pansophist:


Your premise differs from mine. My point is about the country in question, not the language they speak there. If the OP have permanent residency in lets say Norway, and UK, he will achieve more in Norway than the UK.

UK is just a third world country attached to London. Outside London (which is unaffordable anyway for a starter), UK is really broke. I am referring to the UK of today, 2024, not twenty years ago.

Go to reddit and youtube and see Brits complaining bitterly, and thousands moving away, even recent immigrants.

I understand the UK is one step ahead Nigeria, but if one has to choose, and if prosperity is non-negotiable, then UK should be off the table.

If you want me to paste painful statistics about present day UK, I will. Yes, it is that bad. UK should be off the table.

The number one question that should be asked is, are there jobs in Norway compared to the UK. If you use LinkedIn as your research tool, It is 80/20 result. The only country in the UK that has higher job rates than the UK is Germany & most jobs are in Berlin. Berlin is also super expensive & salaries are much higher in the UK than Germany, I can tell you for a fact.

If you cannot secure a proper job that gives you adequate income, all the statements you're making doing does not cut it.

Norway is also super cold, same as Finland. Then people will have to learn Finnish or Norwegian and Sami. They have less jobs that UK or Germany, so please what exactly does anyone gain by having access to fewer jobs.

My friends that ran to Finland have all ran back.

Also we are immigrants & not British, they are all running away to places like America for greener pastures because they have the British passport, so how does that compare to regular immigrants in the UK?!

Ishilove:

You're still not getting my point. You write that the whole marriage tradition should be abolished, and I countered that it cannot and will not be abolished because every society has their culture and traditions. In my post, I also mentioned that those practices can be abused, just like any man made system. The extortion from family members is one of the forms of abuses that happen in the course of carrying out our cultural practices. You can only call the abusers to order, not abolish centuries old identity pillars of a people.

When I say "abolish" I did not mean cut off the parent's approval. Technically you cannot abolish potential bride groom from getting approval from bride's parents, that's normal in every culture around the world. Parent's approval is necessary for a go-ahead, It is not an African culture, even the dowry payment was practiced in ancient Israel from time.

We DID NOT create it. Remember Laban tricked Jacob in the Bible, that's what they are doing in the South West & Eastern states. Pure Extortion. Thieves!

The "abuse" & "extortion" is the culture that we created that needs to be abolished. We created it OURSELVES to extort, simple!
it is not a century old identity pillars of any thing, families were looking for a way to enrich themselves, so they created it.

Ishilove:

It's not going anywhere, neither will culture be abolished because they are the best rock of every society. Can they be modified to reflect modern realities? Yes. Can they be abused? Like every man made system, yes they can. Does culture evolve? Yes. Is culture dynamic? Some aspects are. If you try to erase what makes a people unique, what forms their identity and belief system, then you will have a very big problem on your hands. VERY BIG

What you described is not a culture, the culture is meeting up with families & introducing yourself which is what is needed. Every other thing such as bride's uncles & aunties extorting bride groom's family is completely unnecessary & should be abolished totally.

Besides we are quick to abolish other forms of culture that we don't like, but what it is comes to the greedy one that allows extortion, we hang on it like our lives depend on it.

You follow someone to a wedding ceremony in South West, the alagas want to use the opportunity to extort all the guests, both married & unmarried. What sort of culture is that?!

rapheal5:

You sounded like you love nigeria but you dislike everything in it, the fact that you're unlucky to meet people you share the same ideal of life with doesn't mean you should cancel everything about nigeria...
In your world where you came from there are fake people too and alot of psychopath..
No where and no one is perfect....

Maybe it's his terrible wording, I do agree with him on religion over education in Nigeria, the selfish and greedy wedding process in Nigeria is absolutely bizarre. Wedding processes in Nigeria from Families especially from Imo State & those South West Yoruba alaga ceremonies are just a way to grab every little penny they can get, more like selling their daughters to slave trade.

The whole marriage tradition in Nigeria should be absolutely abolished.

Fenrir:


Video call or grow up

30 seconds will prove you wrong but your a coward and keyboard gangster nothing more

You will get tired eventually.

Gloriagee:
I'm not a retard. Hopefully, this format pays off for you, unku wey wan marry Plateau Igbo ....

So he is lying about the whole tread & being white I guess, I'm wondering why a white veteran is asking all these questions from strangers online. I almost fell for it.

Fenrir:


Please upgrade your dictionary agnostics are not athiests completely they are unsure so 50/50 on gods existence

Yeah I think I mixed it up, but you get what I mean.

Fenrir:


I don't believe in any god or anything supernatural, but i do value 2 laws that 183 have, freedom of beliefs and freedom of choice, 12 countries dont have them and Nigeria is on of those 12 you have freedom worship and freedom of expression

Freedom of choice means you don't hate the other options, you simply do not care about them, there is a difference.

Acidosis:
It might work in other aspects of life, like football, but not in politics. People's political ideologies are often a reflection of their essence and nature. Relationships are also highly influential. You can't love someone without being influenced by some of their beliefs. You will always influence each other so deeply that critical issues like politics will eventually have you both agreeing on one thing.

When you find yourselves disagreeing on core issues like religion or politics without any issues in your home, it likely means that one or both of you do not truly care deeply about that issue. Na why you will hardly see a devoted Christian and a devoted Muslim together.

True, even feminism sef. If a wife is a core feminist & husband is not, that marriage will not last. One of them has not truly care about the subject OR agree fully for their union to last.

Gloriagee:
That works for you cos you are not a fanatic. (Un)fortunately depending on your POV, I'm a fanatic! I only pray in the name of Jesus and compel my household to do so, not sure I can cope with an atheist spouse.

As I said, your tolerance levels is proportional to how core a value is to your personality. Hope this helps!

You do not even need to be a fanatic, even as a passive Christian there are types of atheist that you can never co-habit with. They are Fanatic atheist (Agnostics), therefore they hate the sound of anything religious at all. They can kill you for even mentioning Church or Islam.

Fenrir:


What about an atheist? We will fight for your right to follow whatever religion you choose, the same cannot be said for religious people?

A good and supportive man is always a good supportive man godly or godless, all couples need healthy time apart so church could just be your thing and ill give you an example

I am an atheist but my 6 year old daughter is christian and i drive her to church with a nanny, give my daughter a kiss on the cheek and say see you later kjaere then i either wait in the car and listen to music until shes done or go for a coffee and collect her after because she asked for that

Respect and support are what matter not participation

There are different perspectives among atheists, and not all atheists fit into the same category. Generally, they can be grouped as follows:

Nonreligious Individuals: These people do not follow or subscribe to any particular religious tradition. They may not personally believe in religious doctrines but are generally accepting of others who do. For them, religion isn’t a central concern in their lives, and they’re often indifferent to its presence in society.

Nonbelievers: These individuals explicitly do not believe in the existence of any gods or deities. However, their stance can vary from being simply uninterested in religion to being critical of it. They might avoid participating in or endorsing religious practices but aren't necessarily hostile toward others' beliefs.

Agnostics: Agnostics take the position that the existence or nonexistence of a deity is unknown or unknowable. They neither affirm nor deny a god’s existence, often focusing on evidence-based reasoning. Agnostics typically aren’t "anti-religion" but prioritize open-mindedness and skepticism.

I hope you understand what I am saying.

Edited

meobizy:
Una never mature be that. Men put in revenge in the form of bettering their lives. If you're a keke rider, be the best keke rider possible. Pool money with the aim to move from rickshaw to motor vehicle. Move from that to becoming a small-time landlord. So on and forth. Be there allowing depression strike you over others' words. Your mind never strong be that. If you're not being spoken about then you're nobody. The guys carry grievances from back in the day because you people were successful then. Prove to them you can still be successful today.

This is actually a myopic reasoning you displayed here, time and chance happens to people and wealth creation sometimes is not a definition of how hard working you are. People get into positions that life circumstances could have put them, not because they are not hard working.

JAPAHTML:
Mike was desperate to secure the bag

if someone can pay me $50k to be defeated i will beg my opponent to beat me to stupor


talkmore of the money involved in this

Mike got 20 million from that fight

Gerrard59:

Yes.


I already narrated my job-hunting experience here: https://www.nairaland.com/7788707/memoirs-chile/49#130041370

As for migrating to Japan, there is already a semi-active thread. Anyone interested should read from the beginning and ask specific questions and I would be glad to respond to the best of my knowledge: https://www.nairaland.com/2655545/japanese-visa-travelling-japan/40

That comment on memoirs-chile original post should have been a post on its own because it is packed with loads of info, I'm just seeing it for the first time and I have a question. So which area of tech did you eventually opt for, I see that you avoided Cyber Security (Thanks to your friend). It's a career path that is highly spoken of online but can waste your time so much in reality. I advice everyone to run from it too as it requires tons of certifications to even have a decent job.

bukatyne:


1. Is that so?

2a. That means a lot of Nigerian families are nor functioning

2b. I ask again: when it comes to standard white or blue collar jobs, is there consideration for gender when assigning duties and responsibilities?

3. In this same Nigeria? According to the last research, about 177m earn less than N2m per annum. So even if women marry men who earn 'more' than them, their joint income is not enough to fend the home.

4. The husband earning N2m per annum? Anything to justify men's thoughtlessness and irresponsibility towards the domestic front. If men are capable of funding the home without drama, more women would stop working or at least work less stressful jobs.

5. Yes because like the OP, the men still expect the women to be responsible for the domestic aspect of the home even though they have the same work hours.

1. Yes that is so.

2a. A family that is functioning is a middle class man paying of most things in the house & the woman just chips in.

The common rebuttal to this is usually "Oh, what of those numerous women selling pepper to fend for their families". Those women are living below poverty level & absolute penury, they are termed poor. Most of their husbands are the drivers, conductors, agberos & all sorts of low level jobs. We are talking about middle class here.

2b. Only few women agreesively chase high paying jobs in Nigeria out of personal decision, they have less financial pressure on them & this is common info.

It is very common to see a lady who just purchased a human hair of 800k while using the latest iPhone 16 saying she does not have money to pay for Virtual Assistance Course of 100k Naira on ALT School Africa. Because that struggle is not her priority.

3. Whether the joint income is enough to fend the home is irrelevant here, the point is most wives choose when to chip in & help pay for stuff around the house. It is not mandatory for her.

4. Women already work less stressful jobs.

5. Yes because like the OP, his whole income is meant for the family while the wife's income is hers alone & only chips in when she wants. Women in Nigeria already said they aren't doing 50/50 on bills & men agreed. So what's the issue.

I don't know why this is so hard to understand.

bukatyne:


In what eldorado world do women not work? Or work long hours?

What company gives women lesser tasks or where do women get lesser responsibilities for same pay so they are not 'tired' when they get home?

Biko connect me.

Because it seems the guys on this thread are on to something; it is we women who have not figured it out.

This used to be an old argument, repackaged over and over again.

In most families that are functioning, women work but earnings from their jobs are not required to be solely used in funding the home, they can chip in here and there financially but ultimately the man is the major provider of the home therefore come rain, come sunshine he has to go out there and hustle even if the job wants to kill him.

Women also avoid any financial reliance by their partners by ensuring the men they eventually marry earns significantly higher than them.

Even when women work long hours, they do it for their own selves. Because at the end, their money is their money but the husbands money belongs to the family.

Any arrangement different from this has been proven to cause resentment from the women involved.

Gerrard59:
I am a strong advocate of the two-parent household, but in this case, there should be a separation. Maybe not outright divorce since OP does not like it, but for the sake of mental sanity, OP needs to be be separate from her husband. Since she has better finances, the kids stay with her. The man visits as arranged. I don't believe in a do-or-die situation/marriage. If e tire person, let it go.

jify, No vex, but wetin una dey discuss during courtship? I thought married folks married their best friends kini kon kini kon


I wonder wetin men dey see for underage children. But seeing the demographic involved, I am not too surprised. Anything can happen.

I truly wonder, I am waiting for his reply because what body or beauty does a 12 year old have that want to entice any man. Maybe he meant 22.

Sapasenator:


I also want to note that Paul, in the Bible, is not qualified to give marital advice as he died a bachelor.

Yep, that's correct. I mean he only gave advice & never even practiced his own advice at all. He was a person who wrote driving manuals on paper how to drive but never drove in reality

Sapasenator:


The church is the wrong place for marital advice with most of the pastors not qualified to give advice in that area. I always ask couples to visit a qualified and certified marriage counselor. We tend to Idolize these pastors and ascribe to them knowledge they do not possess.

Yes correct to a large extent. Pastors are meant to interpret the bible and teach the followers about what God said, or perhaps what Paul said about marriage. Their job is not to settle disputes of marital affairs because most will likely give a bad advice based on their personal opinion, and those opinions are from 1990s when the Pastor met his own wife.

Mille:


Doesn't even include love or hate. Being a good or bad wife/mother doesn't automatically mean the person loves or hate husband/children.

Good wife - Does many of the things expected of a wife (by her husband or societal standards)

Bad wife - Doesn't do many of the things children (or the society) expects from a mother.

For example, you can claim to love your child, but if after they close from school, you put a tray on their head to go and hawk groundnut on the expressway, you are a bad mother.


Take this scenario that unfolded this year in the estate I live in.

Husband is the breadwinner. Husband loses his source of income while wife only has a petty shop just outside the estate. Wife is supportive of husband in his downtime. Takes charge of the home using her petty business, uses her finance to make him able to attend interviews, and uses her contacts to find him job opportunities, and ultimately lands him a job. Home was kept running smoothly without husband having to borrow from friends or family.

The truth was wife's business was not flourishing either during this downtime. Turns out wife, without the knowledge of the husband or anyone else, has been pimping out her 12 year old daughter to the Hausa men who do security for many of the houses in the estate. It was only exposed when she tried stopping after the husband was back on his feet.

In less than 3 sentences, do you consider her a good/bad wife/mother?

I'm so invested in this story, this daughter was 12 years old & is being pimped at that tender age?

jify:


Secondly, I convinced him to learn social media management and marketing. I got someone to teach him one on one, even paid the person. I provided data for the online class, my husband didn't call nor attend any classes. Again, I said give me content, you have this particular skill, I paid social media manager for one month, to see how we can use online marketing to get him clients. It was his phone number on the page, I would just pay the manager for a while, after the first week, he stopped providing content, I begged and begged until I gave up. My husband is not the lazy type, he has strength and agility. I'm more of a think tank, generating ideas because I'm an avid reader, but he punishes me for the wrong I've done to him and that's not someone I want to do anything business with.

I don't think you know the meaning of lazy, perhaps you also do not think properly calling yourself a think tank because if you're not self-aware enough to notice this, then you're not a think tank at all.

Biggest characteristic of a lazy unserious man diligence, he is not diligent in his work. Laziness is not in lack of muscles or physical strength, It is in his mentality to work himself out of poverty grinding everyday even when things do not work.

A non-lazy man will never ever leave his work undone or uncompleted because a woman is fighting with him.

IjeBos:


A lot of places. I can go to NY round trip for $100-200 depending on the airline. NY is about a 1 hour flight.
The Abuja route should be a popular flight.
Given that US wages, regulations, airport fees, taxes etc. are so much more than Nigeria, the Nigeria price doesn't make much sense.

The dude is a joker na, travel in the UK with flight with £50 from England to France, that is a different country entirely. All APC followers are all stupid people.

jedisco:
Sad story his marriage was. I hope he didn't belong to the 'Ivorian girls are useless crew'.


Folks on Nairaland who are quick to abuse Nigerian ladies should study his travails and understand that:

1. Humans worldover have same basic traits. For reasons of evolution and so populations can survive and get better with time, female species are generally hypergamous i.e attracted to mates with coveted characteristics in their community. In humans it could be finance, power, looks e.t.c. In lower species, it's even worse with sometimes the strongest male being the only one that mates after killing off competitors.

2. There is no other country (aside Nigér or Chad perhaps) that has its female folks roling over to worship you. First ask yourself, what coveted traits do you possess in that society- That's the key.

3. Lastly, any human population with 'stvpid or.... women', would have a similar population of 'stvpid or ... men'. This is especially so in patriarchal societies like ours.

I sincerely do not understand the craze of African players for white women, I cannot even trust anyone more less of a white woman. In fact even on my death bed, I cannot marry one of them. They know the law and will not hesitate to kill you with it if need be especially when it comes to wrecking you, they all extremely brutal and have zero emotions on that side. Even Mikel Obi has been together with his girl for years but refused to marry her, same with Ronaldo. None of those people trust their spouse.

Gerrard59:

On what level of income is that applied? Another thing our people need to understand is that to earn extremely high salaries in some countries especially those that historically did not experience black migrantion is the purported glass ceiling. Management positions in most if not almost every non-Anglophone country are kept for the natives. So, anyone who wants to attain wealth in a country like Germany, Norway, or Korea should be entrepreneurial.

There is no way to become a multi-millionaire in EU unless you start a business which you cannot until you have some residency in EU after some considerable number of years.

Even management positions here earn peanuts, VP of Goldman Sachs is on 120k. That's not a lot of cash when you remove cost of living and tax of 45%.

tensazangetsu20:


If I was in the west, I will get western women too. I have gotten western women here too. They call them gringos lol 😂😅. They are everywhere here.

Okay, the problem here is you think the experience in Chile is going to be the same in Canada & all those places. Everybody in the West is saying the same thing, I don't understand why you think they are lying. You are basically comparing women in Chile or whole of South America to the rest of world.

tensazangetsu20:

The truth is that a lot of Nigerian men abroad are very fat liars. They say no job. You know how many jobs I have. They say no woman. Woman wan kill me for Chile and this is Chile o. Country that is not even an a list country. Then if I dey Canada, Germany and such places, I will be a dollar millionaire in 3 to 5 years.

Tax in Germany is 45%, it is easier to become a millionaire where you are than any Western or A list country because of taxes. People I know in Germany since 2020 haven't saved up to €100k and they are in tech.

Why don't you create a Poll or ask people in Travel section who live in these countries for years if they experience the same thing. I mean hear from horses mouth directly.

airsaylongcome:


Valid points especially regarding the disadvantages. But I always like to ask users which they would buy? A Toyota Corolla off the shelf that they can drive away immediately? Or a custom built Corolla that would cost twice as much and be ready in 6 months?

It depends on the type of clients.

As someone who used to be a professional 9-5 Wordpress theme developer, using templates is one of the worst things that can happen to you to if you plan on delivering a stellar job.

First off those templates are extremely slow, they have so many unnecessary Javascript components embedded into a single screen, once people visit your website, they would know you've used Wordpress due to how slow & inefficient your website is. The purchased template is super hard to modify, one change leads to several other changes and you will end up spending more time than you planned to if you had built your own theme from scratch.

Clients want proper customisation, they do not want their website to look like every other website on the internet and they pay premium for it. You will end up making peanuts if all you do is install Wordpress templates with little customisation for low paying clients or companies. As no serious client will pay you $1000 for a Wordpress website, but when it is a theme built from scratch, you charge any amount. For example websites like CNN was initially built with Wordpress and it was super fast.

Maybe I'm wrong on this but I see that you're using one country as a reference to "abroad" & the country itself is not fully Western. Your comparison of experience of women in South America is night & day compared to places like Canada or other Western countries. It's like comparing Brazilian women to women in other parts of the world who are less beautiful than them by a mile, It is not a true comparison.

Also, most Nigerians don't usually Japa to South America so their experience of women will be completely different from yours. Nigerians moving to Germany or UK/Canada where black African men are not in demand, they won't experience this at all.

Only 1% of Nigerian men who Japa can relate to your experience.

tensazangetsu20:
Honestly, if you’re still in Nigeria and have plans to relocate abroad, especially as a single man, I strongly advise staying single. The rumors you’ve heard about black men not being in demand abroad or not being loved are completely false.

Back in Nigeria, I was ugly. If I got a girl’s number, she would either block me or ignore my messages. My last girlfriend before leaving Nigeria was by sheer luck—I still don’t know how it happened. But when I moved abroad, it felt like I’d transformed into a supermodel. It got to the point where I had to delete my dating apps because I’m focusing on earning certifications to boost my income, and managing conversations with so many women became overwhelming. Even approaching women in real life yields the same results—if I approach 10 women, 8 of them want me as their boyfriend.

I can’t explain it, but if you’re a Nigerian guy and you’re single with plans to move abroad, preserve that status. The quality of women I’ve met in terms of beauty and their achievements is far beyond what I ever imagined getting back in Nigeria.

Bookmarked post

Mynd44:


Thats the green line

Honestly once we have the green line, Lagos is complete. Because the Lekki axis has 80% Lagos top residents

Whether ready-Made or half made, what will be will be. The major issue here is that most women think they have the “glory” in quote to marry ready-made men, but the truth is that not every woman has that destiny. Some are destined to marry a poor man.

So just because your friend is “Sharon Ooja” that married a billionaire does not mean you will be that lucky. Your own might be Babatunde a Lawyer earning 50k per month in a Lagos Law firm.

MikeofKd:

This is just a clue of what it's like to be in a romantic relationship with a virgin woman , she would manipulate the hell out of you, so you better be wise as a man in these regards.
I once dated a virgin woman and day and night I was being manipulated, gaslighted , without even realizing. Everything she wanted me to do was for her own image , if she wanted me to get new clothes it because she needs me to look good so she can brag to her friends , if she wanted me to be emotionally available it was so she could use the relationship to her own satisfaction, everything she wanted me to do for myself was indirectly for her own self image.....
To be continued.

I'm happy this virgin woman myth is being debunked, nothing more useless in value than a religious virgin woman in actual reality. Once you meet them, you'd see they don't have much to offer other than the virginity.

Character zero, career & upward mobility zero, financial knowledge zero.
They don't strive to add values in other areas at all.

I rather have someone with usable material value than being a virgin.
The usual excuse is that, once she is a virgin, she would not cheat & that's a lie. Infidelity has nothing to do with virginity.

MikeofKd:


How do have time to gym when your work takes almost all your time ? I wake by 4 am hit the road by 5 am , except Sunday , there's really no time tbh.
If only I had a high paying job with lot of time for myself I would be visiting the gym often.

It's tough but possible, people with high paying jobs move to areas where gym is closer, a friend lives in a building where gym is downstairs, he looks super fit but that apartment cost a fortune, so something must give.