baby_123:
Les, we are only restrained by the walls we build around our mind. The mental shackles we bind to our bodies and the mental pain we inflict on ourselves. I feel when you break away and forgive who ever hurt or made you feel abandoned in the past you will be a happy person. For some reason it seems you resent being left alone and it is your way of consoling yourself when anyone reaches out. Your siblings and family who you should open up about your feelings are out living their lives without a clue on what you went through, or how it affected you being left alone. I am an advocate in being vocal about your feelings immediately. Yoruba's say ironu man fa arun si okan. When you think or keep things in mind, it manifests and creates it's own life holding you back from living yours. I think you should confront the source of these issues. No matter how painful or embarrassing. I don't know if it was emotional, physical, sexual or mental abuse. But know that to be happy you must have the courage to confront your demons and skeletons, so you can destroy them for good. There is much to see, do and experience out there. No matter when you have been through, people are going through worse. What keeps them going and confronting every challenge is a determination that their circumstance must change. And an understanding that in life you get what you put in. Understand that you can be an introvert but still loved and wanted by people because you have a special gift they need. An introvert is a thinker, analytical and very intelligent. But you need people and people need you too. That is the beauty of life. No man is a complete island. Confront your demons first, you will find your balance. Make it your challenge and make it happen. See a therapist and open up to your family. Enrol in a class for something you love to do and accomplish it. It will get you leaving the house, seeing people and learning to interact with people while doing what you love. Everything will fall in place

I don't think it's only my choice that counts now, this advice too. Thank you.

Then whenever u have those sucidal thoughts just think of your dad & the trauma he ll cause him.

Aren't u bothered about heaven/hell cos I know u re a christian from ur posts

.

I really appreciate d work you great people are rendering hear here. Say more peace to ur mind and ur family. But just wished i wouldnt bn in d situation i found myself. It is disheartening and suicidal. Though a normal thing which average person can see as no big deal but to me , it is weighing me down terribly. I wouldnt have existed in d first place,if not that God really wanted me to suffer psychologically and emotionally in dis way. My mother tried as a teen then but i was stubborn. I dont know why God didnt allow it to happen then,I would have bn begging God to forgive her. Now living to be at d receiving end. How i wished d price of condom was relatively cheap then and within d reach. May be if i can summon enough courage to pour out my heavy mind before i take on last thing i have been thinking of.

Yinkharex: I really appreciate d work you great people are rendering hear here. Say more peace to ur mind and ur family. But just wished i wouldnt bn in d situation i found myself. It is disheartening and suicidal. Though a normal thing which average person can see as no big deal but to me , it is weighing me down terribly. I wouldnt have existed in d first place,if not that God really wanted me to suffer psychologically and emotionally in dis way. My mother tried as a teen then but i was stubborn. I dont know why God didnt allow it to happen then,I would have bn begging God to forgive her. Now living to be at d receiving end. How i wished d price of condom was relatively cheap then and within d reach. May be if i can summon enough courage to pour out my heavy mind before i take on last thing i have been thinking of.

Friend!!! Nobody was born by mistake. We have a particular purpose to achieve on earth.. Though if today is not making sense, it doesn't mean that tomorrow will be the same. You only can make you a better you.. You have the opportunity to draw the picture of the future and live in it in reality.. Just imagine the pains your mother went through in in order to give birth to you. She went through that pain so that one day you put a smile on her face. She is expecting your manifestation..

Today may bring depression, you may have no reason to live but I tell you, you have more than a million reasons to live. Your unborn generation is waiting for you. YES!!! You are STRONG, courageous, unique...

190fan: i am tried of life......life is so bad to me....i cant take it anymore....i will deactivate my real account soon...i am so broke.......lost all i had in life....and bin trying to get on my feet but no way.... i am tried ......this country is a hell hole.....i wish i didnt come back here....i would have stayed back in the UK ....i am tired

I'm so sorry, hugs.

Les: ya I know. I told you I was not elaborate. I'm not an orphan but I grew up alone with my elder siblings but they left and I was alone which was my best moments so far but now I live with people, I don't like it, understand me here, I don't join them in most things. I'm alone within me despite being with people.,I try to adjust and be more open but it doesn't work, I try making new friends I do but friendship is not really my thing, everything is complicated. I don't even talk to anyone sometimes when they talk to me, every thing is complicated.
And you were right about me talking about me here, I'm not sure I'm ok by it but I got to do something, I can't believe I cried for no reason and updated suicide stuff on my fb, I just had to do something and I don't want to call it"help" maybe salvation or breakthrough from depression. she didn't ask me to live with people, she told me I can't live with people because I really and purposely caused problems when she came to visit me and I didn't like it and it worked anyway. I don't know if it is the respect I have for my dad that stops me, without my dad even with God I'm not sure I would be here, forgive me lord.

I'm so sorry, hugs.

Have not been able to overcome suicidal spirit in my life.... As early as 12yrs, I made my 1st attempt but was caught and reported to my proprietor den.... I was saved. The shame was much for me dat my bros change school 4 me. I grow up to be a very sad person wit de tot of killing myself someday still inside me. Am 23yrs old!!! Don't worry why I wanna do it.

donmix: Have not been able to overcome suicidal spirit in my life.... As early as 12yrs, I made my 1st attempt but was caught and reported to my proprietor den.... I was saved. The shame was much for me dat my bros change school 4 me. I grow up to be a very sad person wit de tot of killing myself someday still inside me. Am 23yrs old!!! Don't worry why I wanna do it.

Really... 23years old Am really interested in you.. I want to know y?

tunapa2009:
Really... 23years old Am really interested in you.. I want to know y?

ok..... Drop ur phone digits

I. Have been feeling very sad lately and I feel like ending it. Am just so confused. I really wish I could talk to someone that understands me.

Hello itire,
I'm interested.
Why r u suddenly sad?
Did something bad happen to u or.......?
Wanna know pls.
And I will understand.
Just say it d way it is in ur mind.
It is well, u hear?

I have issues with my school and why its bothering me so much is that I know my capabilities and am very scared of letting myself(most especially) and my family. Everyone is loooking up to me and the pressure is too much. I literally hate myself. And my sister likes saying negative things to me. The most frequent word is. You_are_very_useless and it gets to me because family is not supposed to be saying such things and it makes me feel completely worthless.

itire: I have issues with my school and why its bothering me so much is that I know my capabilities and am very scared of letting myself(most especially) and my family. Everyone is loooking up to me and the pressure is too much. I literally hate myself. And my sister likes saying negative things to me. The most frequent word is. You_are_very_useless and it gets to me because family is not supposed to be saying such things and it makes me feel completely worthless.

Friend, concerning your academics, you have to put away FEAR.. There is something good about urself, tell urself "that u r the best, you can never fail" and make sure work towards it. If you believe in God, commit your ways to His hands, He will never fail you..
Concerning those people saying negative words against you, try to develop resist against it. Don't let it affect you, see their words as a new challenge.. Whenever they say you can't make it, tell yourself you will make it more than their expectations.. NEVER Allow their words be a discouragement to you(that is human for you). Check yourself deeply, find the hidden treasure in you, tap it and make use of it. Generations are waiting for your manifestation.. ITIRE, you are priceless and very scare commodity in the world. They know that you a great person but they are trying to runaway from it.. See this as a challenge. STAND TALL, YOU ARE BEST(see yourself as this because that is your true identity).. Loads of LOVE.....Muahhhhh!!!!!

Thank you very much for your concern and very grateful. God bless all of you. I am 19 years old and am in my final year but I want to start school all over again this time studying medicine. Is it a good idea? I am currently studying microbiology

itire: Thank you very much for your concern and very grateful. God bless all of you. I am 19 years old and am in my final year but I want to start school all over again this time studying medicine. Is it a good idea? I am currently studying microbiology

It is a good idea as far as that is your passion.. But still subjected to some questions.. Are your parents ready to sponsor you? Will you be fulfilled studying medicine?

Hello itire.
Sorry o , I almost forgot I told u I'm listening. Forgive me.

I will talk to u like my younger bro and at d same time a man.
Oya listen.
Who we r, what we will become is mostly dependent on us. Irrespective of the circumstance around us, if we r determined, we will always make it.
I guess u hv heard of Abraham lincolm. If not an assignment for u. Go and read up everything u can about him.
Hv u heard also that those that had it tough and rough r always the pacesetters of their generation?
Another assignment, google great men and women of this world, check how they started and their various challenges.

I think we r progressing.
U said u wanna do medicine after ur graduation as microbiologist? Pls by all means go ahead if u hv d means. If ur parents r in support why not but if u don't hv d means, u can look for something to do first, then sponsor urself.
Let me tell u a little secret of mine. I pulled out of medical school cos of money. I still want to go back but at my level, anything can happen. But I don't regret. Regret don't hv a place in my life cos it hinders my growth and happiness.

To ur sis, shebi u be man? Let her be. With that same mouth, she will still be d one singing ur praise here and ther for anyone to hear. And when such happens, embrace her. We all make foolish mistakes when growing up.
On d other hand she might be competing with u. I wonder why cos u two r not twins or agemate.fashii her.

What u feel is normal. This world is full of wahala but we can still live and maintain normalcy if we chose to.

Wish u all the best
( U r really to fast o! At 19 u r about to graduate. Congratulation! I'm so proud of u. Wao! D sky isn't ur limit yet! Ride on! I'm really loving u already!)

Thanks people am feeling so loved I could never imagine I would get such comfort from a social forum. Thanks guys. PS: am a girl. And this is a new profile I created. My sister is a nairalander and she knows my username. I don't want her to know that I am troubled.

As i write, tears are rolling down my eyes, i have had it to the this point where i can't take it anymore. This is the story of my life: nine years ago, i lost my mum, i have a younger brother, i was in jss 2, my mum had come earlier during the week to greet me, her birthday was on the 13th, i gave her a birthday card, that was the last i saw of my mum, by the time the day before we vacated she died, my dad remarried two years after, my step mum well she is ok, but we clash a lot, these clashes affect me, alto, recently i have been having suicidal thoughts, during one chrismas time, my dad and her fought because she wanted me to help her outside, at the same time my dad was calling me, so i went to answer him, to cut the story short he slapped her, they fought, after that she accused me of being the cause, recently she has started giving me and my bro attitude, she looks at us somehow, she has said we are wicked to her, her kids.

Recently she has started giving us attitude, everyday i feel like i am not wanted at home, i just want to go away or kill myself, due to my mum's death which they say is spiritual i dont communicate at all with people from my mum's side, i have no one to talk to, the burden i bear in my heart is so big, i keep on thinking and thinking that my heart is full of bitterness and all i can think about is evil thoughts.

As for my dad we are not close at all, he is very strict that i can't talk to him, during my nd in yabatech i had a carryover in my nd 2 first semester, i couldn't tell my dad because i was so scared, he always compares my with other people and he kept on reminding me that my mates are in universities, i couldn't bring myself to tell him aud because of that i lost my nd certificate, i weigh 80kg, my dad says my weight is abnormal i know it is too much but he the way he says it hurts me a lot, there was a time i had a little bike injury during my nd it was suctured and the nurse prescribed antibiotics for me, when i got home, i told them, i show he the drug, hmm, he started accusing me of trying to commit abortion, that had i had sex and i was scared the i Decide to use antibiotics to abort, he said he would take me to the hospital, to find out, i have never given my dad any reason to doubt me, my dad followed my to the school clinic and after the nurse told him that she was the one who prescribed the drug, he started apologizing that i should forgive him, hmm,

When i look at myself i hate my self, i just want to die so that everybody would be happy and they would leave my alone,hmm anything i try to do right i only end up making it worse, i hate myself. By next year December it would be ten years after my mum died, i dont know if i can cope any longer, i have lost the will to go on.

Afunkybaby: When i look at myself i hate my self, i just want to die so that everybody would be happy and they would leave my alone,hmm anything i try to do right i only end up making it worse, i hate myself. By next year December it would be ten years after my mum died, i dont know if i can cope any longer, i have lost the will to go on.

why do you hate yourself?

If you don't love, appreciate and admire yourself do you think anyone else would? Sorry about your Mom's death and YES, you can cope with anything. . .if you DECIDE to,against all odds.

Stay alive. Life is beautiful.

My step mum's younger sis stays with us, we used to talk before very well, but recently she started behaving somehow to me, she confronted me once and told me not to call her my sister anymore, i call her that because she has been living with us since when my step mom gave birth to her first child, i reported her to my step mom and she apologised, i remember that my step mom also told her sis not to compare her self with us, hmm, do u believe that my step mom sis doesn't sit on the dining table with me and my younger brother to eat with us, she would either eat in the sitting room, or the kitchen or in the room or carry a separate chair to the dining and sit on it, she doesn't behave like that before i just started wondering why, hmm, @ify you said i should love myself when i live in a home where people say things to me anyhow, treat me anyhow, depression is now my name

Afunkybaby: My step mum's younger sis stays with us, we used to talk before very well, but recently she started behaving somehow to me, she confronted me once and told me not to call her my sister anymore, i call her that because she has been living with us since when my step mom gave birth to her first child, i reported her to my step mom and she apologised, i remember that my step mom also told her sis not to compare her self with us, hmm, do u believe that my step mom sis doesn't sit on the dining table with me and my younger brother to eat with us, she would either eat in the sitting room, or the kitchen or in the room or carry a separate chair to the dining and sit on it, she doesn't behave like that before i just started wondering why, hmm, @ify you said i should love myself when i live in a home where people say things to me anyhow, treat me anyhow, depression is now my name

My friend, life is full of ups and downs. Committing suicide is not the best option rather it would give those people reasons to be happy.. I can see your dad is taking care of you and believes in your future. Try all your best to plan your life. Happiness is a choice, don't allow ur environment to choose for you. Think deep and ask yourself, what is that thing that makes me happy?
After ur ND, what r u planning to do? Or what r u doing currently?

@ Afunkybaby....spare a thought for your little brother.

Who will be there for him when you are gone?

If for any other reason you need to stay strong for his sake.
Keep believing in yourself And things will definitely get better.

Don't quit.

Afunkybaby do you remember me from the other thread in the career section? PM me your phone number. I would like to speak with you if you do not mind.

@tunapa yeah right he takes care of me, does that me he should accuses me, compare me with my mates, shout at me, say hurtful things to me cause i am fat, i am going through things that are too much for me, i cant talk to him about anything, i am a lady, we would i talk to about girl stuff, i am the one everyone looks at with disgust in their eye, i look at my myself and there is nothing to be happy about, this life is beautiful ,i disagree, this life is full of pain, it took my mum away for me.

4tunebest: Afunkybaby do you remember me from the other thread in the career section? PM me your phone number. I would like to speak with you if you do not mind.

ok

Firstly, You need to be very thankful your dad still cares about you, enough to even care about your grades, or you even getting pregnant.

I know its not easy coping with a stepmum, but you have to stop putting this on your mind and instead start thinking about your future. Think about how successful you would like to be in future.

Forget about this family issues. Seriously many a times its not worth the stress..

Get quality friends to roll with!
Not some hate filled immature ladies who would advice you to poison your stepmum..lol

And once you get some qualifications, try to get any little job to even keep yourself a bit independent! It helps a lot

And baby you can also do with loosing some weight!
It will instigate better social acceptance, thereby reducing the bitterness and self hate you have cultivated over the years!
I mean 80kg (though i'm not sure if you look extremely flabby.)I aint even 70kg yet!

And lastly I would advice you become more religious! Its a good way to eradicate bitterness in you.

God can pull you out of any situation! just believe...
Yours sincerely

Elxandre
(Phd. in feel Good and Nairaland anti-sucidal talks)

Afunkybaby, don't expect everyone around you to love you or want to be your friend. If your step sis is hating on you for no reason - her loss. Perhaps she's seeing you as a threat: people hate when they just can't be you and are envious of you. Its her loss! Love yourself and be your self's best friend.
You are unique and beautiful - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. When your sis gets tired of hating,she'll come around. Your life does not revolve around her on anyone else, ignore her and make yourself happy.

Its a big world,you'll meet other people who'll love you just the way you are but ONLY if you stay alive. Focus on your studies and graduate with good grades, you'll get a job and be YOUR own lady- pick your friends and circles. Be patient with your dad too.

You are beautiful and so is life. Stay alive !

thanks for your comments everyone, i really appreciate it

Afunkybaby: anyway to the people that commented thanks, but am out of here,no body knows what i am going through, i pray i dont hurt myself.

Hey hey hey!
(If I were u, I will apologise for this blunder. That's quite immature!)

Positive action beget positive reaction and viseversa.
We r responsible for any thing we do.
Open ur heart cos there is so much hatred in it. Purge it and c life and people around u differently. They will also start seeing u differently too.
Ur dad told u d truth about ur weight.
Work on it. U r still growing. In ten yrs time u will add more. It won't be healthy at 30 u r more than 100kg.


Somebody told u that its an option on how we decide to live. U wanna live and enjoy life irrespective of the odds u feel r around u, its ur choice. Once u make the choice of positivity, u will know wat to do.
( I hope u will not be harsh next time u wanna reply a post cos its not an obligation on d parts of those that reached out to u. They simply did that cos they care)