Ayrastarr:



Educate him?
The other people educating him nkor?

Your ignorance reigns supreme

Come out of your shell. Reach out to someone. Stop the stereotype of Whites mind their business.

A white lady will be more likely to help a guy than our fellow black ladies. Why so? That's how they were brought up.

If that same white refuses to talk to me the following day, I won't take it personally or read meanings unnecessary meanings to that. Maybe she has so much going on in her life. But most of us will just conclude it is racism that's why she refuses to speak to us after acting all friendly the other day.

Why always reading meanings to everything whites do? Let's stop that shit. It is simply their way of life not racism.

neurosci:

In Nigeria, when you meet someone and exchange Whatsapp numbers, even if they don't have anything to tell you, they will send you happy new month message, happy new week, happy sunday, happy monday, they will send broadcast messages, type amen, etc. They will always find a way to stay in touch. Here, would you try doing all that 'nonsense' with people when you get their numbers? You can't even call them unless you have something concrete to discuss. Is that a type of friendship comparable to Nigeria's? Before you visit them, you must text them to know you're coming and why you're coming and vice versa. This is not even about dating, it's just about friendship in general.

I like it that way.if u visiting let the person know u are coming and if he is available he let u know.not that u will banging every door in the name of visit .someone might be taking a nap and u might just be disturbing.its civilised to let a person know u visiting b4 hand and if he or she is not available he will let u know when he is available.

79733139:
So because two or three people cannot do something that means it isn't doable? Fine accept their opinion as the gospel truth.

You have refused to grasp the depth of the argument.

Your points about self confidence is correct and will help a lot anywhere.

The argument is really about how insular European's are in general, it doesn't mean you won't get the odd white punna or some temp freindships, but if you stay long enough and look back, you'll discover no solid relationship's were built.

It's what it is.. Europeans also mature quickly, after their second year in college, they get serious about their life choices, unlike Nigeria where over 30s still behave and party like kids.

The routine ..once you get passed a certain (max 18-20) age, ... work, then outings on Friday, sat.. that's even if you're social.. now add extra responsibilities and you'll almost prefer to stay indoors.

You can craft the life you want but the west is just a closed in society and you'll have to live within those limits.

79733139:
Correct guy. I was beginning to think I am an alien. Most people here are just complaining when they haven't put a lot of deliberate effort into socializing and meeting people.

which deliberate effort ? I won't consider myself heavily sociable as in going to nightclubs or hanging out in beer palours but I easily make friends anywhere I am.its not healthy just locking urself inside ur room after work or school..na prison u dey? Even if u can't make friends u can join a fitness group or maybe church group and then friendship don start be that.

doxijaw:


You have refused to grasp the depth of the argument.

Your points about self confidence is correct and will help a lot anywhere.

The argument is really about how insular European's are in general, it doesn't mean you won't get the odd white punna or some temp freindships, but if you stay long enough and look back, you'll discover no solid relationship's were built.

It's what it is.. Europeans also mature quickly, after their second year in college, they get serious about their life choices, unlike Nigeria where over 30s still behave and party like kids.

The routine ..once you get passed a certain (max 18-20) age, ... work, then outings on Friday, sat.. that's even if you're social.. now add extra responsibilities and you'll almost prefer to stay indoors.

You can craft the life you want but the west is just a closed in society and you'll have to live within those limits.

there some 40 something yr old whites who live in their mom's basement and use their mom's paycheck to buy and smoke weed all day.u got the lazy ones who also behave like kids just throwing tantrums all over d place playing video games all day.the immaturity issue is not really a racial thing.

The deliberate effort is meant for introverts that don't know how to do it easily.

lefulefu:
which deliberate effort ? I won't consider myself heavily sociable as in going to nightclubs or hanging out in beer palours but I easily make friends anywhere I am.its not healthy just locking urself inside ur room after work or school..na prison u dey? Even if u can't make friends u can join a fitness group or maybe church group and then friendship don start be that.

lefulefu:
I like it that way.if u visiting let the person know u are coming and if he is available he let u know.not that u will banging every door in the name of visit .someone might be taking a nap and u might just be disturbing.its civilised to let a person know u visiting b4 hand and if he or she is not available he will let u know when he is available.

Yeah, I'm not saying it's bad. I don't even visit people anyway, unless they specifically invited me. I'm only trying to show the differences in both places in regards to how these friendship thing works.

Solatium:




Park,gardens, beaches outing can only come during the summer which is just less than 3 months in a whole year, some some times some summer period are even cold that you can't go to those places.
You can't hang out in a hotel in europe or North America if you don't have a business there,you will be thrown out and might end up at the back of a police van most especially you are a nigga.without their accent


Guy this your writing indicates you don't have an idea at all.
just keep quiet and listen to those who have been there and living it may be you will have some take away to apply when it comes to your turn.
This your ITK no go let you see reason

I see too much exageration in your write up. Be yourself and you will have no problem making friends with white folks.

Inferiority complex is what is killing us the black race.

And my point is even if it is only 1% of the population that can socialise or form friendship with you, put the effort and locate them. Don't complain about the 99%. I will always do everything to beat loneliness... I don't complain.

Whatever the hurdle is, I will find a way... rather than complain on a faceless forum. This is my outlook in life generally - Always find a way to win, rather than complain!

doxijaw:


You have refused to grasp the depth of the argument.

Your points about self confidence is correct and will help a lot anywhere.

The argument is really about how insular European's are in general, it doesn't mean you won't get the odd white punna or some temp freindships, but if you stay long enough and look back, you'll discover no solid relationship's were built.

It's what it is.. Europeans also mature quickly, after their second year in college, they get serious about their life choices, unlike Nigeria where over 30s still behave and party like kids.

The routine ..once you get passed a certain (max 18-20) age, ... work, then outings on Friday, sat.. that's even if you're social.. now add extra responsibilities and you'll almost prefer to stay indoors.

You can craft the life you want but the west is just a closed in society and you'll have to live within those limits.

Mcslize:


I see too much exageration in your write up. Be yourself and you will have no problem making friends with white folks.

Inferiority complex is what is killing us the black race.

Isn't it your inferiority complex in the first place that is making you want to make friends with white folks? Have you seen white folks thinking about how to make friends with black folks?

neurosci:

Yeah, I'm not saying it's bad. I don't even visit people anyway, unless they specifically invited me. I'm only trying to show the differences in both places in regards to how these friendship thing works.

I remember when I was a kid and if ppl where visiting then my dad would just complain and tell me to tell them that he is not around .i believe u also experienced it or if not then some users here experienced.we nigerians sometimes we can use visit to irritate someone
Coming at odd hours most times

lefulefu:
there some 40 something yr old whites who live in their mom's basement and use their mom's paycheck to buy and smoke weed all day.u got the lazy ones who also behave like kids just throwing tantrums all over d place playing video games all day.the immaturity issue is not really a racial thing.

True, but they know they're old and won't mingle with the younger crowd.

The young run all the exciting stuff & you can't mingle because you might be seen as pervy.

The older crowd already have their in groups, hard to break into.

Focus on the age element , the racial part is more like cultural.

doxijaw:


True, but they know they're old and won't mingle with the younger crowd.

The young run all the exciting stuff & you can't mingle because you might be seen as pervy.

The older crowd already have their in groups, hard to break into.

Focus on the age element , the racial part is more like cultural.

I am saying there whites who are older and they still behave like kids.they don't want to work but they still keep on collecting money from their parents to weed and party all day.i am not talking of 20 something yr olds but 30 and 40 something yr olds who also behave like kids.and as for mixing most ppl prefer hanging out with their own age group that one is natural.anyway for any nigerian complaining about not being able to make friends in a foreign land then he or she should try and make contacts with fellow nigerians living where he or she residing
There lots and lots of nigerians living in the US
Same In canada
Also In the uk
There are other african groups,carribeans etc.if u can't hang out with any member from this group then the person has an issue and he should look more inwards.

Solatium:






Don't mind the irritants,they always feel they know it,if you press someone's too much out there they might even report you to the police for harassment.
Their Number is part of their privacy,they won't release it to you and if you are lucky to get it they might end up ignoring you like you earlier said.

As a guy I have learnt never to be desperate when making friends especially with the opposite sex. I will still tell you talking to girls is a skill. A girl will reach out to you based on how you make her feel.

If your approach sucks and all official, you can't pull such a girl off.

Do you know getting someone addicted to you is a skill? If a girl doesn't reciprocate your gesture, the rule says ghost her.

She will remember you based on how you make her feel the first day you met her and she will by her self reach out to you. That's why men who know what they are doing relate with people.

You don't force yourself on people. If you don't have any single sense of humour, forget it. Whether white or black, you simply have not been able to create a mark in such a person that will make him or her reach out to you again.

If you know how to create good impressions, people will always want to see you after the first encounter.

Simply create an impression that will make someone to remember you. It is the same for job seekers. It is the impression you create with the HR that will make him take you for a particular job. Same goes with when relating with people. What is it you have done really impressively that should make me to keep in touch with you again after our first encounter?

Have you been able to create a value to make me reach out to you again?

Simply create an impression that will make people want you and want to see you again and again.

It is that impression that many don't know how to create. Relating with whites and not reaching out to you has nothing to do with racism. You simply didn't create any value that should make the person to make you a friend.

Mcslize:


I see too much exageration in your write up. Be yourself and you will have no problem making friends with white folks.

Inferiority complex is what is killing us the black race.

...and how many whites have you made friends with?

79733139:
And my point is even if it is only 1% of the population that can socialise or form friendship with you, put the effort and locate them. Don't complain about the 99%. I will always do everything to beat loneliness... I don't complain.

Whatever the hurdle is, I will find a way... rather than complain on a faceless forum. This is my outlook in life generally - Always find a way to win, rather than complain!

anybody who complains about not being able to make friends should maybe see a psychologist for help.the problem could come from him.by the way I find this thread kinder odd since a number ppl are complaining of not being able to make friends cos we nigerians are considered to be highly sociable

lefulefu:
I am saying there whites who are older and they still behave like kids.they don't want to work but they still keep on collecting money from their parents to weed and party all day.i am not talking of 20 something yr olds but 30 and 40 something yr olds who also behave like kids.and as for mixing most ppl prefer hanging out with their own age group that one is natural.anyway for any nigerian complaining about not being able to make friends in a foreign land then he or she should try and make contacts with fellow nigerians living where he or she residing
There lots and lots of nigerians living in the US
Same In canada
Also In the uk
There are other african groups,carribeans etc.if u can't hang out with any member from this group then the person has an issue and he should look more inwards.

The convo is shifting again lol.

When you get here you'll understand.

Solatium:






Don't mind the irritants,they always feel they know it,if you press someone's too much out there they might even report you to the police for harassment.
Their Number is part of their privacy,they won't release it to you and if you are lucky to get it they might end up ignoring you like you earlier said.

lol don't think it will come to that cos as an immigrant u might be too busy with work or school for u to be pestering someone for friendship.anybody who pesters another person to be his friend and is always buzzing his line endlessly is a stalker.only psychos do such and it's not a nigerian thing in being a stalker.

Mcslize:


As a guy I have learnt never to be desperate when making friends especially with the opposite sex. I will still tell you talking to girls is a skill. A girl will reach out to you based on how you make her feel.

If your approach sucks and all official, you can't pull such a girl off.

Do you know getting someone addicted to you is a skill? If a girl doesn't reciprocate your gesture, the rule says ghost her.

She will remember you based on how you make her feel the first day you met her and she will by her self reach out to you. That's why men who know what they are doing relate with people.

You don't force yourself on people. If you don't have any single sense of humour, forget it. Whether white or black, you simply have not been able to create a mark in such a person that will make him or her reach out to you again.

If you know how to create good impressions, people will always want to see you after the first encounter.

Simply create an impression that will make someone to remember you. It is the same for job seekers. It is the impression you create with the HR that will make him take you for a particular job. Same goes with when relating with people. What is it you have done really impressively that should make me to keep in touch with you again after our first encounter?

Have you been able to create a value to make me reach out to you again?

Simply create an impression that will make people want you and want to see you again and again.

It is that impression that many don't know how to create. Relating with whites and not reaching out to you has nothing to do with racism. You simply didn't create any value that should make the person to make you a friend.

Western Countries citizens aren't like African's,they mind their business,they are use to not making friends with people,they don't care who you are, people who do not bother to call their families will be glued to you?


From which planet did you descend from?
I have friends who had been nin Europe and America since 1994,i mean guy's who went to college's and university there,they have lived greater part of their age there,yet they can't change it,but learn how to live with that situation.
You wet you dey Okokomaiko dey wait the day wet you go cut wan teach them.
Sorry to burst your bubble this ain't hollywood romance/comedy movie

doxijaw:


The convo is shifting again lol.

When you get here you'll understand.

where are u? In canada?
I am in the carribeans
I have a few friends here both nigerians and non nigerians and study colleagues but brotherly I don't think I will have that time bugging ppl to be my friend
I remember in that child's play movie there was one dollbaby called chucky always looking for ppl to be his best friend
I am not chucky abeg
When u bug ppl to be ur friend they will normally run away from u
Friendship should come naturally

79733139:
Do not approach in places where everybody is in a hurry to go somewhere. Put the effort, dress up and deliberately go to places where everybody is in a social mood and make your approaches example: parks, gardens, beaches, hotel lounges, upscale bars, theme restaurants, amusement parks, museums, art exhibitions, concerts etc.

You would make a lot of approaches and adjust till you start getting results.

u could try the groceries too .but everything bothers with appearance like I said before.if she likes what she sees she will open up and be friendly if she doesn't like what she sees she might just be polite and move on

doxijaw:


You have refused to grasp the depth of the argument.

Your points about self confidence is correct and will help a lot anywhere.

The argument is really about how insular European's are in general, it doesn't mean you won't get the odd white punna or some temp freindships, but if you stay long enough and look back, you'll discover no solid relationship's were built.

It's what it is.. Europeans also mature quickly, after their second year in college, they get serious about their life choices, unlike Nigeria where over 30s still behave and party like kids.

The routine ..once you get passed a certain (max 18-20) age, ... work, then outings on Friday, sat.. that's even if you're social.. now add extra responsibilities and you'll almost prefer to stay indoors.

You can craft the life you want but the west is just a closed in society and you'll have to live within those limits.

We are two different persons o. I have only one account on Nairaland. I don't do those shit of replying with a different account. So don't take us as same person. That's simply another real man who knows how to game and relate with people.

neurosci:


Isn't it your inferiority complex in the first place that is making you want to make friends with white folks? Have you seen white folks thinking about how to make friends with black folks?

No it is inferiority complex that makes you always read meanings to everything white folks do.

I am not the type that dwell over little things people do.

Inferiority complex is what is making you think it is out of this world talking to whites when both of you breath same air.

You don't wanna approach a white because you feel she will underestimate you. You look down on yourself and make unncessary judgement on your race and skin colour.

In a sane society, people network and build relationships irrespective of whatever you have been brainwashed to believe regarding whites.

Talking to white means you see them as not supernatural beings out of your reach. Relating with whites means you have high self esteem on yourself not the other way. It is only those that feel they are below the whites that always read meanings to every little things they encounter with the whites.

They are human beings like you. Learn how to relate with them.

Solatium:






Western Countries citizens aren't like African's,they mind their business,they are use to not making friends with people,they don't care who you are, people who do not bother to call their families will be glued to you?


From which planet did you descend from?
I have friends who had been nin Europe and America since 1994,i mean guy's who went to college's and university there,they have lived greater part of their age there,yet they can't change it,but learn how to live with that situation.
You wet you dey Okokomaiko dey wait the day wet you go cut wan teach them.
Sorry to burst your bubble this ain't hollywood romance/comedy movie

If you read some of the replies, you will see that up to 3 people who still live in that abroad had debunked the stereotype claim of whites always keep to themselves. You can not use that guy scenario to judge the rest.

Solatium:




...and how many whites have you made friends with?

Until I get there.

You have no single excuse not to dine with whites. You simply lack games.

Sharpen your sense of humour and social skills and you will find no hindrance relating with white babes that is if you are abroad cuz I know you are still in Nigeria.

lefulefu:
which deliberate effort ? I won't consider myself heavily sociable as in going to nightclubs or hanging out in beer palours but I easily make friends anywhere I am.its not healthy just locking urself inside ur room after work or school..na prison u dey? Even if u can't make friends u can join a fitness group or maybe church group and then friendship don start be that.

Dont mind those guys complaining...

My current white GF na through MIXED CHURCH group....i volunteer in One of the youth church Unit every Wed and Sunday

Those guys dey complain because dem neva see puna SHAG

White people don’t do friendship. The only language the white man understands is MONEY MONEY MONEY. Make Africa better than Dubai and you will see all the fake love from the white man.

The hate towards blacks is in their DNA and nothing you can do to flush it out, not even a gym session or some hiking activities.
The loneliness is as a result of selfishness. Why should anyone have to climb Mount Everest just to form any sort of friendship with the locals. If they won’t climb a Mount Everest to make friends when they live in Africa, then Africans should have some self respect and not beg for friendship from them.

Connect with people that appreciate and love you, it’s not a must to have white friends. Just make sure you are good at your craft and skill set, and hopefully you will land a job that affords you the good things of life. #nostressing

Move to a bigger city and connect with fellow blacks. It’s hard to form friendship with white folks so don’t let it bother you or make you depressed. Just go and live your life.

The Nigerians who have no first hand experiences will find it very easy to dish out advice and suggestions on how make local white friends, don’t expend your energy arguing with them. A white person can not afford to see his black friend doing better than him...not going to happen in a world where he is constantly reminded of his IQ opulence and superiority.

If you are lonely and depressed, try your best to take a vacation to mama Africa.

lefulefu:
where are u? In canada?
I am in the carribeans
I have a few friends here both nigerians and non nigerians and study colleagues but brotherly I don't think I will have that time bugging ppl to be my friend
I remember in that child's play movie there was one dollbaby called chucky always looking for ppl to be his best friend
I am not chucky abeg
When u bug ppl to be ur friend they will normally run away from u
Friendship should come naturally

Lolz , imagine being so desperate that you don't mind buck dancing.

The one way pain me pass na one chick i travel to go bone, after completing the job na seperate rooms we sleep.

Dem no tell me before I sneak commot the babe house for midnight, drive another 2 hours to my location, na for phone call we take settle the rest.

I come dey reason my life say which kin emptiness be this sef , even after puna still no joy.


Oyinbo craze no be small, they can seperate sex from closeness easily.

neurosci:


Did you answer my question at all? Have you lived abroad? The US or Canada specifically. If you have not, leave this topic for those who have. When you get there, try the things you said and then come back to tell me how it went.

What you don't understand is that what you're describing above is more of a cultural thing as opposed to a mere skill. Have you ever wondered why people don't cold approach the opposite sex in the streets here like they do in Nigeria? Have you ever entered a public bus or train here and seen how people are quiet, heads locked down on their phones? Why do you think dating apps are the main means of finding relationships here as opposed to just walking up to strangers?

Your writing shows you've never been here, otherwise you would not have said what you said regarding a white girl smiling at you. When a white girl smiles at you, take it seriously at your own peril.

Innocently naughty. Smh

You have said it all. He has never being abroad and not experienced any of what he writes about. One to him from me. What of a white girl that deliberately crosses to the other side of the road or corridor after seeing you ahead just to avoid meeting you face to face. Try and get her phone number!
A white girl passing you on the road and giving you a smile! Really you cant be this d..p
she called the police already!

"Following the train from station to station" This cracked me up
Honestly Nigerian churches abroad is a topic for another day.

LordOfTheGame:



You have explained to the guy many times yet he refused to understand that. Life here is not beans. As I write now, am feeling depressed because nowhere to go to and nobody to hang out with. Just dress up and go to any train station here and just be following the train from station to another station. You see a white girl and start to talk to her, she makes you look stupid or you see a black girl, she will start displaying one yeye attitude as if she holds your life with their entitlement mentality. See me wey dey fine better woman to marry, nowhere to see her. For church na there e worst pass.

What sounds flimsy to you might mean the world to another person. Everyone with their cup of akamu. Learn to respect other people's preferences

shegun4sur:



With masters it would've made more brain to get a more reasonable job. Coming back solely because of such flimsy reasons is not cogent

I have personally experienced that this before. We had a group assignment( 5 people- My black self and 3 white guys and a white girl) and i reached out to someone in the group about how we would work together. The guy said, we will work individually and only present together. You wouldn't believe they actually created a google doc and planned the whole presentation without me. I can not even describe how that made me feel. I did my part and silently went to the library to weep. And yes they were all smiling as usual

otipoju:



Leave all those guys that think movie is real life.

That face smiling at you can dial 911 in the next ten seconds to report that she does not feel safe because a stranger is staring at her menacingly....while still smiling at you.

Its when your coworkers or classmates organise stuff behind your back that youll realise that you are not one of them.

The neighbours to my right,left and front, we dont know their names...na hello, hi, you good? Na him we dey do.
Nobody wants any problem .

I go to a Nigerian Church, attend Nigerian parties, play football with Nigerians...so im not lonely.

Me I've learnt to mind my business and face my front.
Make God bless me so i can be going back and forth at will.

Na hustle i come hustle for yankee...no be my papa land.