Vloml222:
@sepsis! If I may ask , how old is your baby?

10 months.

Rozz:
don't be surprised this is a pot bellied man complaining about his wife weight here. Help her out by engaging her in some exercises to kip fit and attain the desired body you want and crave for rather than doing nothing but complain.

I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m not sure you read my post completely to understand it. Just wanted to respond and launch an attack and I get it. The internet is a place for everyone, including irrelevant people with dense opinions. Have a filled day

Mariangeles:


Love is...

Protective
Nurturing
Supportive
Trusting
Faithful
Compassionate
Tender

.....
None of which the op is

Why do I have a feeling you’re in this marriage with me?

crackkhaus:

I believe that behaviour comes as a default factory setting in women.

Once you know how to handle them though, you will have very little problems - just tell them what you know they want to hear, but think the opposite in your mind to avoid too much wahala.

I even fear that if the OP pushes his wife too much, she will start accusing him of comparing her with other women and not loving/appreciating her enough after all the stress she went through giving birth to his baby - emotional manipulation has set in.

Na brain dem take dey follow these people...

You’ve nailed it.

Vloml222:
@sepsis! You don't need to bother too much , this is your first kid , you should educate urself more on it and dont complain.some women get fat after delivery and with time she will go back to shape , when she stops breastfeeding ,and also the opposite.
Her appetite increased due to her breastfeeding to keep healthy .if she doesn't eat enough and your baby sucks alot she might end up pale and sick.anyways she getting fat isnt a big issue, Just be patient , when your kid starts taking solid and not much on breastmilk, you can encourage her with love to work on her weight , and keep fit...OP! Never you compare your wife or marriage with another.every marriage or spouse has what rocks their boat!.
And note this! As long your wife has started giving birth her hormones wont be the same.it happens to all women giving birth. You should be lucky if she just change in body size , that can be easily amended.
If she lack interest in sex..you are finished ooo.
Nothing can redeem that oo..
So encourage her with love , and dont nag or complain.
Is not easy on her too.

I’ve never brought this issue up before. I’ve never complained about it. I’ve just been patient and understanding waiting for change. I just need the woman I married back again.

Mariangeles:


Here you are, claiming to love the wife you dared to say nasty things about. What a liar!
Do you know what love is?
How do you think she'd feel if she read those words knowing they came from her husband?
You are not a good husband.
A man that cannot protect his wife is not a strong man. You're weak and a coward!
What you should've discussed with your wife confidentially, you brought here for anyone to say whatever they want about her without her knowledge. That is not fair.
As you have done to your wife, millions will discuss your matter without your knowledge.

This is a faceless forum and this section is notorious for maturity from probably experienced folks. I’ve never been married before. I don’t have the experience to deal with something like this. I just needed perspective on how to go about it without being overbearing.

There’s no point resorting to blackmail. Doesn’t do much to help. I’m just a ordinary man trying to do better in life.

Lolo24:
You're very insensitive. Your replies are just wow. I mean wow

Because I don’t try to sugar coat it?

Gloriagee:
Waoh....just waoh

I don’t exactly mean that. But I hate to be threatened with a woman leaving a relationship due to infidelity. Heavens won’t fall

jeffizy:
Mmotimo has said virtually all that needs to be said.

Dear Doctor/Husband,
If indeed you're really a medical Personnel, then you shouldn't be this agitated over the situation.

Nobody is agitated. Attraction between spouses is a real thing

What I see is that you married a trophy wife... Someone you want to show off to friends an family.
You ignored the reality of life that change is the only constant thing in life. Child birth can change a whole lot if things about a woman's physical outlook, positively or otherwise.

I’m sure if you read well you’d see where I mentioned that she was perfect after childbirth. You’d also see where I mentioned that the weight boom was due to stress eating after delivery. The trophy wife analogy is out of the point totally.

This is the best time to re date your wife.
Work amicably with her in regaining her body size back.

I’ve addressed this before already.

Abeg, I no know wetin these modern couples dey reason before getting into marriage these days sef.
EGO TRIPPING EVERYWHERE!

This was totally unnecessary.

cococandy:
Your feelings are valid. But your delivery might need some work.

If you can afford it, you guys can have some exercise equipment at home to help motivate her.
When you go work out, call her to join you. Etc etc

That’s the problem I have- delivery. That’s exactly why I haven’t been vocal about it. I don’t want to come off as insensitive and overbearing and I don’t want to change the way things are negatively. I’m afraid I might never talk about it so it is not perceived as an issue. I’m aware it bothers her already and talking about it might plunge her self esteem further. She’s my wife - I love her with my life and sometimes I wish thick women were my type. Unfortunately, that’s not the case and hence this problem.

She’s taking care of the baby and it’s so demanding. She has been exercising at home but it’s not consistent and I don’t want to put her under that kind of pressure. I feel she should do it at her pace but it should be sustained. Problem is, she doesn’t care because there’s no incentive to it. Her attitude to the whole thing is more like - I have to manage her like that

ikh777:


BROS, you really do not know what LOVE IS.

You married GOOD CHARACTER and great BODY, you didnt have a plan for maintenance?


See, go on instagram and find herbal tea JOOR... let her drink it... SHE WILL DEFLATE

Go on strolls with her... no shame... she is yours... BE A MAN, MAN UP AND DO IT.

IF you can not help her to gain shape and she decides to go to the gym, the GYM instructor will snatch her from you....

ABEG, THERE IS PROCESS TO EVERYTHING.... the SLIMMING TEA WORKS... you need to take charge, now is time to prove your love

I’m a doctor. I work full time and weekends too plus I run errands for the house and I cook too. I have side hussles to keep money coming in. Long and short is, I’m an extremely busy man.

I don’t care if anybody snatches anyone. If it happens, it’s all for the best. I’m in the best shape of my life and all it takes to find a replacement is a decision.

MMotimo:


It’s all well and good that she knew your stance with thick girls before marriage but did she have the same viewpoint?

She did. As a matter of fact she did so well to maintain her weight during pregnancy through controlled calorie intake. I was the one who was admonishing her to eat but she was the picky eater because she didn’t want to blow up.

Well it worked. We had a healthy baby. She was fine after delivery. Now it’s like she doesn’t care anymore. Like she can’t be bothered because the husband is going no where and she has a beautiful baby. It appears she’s content and nothing else is important.

I’m tired.

Most black women, once they reach a certain age, even without childbirth, are prone to bulge. It’s just the way it is. For most, it takes a determination not to get fat to a avoid letting go and that determination is a constant battle. To succeed, she herself has to be committed to a certain size and be prepared to work for it daily.

Women can exhibit determination in a lot of things but for many, weight loss/maintenance is not one of them.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Habits are key. The cause of this blowing up is the stress eating of junk earlier on but now the damage has been done. It reeks of indiscipline to eat carelessly and thinking about it just makes me mad. Now the determination to lose the weight is out of the window and I’m stuck with a curse.

CXLVII:
Find a second wife.

Competition is healthy.

Tbvh the temptation is severe but I want to give everyone the benefit of doubt that I was patient. I don’t know how to spoon feed people into making decisions about their own lives. I should be banging the shit out of a hot wife but here I am making Nairaland posts about this issue. Totally sucks and God help everyone when I am tired.

Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

H

This is so unbelievable

Mods please front page. For the sake of justice.

cc: Seun

Citizen Odudu Albert Ukpanah is the only son of Late Engr. Albert Jimmy Ukpanah from Ukanafun Local Government Area of Akwa Ibom State. Odudu, 31, a brilliant and peace loving man holds a B. Sc. in Geophysics from the University of Calabar and an M. Sc. from Coventry University, United Kingdom. The Late Engr. Albert Ukpanah was an outspoken chieftain of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). He had served his party as a member of the State Working Committee of the PDP in Akwa Ibom State. He was also a one time Caretaker Vice Chairman of Ukanafun LGA of Akwa Ibom State. Notably, aside being a thorn in the flesh of some prominent politicians and political office holders in his area, the late Engr. Albert Ukpanah was a vociferous opponent of the 2015 senatorial ambition of Chief Godswill Obot Akpabio, the Executive Governor of Akwa Ibom State.

Like several other persons in his area that subscribe to the PDP zoning policy, he believed that it was the turn of his area (Abak Federal Constituency) to produce the next senator to represent the Ikot Ekpene Senatorial District of Akwa Ibom State in the Senate come 2015. He saw Akpabio's Senate bid as a grave injustice to his people. On Wednesday March 12, 2014 he was brutally murdered by dare-devil assassins at his Abak residence at about 9:40pm. From the cogent, uncontradicted and plausible account given by the immediate family of the slain politician, the deceased asked his son, Odudu, who was the only person with him at the material time to bring three (3) plastic chairs for himself and yet to be unidentified visitors that he was expecting. After bringing out the chairs as directed, Odudu went inside the living room and continued watching the European league which he was enjoying prior to the arrival of the visitors.

His father later came into the living room and took drinks (Remy martins and 1 can stout), which he ostensibly offered his guests. Upon sensing that the expected meeting had lasted for too long, Odudu went out to check on his father only to meet him lying lifeless in the pool of his blood. Mr. Odudu who was very deeply frightened immediately raised an alarm and sought the assistance of neighbours who came to his aid. They then helped him carry his father's body to the hospital where he was pronounced dead by doctors. He made a report to the police division in Abak LGA where the incident took place the following morning after which one of his aunts took him away to Eket LGA for safety.

Therefore, while it is true that the police officers from the State Command did not meet him at home when they first arrived the scene, it does not imply that he escaped since the aunt had taken him away. Let me also state that when the police officers from Abak arrived the scene, they saw the bottle of the Remy martins and the container of the can stout which they took away. Photographs evidencing this are there for all to see.

An investigation into the incident was taken over by the State Police Command which resulted in the production of a Police Investigation Report signed by one Sgt. Ibediro Nnamdi, the Investigating Police Officer, (IPO), which was leaked to the media and published by several newspapers in Akwa Ibom State, I have the report with me For clarity and benefit of doubt, the opinion/recommendation part of the Police Investigation Report dated 25th March, 2014 and signed by the IPO, Sgt. Ibediro Nnamdi, is reproduced verbatim as follows: "In view of the above findings, the following suggestions are proffered. Since investigation into the case is still on, it is wise to nose around for more information that may reveal the REAL KILLERS of Hon. (Engr.), Albert Ukpanah, AS THE KILLING MIGHT BE POLITICALLY MOTIVATED ASSASSINS.

Above report is for your consideration and further directive, please" (emphasis mine). I need to also mention here that in furtherance of its investigation into this case, the police had seized the GSM phone of the late Albert Ukpanah with an undertaking that same would be forwarded to the State Security Service (SSS) for forensic analysis since
the deceased is believed to had communicated on phone with his yet to be identified guests before their arrival. Till date, nothing has been heard of the result of the said forensic analysis by the SSS. Nigerians should ask the Akwa Ibom State Government, the SSS and the police about the outcome of the forensic analysis. A check with service providers would have revealed the call logs of the deceased shortly before he was murdered.

Instead of identifying the 'REAL KILLERS' of Albert Ukpanah as recommended by the IPO, the Akwa Ibom State Government led by Gov. Godswill Akpabio went on a frolic and had his only son, Odudu Ukpanah framed-up, arrested and charged to court on a totally senseless and trump-up charge of killing his own father. A careful perusal of the proof of evidence filed alongside the information (charge) by the prosecution leads irresistibly to the conclusion that the paper on which the charge was preferred, have a far more value than the charge itself. There is absolutely no
modicum of evidence, not even impliedly, establishing a nexus (link) between Odudu and the death of his father. It is just an audacious but shameless charade meant to cover the truth. Those listed as witnesses are basically neighbours who responded to the alarm raised by Odudu. One even said in court during his testimony that he did not know why he was in court but later recalled that he was summoned to testify because he had made a statement to the police; a statement that did not incriminate Odudu in any way. What on earth will make a young Masters Degree holder in Oil and Gas from one of the reputable universities in the UK and a well fared and very comfortable first and only son of an influential father think of taking the life of the man that meant the world to him?


Why should Odudu kill the very father that sponsored his education abroad and bought him a car upon his return to Nigeria last year? Why?, and why?

There is this frivolous and very irresponsible propaganda that has been sold to credulous members of the public by agents of the state government that Gov. Akpabio had offered the deceased the sum of 2million naira on the day he was murdered to assist him in taking care of his wife's failing health and that Odudu had killed the father to have the
said money to himself. Firstly, supposing without conceding that such money was actually offered to the deceased by Gov. Akpabio, it is most unthinkable to say the least, for a sane person to even suggest that a person in the social and educational standing of Odudu will kill his father because of a paltry sum of 2million naira. This to me is a rape on logic and commonsense.

Secondly, did the governor called Odudu to inform him of his "generous offer" to the father? Since the governor had publicly admitted that he gave the said money, he should please tell us where and who the said money has been traced to? Another lie being spread by the yes men of the government that I wish to puncture is the lie that Odudu broke the door to his father's bedroom and carted away the purported 2mllion naira. The truth of the matter is that one of Odudu's aunts had advised the children of the deceased to search for and retrieve important documents for safety. Since the deceased had always locked his bedroom and the keys could not be found, the only option was to break the door.

In the presence of relatives and neighbours, a carpenter was invited and he broke the door. This was in the evening of March 13, 2014 (a day after the incident). As part of their investigation, the police had invited the carpenter to make a statement on what transpired which he did. Remarkably, the carpenter's statement was discarded.


Since the emergence of the present regime in Akwa Ibom State in 2007, there has been an unprecedented upsurge in unresolved high profile politically motivated killings.

Quoting an annual report by the Nigeria Police Force, a Sunday PUNCH report of November 21, 2010 (page 3) said there were 74,064 murders and similar cases in Nigeria within two years. A state-by-state analysis of this record ranks Akwa Ibom State with a population of 3.9m (2006 estimate) as being the highest with preponderance of such crimes. The police report said in 2009 alone, Akwa Ibom recorded 177 murders (most of which are said to
be politically motivated), 62 attempted murders, one manslaughter, eight suicides, 21 attempted suicides, 320 assaults, 18 child stealing, 93 rape cases and indecent assaults, 29 kidnappings, among others. The 2011 figures marked a remarkable increase when compared to 2007. Sadly, no single conviction has been recorded for these murders.

The innocent Odudu Ukpanah has been in custody for the past seven months while the state continue to play hide and seek with the case. So far, efforts to admit him to bail has not seen fruition. On Monday December 15th, 2014 the court adjourned ruling on his bail application to January 7th, 2014. The mother of Odudu is now critically ill with cancer. The family have expended all they have on litigation all in a bid to secure the
release of the poor young man who they know is completely and totally innocent of the charge against him. I am appealing to our friends and partners in the civil society, human rights community and the media to rise up to this very historic battle for justice. I appeal to human rights lawyers, activists, journalists all lovers of justice in this country to come to the rescue of this family. We have done it before, lets do it again. This is an injustice of the century. Our voices must be heard for the Ukpanah's.

They have suffered enough, and it is time to put an end to this state sponsored madness and oppression. This seems to me a case where the killers are looking for the killers and the victims of the killing are being haunted to cover the truth. Engr. Albert Ukpanah must not die in vain. His killers and their sponsors must not laugh last. His blood cries for justice and the time to act is now, not later. Enough is enough.


Inibehe Effiong is a Human Rights Activist based in Lagos. Email: inibehe.effiong@gmail.com
+2348065142135

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