talk2ibk:
Dear OP,

First, you need to take your mind away from all these so also your wife if you both want to have children... Learn to make love not having sex for children, it might be hard but that's what it takes

Second, pray... You might need to go on a spiritual journey too e.g fasting... There are some fasting that receives immediate result but you might not be able to do such... Except you are determined.

Thirdly, love your wife dearly if you want to have children... I repeat, love her dearly... Let her also take her mind away from child thought... Believe me.


Lastly, you might need to visit your father in the Lord... Or if you're born again, hear from the Holy Spirit... He will guide you too...


Shalom

Lol...is all I could type. Thanks.

Ginaz:


I could talk to a family doctor of mine . he is very good at his work, I happened to come across him when my mom was sick with fibroid. He was the one who God used to save her . multiple fibroids was no joke. At his office you would see women coming to gift him gifts of appreciation everyday. Some couldn't conceived. If you feel you're ready I could send a mail to you.

I will like you to share my story with him first. The medical aspect. Hear his opinion and fill me in. We are not talking fibroids here. We have done 5 failed IVF cycles and now contemplating surrogacy. I will appreciate his response. Thanks

IntentionTremor:


I am very open to exhaust those alternatives. Don't hesitate to share with me. Thanks

PM me, let's talk via emails.

JidennaJason:
Do not allow the mistake (sins) of your partner to hinder you the joy of fatherhood....


Look for a responsible lady whose womb is still intact and reproduce with her.

Do not let anyone deprive you of your happiness, not your spouse, not your parents.


A word for the wise is enough.

As harsh as this sounds, it is the way forward.

I was having this discussion recently, if every other way out fails, I would very well give him my permission to carry on.

People need to keep their emotions in check. Sometimes you need to make hard decisions.

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

Just divorce her and get a new woman,stop displeasing urself because of someone else's carelessness

DeeMain:


PM me, let's talk via emails.

I beg to keep the conversation here. Thanks

IntentionTremor:


I beg to keep the conversation here. Thanks

But if I may ask, why do the thought of surrogacy doesn't appeals to you and makes you sick?

pocohantas:


As harsh as this sounds, it is the way forward.

I was having this discussion recently, if every other way out fails, I would very well give him my permission to carry on.

People need to keep their emotions in check. Sometimes you need to make hard decisions.

I'm gathering some momentum here. Thanks

9-years? You've tried. Aren't there options y'all could look into?

Ginaz:


But if I may ask, why do the thought of surrogacy doesn't appeals to you and makes you sick?

It tortures my mind. I rembered shunning my good friend in my house one day he asked me "how far with the baby ish?". Makes me feel cheated on. Like I'm suffering for another's "sins".
Dude who was aborted for is free who knows...having fun with his family and I'm doing surrogacy as young as I am?!
I feel I deserve much more. It's taunting! I expect you not to understand all the same.
Thanks.

IntentionTremor:


I beg to keep the conversation here. Thanks

Sorry bro, didn't open my NL account for such. Best wishes and God's grace.

IntentionTremor:


It tortures my mind. I rembered shunning my good friend in my house one day he asked me "how far with the baby ish?". Makes me feel cheated on. Like I'm suffering for another's "sins".
Dude who was aborted for is free who knows...having fun with his family and I'm doing surrogacy as young as I am?!
I feel I deserve much more. It's taunting! I expect you not to understand all the same.
Thanks.

Well, as much as I won't understand, I think you should try to see the picture from the other side. The mental picture of the guy at the back of your mind won't and will help you with the solution.

In life , circumstances beyond our control do happen. It's not always the swift who wins. Surrogacy if at this point , is the solution , then you should make peace with it . why does it matter ? You will have your child you so wanted! Surrogacy or natural, a child is still a child.

Make peace with the situation . be at peace with it. It's not your fault either is it your karma. Life happened, fate happened.

IntentionTremor:


I make bold to say NO WOMAN HAS ABORTED FOR ME.
Surrogacy in my case also needs an egg donor plus the surrogate mom! Thinking about it gets me so angry.
While dating I always stated I wanted CHILDREN early that's why I was getting married early.... I was less than 30 when we even married cause of how much I wanted to have the kids early! Alas!

Gosh mehn, this is what I hate about life. You make plans, put in the work, effort, sweat and blood, then nature comes with something different, just wipes off all your hard work into the dirt for nothing.

This is why I always pray for favor all the fvcking time, I need luck in this life cause I'm already losing my mind by even reading this story.

Righteousness2:

My Brother! Seeing your wife happy should be your Pirioty!
Yes! I agree your dad will love to see his grandchildren but you must understand that it is a Gift From GOD. It is not by Struggle! You don't Struggle for a Gift!
Calm Down! Worrying does not bring Solution!
Find the space to Love your wife.

I Stand the Gap For you and your Family!
I Bind Delay in your life! No matter the cause, I Break the yoke in JESUS Name!
I Decree this year will not Pass you guys by!
I Decree b4 the End of this year 2021, if JESUS Tarries, your wife will be set to put to bed in JESUS Name..
It is Settled!

AMENNNNN!!!!

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

I think you guys are having a blood group mismatch. Check, one of youay be O+ while the other is O-. I think there are also injections she can be on if my suspicion is right.

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

I think you guys are having a blood group mismatch. Check, one of you may be O+ while the other is O-. I think there are also injections she can be on if my suspicion is right.

DeeMain:


Sorry bro, didn't open my NL account for such. Best wishes and God's grace.

No issues.

.

Malawian:

I think you guys are having a blood group mismatch. Check, one of youay be O+ while the other is O-. I think there are also injections she can be on if my suspicion is right.

Not at all. We are both of the same blood group but different compatible genotypes. Thanks

Don’t deliberately choose to be ignorant. Abortions rarely (if ever) cause infertility.
If it made her infertile where did the first pregnancy that you lost at birth come from?

Mtchew

IntentionTremor:


Ya, I am also on that thread with my main moniker, followed the topic some years ago and still following. I got a lot of encouragement and network from that thread during our IVFs.
The solution to the infertility is a HYSTERECTOMY. Just so you have a picture of what it's like. Spare me the diagnosis for the internet's sake. I verbally abused the gynaecologist the day he told us that in his office.
If the past is related to the present predicament I don't know. But my mind tells me if the abortion wasn't done this whole thing wouldn't have been there in the first place..

IntentionTremor:


Not at all. We are both of the same blood group but different compatible genotypes. Thanks

Even in the same blood group, there is either Positive or Negative types. You should cross-check properly, and I suspect it is the problem you are having.

I dnt think divorce is the answer OP
Have you found out y the IVF is failing is it low sperm quality or low egg quality

Are you doing the IVF with doctors that know their onions

Did she take time to prepare her body for the ivf procedure like eating healthy and adapting a healthy life style

Doing abortion is bad but some people nature still forgives them and bless them! Do not peg your problem on that

Seek for a better fertility advices
In all na baba God get final say keep seeking his face
Wish you truck load of baby dust on you and your wife

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

Marry a second wife and stop been a simp...

.

@op, whatever decision you make is yours. It's a hard place to be. I had my own share of life's lemons. Suffered six miscarriages before we had our first. Went through all manner of thoughts and anger set in at some point. We have four now to the glory of God. Did we do anything special, no. I believe God made things beautiful in its time.

aroundtheearth:
9-years? You've tried. Aren't there options y'all could look into?

We have explored many options to the point we are now. Moving forward from here now is the main objective of this thread.
Thanks

cococandy:
Don’t deliberately choose to be ignorant. Abortions rarely (if ever) cause infertility.
If it made her infertile where did the first pregnancy that you lost at birth come from?

Mtchew

The first pregnancy was after some rounds of fertility treatment after two years wait. All the same it's history. The way forward is the main thing now.
Are you sure about your conclusion, that RARELY does abortions (D n C) cause infertility?
Well , feel free to educate my ignorance. Thanks

RenerdsMedia:

Can you adopt me?
I also had no one i can call a family, and believe me, that is more painful.
«i'm serious if interested»
And you don't need divorcing your wife, she's definitely gonna have her own kids.

OMG! Pls can you slow down and be less serious!? LMAO!!! This is really funny btw. Saw your email but would rather discuss here. Thanks

.

Ginaz:


Well, as much as I won't understand, I think you should try to see the picture from the other side. The mental picture of the guy at the back of your mind won't and will help you with the solution.

In life , circumstances beyond our control do happen. It's not always the swift who wins. Surrogacy if at this point , is the solution , then you should make peace with it . why does it matter ? You will have your child you so wanted! Surrogacy or natural, a child is still a child.

Make peace with the situation . be at peace with it. It's not your fault either is it your karma. Life happened, fate happened.

Yes, right. Life is not fair they say. So is grace, if you ask me. I must say that this karma is not mine.
So being at peace with it will mean killing myself soflty but surely.
I don't think you know the tension that goes with IVF . Thanks

IntentionTremor:


The first pregnancy was after some rounds of fertility treatment after two years wait. All the same it's history. The way forward is the main thing now.
Are you sure about your conclusion, that RARELY does abortions (D n C) cause infertility?
Well , feel free to educate my ignorance. Thanks

I'm also waiting for that education, really, if it ever comes. Limiting someone's concerns is always easy as long as you can name them.

If Johns Hopkins Hospital says a major brain procedure is RARELY problematic, it will be rather simplistic to assume it will mean the same thing coming from OUR university teaching hospitals.

Bro whats good? Forgive any typos. Its going to be a long read. Read it all.
Listen to my advice because it will save you from yourself.
Let me tell you that I empatise with you and your wife. I can imagine the extent of the pain that you both are experiencing now.
Only people who have experienced the pain and pressure of infertility would understand how you feel.I have been there.So you have a person who can relate personally with your situation.

First of all, you need to recalibrate. To continue in this path is death or insanity!!! Some may be even see death as a welcome relief at this stage but I hope you still have a modicum of love for yourself to not even think about that.

So you need to tell yourself that you must get out of the rut and save yourself and wifey.
The first thing you need to do is to put this challenge in perspective. You are not dead, imprisoned, disabled, hospitalised, indebted?.You are alive. That is a blessing in itself. Lots of people in the class I mentioned above will be glad if they are alive and free.

So be grateful for where you are now compared to millions of people all around the world who do not deserve their conditions as much as you dont too.
2ndly you and your wife are 38 years young. In terms of fertility and chances of getting pregnant or becoming parents through several other means you are still young. Women who are 50,60 are still having kids and becoming first time parents. So eliminate that time pressure from your mind my friend. You still have a lot of time to enjoy life.

Thirdly you have allowed yourself to become bitter,hateful and pessimistic about life,your wife and your self. I don't blame you, for life dealt you a hand that most find most disheartening. But trust me the comfort you find from having those strong negative emotions is akin to the comfort a drunk or junky finds in alcohol and drugs. Its is a temporary fix and will only take you dipper into the abyss. You allow yourself to feel these emotions because you feel helplessly out of control and numb. Its the only thing you can feel and engage.

So you have to stop. Infact it is in your best interest to stop and have a reset. Let me tell you why and how you can stop engaging those emotions.
One of the biggest reasons why we feel sad and angry about infertility issues is the "shame" we feel about it. Society is not kind to childless couples and the pressure it brings to bear on childless couples if not handled correctly may lead to frustrations and mental instability. People are just horrible and your pain is the reason why they are happy. Even your extended family will feel that pressure and would add their own stress into the mix if you let them.

So it is very important that you convince yourself that the fact that you and your wife do not have children "yet" does not make you less than the next couple with 4 kids in 5years of marriage. You and your wife are a fully independent human beings with other goals and aspirations in life and that having kids or not having kids does not in anyway define you.

Afterall some couples decide that they dont ever want kids. You MUST TAKE AWAY THE POWER OF PEOPLE TO SHAME YOU. Have you ever heard the phrase you cant shame the shameless? Yes I dont have kids yet. So what? You are alive and kicking and pursuing your other goals in life. The people who have kids yesterday. Did it stop them from divorcing themselves? Did it stop some from dying? Are they going to take their kids with them to heaven when they finally pass on from old age? Situate your self bro. This life is deep and no class of persons should determine any person's worth. You detemine your own worth

Get your self respect back. Dont let what people think of you and your wife disable you and make you think less of yourself.

Trust me if you think like this about 60% of the mental pressures will disappear and You will hold your head up and receive clarity and purpose. You will think clearly and be in a more better position to pray and pursue your life's mission.

Fourthly you must forgive your wife. You must stop blaming her. She told you about the abortion she did before y'all got married. Her sin has been forgiven and God has moved on. Move on too. There are countless women who did several abortions b4 and after marriage and they still had kids. How do you know it was the abortion that caused the infertility. If her reproductive system was not viable the doctors wouldnt have recommended IVF. Tests were done.

Remove the thought that God is punishing her and you. God is not wicked. There are prostitutes who are getting pregnant and throwing their babies in the dustbin.
Let your negativity and guilt not cause you to loose your wife you called beautiful and i am sure you still love.
You took a vow to love,protect and cherish her in sickness and health till death do you both part. Children is not the be all end all of a marriage. Companionship and mutual love and affection is. Some have kids and are miserable. Some have even killed themselves despite having kids.

Besides the woman who you think you will marry again. How sure are you that she will give you kids? How sure are you that the kids, you or the new wife will live happily forever till old age. Life is uncertain. We make best use of the hand life deals to us.

I have written enough. There is so much I can say. You can PM me if you need more counseling.

Let me end by saying that i understand if yoi think God has failed you and you don't feel the need to pray. But trust me that's what the devil wants.
The lack of prayer and presence of the grace of the Holy spirit is giving him room to manuever and still your destiny and the destiny of your wife. You said you are not mentally stable right? Thats the devil at work. demons operate freely where the presence of God is absent. So even if you cant pray, play gospel music, leave your tv on gospel channels. Talk to a real pastor or church to put you in prayers constanly.
You will feel a shift in the spirit realm and that will ursher in an atmosphere of miracles. It has happened and it will happen. Whether through medical procedure or through faith in God. You can and will get your wife pregnant. May the peace of God find you.Amen.