I will try to keep this short and to the point...

Background: Him - came to Canada for school. Been here for 2yrs, now working here. Practicing Pentecostal, from a leading family in their community. Second male born. Me - born and raised in Canada. Atheist, Caucasian. 3yrs older than him.

We met through an online dating site, he pursued me. We met. Our connection is strong and deep. And at just 4 months into this relationship, life is wonderful and complicated.

We talk about marriage and children - our future together. But there is a slight problem... His family. He knows that I will be an issue for his family. He feels he needs to tell his parents in person about me, when he goes back to visit at the end of the year. We fear they will not accept me, not bless the relationship. His family is his foundation, his rock, his life.

-they think a western woman will keep him away from Nigeria, they will never see him again.
-His family knows no Caucasian people - none.
-I don't believe in god, and probably never will.

These things are not issues for me, or for him. I would want him to visit home. I want to go with him. I would move there with him. I would be a wonderful first Caucasian person to meet, ha! As for religion and spirituality... I like learning about it, and I support him going to church... It is what keeps him, him.
He has mentioned a few times that I might be worth it, worth potentially being disowned from his family. When/if we have a child, they would come around... and we would be accepted, but that could be years down the road.

I would never ask him to give up his family over me, never. In a perfect world, his family would be just as open minded as he is, and accept us and our relationship.

Am I a fool for thinking this might work?

Thank you in advance for your kind advice!

From what you wrote abt him, he really really loves u enough.

Well i think the relationship will work, all you need do is to have the heart to swallow alot of things to come.

Its also good that you are open minded about his religion, thats a good one, cuz two people cannot come together if they cant agree. Marriage is a life time commitment and there are alot of things one will have to compromise, be it lifestyle, religion, finances, etc.


Well, be positive tho, the most important thing is that he has got ur back and loves you more than you could think of, u dont need doubts to set in again..


You two will be fine

The only ish I see here is ur religious diversity.


Gal, that will be hard.. We believe in the existence of higher powers down here.

If u really love him, ull have to love his God.

The quest for divinity is stronger than love.

It's a deep quest to know who we are, why we are here, what out purpose here is?.

Romantic love can't answer those questions.

Give it a shot my dear Love like you gat nothing to loose

After all life is a pursuit of happiness, if your happiness is embedded in him pursue my dear

But be ready to marry both him and his family, because family is highly prioritized in Africa.

Welcoming you to Nigeria in advance

I am giving my opinion believing this story is not "forge forge".
First of all, you did have to know that its all dependent on the kind of family he came from. There are many Nigerians married to whites and their wives accepted by their family.
One thing I did suggest it that you should try and visit Nigeria with him before proceeding into marriage. If they accept you, you will know. From the look on their faces and the expressions they put when discussing with their son in their dialect you will also know what their stand is. Another thing I think that doesn't matter in Canada but matters in Naija is the fact that the guy is 3years younger . He should not bother even saying it to their ears mostly if u really look older than him physically.
N:B if you no born pikin for am Na second wife be that o, they go say Na u cos am. say u don't block your belle with injection. but if Na naija babe him marry dey go say Na village winch. so try born if it ever happen o else guy man must marry again if he ever touch naija.

u maid this up to sweet me abi make I for no no what to say abi
but my sense pas u let see again

juelz13:
I will try to keep this short and to the point...

Background: Him - came to Canada for school. Been here for 2yrs, now working here. Practicing Pentecostal, from a leading family in their community. Second male born. Me - born and raised in Canada. Atheist, Caucasian. 3yrs older than him.

We met through an online dating site, he pursued me. We met. Our connection is strong and deep. And at just 4 months into this relationship, life is wonderful and complicated.

We talk about marriage and children - our future together. But there is a slight problem... His family. He knows that I will be an issue for his family. He feels he needs to tell his parents in person about me, when he goes back to visit at the end of the year. We fear they will not accept me, not bless the relationship. His family is his foundation, his rock, his life.

-they think a western woman will keep him away from Nigeria, they will never see him again.
-His family knows no Caucasian people - none.
-I don't believe in god, and probably never will.

These things are not issues for me, or for him. I would want him to visit home. I want to go with him. I would move there with him. I would be a wonderful first Caucasian person to meet, ha! As for religion and spirituality... I like learning about it, and I support him going to church... It is what keeps him, him.
He has mentioned a few times that I might be worth it, worth potentially being disowned from his family. When/if we have a child, they would come around... and we would be accepted, but that could be years down the road.

I would never ask him to give up his family over me, never. In a perfect world, his family would be just as open minded as he is, and accept us and our relationship.

Am I a fool for thinking this might work?

Thank you in advance for your kind advice!

First, hire a private investigator to do a background check on his family. He may be hiding something(like a wife) back home. I find him suspicious.

Muafrika2:

First, hire a private investigator to do a background check on his family. He may be hiding something(like a wife) back home. I find him suspicious.

Are you afraid of the coming of Nigeria's 'Obama' to Canada in time to come?

Op, there are meny atheists and animists to fall in love with here, and they'll make great lovers.

Leave the Christian brother to a Christian sister God has destined for him. Your faith will give you someone else.

Thank you to everyone so far, for your take on my situation.

@Cutehector & @kilokeys - I am definitely open minded to learning, but I will not be forced into something I am not comfortable with. At this point, I know he is questioning some things he has been taught, so his beliefs could be changing. However, this started before we met, and he needs to continue his discovery of this on his own, without my persuasion.

@HerexG - I have told him that I have to meet his family before we even attempt to make one ourselves. I am hoping he will invite me to come with him when he goes back home at the end of the year. Thank you for the warm welcome!

@jcmaiah - As of now, no one on his fathers side has married outside of their race or religion. He could be the first. On his mothers side, not all follow the same religion, and have more diverse experiences. I am hoping to go with him at the end of the year, if I am invited. He has a baby face so I will always look a bit older... ha. Please forgive me, I am still learning pidgin and I am not entirely sure what you said below... Something about not having a child, being a village witch, Him marrying a Naija in order to be welcomed home?

@bewla - Comot!

@Muafrika - I have no faith, so life is what I make it

juelz13:
Thank you to everyone so far, for your take on my situation.

@Cutehector & @kilokeys - I am definitely open minded to learning, but I will not be forced into something I am not comfortable with. At this point, I know he is questioning some things he has been taught, so his beliefs could be changing. However, this started before we met, and he needs to continue his discovery of this on his own, without my persuasion.

@HerexG - I have told him that I have to meet his family before we even attempt to make one ourselves. I am hoping he will invite me to come with him when he goes back home at the end of the year. Thank you for the warm welcome!

@jcmaiah - As of now, no one on his fathers side has married outside of their race or religion. He could be the first. On his mothers side, not all follow the same religion, and have more diverse experiences. I am hoping to go with him at the end of the year, if I am invited. He has a baby face so I will always look a bit older... ha. Please forgive me, I am still learning pidgin and I am not entirely sure what you said below... Something about not having a child, being a village witch, Him marrying a Naija in order to be welcomed home?

@bewla - Comot!

@Muafrika - I have no faith, so life is what I make it

from what I can see, it seems you just want him to bend to your views of life, u really want him to stop believing in God right? Well darling, dats never going to work! OK so what will u be teaching the kids should u guys end up geting married? How will they feel if your father teaches them to believe in God and u teach them that there is no God? Phew... think! I really don't think that marriage will work out? U better go marry an agnostic!

@Cutehector - If we have children, we will let them learn and explore all kinds of religion, and if they want to practice a specific type, we will support them. We don't want to force religion on anyone - we have discussed this together. This also applies to both of us, too. So, if his views are changing, and if my views are changing, we would support each other. I hope this clarifies!

If you guys live in Canada, you would fair well... I don't think there would be any issues.

But if you live in Nigeria, the only issue is you might be pressured to be going with him to church... he might want you to follow him to church and you might hate that...

The other things you mentioned are not really issues to worry about (in my own opinion), as he grows older he would become wiser and know how to handle it... for example, if your boyfriend always calls his family members on phone regularly and send them gifts (and maybe money) occasionally saying they are from both of you even though he is the one sending it - his family members would begin to like you as a nice person... (my Aunty did this a lot, she would send us gifts and money and say it is from her and husband when she was the only one that paid for the gifts or sent the money)

Asides the Christian-Atheist issue, I don't really think you have any problem...

juelz13:
If we have children, we will let them learn and explore all kinds of religion, and if they want to practice a specific type, we will support them. We don't want to force religion on anyone - we have discussed this together. This also applies to both of us, too. So, if his views are changing, and if my views are changing, we would support each other. I hope this clarifies!

I personally don't like a marriage between people of different religion. Cohabitation could not pose any problem, but what of raising kids. You talked of allowing the kids to choose for themselves, but you forgot that at a very tender age, they take only what you give them. At that age, they don't have independent will. They see their parents as mini gods. It will be really messy when parents sing discordant tunes on such issue as religion. Africans are very religious you may score no point if you begin with ur religious status. "She no dey go church, is she possessed? devil is a liar. My son, she needs deliverance"
Again, don't marry him, believing he will change, consequent upon the doubts he expresses.
Finally, no African parents would like their children to have kids who will be fully disconnected from their root. This is always their strongest fear. We don't believe in "wherever you find comfort, build your tent and raise your family there". We believe in family unity and remembrance of ones root.
Let your reason for marrying him be not just love, but acceptance. Love is too selfish, a bit irrational and short sighted. Do you accept who he is, and not his promise to change? Are u ready to integrate and forego some of ur ways antithetical to his as he equally shifts ground to accommodate yours? Remember, love is like butterfly. Hold it so hard, it dies; hold is so loose, it flies. What would you have left when all chips are down? Is it just marriage of convenience?