This has nothing to do with self-esteem. Approaching people is not even the problem and striking up a conversation is not as difficult.
The issues are:
Are they interested in having a conversation with you? Do they like you enough? Would they foster a friendship from that short convo?
NO matter how you want to socialize it never works out well if its one-sided. When all the energy is coming from your end alone. When they make you feel like you are pestering, all in a bid to socialize.
Applying for a Job is different, there is a need and a want from both parties.
Its not about just reaching out to people, do they want to be reached out to?

You honestly have a lot to learn. Be open minded and you will understand things a lot more.

In Peace, I come!

Mcslize:



Taaaah! I don't live abroad but stop looking down on yourself before the whites.

Most of you are simply having low self esteem. Knowing how to talk to people is not a hard thing to do. There is a way you talk to someone, she will definitely give a positive feedback. Weirdo you said? Who gives a bleep? That's the condemnations I mentioned earlier. You already condemned yourself that the person you want to talk to won't answer you politely.

It's more like applying for a job and just before you are invited, you already condemned yourself as not fit for the job. That's low self esteem. Why not make an attempt first before writing yourself off?

It is the same mindset that is preventing many from reaching out to people. You feel someone will take you as weirdo just by saying Hi or reaching out to them. Confident men don't give a fvck about the reply ladies give them.

As far as I am just being myself, how a lady view a man doesn't matter to a man who knows what he is doing.

Weirdo indeed!

In Europe, 18% of the population is considered to be “socially isolated,” reporting that they socialize with friends or family just once a month at most, and 7% say they feel frequently lonely.[12] These are averages, though, and the regional divide is strong; in Western and Northern Europe, loneliness rates are as low as 3% in some countries, while in some countries in Southern and Eastern Europe, nearly 40% of people are classified as socially isolated and 10% say they feel frequently lonely.[12] Loneliness is markedly worse among people who are over 60 years old; every European country reports that at least 10% of people in this age group are frequently lonely.[12] Unsurprisingly, large-scale studies regarding the prevalence of loneliness in Africa, South America, and Asia are more rare than in the Western World. One study in South Africa showed that average rates of loneliness were 10% and highest among the elderly. [20] In China, research has focused solely on loneliness among the elderly and found that just 7% reported feeling lonely often.[17] In Japan, which is famous for its extreme social recluses known as hikikomori, 10% of people reported feeling often or always lonely.[2] By far the most research on this subject has been conducted in the large (population of 25 million or higher) English speaking countries like Canada, Australia, America, and the UK, and they are the loneliest by far; nationally representative surveys show that 20-28% of people in each of these countries feel frequently lonely, compared to just 3-10% in China, Japan, South Africa, and even the loneliest countries of Europe. Australians fare the worst, with 28% reporting feeling frequently lonely, which is defined as feeling lonely three or more days per week.[2] In the UK, 23% of people are frequently lonely and Americans follow close behind at 22%.[5] Canada is the least lonely of the large English-speaking countries, but still reports comparable loneliness rates of 20%.[8] However, cross-cultural studies are inherently troublesome to interpret, as the connotations attached to loneliness can vary between cultures, the phrasing of questions can be interpreted differently by different populations, and, perhaps most importantly, the openness with which people will be willing to talk about a deeply personal and potentially embarrassing subject such as loneliness will be impacted by the cultural norms of their home country. Each of these studies were conducted anonymously, of course, but in countries with a highly communal culture and where reputation among the community is deeply important, such as in most of Asia, people might still be more reluctant to admit their true feelings.

Have you been there to show your social skills ? It's beyond their social skills. Let's start with the fact that they have relocated from a highly communal society to a highly individualistic one.

79733139:
Most of them didn't develop their social skills. They basically don't know how to make friends and they don't know how to approach (and take rejections) the opposite sex.

In Nigeria, their social life was structured and for guys, money might have played a big issue in dating. However, in western countries, you need to be proactive about your social life and having money doesn't give you a big edge when it comes to dating.

We also have Nigerian females who believe women shouldn't try and approach a guy to spark his interest.

CamusMidas:

I don't take people who are lonely and depressed serious on serious issue.

Like I don't know you in real life.

Tah!

[s]Mcslize:


No it is inferiority complex that makes you always read meanings to everything white folks do.

I am not the type that dwell over little things people do.

Inferiority complex is what is making you think it is out of this world talking to whites when both of you breath same air.

You don't wanna approach a white because you feel she will underestimate you. You look down on yourself and make unncessary judgement on your race and skin colour.

In a sane society, people network and build relationships irrespective of whatever you have been brainwashed to believe regarding whites.

Talking to white means you see them as not supernatural beings out of your reach. Relating with whites means you have high self esteem on yourself not the other way. It is only those that feel they are below the whites that always read meanings to every little things they encounter with the whites.

They are human beings like you. Learn how to relate with them[/s].

[b] I don't normally respond to watery posts like this, but your desperation to continue to pass a point even when It is not what generally obtains abroad is appalling. You hide on top of your bed in one dingy neighbourhood in Nigeria with a tekno phone and begin to make statements that alludes to the fact that you think Hollywood is the same thing as what obtains abroad in reality.

You have never left Nigeria in your life, and you believe you can tell people who live there how white women perceive black men or interracial relationships. Are you normal?

Guy, you need to bind your fingers somewhere, because you have absolutely no idea of what you are writing. You just depict the average Nigerian who believes he has the ability to turn water into wine, but when given the opportunity eg. Buhari, they fumble big time.
Now let me pass this as a final rejoinders to your half baked unresearched fallacies... White women, especially the high achievers and very beautiful looking ones hardly date a black man, except for flings or sex which is very rare. Most black men you see who date white women, date the rejected and shapeless ones.

Except you are a black superstar or world renowned black man, no white woman on that high class level will agree to date you. Even our black men who manage to marry the available white ones, are able to achieve that, because most times, the lady is going into menopause and needs to have a child asap. I challenge you to send me details of hot white girls of 26years and below who date African immigrants who migrate in their late 20s.... Of course I know you will fumble.

Guy, once you migrate to the west at an advanced age as an African man, no be everything your eye see, you go fit get. Argue with me at your own peril. [/b]

Olubee22:
Actually, extroverts are likely to feel lonelier that introverts. An introvert doesn't care about going out and can stay indoors for days.

One pot of isiewu for you.

doxijaw:


Lolz , i
yinbo craze no be small, they can seperate sex from closeness easily.

but that's what many naija guys want nau ..sex with no strings attached

Randy91:



Dont mind those guys complaining...

My current white GF na through MIXED CHURCH group....i volunteer in One of the youth church Unit every Wed and Sunday

Those guys dey complain because dem neva see puna SHAG

wetin una really see in oyibo girls
Oyibo ladies with their flat buttocks
Is it the fair skin or wetin
If u talking about latin girls or maybe mixed I can understand
But white girls
Abeg d flat buttocks is a mind killer

[s]79733139:
The issue is you don't know how to do it and you are not interested in putting the effort to learn and make it work (where in the beginning you would have to risk looking like a pest several times till you get it right... yes that is the hard truth.). The fact that you group all of them in one category exposes your ignorance how to actually socialise in polite society.

If you are in a country and can't make friends with 3 - 5 guys and get a girlfriend or girlfriends, it has nothing to do with the people but everything to do with YOU. The same place that you are complaining of, is where someone else would go to and in 3 - 6 months would build a decent social life.

If you believe you cannot build a decent social life in USA or Canada... fine and accepted but the assumption should NOT be that it cannot be done just because you have failed to do it[/s].

Keep quiet

lefulefu:
wetin una really see in oyibo girls
Oyibo ladies with their flat buttocks
Is it the fair skin or wetin
If u talking about latin girls or maybe mixed I can understand
But white girls
Abeg d flat buttocks is a mind killer

Lmao...

Just for Exploration, to constantly change oil and to tell our sisters that our mumu don do because i usually like d look of disdain in their face when they see u wit oyibo


But puna na puna sha,,,Again, the huge difference is that Most the oyibo ladies NO GET ROTTEN FISH SMELL down there and an average oyibo sabi KNACK well unlike our sisters that lie down like LOG OF IROKO TREE

Childofthelord:
This has nothing to do with self-esteem. Approaching people is not even the problem and striking up a conversation is not as difficult.
The issues are:
Are they interested in having a conversation with you? Do they like you enough? Would they foster a friendship from that short convo?
NO matter how you want to socialize it never works out well if its one-sided. When all the energy is coming from your end alone. When they make you feel like you are pestering, all in a bid to socialize.
Applying for a Job is different, there is a need and a want from both parties.
Its not about just reaching out to people, do they want to be reached out to?

You honestly have a lot to learn. Be open minded and you will understand things a lot more.

In Peace, I come!

If you are TRULY a lady, LONELINESS is bound to visit you

I hope you are enjoying it

At least nobody is wooing u again and calling u sweet names ...I just wish the LONELINESS hit u harder so that anytime u visit Naija,,,u will begin to appreciate NAIJA men and advise ur fellow naija sisters with COCONUT HEAD

At least those attention u enjoyed back naija free of charge, u are now putting EFFORT to get it....HOW DO U FEEL as nobody dey look u because everyone here is BUSY...FRUSTRATED right ?

Open youtube channel as MOST of You Ladies here do...u will be alright

Dont false ur narrative on everyone...NOT EVERYONE IS LONELY here, work on yourself, the PROBLEM is from u

Quality20:
How cn u b at home 24/7? Isn't there gym, worship centre,libraries etc

Guy they are practically home most especially those in Europe UK

GeneralPula:
Yankee lifestyle is mind my business lifestyle..

The most you can get from your neighbor is Good morning/afternoon/night..

Only introverts can find it very easy to blend with yankee lifestyle, e dey hard for people wey like to dey waka waka..

Naxoo Oyinbo land be. No be only yankee boss. Same thing in Canny.

Childofthelord:
"Following the train from station to station" This cracked me up
Honestly Nigerian churches abroad is a topic for another day.

Dear na so... if you don't get creative on how to relieve your worries and mind, depression will just come in.

About the church, you know because of lock down here in Germany, most churches are closed but very few are allowed to operate on the condition of not exceeding certain number of people. So people must register online to before Saturday. Na so I want take register they tell me sey them don complete, make I register for second service or next week. Wetin enter my mind immediately was, abeg make una do am alone na... after all who want come see the faces of those "witches" � thst don't want to be useful to West Africa.....

lekki1444:
I hate topics like this on nairaland because it is the fool that hasnt smelt muritala mohammed airport that will have the biggest opinon about why abroad is not boring

however as it goes abroad is not boring if you are under 25 years of age and totally unaware. it is when you are over 25 and you start developing a high sense of self worth about yourself and yet you look-around and see that your race as depicted as the most wretched on British or american TV, then you also start to look at all the bills you are paying even on stuff that you own and have fully paid for, and then you start to feel out of place and lonely as you start to get racially aware, THATS WHEN IT ALL STARTS CRASHING DOWN SPIRITUALLY AND MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY FOR YOU and then depression kicks in and suicidal thougts. and if you are fortunate enough to come from a rich background you can pack your potmato and run back to naija. but if you have nothing to your name and your family is poor ? you must try to exist in this hellish spiritual and mental and emotional prison and there is no way out for you. just try not to commit suicide. depresson is allowed

Gbam!

Childofthelord:
This has nothing to do with self-esteem. Approaching people is not even the problem and striking up a conversation is not as difficult.
The issues are:
Are they interested in having a conversation with you? Do they like you enough? Would they foster a friendship from that short convo?
NO matter how you want to socialize it never works out well if its one-sided. When all the energy is coming from your end alone. When they make you feel like you are pestering, all in a bid to socialize.
Applying for a Job is different, there is a need and a want from both parties.
Its not about just reaching out to people, do they want to be reached out to?

You honestly have a lot to learn. Be open minded and you will understand things a lot more.

In Peace, I come!

if it's that bad u can connect with a home based naija guy for relationship nau.if guys can do it I don't see why u ladies can't.at least ur family or friends back home in naija can hook u up with a responsible dude back home in nigeria.dem no dey shame for it oo.

Randy91:



Lmao...

Just for Exploration, to constantly change oil and to tell our sisters that our mumu don do because i usually like d look of disdain in their face when they see u wit oyibo


But puna na puna sha,,,Again, the huge difference is that Most the oyibo ladies NO GET ROTTEN FISH SMELL down there and an average oyibo sabi KNACK well unlike our sisters that lie down like LOG OF IROKO TREE

and guy just see some of the trash some of the guys here dey yarn
someone here saying because white person refuses to be his friend then he is getting depressed
biko which kain mumu person go dey reason like that
abeg nairaland can kill someone brain cells sometimes

lefulefu:
if it's that bad u can connect with a home based naija guy for relationship nau.if guys can do it I don't see why u ladies can't.at least ur family or friends back home in naija can hook u up with a responsible dude back home in nigeria.dem no dey shame for it oo.

What exactly makes all of you guys not in the states or canada think this entire conversation is about dating? We're talking about loneliness due to a lack of friendships like in Nigeria, and all you guys can think about is dating. Is this topic too difficult for you guys to comprehend or what? Did she tell you she's looking for a boyfriend? Does having a boyfriend or girlfriend solve the problem we're talking about? Damn, you guys ehn

Randy91:



If you are TRULY a lady, LONELINESS is bound to visit you

I hope you are enjoying it

At least nobody is wooing u again and calling u sweet names ...I just wish the LONELINESS hit u harder so that anytime u visit Naija,,,u will begin to appreciate NAIJA men and advise ur fellow naija sisters with COCONUT HEAD

At least those attention u enjoyed back naija free of charge, u are now putting EFFORT to get it....HOW DO U FEEL as nobody dey look u because everyone here is BUSY...FRUSTRATED right ?

Open youtube channel as MOST of You Ladies here do...u will be alright

Dont false ur narrative on everyone...NOT EVERYONE IS LONELY here, work on yourself, the PROBLEM is from u

Your IQ is below LOW.

Swears!

Your reasoning is so pathetic.

TheGift:
Have you been there to show your social skills ? It's beyond their social skills. Let's start with the fact that they have relocated from a highly communal society to a highly individualistic one.

That pretty much sums it up. The social setting is starkly different. I almost experienced depression at its depth largely due to loneliness. It gets worse in Northern Europe where you have sparse black community. It's near impossible to have deep friendship with white folks. What country are you? Can we possibly connect?

Ayrastarr:


Your IQ is below LOW.

Swears!

Your reasoning is so pathetic.

Most folks having unreasonable positions have never had a first-hand feel of the diaspora reality. BTW Your signature is so loud. I feel particularly concerned as I know precisely what depression feels like. Can we possibly connect?

Depending on the state most are closed. Some states are still on full lockdown for over a year. 10 thousand dollar fine if you go do nonsense while there’s still lockdown. Will u risk it?

Quality20:
How cn u b at home 24/7? Isn't there gym, worship centre,libraries etc

FavoriteBoo:
Most folks having unreasonable positions have never had a first-hand feel of the diaspora reality. BTW Your signature is so loud. I feel particularly concerned as I know precisely what depression feels like. Can we possibly connect?

You new here?
Or you just created this to serve a purpose?


Besides, I'm money depressed Lol!

Ayrastarr:


Your IQ is below LOW.

Swears!

Your reasoning is so pathetic.

Dont even listen to Randy91. He is a pathetic liar. I have confirmed who he is. He schools in TU Dortmund in Germany. I was discussing this issue with a friend last night and told him of this page. When he came here and saw the handle he called me and started laughing. He said I shouldnt listen to the guy that he always lies. He said he knows the guy and that he doesnt have any girlfriend. That the guy is always complaining of no girlfriends and how he doesnt like the way Germans behave.

So that guy schools in Germany yet came here claiming all the guys in his area have white girlfriends. In Germany where they arent as open to dating foreigners as elsewhere. The guy told me a lot of other things about this guy that I wont mention here. I dare Randy91 to dispute it and I will mention more stuff.

You can even see how low his thinking is here. He is just boasting for clout here.

lefulefu:
where are u? In canada?
I am in the carribeans
I have a few friends here both nigerians and non nigerians and study colleagues but brotherly I don't think I will have that time bugging ppl to be my friend
I remember in that child's play movie there was one dollbaby called chucky always looking for ppl to be his best friend
I am not chucky abeg
When u bug ppl to be ur friend they will normally run away from u
Friendship should come naturally

This guy is in the Caribbeans. Where in the Caribbeans we do not know. Most of the Caribbeans are black. And even more have a strong history with black people so you cannot use your experience in the Caribbeans to compare Europe or America. Most of those countries are poorer than Nigeria too. Leave that place first and then start boasting about your skills like you have been doing since the beginning of this thread.

MantisShrimp:


Dont even listen to Randy91. He is a pathetic liar. I have confirmed who he is. He schools in TU Dortmund in Germany. I was discussing this issue with a friend last night and told him of this page. When he came here and saw the handle he called me and started laughing. He said I shouldnt listen to the guy that he always lies. He said he knows the guy and that he doesnt have any girlfriend. That the guy is always complaining of no girlfriends and how he doesnt like the way Germans behave.

So that guy schools in Germany yet came here claiming all the guys in his area have white girlfriends. In Germany where they arent as open to dating foreigners as elsewhere. The guy told me a lot of other things about this guy that I wont mention here. I dare Randy91 to dispute it and I will mention more stuff.

You can even see how low his thinking is here. He is just boasting for clout here.

Please shut up already.

Ive had my own experience too.
I currently have a brother other there.
If you haven't traveled out please just shut the Bleep up!!!!!!!

Your comment is becoming very unreasonable and irritating.


Besides, this thread isn't only about dating.

Ayrastarr:



Please shut up already.

Ive had my own experience too.
I currently have a brother other there.
If you haven't traveled out please just shut the Bleep up!!!!!!!

Your comment is becoming very unreasonable and irritating.

Besides, this thread isn't only about dating.

I know you are emotional right now so I forgive you for this. Maybe you should read posts properly before replying them. Just an advice.

Mcslize:


Those people you mentioned are freedom fighters or motivational speakers? Learn never to give a fvck as a man and you will have no issue living amidst any set of human beings, being whites or blacks.

Don't give a damn fvck. Just live your life. If you think too much about what others think about you in terms of your color, you will have high BP.

The issue of racism is becoming stale day by day. Blacks should lay it to rest and live with the whites in whatever way they want blacks to live with them. We are now in the twenty first century. Not 100 yrs ago when racism was predominant.

Don't forget it is a culture which every black should adapt to.

Gisting and laughing all high with someone today and the person sees you tomorrow and refused to act like he knows you means nothing.

It is just their way of life. But most of us will cry foul it is racism just because he laughed with you the other day and acts like he doesn't know you today.

Little things like that shouldn't be a reason for blacks to be crying foul when you know that's how they live.

If a white man come to Nigeria, the same way you experience culture shock in oversea, that's how they will also experience culture shock here. Because some of the things we do here will look strange to them.

We can't always attribute things like that to racism which we blacks always cry about all the time.

You are talking like a greenhorn. E.g at the emboldened, that's not the racism blacks are complaining about over there. Racism is you sitting down in a bus seat and the white person sitting near you standing up to go to another section of the bus no matter how uncomfortable. Racism is when you are the last person to be served in a restaurant simply because you are black. Racism is when fans throw bananas at black players on the football field implying they are monkeys. These are not cultural shocks as they are outright rude actions anywhere on earth. Please stop mixing issues up and argue reasonably.

There's a difference between what is ideal and the reality on ground. Of course you can choose to ignore or not give a f *ck about racism like you have stated, but this does not mean racism is not rampant. Sadly, that's the reality on ground and it is one you'd have to contend with if you are a black person living abroad, regardless of your confidence level.

Childofthelord:
This has nothing to do with self-esteem. Approaching people is not even the problem and striking up a conversation is not as difficult.
The issues are:
Are they interested in having a conversation with you? Do they like you enough? Would they foster a friendship from that short convo?
NO matter how you want to socialize it never works out well if its one-sided. When all the energy is coming from your end alone. When they make you feel like you are pestering, all in a bid to socialize.
Applying for a Job is different, there is a need and a want from both parties.
Its not about just reaching out to people, do they want to be reached out to?

You honestly have a lot to learn. Be open minded and you will understand things a lot more.

In Peace, I come!

I emailed you through nairaland, no response.. if you not using your email, can you pls send a form of contact..

The Randy91 guy has deleted his account

People will just come online and be boasting and lying for no reason not knowing that this is a very small world and some ignorant people will believe them and be using that as an example. McSlize your role model has run away. Who will you look up to now?

79733139:
The racism they talk about is police behaviour to blacks and employers hiring based on race. The racism they speak about isn't about the socialization aspect that this thread is about. Lebron James has white friends, so does Idris Elba. This thread is about making friends with people in your environment when you are abroad... which is very doable.

My cousin did his Bsc and Msc in Russia, speaks Russian with a native Russian accent (as confirmed by his girlfriend's mother) and he went back to Russia after NYSC... in a country that is supposed to be racist. Yes he faced racism just twice, but most Russians are always surprised when they hear because he speaks with a good accent... and that helps him in making friends (which makes his life a lot easier).

The guy I quoted did not restrict the type of racism he was talking about. He simply said if you have confidence, you'd not be bothered by racism against blacks which is totally false. Some people have high confidence level and a strong sense of morality/ethics that pushes them to speak out against perceived injustice.

Of course making friends abroad is doable, but it is not as easy as in Nigeria judging by many Nairalanders' comments here and also from my own personal experiences. It takes a much greater level of intentional/concentrated effort to make as many friends there as you do in Nigeria and many people simply don't have the mental strength and discipline to invest such efforts which is why many are complaining of loneliness.

And you need to avoid the trap of using the exception to colour the norm. Loneliness and racism is the norm over there for blacks. Your friend who learnt how to speak Russian in order to integrate better is more on the side of the exception as only a low percentage of Nigerians abroad learn to speak the native language in order to belong especially as learning a new language is not exactly easy.

Even in Nigeria here, if you are yoruba and you know how to speak hausa with the hausa people, you'd have more Hausa friends than a Yoruba person who does not speak the language. Yet this does not mean there isn't tribalism practiced by the hausa people or vice-versa. It's a universal principle.

MantisShrimp:


I know you are emotional right now so I forgive you for this. Maybe you should read posts properly before replying them. Just an advice.

I'm sorry, I quoted the wrong account.

#peace