sweetrace:


Of course! That’s why he should settle amicably so he can be granted visitation rights even if the visits are supervised. He has to maintain a relationship with his kids. To this, he must eat humble pie and sort things out with the mother.

Sure, there would be visiting time
probably once a week. And should he eat humble pie with a useless ex wife.
He should get his life back first

No domestic violence. He willingly moved out of the house due to constant arguments. They are both Nigerian Yorubas. He brought his wife to the UK from Nigeria. He is not a citizen yet but legal. If you have lived in the UK, you'd realised that violence doesn't need to have occurred before a woman gets you arrested. Merely saying "I am fearful of him and my life is in danger" is enough! Abroad is not for black men with shaky marriage. If your marriage is not solid and your wife is in Nigeria, just leave her there. If you are single, remain single! I for one will never marry any woman and sign any stupid papers! NEVER! Don't tell my mum sha

SURElee:
You mentioned domestic violence as one of the many allegations against your friend.

Now, if he wasn't violent towards his wife, he wouldn't have been arrested or She wouldn't have been scared when he came to see his kids. It was the fear of a possible violent altercation that led her to calling to police.

Nigerian men have to know that what they do to women in Naija here and get applauded, they will get the boot for it over there.


I won't comment further , because you are simply giving a one sided report of what you have heard the man say. You haven't heard the wife's side of the story.

It takes two to make marriage work.

Your friend should sit and truthfully analyse what went wrong and take steps to better his life. It is either they make up or go separate ways in which he is healthy, mentally and emotionally stable even after the divorce.
He need to stay alive and be stable upstairs , he wouldn't be the first in this case.

babythug:
Divorce is an unfortunate situation to be in. Nonetheless it’s not the end of the world . Both himself and his former wife are to blame . He should brace up and try the following:

1. Dust himself and be ready to start over .
2. Face his career or job
3. Determine to be at peace with his ex no matter the level of provocation or otherwise
4. Be the best father he can be to his children given the circumstances. Pay whatever bills as deemed necessary and pay extra where possible
5. He should document any payment made
6. He must not bring the kids into the divorce by relaying what their mum has done or not done to them
7.

We are talking about the man's interests here so what is this epistle about protecting the woman. The kids should know what is happening so they have an independent view.

It will be naive of the man to think the woman is not busy filling their heads with crap such that when they are 'older' as many allude here, thy will seek him. A partner who will not want the truth to emerge will do everything to destroy the other.

There are several ways to make contact under the table He should go to their school and meet with his kids friends and set up cyber linkages.

Must every divorce be projected as the man's fault. It is fair and humane for him to see his kids even if he is a serial killer.

Oluromantic:
But the mother isn't thinking this way. She probably has found another lover already.

She may have indeed moved on but we are focusing on the man , having heard* only his side of the story.

My tips will help give the man some peace during the whole thing

dannywest:


Best friend.
We grew apart, unresolved issues haven't talked in almost a year.
Marriage can be hard if both parties aren't putting work into it.

Communication, attention and care is key.... Money is never enough

ASUNDER:
My friend is currently going through a divorce in the UK and having a hell of a time. His wife mounted as many allegations on him as possible during separation - domestic violence, marital rape, child abuse, drugs and alcohol use, adultery, forgery just to name a few. He had to leave the house. He has moved to a room in a shared house and now even struggling to pay the rent. He does not see his kids anymore (not by choice). He is very broke and in debt because of all that is going on. He can no longer afford a lawyer. He feels so powerless, helpless and hopeless that he cannot fight most of what his wife is putting him through in court. He represents himself these days.

He has stopped looking after himself and is always looking sad . He also lost his job due to his arrest and all the drama. He was arrested because he tried to go see his kids at his former home and his wife called the police that she was afraid of him and that he had come to harass her. Police arrested him even without any traces of any harassment. Note that he moved out of the family house voluntarily thinking that the period of separation would ease tension between him and his wife.

I always feel sad seeing him in this state and just wish that he could recover and bounce back. He is considering moving back to Nigeria.

Have you gone through divorce in the UK or do you know anyone who has? What was the experience and what advice would you give someone going through this?

Thank you.

Tell your friend to contact me ASAP if he's innocent of the allegations and i will petition heaven on his behalf.

RisenPhoenix1:
His mistake was not seeing the signs early enough. If you insist on keeping your wife and family with you in the UK, you need to take financial precautions; like keeping the bulk of your savings in offshore accounts that she is not aware of, including her name on the mortgage papers and getting your kids acclimatized to staying with your parents in Nigeria. So as soon as you see signs of her misbehaviour, you pack up and leave her hanging. The court cannot award her what they can't find. Well, too late now.

Tell him to suspend the search for a job until the court case is all wrapped up. There's very little she can gain from him now; the court cannot order a jobless man to either pay alimony or child support. After that, he can relocate to another town, pick up the pieces and try to get visitation rights. Over time, it will resolve itself.

You may not see any signs at all. Marriage is a risk and the risk can materialise anytime. You may not be able to forsee the behaviour of your partner in different situations. Last year I slapped my wife of 28 years for the first time. Her mum came to visit and as soon as she came, we started quarelling everyday. Only God and our church members helped me, I would have been in a similar situation as the OP although I had almost finish paying my mortgage. Marriage is a great risk and if the risk materialises then destruction follows. There is no straight forward solution except to get closer to God and exercise a lot of patience. Whether you return to NIgeria or remain in UK, you need God guidance.

na2016:


Come back to Nigeria to do what? Even if he is a cleaner in the UK, it is better than some consultants in Nigeria abeg.... The man should stay there, he will not die. He can move to another city in UK to start life.

all his money will go on bills (,his own plus kids and ex wife own). Na die he dey

Mr Asunder,
If you really want to help your friend. Ask him to seek counsel from people who understand the workings of divorce in the UK. It is so fragile and complex not many lawyers practice it. I remember looking for Naija British lawyers and couldn’t find any. Eventually I settled for a Caucasian woman who cost me an arm and a leg.

I am going through the same and at some point in the story I thought it was about me

Probably too late now but if possible, beg, grovel, apologise, send emissaries for what you did and didnt do but be sure not to implicate yourself. I say this because you can never win. In my experience, begging didnt work but it is prudent to try.

Another thing for any man who finds himself in a toxic marriage is to know when to give up on the marriage and move strategically. I held on too long not really for love but for the sake of my children but remember the children will survive if you are there or not.

I left the house a few times thinking things will get better but it didnt help. It emboldened my ex wife and she started to invite her boyfriend into our family home when I wasnt there. Her boyfriend moved into our home only about 3 weeks after I was arrested and told by the police not to return to the house. And I still part paid the mortgage for almost a year until I transferred my interest in it over to her.

I moved to a garage conversion in a shared house. The garage obviously had no insulation so cold almost killed me in winter. Used to sleep with full tracksuit, electric blanket and heater. I have moved to my own flat now.

I caught a few charges from her and her boyfriend and I am on trial in crown court next month. They are serious charges but I am optimistic that even if found guilty there will be no jail time as I am of good character. I am kind of prepared for the worst though so although not concrete my plan B will be to relocate to Nigeria if I do get prison time as I will lose my job and the prospects wont be good on release.

I have been working a second job and doing 75hrs a week for about 11 months and this has helped me pay part of my criminal defence fees which are just a little under £15,000. But even with that I am over £10,000 in debt.

I was mad suicidal for a long time and always feeling sorry for myself but I had to pick myself up. Doing 2 jobs helped to keep me occupied so it must be tough for your friend if he is not busy doing something and keeps thinking.

Thankfully my divorce went as smoothly as possible as she didnt object to it and it was granted just over a year after I was banished from the house. It could have even happened earlier if I didnt develop cold feet a few times.

My advice to him is to stay back and build his life again.

The issue with most married adult is that they've quickly forgotten that they were once single before getting married. They should learn to embrace the state of being single, especially in a messy situation like this.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, when it is between two good forgivers but if it's the other way around, it's a dangerous institution.

The guy should just forget that he has a family and focus on making his life better. When the kids grow up, they will definitely ask of their father and the situation would most likely favour him then. But for now, he should strive to make his conditions upgrade and fast.

My 1 cent.

Marriage na scam... Sign prenup before entering into it especially if you live abroad... Women will ruin a man's life in a whimp if they become unsatisfied just for a bit.. men are the major recipient of the bad things within marriage, so, men guard yourselves

If you are in abroad and you are loaded, best thing for you is not to legally marry. have baby mamas as long as you want and children accompany with those women. People like P diddy understand the scope

richie240:

Jesu!!!
Can u imagine!
This s part of d reason 'men are going their own ways' nowadays.

They are gradually realizing that d phrase 'settle down' wasn't a coincidental derivation; it literally means what it is!

The marriage is over 90% beneficial yo the woman. If not for legitimate sex and procreation, a man has absolutely no biz tying d knot.

Is d milk worth buying d cow?
I think not!

HRprof:
This matter strong
That is to say British law protect woman, if its here in Nigeria is the other way round. My advise is that Nigeria men should learn how to protect their wife either in Nigeria or abroad to aviod this scenarios.
Anyway lets people who stay in UK give the guy better advice because for we in Nigeria will not give him better advise as Nigeria is lawless even in marriage issue as People do anyhow and get away with it.

Which NIGERIA LAW PROTECT MEN ? EVERY LAW PROTECTS WOMEN

ASUNDER:
My friend is currently going through a divorce in the UK and having a hell of a time. His wife mounted as many allegations on him as possible during separation - domestic violence, marital rape, child abuse, drugs and alcohol use, adultery, forgery just to name a few. He had to leave the house. He has moved to a room in a shared house and now even struggling to pay the rent. He does not see his kids anymore (not by choice). He is very broke and in debt because of all that is going on. He can no longer afford a lawyer. He feels so powerless, helpless and hopeless that he cannot fight most of what his wife is putting him through in court. He represents himself these days.

He has stopped looking after himself and is always looking sad . He also lost his job due to his arrest and all the drama. He was arrested because he tried to go see his kids at his former home and his wife called the police that she was afraid of him and that he had come to harass her. Police arrested him even without any traces of any harassment. Note that he moved out of the family house voluntarily thinking that the period of separation would ease tension between him and his wife.

I always feel sad seeing him in this state and just wish that he could recover and bounce back. He is considering moving back to Nigeria.

Have you gone through divorce in the UK or do you know anyone who has? What was the experience and what advice would you give someone going through this?

Thank you.

My dear I understand.
Advice your friend to seek for government/public sponsored attorneys...they have them there as they do here in the US. They will help him fight his case.
The major setback is that the system is designed to favor the woman/wife but in some cases the man/husband can be successful.

But here’s the CAVEAT:
If your friend, at any point whatsoever, has physically abused the wife or kids and there’s proof, tell him to RUN AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE.
They will nail his a*ss! For good!!
Because there are always two sides to every story, he should tread carefully.
Wish him all the best...

If you're dumb enough to marry at all in the western world, with all the sickening stories abound, why regale us with stories of woe when sh!t hits the fan?

Bear it.

Keshinr0:


I understood, but the useless woman will continue to get him arrested
what's the point

Well, he’s going to keep trying. Get his shît together and get good legal help. That’s the only way out

pappilo:
I am going through the same and at some point in the story I thought it was about me

Probably too late now but if possible, beg, grovel, apologise, send emissaries for what you did and didnt do but be sure not to implicate yourself. I say this because you can never win. In my experience, begging didnt work but it is prudent to try.

I have been working a second job and doing 75hrs a week for about 11 months and this has helped me pay part of my criminal defence fees which are just a little under £15,000. But even with that I am over £10,000 in debt.

I was mad suicidal for a long time and always feeling sorry for myself but I had to pick myself up. Doing 2 jobs helped to keep me occupied so it must be tough for your friend if he is not busy doing something and keeps thinking.

You are a real man sir. I salute your courage. This is exactly my point. Thanks for sharing

pappilo:
I am going through the same and at some point in the story I thought it was about me

Probably too late now but if possible, beg, grovel, apologise, send emissaries for what you did and didnt do but be sure not to implicate yourself. I say this because you can never win. In my experience, begging didnt work but it is prudent to try.

Another thing for any man who finds himself in a toxic marriage is to know when to give up on the marriage and move strategically. I held on too long not really for love but for the sake of my children but remember the children will survive if you are there or not.

I left the house a few times thinking things will get better but it didnt help. It emboldened my ex wife and she started to invite her boyfriend into our family home when I wasnt there. Her boyfriend moved into our home only about 3 weeks after I was arrested and told by the police not to return to the house. And I still part paid the mortgage for almost a year until I transferred my interest in it over to her.

I moved to a garage conversion in a shared house. The garage obviously had no insulation so cold almost killed me in winter. Used to sleep with full tracksuit, electric blanket and heater. I have moved to my own flat now.

I caught a few charges from her and her boyfriend and I am on trial in crown court next month. They are serious charges but I am optimistic that even if found guilty there will be no jail time as I am of good character. I am kind of prepared for the worst though so although not concrete my plan B will be to relocate to Nigeria if I do get prison time as I will lose my job and the prospects wont be good on release.

I have been working a second job and doing 75hrs a week for about 11 months and this has helped me pay part of my criminal defence fees which are just a little under £15,000. But even with that I am over £10,000 in debt.

I was mad suicidal for a long time and always feeling sorry for myself but I had to pick myself up. Doing 2 jobs helped to keep me occupied so it must be tough for your friend if he is not busy doing something and keeps thinking.

Thankfully my divorce went as smoothly as possible as she didnt object to it and it was granted just over a year after I was banished from the house. It could have even happened earlier if I didnt develop cold feet a few times.

Is your wife a Nigerian sir?

na this kind thing go make pesin not to give a damn about those gender that claim they're the future ........sometimes it's best u stay single and surround yourself with important hommies that can help you achieve life purpose

Please don't tell me what you don't know nothing about. I live in the States, going thru a divorce at the moment. Like I said earlier, thw OP is not telling full story. NOBODY arrest you for visiting your house except there is a restraining order against you and you don't get locked up for forgery allegation except there is a proof..

KingAzari:


You never see anything.

Let me tell you, in the western countries, the most powerful people are in this order:
1. Women
2. Children
3. Animals(Birds, Fishes & Mammals)
4. Trees/Environment/Ocean
5. Gay men
6. Straight men (This is where most of us - the most endangered group - belong). SAD truth.

The day I told my white boss that I was getting married he wept for me just the way angels wept for people on earth the day God ostracized Satan to earth. He practically told me not to get married that I would live to regret.

MansoryMX:



As a man If you get married outside Nigeria, know your boundaries with your wife, always make sure your name is not written in your wife’s book of death or else if y’all go through divorce path, you are definitely losing everything. If I were you, I will advice my friend to make peace with his wife, tolerate her and get back everything, plan on how to leave her with the kids back to Naija afterwards. Same thing happened to my wife’s elder brother in the UK but he was smart enough to outsmart the wife, sold off everything they have secretly and liquidated the money into bitcoin, did travel papers secretly and before she returned back from work one day, house is emptied and her husband already back in Naija with their two kids. The woman has refused to come back yet to Naija despite her own family plea fo her to come and face family meeting.

Waoooo, your elder bro is faster than Usain Bolt

ttoyetade:
You may not see any signs at all. Marriage is a risk and the risk can materialise anytime. You may not be able to forsee the behaviour of your partner in different situations. Last year I slapped my wife of 28 years for the first time. Her mum came to visit and as soon as she came, we started quarelling everyday. Only God and our church members helped me, I would have been in a similar situation as the OP although I had almost finish paying my mortgage. Marriage is a great risk and if the risk materialises then destruction follows. There is no straight forward solution except to get closer to God and exercise a lot of patience. Whether you return to NIgeria or remain in UK, you need God guidance.

Inasmuch as i agree with you, i think I'll digress a little by saying the institution of marriage itself is a big scam especially in the 21st century and the law isn't even on the side of men whenever things go wrong even if the woman is at fault.

Best for him to move back to nigeria

dannywest:
Filing mine in Nigeria.

Luckily no kids and no contest so not as messy.

Western law is strongly biased against men and men really go through so much in the hands of some women but are never believed.

AND THEY DNT WANA CUM TOGETHER TO SPEAK AGAINST IT . LET THE CNTINUE TO KEEP SILENT. I SOO MUCH HATE THE UK. THEY MEN ARE THE ONES THAT MADE THAT LAW AGAINST THEMSELVES IN THE NAME OF PROTECTING WOMEN WHILE WOMEN USES IT AGAINST THEM SOO MUCH

xandy84:
Please don't tell me what you don't know nothing about. I live in the States, going thru a divorce at the moment. Like I said earlier, thw OP is not telling full story. NOBODY arrest you for visiting your house except there is a restraining order against you and you don't get locked up for forgery allegation except there is a proof..

But OP lives in the UK

eduson33:
If your friend is truly innocent then here is my 2 cent.

Divorce can be messy and mostly favors the woman.
FOR ME I'D SAY,HE SHOULD FIND A WAY TO MAKE PEACE...THERE IS ALWAYS A SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM.

That being said;

1. He needs to get something doing. Even tho its very tough right now, he can find some part time job to keep him afloat.(Tell him to search for property management companies(concierge and security) they only need your cv and your availability to start booking you in for jobs or he can apply for public fund.

Even tho his current visa says''no recourse to public funds,he can still access public funds but it will only restart the clock for him and extend the length of time before he can Naturalize or receive ILR. He can also be provided with a lawyer if he cant afford one(Even tho those ones are not the best). Some legal firms will be happy to take on the case and charge him later if successful(depending on his argument)..He should start gathering proofs and evidences that will help his case.

if they have been married for over 3 years and he has lived in the UK for at least one year, he is entitled to apply for ''RIGHT TO REMAIN'' Which means he will be issued a 5 years visa to remain in the UK after the divorce,provided that the application is successful.

If the court grants him access to the kids, he can also apply to remain in the country based on the kids.

Tell him to actively pursue peace..katakata is never a solution..

he should let the ex wife be
and face his life

How do they sign the PRENUP OF A THING ?

Judybash93:


Is your wife a Nigerian sir?

Yes. Met in Uni, came to the UK together

What's different between UK and US? Not much. The simple fact is what I am trying to say. It is not the duty of the accuse to prove his innocent, it is the duty of the accuser to prove the accuse is guilty. If you accuse someone of fraud as the OP claimed, the wife has to show proof that the man is into fraud either in Germany, UK, US or even Nigeria....

Judybash93:

But OP lives in the UK

xandy84:
Please don't tell me what you don't know nothing about. I live in the States, going thru a divorce at the moment. Like I said earlier, thw OP is not telling full story. NOBODY arrest you for visiting your house except there is a restraining order against you and you don't get locked up for forgery allegation except there is a proof..

now you can see the messy part that is not being revealed.

it must have been a degenerated issue

AS A GUY WEY U BE EHN, MAKE U NO EVER BRING A WOMAN TO ABROAD NOR MATTER HOW U TRUSTED her.