Childofthelord:
Honestly, you wouldn't have explained it any better. Been in Vancouver for 3 years now and I could not agree less. I usually engage myself with volunteering, community service, church choir and taking swimming lessons and post my random thoughts on Nairaland. That alleviates the boredom a little, but the loneliness is unmatched. You better learn to enjoy your own company before coming over. Don't overdo things or try to be too friendly, they'll see you as a pest.

Peace

And i'm here praying to go to Canada someday

Lol.. I started feeling this yesterday. It hit hard man

Na poverty and lack of better arrangement here, dey make people go suffer there.

lefulefu:
even in the same nigeria there many ppl who still cry about being lonely
some ladies in nigeria still cry that no man has their time and they have been so lonely for yrs that they even beg their pastors to give them husband
some don become constant for shiloh sef
some guys tool also complain that no matter how much they beg a girl for attention and friendship she still ignores them
someone created a thread yesterday about having difficulty in making friends with the opposite even though he has a good paying job and he is very generous and yet na naija im dey
it has nothing to do with your locality
it has nothing to do with nigerian govt
but it has everything to do with the person in general if he or she is finding it hard to make friends

I think they are reffering to general feelings of loneliness...oyinbo no send you there, its cold out there,here people are more warm, open, like to chat/talk. Deep down most see you as a pest/second class entity.

Randy91:



They are used to this *too much attention* guys in Naija give to them

When i see most of them, i dont even SAY HI thats how BRUTAL i can be


Our mumu stopped in NAIJA

Idle men everywhere give too much attention to women, not all Naija men are women wrapper.

BadRadio:
would you oblige me by leaving a number I can call in this mail loadedplugz@yahoo.com

This one still get time to waste

BadRadio:
would you oblige me by leaving a number I can call in this mail loadedplugz@yahoo.com

This one still get time to waste lol

CamusMidas:

Many minorities ethnic groups are facing the same sense of worthlessness here in Nigeria, so?

Its not same.

Reex12:
guy mcslize pls keep quiet your posts irritate me with your ojuelegba view

youve never left the shores of nigeria neither have you experienced racism, yet you think its black and white,confidence and shyness
you cant force yourself on someone who doesnt want you.

If you take a trip to russia you would understand better, your just blabbering

So many are suckers

kunkelhanspeter:

This one still get time to waste

Jealousy

Draslo:
Introverts are lonely everywhere

extroverts are unlonely everywhere

doxijaw:


Kenya ? They're the worst. Stay away.

Do you have an experience ?

Pls share..because i have one in my click of friends and she is very good and caring...honestly

lefulefu:
hahahahahahahaha so u will also avoid nigerian churches ?

For your MENTAL SANITY....

Pls, just avoid them..EVERY rubbish happening in NIGERIA as per church matter,,YOU will witness it there FIRST HAND

lefulefu:
even in the same nigeria there many ppl who still cry about being lonely
some ladies in nigeria still cry that no man has their time and they have been so lonely for yrs that they even beg their pastors to give them husband
some don become constant for shiloh sef
some guys tool also complain that no matter how much they beg a girl for attention and friendship she still ignores them
someone created a thread yesterday about having difficulty in making friends with the opposite even though he has a good paying job and he is very generous and yet na naija im dey
it has nothing to do with your locality
it has nothing to do with nigerian govt
but it has everything to do with the person in general if he or she is finding it hard to make friends

Chaiii I watched one sermon where a pastor called out a group of men and women. He goes like this: if you know you are single and have been searching, come out now. See where ladies were tripping out.

The ladies were more than the guys. They all stood and the pastor asked the ladies to choose. They are rushed one guy man whey be like player. Haba. Big confusion for that guy cuz he himself was confused. He didn't know who to choose.

That made me understand that there are many ladies dieing in silent for lack of man in their lives.

If I be lady, na me go approach the man I will marry. cuz men for marriage are scarce. Many ladies too dey do shakara. They don't want to be bold and go for the hunt. Always waiting for me to talk to them.

Randy91:


Bro, very true(There is no place like home)..This also happens to everyone who migrates to a new country...You will definitely miss home...But the loneliness part of it IS DEPENDENT ON INDIVIDUALS regardless of the white man culture of "minding ur business"...

If white peeps no agree for you, there are other African groups one can join to meet great people.

listen, killing loneliness is not just joining African groups

in Nigeria, sit down in your street alone kills boredom, the gossip, the gist, the street vibe, the approaching of a random girl, the easy way of making friends

not in Europe, people behave too well there, the beauty of abroad is to go on visits, or to hustle for 1 or 2 years, to go and live there is no no for me(am talking about Spain where I lived)

ever since I came back, the hunger of abroad that has been disturbing me ever since I was a child disappeared

Chat with the opposite sex on dating app, search from your local region

Mcslize:


Must I live abroad before I understand how to approach women? Approaching women is a skill and many sucks at it. We watch guys doing cold approach on YouTube, real life and I never see where a white girl act so mean and all that.

If you can't approach ladies one on one and only resort only to dating apps, how will you boost your self confidence as a man?

Even on a dating app, it takes a man who understands women to pull lots of them out of their shells. The moment you make a woman feels she is above you, you've defeated the whole purpose of approaching such a woman.

You chatting with a lady and you are being all official do you think she will reason you?

Stop making ladies feel on high heel. That's the point. It doesn't take alot to make a woman giggles. The moment you start looking down on yourself before any lady, she is gone.

Women love confident men. White women are still very lenient to approach. I don't know your experience but it seems you are not good with women from the look of things.

oga, your problem is that you are speaking based on Nigerian perspective

I used to think like you till I found myself in Madrid, oboy, white people don't reason like us

another problem is that, Europe is too developed that you can see one street being occupied by one or two persons

space is way too bigger than crowd, thereby making it look scanty and boring, unlike Nigeria �� where crowd supercedes space

Randy91:


Do you have an experience ?

Pls share..because i have one in my click of friends and she is very good and caring...honestly

Ha make i no dissuade u, there are exceptions as u know. Just keep ur eye open.

To avoid long grammar, just think of anything bad na Kenya women go dominate. Just an observation, i no get stats to back am up oh.

Mr Man go and sit down. There are guys who went from Nigeria to Germany and joined social clubs (and frequently go to public parks and sporting events) to meet friends and they don't complain about loneliness. Some of these guys put a lot effort in learning German just so that they can have a social life (to mingle with Germans) even though their work (programming) doesn't require them to be fluent in German.

They deliberately and painfully put the effort to deal with loneliness, they didn't sit down and complain on a faceless forum.

If you don't know how to do something you learn it, it might be painful and uncomfortable but it's very doable and the rewards are worth. It is humans beings who live abroad and not alien species, if you share the same interests and you are a cool guy, you would make friends.

For example, if you are in Canada, learn about hockey (in depth) frequently visit a popular sports bar and watch hockey games... you would likely meet "regulars" that could become your friends.

And if you actually like playing sports, go to a place where you can play and you would meet regulars who could eventually become your friends... that's how I made friends with some basketballers even though I am still VERY terrible in playing basketball.

Solatium:




I dey always laugh each time I read this sort of ignorant comment.
You wet never live for ilu òyìnbó dey tell those wet dey there say dem no get social skills?

Let me Simplify it for you.
Their clock runs 24hrs meaning they work round the clock,it means when you are on duty your wife might be probably be at home and when you are close from work,her own shift begins,it means you might not even get to see your wife for the better part of the day/week, that is the closest person to you that live under the same roof with you.

How do you want to then visit/ talk to someone who is just a friend or a random person?

Obodo òyìnbó no be where everyone dey close by 4pm and we go jam for house and so sure of seeing on weekends

dederocs:

Its not same.

Didn't say it was the same but as someone facing the ethnic stuff I can tell you that it is much worst. You can convince me otherwise.

Mcslize:



Confident men don't force themselve on others. People force themselves on them.

Have confidence and you will give no bleep about what white think about you. You guys should stop crying like babies for racism. The tribalism you experience here in your own country isn't it more than racism?

Oga, maybe I may admire your tenacity a bit, but there's intelligence in knowing when to give it a rest in face of overwhelming evidence and learn a thing or two.

I see that most of your comments lack a practical application. Just like some motivational utopian school of thoughts. Imagine your statement at the bolded. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Are you saying that Lebron James, one of the GOATs of basketball, does not have confidence Doesn't Idris Elba have confidence or isn't he handsome enough? These are just few examples of the many blacks that have spoken out openly about racism. Please desist from making assertions without justification. And resist the urge to reply my points from your personal sentimental point of view - else, you'd be advertising your illogicality on a global scale.

LordOfTheGame:



You have explained to the guy many times yet he refused to understand that. Life here is not beans. As I write now, am feeling depressed because nowhere to go to and nobody to hang out with. Just dress up and go to any train station here and just be following the train from station to another station. You see a white girl and start to talk to her, she makes you look stupid or you see a black girl, she will start displaying one yeye attitude as if she holds your life with their entitlement mentality. See me wey dey fine better woman to marry, nowhere to see her. For church na there e worst pass.

honestly speaking, I almost developed mental issue in Madrid over loneliness

this abroad thing is no longer my thing

The racism they talk about is police behaviour to blacks and employers hiring based on race. The racism they speak about isn't about the socialization aspect that this thread is about. Lebron James has white friends, so does Idris Elba. This thread is about making friends with people in your environment when you are abroad... which is very doable.

My cousin did his Bsc and Msc in Russia, speaks Russian with a native Russian accent (as confirmed by his girlfriend's mother) and he went back to Russia after NYSC... in a country that is supposed to be racist. Yes he faced racism just twice, but most Russians are always surprised when they hear because he speaks with a good accent... and that helps him in making friends (which makes his life a lot easier).

ThierryJay:


Oga, maybe I may admire your tenacity a bit, but there's intelligence in knowing when to give it a rest in face of overwhelming evidence and learn a thing or two.

I see that most of your comments lack a practical application. Just like some motivational utopian school of thoughts. Imagine your statement at the bolded. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Are you saying that Lebron James, one of the GOATs of basketball, does not have confidence Doesn't Idris Elba have confidence or isn't he handsome enough? These are just few examples of the many blacks that have spoken out openly about racism. Please desist from making assertions without justification. And resist the urge to reply my points from your personal sentimental point of view - else, you'd be advertising your illogicality on a global scale.

doxijaw:


Ha make i no dissuade u, there are exceptions as u know. Just keep ur eye open.

To avoid long grammar, just think of anything bad na Kenya women go dominate. Just an observation, i no get stats to back am up oh.

Lmao !

If d bad wey dey happen for inside house,,that one, i wont lie they are open abt it ...but if na other bad, i dont knw sha..

But anywayz, thanks

BadRadio:
Jealousy

I no jealous your benz Na Pu**y I want jealous?
Lol check yourself bro
I’m looking for a way to discharge the wholesale I carried that don’t want to leave again .

Do not approach in places where everybody is in a hurry to go somewhere. Put the effort, dress up and deliberately go to places where everybody is in a social mood and make your approaches example: parks, gardens, beaches, hotel lounges, upscale bars, theme restaurants, amusement parks, museums, art exhibitions, concerts etc.

You would make a lot of approaches and adjust till you start getting results.

LordOfTheGame:



You have explained to the guy many times yet he refused to understand that. Life here is not beans. As I write now, am feeling depressed because nowhere to go to and nobody to hang out with. Just dress up and go to any train station here and just be following the train from station to another station. You see a white girl and start to talk to her, she makes you look stupid or you see a black girl, she will start displaying one yeye attitude as if she holds your life with their entitlement mentality. See me wey dey fine better woman to marry, nowhere to see her. For church na there e worst pass.

79733139:
Mr Man go and sit down. There are guys who went from Nigeria to Germany and joined social clubs (and frequently go to public parks and sporting events) to meet friends and they don't complain about loneliness. Some of these guys put a lot effort in learning German just so that they can have a social life (to mingle with Germans) even though their work (programming) doesn't require them to be fluent in German.

They deliberately and painfully put the effort to deal with loneliness, they didn't sit down and complain on a faceless forum.

If you don't know how to do something you learn it, it might be painful and uncomfortable but it's very doable and the rewards are worth. It is humans beings who live abroad and not alien species, if you share the same interests and you are a cool guy, you would make friends.

For example, if you are in Canada, learn about hockey (in depth) frequently visit a popular sports bar and watch hockey games... you would likely meet "regulars" that could become your friends.

And if you actually like playing sports, go to a place where you can play and you would meet regulars who could eventually become your friends... that's how I made friends with some basketballers even though I am still VERY terrible in playing basketball.

Why don't you stop being stupid for once,it is one thing for you to want to make friends it is another for them to accept your friendship.
Who told you they will still keep in touch with you after your First meeting? who told you they will even exchange numbers with you the way we do here? Who told you you will have their home address and just bump on to them the way we do here?

Don't just talk further if you haven't experienced it,
Na Naija wey never comot dey always know the coping mechanism for where him never go for him life.

we are not caut for that kind of lifestyle,if not for economic reasons,those guy's will never trade Naija for anything.
why do you think they always excited when they are coming home?

If you are in "the abroad" and lonely...
Dont allow depression kill you oo..
You can chat or Dm me and I will hep you erase the boredom.
I have a great sense of humour even if its nor showing in dis post...
I stay in Nigeria..

A closed mouth is a closed destiny, they say

79733139:
Do not approach in places where everybody is in a hurry to go somewhere. Put the effort, dress up and deliberately go to places where everybody is in a social mood and make your approaches example: parks, gardens, beaches, hotel lounges, upscale bars, theme restaurants, amusement parks, museums, art exhibitions, concerts etc.

You would make a lot of approaches and adjust till you start getting results.

Park,gardens, beaches outing can only come during the summer which is just less than 3 months in a whole year, some some times some summer period are even cold that you can't go to those places.
You can't hang out in a hotel in europe or North America if you don't have a business there,you will be thrown out and might end up at the back of a police van most especially you are a nigga.without their accent


Guy this your writing indicates you don't have an idea at all.
just keep quiet and listen to those who have been there and living it may be you will have some take away to apply when it comes to your turn.
This your ITK no go let you see reason

Solatium:






Why don't you stop being stupid for once,it is one thing for you to want to make friends it is another for them to accept your friendship.
Who told you they will still keep in touch with you after your First meeting? who told you they will even exchange numbers with you the way we do here? Who told you you will have their home address and just bump on to them the way we do here?

Don't just talk further if you haven't experienced it,
Na Naija wey never comot dey always know the coping mechanism for where him never go for him life.

we are not caut for that kind of lifestyle,if not for economic reasons,those guy's will never trade Naija for anything.
why do you think they always excited when they are coming home?

The bolded is exactly what I've been trying to explain to these guys, but I don't know why they just cannot understand. Nobody is saying you can't walk up to people, strike conversations, and have a good time. People here are polite and friendly, so they will respond well. The problem is, it is difficult to keep it. They are not interested in committing to any friendship, and friendship requires commitment and staying in touch over a long time. What is the point in walking up to a girl or boy and having a nice conversation that ends right there? Even if they give you their contact, they won't text you. If you text them, they may ignore you after sometime if you keep texting them or respond coldly. We are not talking about friendliness of a few minutes; we are talking about friendship over a long time. Making friends here is difficult for people not because it is difficult to talk to people, but because it usually doesn't lead anywhere as the people do not intend to keep it going. Why is this so difficult for the people on here to understand? In Nigeria, if you meet someone and have a nice conversation, you will likely exchange whatsapp numbers and stay in touch and become good friends from there. Here, if you meet someone and have a nice conversation, it ends there. Those YouTube videos, do they show you what happens after the conversation you see on the screen? Do they tell you that they stay in touch after that one time? Ah, people here ehn!

The issue is you don't know how to do it and you are not interested in putting the effort to learn and make it work (where in the beginning you would have to risk looking like a pest several times till you get it right... yes that is the hard truth.). The fact that you group all of them in one category exposes your ignorance how to actually socialise in polite society.

If you are in a country and can't make friends with 3 - 5 guys and get a girlfriend or girlfriends, it has nothing to do with the people but everything to do with YOU. The same place that you are complaining of, is where someone else would go to and in 3 - 6 months would build a decent social life.

If you believe you cannot build a decent social life in USA or Canada... fine and accepted but the assumption should NOT be that it cannot be done just because you have failed to do it.

Solatium:






Why don't you stop being stupid for once,it is one thing for you to want to make friends it is another for them to accept your friendship.
Who told you they will still keep in touch with you after your First meeting? who told you they will even exchange numbers with you the way we do here? Who told you you will have their home address and just bump on to them the way we do here?

Don't just talk further if you haven't experienced it,
Na Naija wey never comot dey always know the coping mechanism for where him never go for him life.

we are not caut for that kind of lifestyle,if not for economic reasons,those guy's will never trade Naija for anything.
why do you think they always excited when they are coming home?

lekki1444:
I hate topics like this on nairaland because it is the fool that hasnt smelt muritala mohammed airport that will have the biggest opinon about why abroad is not boring

however as it goes abroad is not boring if you are under 25 years of age and totally unaware. it is when you are over 25 and you start developing a high sense of self worth about yourself and yet you look-around and see that your race as depicted as the most wretched on British or american TV, then you also start to look at all the bills you are paying even on stuff that you own and have fully paid for, and then you start to feel out of place and lonely as you start to get racially aware, THATS WHEN IT ALL STARTS CRASHING DOWN SPIRITUALLY AND MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY FOR YOU and then depression kicks in and suicidal thougts. and if you are fortunate enough to come from a rich background you can pack your potmato and run back to naija. but if you have nothing to your name and your family is poor ? you must try to exist in this hellish spiritual and mental and emotional prison and there is no way out for you. just try not to commit suicide. depresson is allowed

So true. Hang in there.