Oluneutral:




This thread should have been closed after this post or better still, there shouldn't have been any other response from you after this.

Good luck brother.

Thank you. Time to unfollow the thread.

CHoccolaTE:


I wonder whether there is a special kind is selfish gene you men have inside yourselves. A man decides to assist his wife with chores at home and you are not happy about it, you are telling him to stop helping her and let her take over her responsibilities, what is wrong in his helping her while she exercises to lose weight? Must he withdraw his assistance and be one insensitive to her needs just because men like you feel housework must be handled by a woman and woman alone?

You know, the comments from some women on this thread made me feel it’s bad to help out at home. I was shocked and didn’t really want to address it because everyone has their preference as to how they want their family to turn out and that is okay. But I’ve been taken aback by some of the comments suggesting that helping out at home by cooking and running errands for the house makes a woman (who is already doing so much taking care of a little one) lazy.

If a woman decides to sit down, fold hands doing nothing and watch her husband work like Jacky to provide for the family, people like you will be the first to call her liability and demand that she should assist her husband in his job of providing

My wife makes more money than I do (she runs a company outside Nigeria); has more assets than I do and she has a wealthy background. Her money is her money. She contributes occasionally financially and contrary to what a lot of people believe, she’s very hardworking.

I help out because it’s my family and there’s nobody else that would do these things for us. There is so many conjectures that has been thrown around on this thread that has nothing to do with the reason the thread began with and it’s sad to see people assume the worst for others by default. It’s really sad.

frozen70:


Pregnancy and after child birth makes a woman to be fat especially when she throws caution to the wind

As she is still breast feeding, she will have to eat enough so that she can lactate very well

Since she knows your type of woman, she has to work towards it because she will still add more weight for every child birth

Get a weight measuring scale for her

Seat her down and let her know that it's ment for her to do workout and reduce her weight so that she can fit into what shape you did want her to be and let her know how serious you are about it and she should start cutting down on her meals

Then the issue of seeing fat ladies as lazy people, you are already laying a foundation for her

She doesn't go to market, you cook most of the times.

Do what does she do, watching over her child ❓

You are praising her that she takes care of your child, it's her duty to do that so there is no special applause for that

You have made yourself virtually the house help at home, pls that is not love, you are creating more problems

Let her start doing those things while you look after the child

She will burn energy doing so

Don't come here and complain that she left everything for you and she is too lazy

Take caution now, let her do those things, more kids are coming

She is yet to know her duties at home

As for the cooking at home, I’m the better cook and it’s easy for me so it’s not a problem doing it. Then the errands - the baby feeds frequently and everything about the baby is so demanding (the child is very active and needs more supervision than usual). We don’t have any help. It would be near impossible for her to juggle taking care of the baby and running errands while I’m working full time with no help. It’s not practical. I think being practical with situations should come first before we talk about roles.

And her activity levels are up because she does a lot of chores - baby and ours inclusive. She’s not lazy - just a little laid back and that’s more of an attitude thing than actionable choices. Trust me, I understand our situation better and I’m in the best position to make judgement on what’s suitable.

MMotimo:


I hope you and your wife find a workable solution, don’t give up on her. Hopefully, she has the right support around her and she’s not listening to anyone telling her to “rock her fat” because she birthed a child.

I’m down with this. Already started making moves in this direction. Thank you.

Ouchbabe:

Oga please the beauty of a woman goes beyond a slim and banging body

I’m rather surprised that the concept of attraction has a whole different approach when a man is involved. Women are allowed to have tastes in a mate and be vocal about it. Definitely not men.

Ouchbabe:

You are using Kim as a yardstick. I hope the Op has the kind of money that can afford Kim's kinds of weight reduction surgery?

Unnecessary.

Ouchbabe:

And you are complaining already. Please give the woman a space joor. Breastfeeding makes some women fat and you claim to be a doctor. Let her stop breastfeeding first

I’m sure you can make your point without the ad hominem. Why is there an assumption that she is currently breastfeeding? There is no where on this thread that I mentioned it.

Ariza:
You are really trying to sound politically right however the bolded gave you away. Deep down you are already contemplating giving her a PUSH a possible rival and being a Doctor gives you lots of chances and options.

This is a conjecture. A very wild one at that. Can we stick to the facts?

Graxie:
My dear, I thank God say you self see am. Madam want marry by fire by force, she forget say uncle needs forever banging body. I even sure say both the breast and where pikin comot from go tire uncle because wear and tear don happen. His best solution is to look for hot baby oku, dem full for naija.

You don’t have to be condescending you know that? Like it’s totally unnecessary.

infotainment:

Mr Man u made ur wife what she is, u rendered he docile. Now she is useless to u. U better face ur warrant squarely.

Lol. Dunno why a lot of you are trying to get on my nerves. Do you actually think something like this would get to me?

missdee384:
A curse you say? Man you are heartless.... Truth is you never loved her

I’ve addressed this prior so I’d just paste what I said earlier.

I’m sure you know how expressions work. I’m also sure you know about how ambiguation works with words. If I say I’m stuck with a curse, it means I’m stuck with a situation that’s refusing to get better. I didn’t say my wife was a curse. I’m referring to the problem not the person.

You guys read to react and respond and not to understand and it’s so unfortunate. I can’t be battling my issues and helping random people on the internet with comprehension of everything I say. It’s a lot of work.

trendyprettygir:

Anybody advising this op is wasting his/her time.

This op never truly was attracted to his wife.

He married her for reason and he has not told us what it is.

I can bet that he has someone else in sight he already uses to compare with his wife.. and then being a doctor makes this pretty easy... all he is simply looking for is an excuse.. or a reason to explore his imagination.

I am sorry for your wife right now... this is why a woman should NEVER, I repeat never be a housewife... rather ensure you are always busy and have a life..

Everything you’ve typed here is a conjecture. No facts just assumptions. You want these assumptions to be so true because you want to give me a bad name. My wife has a life. She is not a designated housewife. She’s probably has more assets than most of you who are talking about her choice to stay home temporarily but that’s not why we are here today.

A lot of you have sidestepped the issue totally in order to sympathize with a woman who hardly needs your emotions. You need to invest that attention in something that would actually be beneficial to you.

You women hate it when a man finds you dispensable. It is okay to love someone and not find them indispensable. Because the truth is, nobody really is indispensable. So would you rather I live a lie?

Ishilove:
May God save women from immature boys with husband sized preeks.

This is totally beneath you. I know it because I’ve been a member of this forum since 2008. This is not my usual moniker. I know you can do better than this but if this is what you have truly become, then it is really sad.

foreveryoung1515:
You mean you now see your wife as a curse! cuz she's now overweight, you're definitely sick. Replace her now cuz you already said to replace her is just a matter of decision, olodo!

I’m sure you know how expressions work. I’m also sure you know about how ambiguation works with words. If I say I’m stuck with a curse, it means I’m stuck with a situation that’s refusing to get better. I didn’t say my wife was a curse. You guys read to react and respond and not to understand and it’s so unfortunate. I can’t be battling my issues and helping random people on the internet with comprehension of everything I say. It’s a lot of work.

BrutusOj:
You are not serious at all. Was she that extremely slim when you married her? Did you see her mother or her sister(s) before you married her? I thought you said you are a doctor? Most of the physiques we see in our celebrities on Instagram and other social media are not by mere exercise at home or diet. Most went for surgery and others refused to marry to keep their banging bodies which will still blow someday. You have to accept the reality, she can never be like before. And if you are already eyeing one single lady who is seducing you with her slim body tell us..

It is okay to have a type. You women have a type of men you are attracted to and you are usually so vocal about it. We are socially conditioned to be acceptable of the type of men women find attractive - but heck not the man. Men should take any type of woman that comes his way and he should not have a preference as to what is his attractive specification.

This here is hypocrisy. If you are castigating me for having a type of woman I prefer, then you might as well castigate me for preferring eba to fufu. After all they are all swallow and they do the same thing.

Graxie:
There is nothing depressing as being under pressure to loose weight. But then, he can still meet his Kim.

There is no pressure. I’ve stated that severally but you guys seem to conveniently avoid it.

Excesslove222:


I set an alarm every morning, leave my baby in the care of my hubby (he is less than a year old too) and jug round the estate before the sun comes up, it has been paying off.

I do it in my own pace...i don't over do it, in fact I enjoy doing it now.

Please don't tell her she is fat, just make her see that she is overweight and it is not healthy for her.

It took a while but I’ve found what I was looking for. We can do this.

Mariangeles:


Then you have to be patient and bear with her since she's still breastfeeding your child.
I wouldn't advise intermittent fasting at this point.

I’m patient. But getting frustrated. The more patient I get, the more I realize that things probably wouldn’t change.

Mariangeles:


Then portion is the problem.
Portion control is key.

Portion control is implemented too. There’s no issue with her nutrition whatsoever - quantity or quality.

Vloml222:
@sepsis! I believe your kid is already taking solid in support with breastfeeding.well you just have to encourage her with love .she will definitely work on herself.no lady likes to be called fat !
So just give her time.she will come around ( body size).

I’m doing just that. The main crux of this post wasn’t exactly her weight. It was my preference of attraction and how to manage it in this situation while I’m being patient.

Mariangeles:


It begins with her diet.
Start by encouraging her to eat mostly whole foods throughout the day.
Whole fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, sweet potatoes, brown rice, plantain, yam, lots and lots of water...
Encourage her to eat moderately. A little at a time.
No more processed foods.
White sugar, foods containing processed sugar and white flour...

I cook our meals. She’s doing this already

igbowoman:
This is what happens when a man is old enough for marriage but mentally immature.I have taken time to read his responses and the one he talked about a replacement was the most nauseating.
I wonder what advice a supposed married doctor expects to receive from small unemployed boys but let me play along in case the story is true.
Go ahead and replace her with the size 2 and 4 girls you're probably sleeping with.
Infact get 4 new wives weigh them before marriage and impregnate them all and the one that maintains her weight after childbirth you keep her and send the others packing.
Nonsense!

This is really personal. Lots of nerves all over the thread. I hope they find peace.

igbowoman:


Hahahahahaha
Shifting goals eh
From crying about a fat unattractive hippopotamus of a wife to background checks and time on my hands.
I can see the reverse psychology u play on the poor woman at home if she even exists
Poor fat chic

Lol. You’re now the one insulting her o o o o.

This life lmao. E be things

igbowoman:


You dont even have the balls to have a conversation with her but feel better hooded up to talk rubbish about her.

She’s my wife. Deal with it

igbowoman:


The story is totally made up and is evolving. Let's just play along

You really want to get on my nerves. Not gonna happen.

The only way you’re this bothered about this post is if it touches you personally. You probably can’t stand a man who isn’t attracted to fat woman right? I mean - how could he?

Because I don’t get why you’re so bothered. Doesn’t it surprise you how much time you’re giving to this than your personal life?

igbowoman:
If the story is true,a medical doctor with 6 packs who is a hustler from akwa Ibom .hasn't been married too long with a fat wife and 10 month old baby.
She may just come across the thread.

Well. The things I’ve typed on this thread are not things I can hardly admit in person. I don’t know exactly what I’ve said here that’s a problem.

Someone told me she could cheat with a gym instructor (if I don’t do the exercises with her) and I said if it happens then no wahala. Does the feeling of dispensability make you feel less loved? Because they’re apples and oranges and I don’t get what the fuss is.

Btw, your background checks are spot on. Have to give you credit for those. You clearly have a lot of time on your hands.

Ginaz:


I perfectly understand you and sympathize with you but as it is right now the whole solution boils down to your wife and how you handle the matter. How old is the baby ? Does she have someone who can look after the baby while she works out? You can decide to set up a workout calendar for her and be marking the dates yourself .

That’s what I do. I keep tracks of my workout by scoring myself on a note I have drew to keep me motivated.

What I’m trying to say is, she might be feeling bad inside too from the weight issue and don’t know how to go about it anymore . Kindly talk to her .. fix her in a gym class .. it may be she’s lazy cos she’s at home , when she goes out and see other people exercising she will be motivated.

It’s basically both of us. We don’t have external help which makes some of the recommendations not feasible. Taking care of kids is hard work and I respect her for doing just that alone which is why I don’t feel comfortable adding that pressure to lose weight.

But regardless of how understanding I am, this is affecting me. Trying to pretend it doesn’t is hypocritical.

igbowoman:


What do you call ingenious?
A supposed married man with a 10 month old coming to badmouth his wife anonymously and even threatening to replace her on social media sounds ok?
You dont even have the balls to have a conversation with her but feel better hooded up to talk rubbish about her.

Alright. You’ve made your point.

Mariangeles:


The bolded does not help at all.
Like I suggested earlier, discuss it with her lovingly and supportively.
If she's reasonable and wise, she'd appreciate and love you for it.
Lack of communication is the killer of relationship

She is wired differently. Discussing things with her is akin to making an issue out of that thing. She perceives things differently and I acknowledge and respect it. If I bring it up, it is actually going to become a problem. I need more subtle ways of achieving the same goal without necessarily putting it in her face.

Mariangeles:


Your concern is valid, but the way you went about it was wrong. Including your choice of words for the woman you claim to love.

How can I help my wife lose some weight? would have been more appropriate, then we would have gladly proffered some solutions as much as we are able to.

And what makes you think I haven’t tried? I mean, you just assumed I haven’t made an effort and all I’m doing is whine and whine.

igbowoman:


Post a picture of you with a hand written sign that shows today's date.
Dont show us your face let us be the judge of that shape.
Do it right away .
Then go and carry a baby and birth it and come back after 10 months to show another picture

This is disingenuous. And probably irrelevant. Reeks of cheap blackmail and nothing more. Biological roles are biological roles - they can’t be swapped. However, is it remotely possible that the consequences of those biological roles can be managed ?

Or are they untouchables ? Because you’re making it seem like this is an untouchable situation. Like basically I have no choice but to suck up to it.

Ginaz:
Hmmmm. O.p take it easy on her eh.. it’s not easy. Keep loving her more cos she might be feeling bad about the whole thing inside too.

You read my post right? I’ve never complained. I’ve never mentioned it. Never brought it up. I support her by helping out at home. I go to the market, cook, run errands, and still work full time as a doctor plus side hussles. I think I am more hardworking and supportive than most Nigerian men are. That isn’t even something we should be talking about.

The crux of the matter is there. I wonder why most females responding to this post are conveniently avoiding it. Someone even tried to insult me above but I overlooked it. Are you guys saying that you don’t really get what the problem is?