IntentionTremor:


Thanks . I already forgave her. God has too. But the reality starring me in the face is beyond words.
Adoption is not an option for me. Children should complete the marriage for me. Even if they bring troubles, I will deal with it than deal with not having them in my home. Thanks

You're too anxious and anxiety doesn't solve anything. It only make matters worse (as it is already taking its toll on you, and you taking it out on your wife)
You have let the desperation to have a child overwhelm you and it might swallow you up.

What you need now more than anything is peace.

Romanoff:


Do you think you'll be unable to love an adopted child?

And it seems your last option is surrogacy. I'll suggest you take it seriously.

It is not as expensive as the rate charged outside the country.

I pray you're blessed enough to be able to afford it.

Look beyond your reality, it's what is limiting you.

Did you mean adoption is costlier than surrogacy? Check again.. surrogacy = donor egg + IVF + surrogate mom

IntentionTremor:


Did you mean adoption is costlier than surrogacy? Check again.. surrogacy = donor egg + IVF + surrogate mom

No. I didn't say adoption is costlier.

Of course, surrogacy is expensive. I know a surrogate who earned 5mill for carrying twins.

IntentionTremor:


Abortion related or idiopathic, the childlessness is not nice at all. Even virgins have fertility issues. Yes. But this case has got to the end point as it were - surrogacy!

Alternative medicine? For assisted reproduction? I don't have any ideas though. You can share. She's not weighty.

I know we are trying to not talk about the underlying issues but this is what I feel based on what you have posted.
If there are uterine issues such as fibroids or adhesions, they can prevent implantation. I know some doctors will review and feel that it will not interfere with the procedure and proceed with the ET however, IVF is not 100% so we can't tell.
So I'm saying, if we have not successfully treated the uterine issues, chances of a successful ivf treatment will remain low. This is where I ask about alternative medicine for treatment of uterine troubles.
Also, I hope other issues like rhesus-incompatibility have been ruled out.

mariahAngel:


You're too anxious and anxiety doesn't solve anything. It only make matters worse (as it is already taking its toll on you, and you taking it out on your wife)
You have let the desperation to have a child overwhelm you and it might swallow you up.

What you need now more than anything is peace.

Thanks. I have been mute but decided to open up here so I am not swallowed up. If peace you mean is to keep quiet and keep repeating cycles... Then I don't understand you.

IntentionTremor:


Thanks. These have been my torment and regret! Like why I didn't call it off on finding out. Well I thought she won't be the first to have done it.. and many do and still have children.. so? Alas ! Mine wants to kill me.. I'm really considering your thoughts..

It is immature to think or believe that fertility is dependent on abortions
fertility in men and women is multi-factorial

You hate and despise your wife because you think she has made you infertile cos she hasn't been able to conceive?

This is less about the children or lack of, it is more about why did you get married? Because if it was for children then you didn't need to get married.

You may be carrying the burden emotionally and financially but do remember it is still her that bares the physical burden of this journey so please be kind. The late Ibidun had done IVF 11 lost 3 babies and hers stemmed from an appendicitis surgery

Romanoff:


No. I didn't say adoption is costlier.

Of course, surrogacy is expensive. I know a surrogate who earned 5mill for carrying twins.

Okay. I wanted us to understand each other.

IntentionTremor:


Okay. I wanted us to understand each other.

I'm just saying it could also be an option, unless you're incapable of loving an adopted child.

And I did say I pray God blesses you to be able to afford surrogacy.

IntentionTremor, if a hysterectomy was done on her what are the chances of a successful implantation during IVF? Or does a successful implantation not need a healthy uterus? I am not a medical expert o but my question is to test the reality you were working with, to check whether you were throwing a bad solution on a tough problem. Peace.

IntentionTremor:


Yes , wifey is a strong woman I must say going through all the rigors of each cycle 5 crazy times! I cried at the hospital when we lost the first natural 9month preggy. She didn't blink. Only cried when the 1st IVF failed reason I had us go outside our state of residence for a weekend. But she started loosing faith after the 4th failed but braced up for the 5th which was the worse so far! Right now she's stronger than I am.

To be very true to my innermost self, if the abortion was for me I would chill and carry my cross. If she was a virgin as well, no challenge. But the sad truth that the nigger who caused the damage is happy somewhere while I'm grinding and spending is making me mad.

God help me anyways. Thanks.

I truly empathise,
It is good you are talking and letting this all out.
There are support groups/threads here for those trying to conceive --in the health section

Taal17:


It is immature to think or believe that fertility is dependent on abortions
fertility in men and women is multi-factorial

You hate and despise your wife because you think she has made you infertile cos she hasn't been able to conceive?

This is less about the children or lack of, it is more about why did you get married? Because if it was for children then you didn't need to get married.

You may be carrying the burden emotionally and financially but do remember it is still her that bares the physical burden of this journey so please be kind. The late Ibidun had done IVF 11 lost 3 babies and hers stemmed from an appendicitis surgery

People marry for different reasons. Mine should not be about another person's reason. Yes I consider her too that's why I am here venting. Else we won't be having these exchanges here. Thanks

Y not opt for adoption,crptic pregnancy,invitrofertilizatn,surrogacy etc...rather dan divorce

IntentionTremor:


Hard facts my dear. I used a new moniker to keep my ID

DeeMain:
IntentionTremor, if a hysterectomy was done on her what are the chances of a successful implantation during IVF? Or does a successful implantation not need a healthy uterus? I am not a medical expert o but my question is to test the reality you were working with, to check whether you were throwing a bad solution on a tough problem. Peace.

It certainly does need a healthy womb o. We didn't do the hyster procedure! Doing the procedure means good bye to TTC. We changed doctor , went on recommendation. New doctor/team started afresh, did some crazy injections on the womb for some months before starting a new ivf cycle...that still failed after transfer. Thanks

Angelacruz:
Y not opt for adoption,crptic pregnancy,invitrofertilizatn,surrogacy etc...rather dan divorce

Please re read my original post. Thanks

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

give a try to surrogacy

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

As a woman, TTC for nine whole years must be driving your wife crazy.

Your inability to support her is only compounding her problem.

If her ova are still viable, let your specialists use her eggs with your sperm, then make your baby with your surrogate. Your baby will be biologically yours, your surrogate gets compensated, everybody wins. Good luck.

IntentionTremor:

It certainly does need a healthy womb o. We didn't do the hyster procedure! Doing the procedure means good bye to TTC. We changed doctor , went on recommendation. New doctor/team started afresh, did some crazy injections on the womb for some months before starting a new ivf cycle...that still failed after transfer. Thanks

In that case a solution is still feasible for your wife. I know you are frustrated and exhausted but there are still solutions out there that are not mainstream but are efficacious. Somebody on this thread mentioned alternative medicine/alternative solutions. I might be of some help to you regarding that if you become interested in embracing such solutions.

Peace.

Dear OP,

First, you need to take your mind away from all these so also your wife if you both want to have children... Learn to make love not having sex for children, it might be hard but that's what it takes

Second, pray... You might need to go on a spiritual journey too e.g fasting... There are some fasting that receives immediate result but you might not be able to do such... Except you are determined.

Thirdly, love your wife dearly if you want to have children... I repeat, love her dearly... Let her also take her mind away from child thought... Believe me.


Lastly, you might need to visit your father in the Lord... Or if you're born again, hear from the Holy Spirit... He will guide you too...


Shalom

Taal17:


I truly empathise,
It is good you are talking and letting this all out.
There are support groups/threads here for those trying to conceive --in the health section

I have been following one already. Thanks

Abeg make Una try to read through before asking the OP same questions that he has answered before,, thanks.

And secondly, you people should be logical than being emotional towards this whole issue..

I don't see anything wrong with him getting a second wife though!

adadike:
I will fast and pray for you. You can go to a neutral thread and send me your wife's name or yours. If you no conceive in 3 months, call me a liar

Hahahaha
You're so funny!
Thanks

IntentionTremor:


Thanks. I have been mute but decided to open up here so I am not swallowed up. If peace you mean is to keep quiet and keep repeating cycles... Then I don't understand you.

Not necessarily to keep quiet, but don't lose your mind in the process.

Romanoff:


I'm just saying it could also be an option, unless you're incapable of loving an adopted child.

And I did say I pray God blesses you to be able to afford surrogacy.

Adoption now? NO.
Surrogacy? I don't even want to try it. Amen to your prayers.

Winneygirl:


I know we are trying to not talk about the underlying issues but this is what I feel based on what you have posted.
If there are uterine issues such as fibroids or adhesions, they can prevent implantation. I know some doctors will review and feel that it will not interfere with the procedure and proceed with the ET however, IVF is not 100% so we can't tell.
So I'm saying, if we have not successfully treated the uterine issues, chances of a successful ivf treatment will remain low. This is where I ask about alternative medicine for treatment of uterine troubles.
Also, I hope other issues like rhesus-incompatibility have been ruled out.

I won't spill further details to keep ID anonymous. But the pre IVF uterine procedures done for months cost a fortune...and they were successful. But unfortunately IVF still failed
And right now the option the doctors have last on the table is surrogacy...to avoid transfer failures.
Reason I opened this thread . The idea is making me sick! No rhesus issues.

IntentionTremor:


And what happens next? We travelled to another state to rebond after the first failed IVF... ate out after the second failed... But since the third and most recent failures, it's been sth else. I wish this recitation will make it happen for us. Thanks

So sorry . was it a medical (drugs) or surgical (D n c) abortion she did?
Girls should be careful about this abortion thing. May God grant open her womb and grant her a child.

JidennaJason:
It will do you good to avoid me in this forum, I am not one of those imps who struggle for your unnecessary mentions and I will advise you keep your distance cos I am not a nice person.



Now get lost, dummy.

Ouch!

Saintmary:


As a woman, TTC for nine whole years must be driving your wife crazy.

Your inability to support her is only compounding her problem.

If her ova are still viable, let your specialists use her eggs with your sperm, then make your baby with your surrogate. Your baby will be biologically yours, your surrogate gets compensated, everybody wins. Good luck.

I give it to her, she's a strong woman. But did I read "inability to support her"? I will take it cause I opened the thread and asked to be talked to!

You think it's that easy psychologically doing surrogacy for a young man not to have his young wife preggy naturally.
The cost implications aside cause we've spent and been spent on this matter...the will to try it is the issue now. Thanks anyways

mariahAngel:


Not necessarily to keep quiet, but don't lose your mind in the process.

Thanks. I hope so too

DeeMain:


In that case a solution is still feasible for your wife. I know you are frustrated and exhausted but there are still solutions out there that are not mainstream but are efficacious. Somebody on this thread mentioned alternative medicine/alternative solutions. I might be of some help to you regarding that if you become interested in embracing such solutions.

Peace.

I am very open to exhaust those alternatives. Don't hesitate to share with me. Thanks

IntentionTremor:


Thanks. I hope so too

Was it a D and C she did? Pls answer. I could link you up with a doctor here in delta.

Ginaz:


So sorry . was it a medical (drugs) or surgical (D n c) abortion she did?
Girls should be careful about this abortion thing. May God grant open her womb and grant her a child.

Dissecting the abortion won't give me the children. Lol. But it was a d and c. Amen to your prayer

IntentionTremor:


Dissecting the abortion won't give me the children. Lol. But it was a d and c. Amen to your prayer

I could talk to a family doctor of mine . he is very good at his work, I happened to come across him when my mom was sick with fibroid. He was the one who God used to save her . multiple fibroids was no joke. At his office you would see women coming to gift him gifts of appreciation everyday. Some couldn't conceived. If you feel you're ready I could send a mail to you.