where u ain’t wanted. You should lead and not slave for a woman ( I’m not saying you should not care for her but it should be mutual). The Bible made Eve, Adams helper. How is this lady’s actions helping the young man.

If I call you twice and you don’t return my call for 24 hrs and I am able to confirm you weren’t incapacitated, I will never call you again, more so when you act like you don’t owe me an apology.

It means I’m not important to you.

Ask yourself, the calls of those you ignore, how much do you value them and how important are they to you? That should give you a perspective of how this lady see the OP at the moment.

Dated a girl like that ...infact her sister connected both of us together and truth be told I was so in love...tried my best for her ...I made sure she never lacjed ...It later got to the point of bailing out when we planned to meet, ignoring my calls and texts ...

I was wondering what I did wrong.....One day I went to her house in the night around 11 and asked her what was really wrong ....she told me nothing and it was just school stress ...jeez I saw the look on her face, she was tired of me and I told her it would be well....Gave her space for a week and damn babe didn't even bother calling ....Called her and asked where she was and she said she was at her boyfriends place ....I wan die ! I vowed that day never to take any girl serious again in my life

Called her sister and told her why she didn't tell me her jnr sister was seeing someone else ...is it because I don't have money! ...Her sister that matched us apologised to me and I block that one join sef ....I don't fucking like stress

Ever since then I don't feel any girl again ....it's just Hi, we Bleep and vibe ...I'm so in love with money I can kill anybody now ....it actually feels good making money and it gives a form of security & Peace of mind

I guess it would be hard to even love my wife I swear ...
I don't feel love again and I don't want to be loved too

sapien:
Thanks a bunch for the piece of advice, sir.

However, I wouldn't deign to visit her at home; this would smack of low self esteem. A girl that couldn't pick my calls to tell me what the problem is with her doesn't deserve visitation from me.

bros, this is not about self esteem ,it about the time you have invested in the relationship, hence, the need to trash things out. I will suggest you pay her the unexpected visit, take her to where you guys can talk privately, If she refuses to give you any tangible reasons, say a goodbye in your mind without a word to her,she too should go and puzzle next thing out.