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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! (11210 Views)
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Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 5:33pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
talk2ibk: Lol...is all I could type. Thanks. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 5:38pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
Ginaz: I will like you to share my story with him first. The medical aspect. Hear his opinion and fill me in. We are not talking fibroids here. We have done 5 failed IVF cycles and now contemplating surrogacy. I will appreciate his response. Thanks |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by DeeMain(m): 5:47pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor: PM me, let's talk via emails. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by pocohantas(f): 6:25pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
JidennaJason: As harsh as this sounds, it is the way forward. I was having this discussion recently, if every other way out fails, I would very well give him my permission to carry on. People need to keep their emotions in check. Sometimes you need to make hard decisions. 6 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Mandela27: 6:33pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor:Just divorce her and get a new woman,stop displeasing urself because of someone else's carelessness 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 6:49pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
DeeMain: I beg to keep the conversation here. Thanks 1 Like |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Ginaz(f): 6:54pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor: But if I may ask, why do the thought of surrogacy doesn't appeals to you and makes you sick? |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 6:57pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
pocohantas: I'm gathering some momentum here. Thanks 2 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Nobody: 7:08pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
9-years? You've tried. Aren't there options y'all could look into? 2 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 7:10pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
Ginaz: It tortures my mind. I rembered shunning my good friend in my house one day he asked me "how far with the baby ish?". Makes me feel cheated on. Like I'm suffering for another's "sins". Dude who was aborted for is free who knows...having fun with his family and I'm doing surrogacy as young as I am?! I feel I deserve much more. It's taunting! I expect you not to understand all the same. Thanks. 7 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by DeeMain(m): 7:13pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor: Sorry bro, didn't open my NL account for such. Best wishes and God's grace. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Ginaz(f): 7:24pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor: Well, as much as I won't understand, I think you should try to see the picture from the other side. The mental picture of the guy at the back of your mind won't and will help you with the solution. In life , circumstances beyond our control do happen. It's not always the swift who wins. Surrogacy if at this point , is the solution , then you should make peace with it . why does it matter ? You will have your child you so wanted! Surrogacy or natural, a child is still a child. Make peace with the situation . be at peace with it. It's not your fault either is it your karma. Life happened, fate happened. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Nobody: 7:25pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor: Gosh mehn, this is what I hate about life. You make plans, put in the work, effort, sweat and blood, then nature comes with something different, just wipes off all your hard work into the dirt for nothing. This is why I always pray for favor all the fvcking time, I need luck in this life cause I'm already losing my mind by even reading this story. ![]() 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by SpicyMimi(f): 7:27pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
Righteousness2:AMENNNNN!!!! 1 Like |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Malawian(m): 7:37pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor:I think you guys are having a blood group mismatch. Check, one of youay be O+ while the other is O-. I think there are also injections she can be on if my suspicion is right. 1 Like |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Malawian(m): 7:37pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor:I think you guys are having a blood group mismatch. Check, one of you may be O+ while the other is O-. I think there are also injections she can be on if my suspicion is right. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 7:58pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
DeeMain: No issues. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Nobody: 7:59pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 8:03pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
Malawian: Not at all. We are both of the same blood group but different compatible genotypes. Thanks |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by cococandy(f): 8:09pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
Don’t deliberately choose to be ignorant. Abortions rarely (if ever) cause infertility. If it made her infertile where did the first pregnancy that you lost at birth come from? Mtchew IntentionTremor: 8 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Malawian(m): 8:12pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor:Even in the same blood group, there is either Positive or Negative types. You should cross-check properly, and I suspect it is the problem you are having. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by BlessedMyra: 8:20pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
I dnt think divorce is the answer OP Have you found out y the IVF is failing is it low sperm quality or low egg quality Are you doing the IVF with doctors that know their onions Did she take time to prepare her body for the ivf procedure like eating healthy and adapting a healthy life style Doing abortion is bad but some people nature still forgives them and bless them! Do not peg your problem on that Seek for a better fertility advices In all na baba God get final say keep seeking his face Wish you truck load of baby dust on you and your wife 2 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by tstx(m): 8:20pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor: Marry a second wife and stop been a simp... 1 Like |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Nobody: 9:28pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
. |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by kimoyo: 9:32pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
@op, whatever decision you make is yours. It's a hard place to be. I had my own share of life's lemons. Suffered six miscarriages before we had our first. Went through all manner of thoughts and anger set in at some point. We have four now to the glory of God. Did we do anything special, no. I believe God made things beautiful in its time. 4 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 9:33pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
aroundtheearth: We have explored many options to the point we are now. Moving forward from here now is the main objective of this thread. Thanks 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 9:41pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
cococandy: The first pregnancy was after some rounds of fertility treatment after two years wait. All the same it's history. The way forward is the main thing now. Are you sure about your conclusion, that RARELY does abortions (D n C) cause infertility? Well , feel free to educate my ignorance. Thanks 8 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 9:43pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
RenerdsMedia: OMG! Pls can you slow down and be less serious!? LMAO!!! This is really funny btw. Saw your email but would rather discuss here. Thanks |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Nobody: 9:47pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
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Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by IntentionTremor: 10:01pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
Ginaz: Yes, right. Life is not fair they say. So is grace, if you ask me. I must say that this karma is not mine. So being at peace with it will mean killing myself soflty but surely. I don't think you know the tension that goes with IVF . Thanks 2 Likes |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by jelel6: 10:04pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
IntentionTremor: I'm also waiting for that education, really, if it ever comes. Limiting someone's concerns is always easy as long as you can name them. If Johns Hopkins Hospital says a major brain procedure is RARELY problematic, it will be rather simplistic to assume it will mean the same thing coming from OUR university teaching hospitals. 1 Like |
Re: Childless For 9 Years: Help! I'm Losing My Mind To Depression! by Bonjovi13: 10:14pm On Mar 07, 2021 |
Bro whats good? Forgive any typos. Its going to be a long read. Read it all. Listen to my advice because it will save you from yourself. Let me tell you that I empatise with you and your wife. I can imagine the extent of the pain that you both are experiencing now. Only people who have experienced the pain and pressure of infertility would understand how you feel.I have been there.So you have a person who can relate personally with your situation. First of all, you need to recalibrate. To continue in this path is death or insanity!!! Some may be even see death as a welcome relief at this stage but I hope you still have a modicum of love for yourself to not even think about that. So you need to tell yourself that you must get out of the rut and save yourself and wifey. The first thing you need to do is to put this challenge in perspective. You are not dead, imprisoned, disabled, hospitalised, indebted?.You are alive. That is a blessing in itself. Lots of people in the class I mentioned above will be glad if they are alive and free. So be grateful for where you are now compared to millions of people all around the world who do not deserve their conditions as much as you dont too. 2ndly you and your wife are 38 years young. In terms of fertility and chances of getting pregnant or becoming parents through several other means you are still young. Women who are 50,60 are still having kids and becoming first time parents. So eliminate that time pressure from your mind my friend. You still have a lot of time to enjoy life. Thirdly you have allowed yourself to become bitter,hateful and pessimistic about life,your wife and your self. I don't blame you, for life dealt you a hand that most find most disheartening. But trust me the comfort you find from having those strong negative emotions is akin to the comfort a drunk or junky finds in alcohol and drugs. Its is a temporary fix and will only take you dipper into the abyss. You allow yourself to feel these emotions because you feel helplessly out of control and numb. Its the only thing you can feel and engage. So you have to stop. Infact it is in your best interest to stop and have a reset. Let me tell you why and how you can stop engaging those emotions. One of the biggest reasons why we feel sad and angry about infertility issues is the "shame" we feel about it. Society is not kind to childless couples and the pressure it brings to bear on childless couples if not handled correctly may lead to frustrations and mental instability. People are just horrible and your pain is the reason why they are happy. Even your extended family will feel that pressure and would add their own stress into the mix if you let them. So it is very important that you convince yourself that the fact that you and your wife do not have children "yet" does not make you less than the next couple with 4 kids in 5years of marriage. You and your wife are a fully independent human beings with other goals and aspirations in life and that having kids or not having kids does not in anyway define you. Afterall some couples decide that they dont ever want kids. You MUST TAKE AWAY THE POWER OF PEOPLE TO SHAME YOU. Have you ever heard the phrase you cant shame the shameless? Yes I dont have kids yet. So what? You are alive and kicking and pursuing your other goals in life. The people who have kids yesterday. Did it stop them from divorcing themselves? Did it stop some from dying? Are they going to take their kids with them to heaven when they finally pass on from old age? Situate your self bro. This life is deep and no class of persons should determine any person's worth. You detemine your own worth Get your self respect back. Dont let what people think of you and your wife disable you and make you think less of yourself. Trust me if you think like this about 60% of the mental pressures will disappear and You will hold your head up and receive clarity and purpose. You will think clearly and be in a more better position to pray and pursue your life's mission. Fourthly you must forgive your wife. You must stop blaming her. She told you about the abortion she did before y'all got married. Her sin has been forgiven and God has moved on. Move on too. There are countless women who did several abortions b4 and after marriage and they still had kids. How do you know it was the abortion that caused the infertility. If her reproductive system was not viable the doctors wouldnt have recommended IVF. Tests were done. Remove the thought that God is punishing her and you. God is not wicked. There are prostitutes who are getting pregnant and throwing their babies in the dustbin. Let your negativity and guilt not cause you to loose your wife you called beautiful and i am sure you still love. You took a vow to love,protect and cherish her in sickness and health till death do you both part. Children is not the be all end all of a marriage. Companionship and mutual love and affection is. Some have kids and are miserable. Some have even killed themselves despite having kids. Besides the woman who you think you will marry again. How sure are you that she will give you kids? How sure are you that the kids, you or the new wife will live happily forever till old age. Life is uncertain. We make best use of the hand life deals to us. I have written enough. There is so much I can say. You can PM me if you need more counseling. Let me end by saying that i understand if yoi think God has failed you and you don't feel the need to pray. But trust me that's what the devil wants. The lack of prayer and presence of the grace of the Holy spirit is giving him room to manuever and still your destiny and the destiny of your wife. You said you are not mentally stable right? Thats the devil at work. demons operate freely where the presence of God is absent. So even if you cant pray, play gospel music, leave your tv on gospel channels. Talk to a real pastor or church to put you in prayers constanly. You will feel a shift in the spirit realm and that will ursher in an atmosphere of miracles. It has happened and it will happen. Whether through medical procedure or through faith in God. You can and will get your wife pregnant. May the peace of God find you.Amen. 9 Likes |
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