Fahdiga:
Some are hiding behind 'donors' to sleep with widows

bizme:
A widow has lost her husband.
A widower has lost his wife.

One often comes across how some foundation and some NGO donate relief materials to widows. But I have not come across where such charity gestures have been extended to widowers, men who have lost their wives. If you have I would love to hear about it.

Secondly, is our society that damaged that once a woman achieves the status of a widow she immediately qualifies to enroll in the group of those needing charity? Please don't twist my words, this is in no way against the act of extending charity and benevolence to those genuinely in need (including widows). I am simply wondering how we have come bloc categorize widowhood to neediness. I think it is high time for some women (not all) to start making plans how to survive and maintain the home should the husband die before them. (Don't say God forbid; death is a permanent tenant of life.) Men too should make sure their wives are financially capable of maintaining the home should they die, and this starts right from the moment you are about to fall in love. Let's stop associating manliness with the practice of indulging a wife's inability to contribute to maintaining the home. No such thing as his money, my money. If many don't get this right your children will suffer and will be forced to indiscriminately drop their aza everywhere, or become runz girls and oloshos and fraudsters and kidnappers.

The moment you marry, it ceases being all about either or the two of you.

And of course, there are few exceptions to this: some are from such wealthy background that they practically don't need to lift a finger to contribute to their own upkeep.

Happy weekend.

PS: I am not certain what I would call someone who has lost a gay partner. Widow or widower?

igbowoman:


What a load of nonsense.
In one post you are fighting for widowers, against widows,chastising people not making plans before becoming widows,giving financial and marital counseling.
Only you.
Na wa

bukatyne:
Men function in the society so naturally, the society would be kinder to women than men. The same way women function in the home hence the 'home' is kinder to men.

As a result, men are expected to be able to fix themselves or solve their problems; in this case get a new wife to handle the domestic part he can't/wouldn't. This also means they don't get much sympathy on a societial level which includes monetary.

People would rally round a prostitute who is a single mother of three kids from different fathers than before they consider a family man of three kids who lost his job.

This thinking on a societial level also affect alimony: nobody is cares that a man's standard of domestic living would drop (no more fresh soups, clean house, clean clothes, organized home etc.). They are more concerned that a woman's standard of financial living would drop and want to ensure that doesn't happen.

This is how nature designed it and so it shall be.

bizme:
Actually this makes a lot of sense. I also believe there's such thing as a herd thinking at the societal level: regardless of what theoretical opinions we may individually hold, when we are faced with certain issues we tend to behave in particular fashion. Unfortunately it isn't always as simple as the society being kinder to widows; they also become more vulnerable to some level of ills especially when the 'benefactor' wants to make some demand.

mosdii:
It is simply because Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

bukatyne:


I agree with herd thinking in the society. And almost all societies are alike at its core.

Humans are same; just different laws curtailing their behaviors.

You are comparing 'home/unit' level treatment of widows: outlawed widowhood practices, their in-laws stealing their properties etc. To the societial treatment of sympathy they get.

In my initial post, I said women 'manage' the home/family hence are judged harshly there; men 'manage' the society hence judged harshly there.

Widows get men & women who want to help them (some at a cost); widowers do not even have helpers at all.

If not for man placing a premium on his sexual need, how is sleeping with a woman (who might also enjoy it) for help in cash or kind a fair exchange?

ursamajor:
It's a woman's world really.
You struggle to convince a girl to date you, struggle pay for outings with her, struggle to impress her in bed, struggle to convince her family you are capable of providing and protecting her, struggle to keep her happy and provided for after marriage, Then Soon enough, your kids will grow up to prefer their mother who is less stern and always available (you were out providing for them o).
The children grow up, move abroad, then invite their mother only to come and take care of the new baby(leaving grandpa alone and sad).
When he eventually dies they throw a big party, then that's all.
Over sixty years of struggle struggle and more struggle without end.

Nawa o

bukatyne:


I agree with herd thinking in the society. And almost all societies are alike at its core.

Humans are same; just different laws curtailing their behaviors.

You are comparing 'home/unit' level treatment of widows: outlawed widowhood practices, their in-laws stealing their properties etc. To the societial treatment of sympathy they get.

In my initial post, I said women 'manage' the home/family hence are judged harshly there; men 'manage' the society hence judged harshly there.

Widows get men & women who want to help them (some at a cost); widowers do not even have helpers at all.

If not for man placing a premium on his sexual need, how is sleeping with a woman (who might also enjoy it) for help in cash or kind a fair exchange?

Vyolet:
Widowers are not neglected by society, the way society show care for both party is only different.

The woman's duty is traditionally tied to taking care of the house and tending to her husband and kids hence, once she becomes a widow, no one would bother about how she does her domestic chores, all what everyone would be concerned about is how she copes financially.

A man on the other hand is traditionally tied to being a financial provider hence when he loses his wife, the society render help to him by advising him to get another wife immediately to take care of him, the kids and the home. Some families even go to the extent of searching for suitable women for him and even of he is yet to get another wife, women around him would still find a way to help him out win domestic chores.

bizme:
Summary: Society expects a man to be a provider, and the woman to be in need of being provided for. Very interesting explanation from you, even though this doesn't exactly fit into the feminism-driven society that some are hustling to perpetuate.

bizme:
Summary: Society expects a man to be a provider, and the woman to be in need of being provided for. Very interesting explanation from you, even though this doesn't exactly fit into the feminism-driven society that some are hustling to perpetuate.