DEAR AUNTY SPICE,
Good afternoon Aunty Spice, my name is Wunmi and I stay in Lagos. I am a twenty nine years old single lady. I am desperate to get married before thirty. I really want to find love. I met this guy two months ago and we became good friends. I have feelings for him and he recently asked me out. The problem is that I had lied to him that I was a virgin; he is a very serious Christian and I wanted him to see me in good light. I don’t feel okay with what I had said. But I am scared of losing him. Please help me.


AUNTY SPICE COLUMN
Greetings Wunmi! Thank you for writing me, do not be too hard on yourself. We will find a solution to what bothers you. I am glad that you have feelings for him and he shares those feelings too. I want to correct your perspective about marriage. Do not be desperate about it. Getting married before or after thirty isn’t what matters but the happiness enjoyed after the wedding bells. Now back to your problem…
The state of your virginity does not define who you are. Being a virgin or a non- virgin does not make someone a better person, a kinder person or a caring person. You only lied to him because he is a Christian brother, and he may have somehow mentioned how important virginity is. Relationships built on lies no matter the size would have hurdles in future. Sit him down and tell him that you are not a virgin. Make it clear that you wanted him to see you in good light, but you cannot keep up with that false identity. Whatever happens next will depend on him. If he truly loves you, virginity matter would be secondary. If all he came for was the virginity, you will lose him. But that will teach you an important lesson. Don’t ever lie to make another person feel better about you. Allow people to accept you the way you are. Cheers!

Angelsssss:

Don’t ever lie to make another person feel better about you. Allow people to accept you the way you are. Cheers!

Learnt something from the above statement. Nice one op.

You can send your letters to spicenaijablog@gmail.com. Aunty Spice handles issues maturely and with all confidentiality.
Cheers!

smart1204:

Learnt something from the above statement. Nice one op.

Thank you for reading.

She lied to me that she is a virgin and later told my sister without knowing we are related,my sister told me...only for me to login to NL to pass time and saw the News here.....

Donspicey:
She lied to me that she is a virgin and later told my sister without knowing we are related,my sister told me...only for me to login to NL to pass time and saw the News here.....

Focus on the other qualities.

so if she no be virgin make I carry am put for house... aunty.. shut the Bleep up.... if you know the rate of immorality.. you will be amazed the children of now Bleep... please.. if she.. yes she according too your story know the price of the virginity. she won't deal with is pussy... I rise

Angelsssss:


Focus on the other qualities.

People want what people want be it virginity or not, their choice if it makes them happy.

Same way other people want tall guys or rich guys, they may not be tall or rich themselves but its still their life and their choice.

needanswer:


People want what people want be it virginity or not, their choice if it makes them happy.

Same way other people want tall guys or rich guys, they may not be tall or rich themselves but its still their life and their choice.

So what if someone comes with 80% of what they desire, must they wait for 100%?

Virginity is good. But after the first night...what else is there? It takes more than virginity to make a marriage work.

Since he has found a wife in her, he should consider other qualities that drew them together.

To me this is a realistic approach.

Angelsssss:


So what if someone comes with 80% of what they desire, must they wait for 100%?

Virginity is good. But after the first night...what else is there? It takes more than virginity to make a marriage work.

Since he has found a wife in her, he should consider other qualities that drew them together.

To me this is a realistic approach.

Yeah as a lady I expected you to say that. But a guy doesn't think that way.

Just the same way most ladies will choose a guy that has money to take care of her to marry when she is ready to settle down over a guy who isn't ready to settle down because he is still broke, even if he really loves her.

Angelsssss:


So what if someone comes with 80% of what they desire, must they wait for 100%?

Virginity is good. But after the first night...what else is there? It takes more than virginity to make a marriage work.

Since he has found a wife in her, he should consider other qualities that drew them together.

To me this is a realistic approach.

this is your selfish approach not realistic..
like the other guy said to you, the way you ladies only accept financially stable lady is the way some men only prefer virgins (myself inclusive) and no apologies for that..
respect the young man's opinion and don't shove yours on him

ABANGWABOI:


this is your selfish approach not realistic..
like the other guy said to you, the way you ladies only accept financially stable lady is the way some men only prefer virgins (myself inclusive) and no apologies for that..
respect the young man's opinion and don't shove yours on him

Well the choice is his in the end. I cannot force him. He is an adult.

Angelsssss:
DEAR AUNTY SPICE,
Good afternoon Aunty Spice, my name is Wunmi and I stay in Lagos. I am a twenty nine years old single lady. I am desperate to get married before thirty. I really want to find love. I met this guy two months ago and we became good friends. I have feelings for him and he recently asked me out. The problem is that I had lied to him that I was a virgin; he is a very serious Christian and I wanted him to see me in good light. I don’t feel okay with what I had said. But I am scared of losing him. Please help me.


AUNTY SPICE COLUMN
Greetings Wunmi! Thank you for writing me, do not be too hard on yourself. We will find a solution to what bothers you. I am glad that you have feelings for him and he shares those feelings too. I want to correct your perspective about marriage. Do not be desperate about it. Getting married before or after thirty isn’t what matters but the happiness enjoyed after the wedding bells. Now back to your problem…
The state of your virginity does not define who you are. Being a virgin or a non- virgin does not make someone a better person, a kinder person or a caring person. You only lied to him because he is a Christian brother, and he may have somehow mentioned how important virginity is. Relationships built on lies no matter the size would have hurdles in future. Sit him down and tell him that you are not a virgin. Make it clear that you wanted him to see you in good light, but you cannot keep up with that false identity. Whatever happens next will depend on him. If he truly loves you, virginity matter would be secondary. If all he came for was the virginity, you will lose him. But that will teach you an important lesson. Don’t ever lie to make another person feel better about you. Allow people to accept you the way you are. Cheers!

there are a lot of lies and gaslighting here, i will address them.
nobody forced her to lose her virginity, she "decided" "chose" to do so, so whatever comes with that decision is hers to bear

first problem
she lied directly to him about one of the most important things to men that they want to wife up and want to raise their kids with. the lie is bad but the reason was for her selfish greed to keep the guy deluded about her purity. she definitely knew that sleeping around is bad for a woman that's why she tried to elevate her status by saying she is not used and immoral wh0re. this shows that she lacks personal accountability and is not remorseful of sleeping around in her past. zero accountability on her part.
I am probably sure that the guy is not a virgin but she doesn't care, she probably only loved him after she found out he was of high value. (hypergamy)

second problem
women "DO" have a time span to get married and put things in order. reasons menopause, child bearing difficulties rises with age, high chances of having slept around with more men all these and more come with age. so getting married after 30 is possible (true), but its not the best option for a high value man.

third problem
being a virgin in today's society is proof that you stood above all the bombardment of social media, television, manipulation, and lies of feminism that sleeping around, hoe phase and having fun, finding myself is good. most women fell for this trap and are bitter that the men that had sex with them during the fun are refusing to marry them. men don't marry garden tools. the state of your virginity does not define who you are ... this I agree...but it defines who you were in the past and the choices that you made (women past matters to men...no matter how women try to gaslight men no to care about it)....however her actions of today by lieing and refusing to accept the accountability that she willing wanted to be a wh0re and sleep around in the name of youth and fun is what defines her now. so the lack of the moral values that she displays by lieing to the guy is the same lack of moral values that made her lose her virginity

1st truth
yes sit him down and tell him the truth, that she slept around or however what happened happened, accept responsibility for your actions and let the man decide. eitherway its HIS choice. she should have done this from the beginning rather than have someone teach her moral values.


she didnt want him to see her in any good light or not, she wanted to deceive the man, when she realised that she could not get away with the lie, she probably stated to panic.

virginity is very important to men, its better women register that fact. it shows that you can resist all the societal lies and pressures, which is a very good and attractive quality in a woman.

"Don’t ever lie to make another person feel better about you. Allow people to accept you the way you are".....this is an excellent quote. before someone can lie to another person you must first lie to yourself. this woman is unable to tell herself the truth that she was a garden tool in her past, hoe phase days and has not come to accept herself as a former garden tool. so she lied to herself and thus tells that lie to others. so she need to first accept what she was as a garden tool (past), what she is as a liar and manipulator (present)....find out why she did things that she has to lie about and put her to shame, accept the consequences of her actions, accept accountability. then she can become a better person.

ibkonekt:


there are a lot of lies and gaslighting here, i will address them.

first problem
she lied directly to him about one of the most important things to men that they want to wife up and want to raise their kids with. the lie is bad but the reason was for her selfish greed to keep the guy deluded about her purity. she definately knew that sleeping around is bad for a woman thats why she tried to elevate her status by saying she is not used and immoral wh0re. this shows that she lacks personal accountability and is not remorseful of sleeping around in her past. zero accountability on her part.
i am probably sure that the guy is not a virgin but she doesnt care, she probably only loved him after she found out he was high value. (hypergamy)

second problem
women "DO" have a time span to get married and put things in order. reasons menopause, child bearing difficulties rises with age, high chances of having slept around with more men all these and more come with age. so getting married after 30 is possible (true), but its not the best option for a high value man.

third problem
being a virgin in today's society is proof that you stood above all the bombardment of social media, television, manipulation, and lies of feminism that sleeping around, hoe phase and having fun, finding myself is good. most women fell for this trap and are bitter that the men that had sex with them during the fun are refusing to marry them. men don't marry garden tools. the state of your virginity does not define who you are ... this I agree...but it defines who you were in the past and the choices that you made....however her actions of today by lieing and refusing to accept the accountability that she willing wanted to be a wh0re and sleep around in the name of youth and fun is what defines her now. so the lack of the moral values that she displays by lieing to the guy is the same lack of moral values that made her lose her virginity

1st truth
yes sit him down and tell him the truth, that she slept around or however what happened happened, accept responsibility for your actions and let the man decide. eitherway its HIS choice. she should have done this from the beginning rather than have someone teach her moral values.


she didnt want him to see her in any good light or not, she wanted to deceive the man, when she realised that she could not get away with the lie, she probably stated to panic.

virginity is very important to men, its better women register that fact. it shows that you can resist all the societal lies and pressures, which is a very good and attractive quality in a woman.

"Don’t ever lie to make another person feel better about you. Allow people to accept you the way you are".....this is an excellent quote. before someone can lie to another person you must first lie to yourself. this woman is unable to tell herself the truth that she was a garden tool in her past, hoe phase days and has not come to accept herself as a former garden tool. so she lied to herself and thus tells that lie to others. so she need to first accept what she was as a garden tool (past), what she is as a liar and manipulator (present)....find out why she did things that she has to lie about and put her to shame, accept the consequences of her actions, accept accountability. then she can become a better person.

Wow! Thanks for your corrections and contributions. I hope she finds this additional advice useful.

Faking virginity is a centuries old means that women use to fraudulently deceive men into marrying them. There have been many techniques used by fake virgins; from introducing fire ants into their vaginas before the marriage night, to the currently reigning 'hymen repair' surgery. She should just follow the example of billions of women worldwide and find a suitable and convenient means to cover up her lies.

Women and manipulating men into marriage are like the difference between six and half a dozen.