Once you’ve worked in a few offices, you start to get a strange sense of déjà vu.

You find yourself meeting the same kinds of people and having the same conversations, over and over again. It’s like Groundhog Day, but in cubicles.

Here are the eight types of people you’ll find in every office.

1. The busy bee

Busy bees love to let everyone know how busy they are, often as a cover for not being busy. Which, if you actually have stuff to do, will make you grind your teeth.

They’ll usually do this proactively, but if you do happen to get the first word in or ask how they’re going, their response will almost certainly be ‘manic’ or ‘flat-out’, despite having an empty inbox and a yoga mat under their arm.

2. The dark horse

In day-to-day office life, dark horses are quiet, unassuming and basically fade into the wallpaper. But at office functions they come alive.

After a couple of beverages of choice, they’re suddenly the life of the party; cracking jokes, shouting rounds and bantering with the boss. And by the time they’re salsa dancing with the boss’s partner in front of the whole office, you can’t help but wonder: who is this person?

The thing is, it doesn’t matter. Come Monday morning it will be like nothing ever happened. As you were, dark horse.

3. The smooth-talking sales rep

Impeccably dressed with a booming voice and a distinct strut, this smooth talker lights up the office whenever they’re around, which is never, because they’re always in meetings.

Rarely spotted doing any actual work, their speech is littered with Glengarry Glen Ross references and phrases like ‘two-pronged approach’, and they’re constantly on the hunt for leads or checking the sports scores on their work-issued iPad.

4. The David Brent

Every office has that person for whom social norms do not apply, who can cause offence in any situation and you never want to get stuck talking to over drinks.

Heaven help you if it’s the boss or you’re sitting next to them. That said, if you can find a like-minded mate in the office to stir Brent’s pot, this person could be the best part of your day.

5. The walking cliché

Cliché’s like to think outside the box to achieve synergies, and won’t move forward on the road map without a deep dive into the data.

They have an incredible ability to speak for extended periods of time without saying anything at all, often through liberal use of sports metaphors, acronyms and jargon.

Pro tip: print out a free bullshit bingo card before your next strategic review meeting for a bit of fun and to avoid ‘dropping the ball’ by falling asleep.

6. The nine to fiver

Nine to fivers know their rights, and boy do they exercise them.

They fulfil their contracted hours to the second, and a stretch target involves touching their toes, not taking on an extra project.

Other skills include reciting the terms of their contract from memory, and knowing how much leave they have available down to the minute.

7. The Leslie Knope

A dedicated over achiever, this upbeat, switched on, motivated individual is the bane of everybody else’s existence.

They love procedures, hierarchy and round table discussions, and truly believe that what they’re doing is right.
The phrase ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ absolutely does not apply to a Knope, as unless you were born that way it’s simply not possible to have that much enthusiasm for whatever it is that you do.

8. The party animal

Young, single and ready to mingle, ‘school night’ is not a term the party animal understands.

They don’t see anything wrong with ordering another round at 2am on a Wednesday morning or getting in a solid Sunday session before the week begins.

You can pick these weekday warriors by the empty painkillers and Barocca tubes littered around their desks, and their tendancy to arrive in the same clothes they wore yesterday smelling like a wheelie bin.

Source: thehippocket

More career advice at: http://vnmanpower.com/en/blog.html

Which type are you?

Team DARK HORSE

Cool

Buhari is a disgrace

Not even sure where I fall into....prolly all

vnmanpower:
Once you’ve worked in a few offices, you start to get a strange sense of déjà vu.

You find yourself meeting the same kinds of people and having the same conversations, over and over again. It’s like Groundhog Day, but in cubicles.

Here are the eight types of people you’ll find in every office.

1. The busy bee

Busy bees love to let everyone know how busy they are, often as a cover for not being busy. Which, if you actually have stuff to do, will make you grind your teeth.

They’ll usually do this proactively, but if you do happen to get the first word in or ask how they’re going, their response will almost certainly be ‘manic’ or ‘flat-out’, despite having an empty inbox and a yoga mat under their arm.

2. The dark horse

In day-to-day office life, dark horses are quiet, unassuming and basically fade into the wallpaper. But at office functions they come alive.

After a couple of beverages of choice, they’re suddenly the life of the party; cracking jokes, shouting rounds and bantering with the boss. And by the time they’re salsa dancing with the boss’s partner in front of the whole office, you can’t help but wonder: who is this person?

The thing is, it doesn’t matter. Come Monday morning it will be like nothing ever happened. As you were, dark horse.

3. The smooth-talking sales rep

Impeccably dressed with a booming voice and a distinct strut, this smooth talker lights up the office whenever they’re around, which is never, because they’re always in meetings.

Rarely spotted doing any actual work, their speech is littered with Glengarry Glen Ross references and phrases like ‘two-pronged approach’, and they’re constantly on the hunt for leads or checking the sports scores on their work-issued iPad.

4. The David Brent

Every office has that person for whom social norms do not apply, who can cause offence in any situation and you never want to get stuck talking to over drinks.

Heaven help you if it’s the boss or you’re sitting next to them. That said, if you can find a like-minded mate in the office to stir Brent’s pot, this person could be the best part of your day.

5. The walking cliché

Cliché’s like to think outside the box to achieve synergies, and won’t move forward on the road map without a deep dive into the data.

They have an incredible ability to speak for extended periods of time without saying anything at all, often through liberal use of sports metaphors, acronyms and jargon.

Pro tip: print out a free bullshit bingo card before your next strategic review meeting for a bit of fun and to avoid ‘dropping the ball’ by falling asleep.

6. The nine to fiver

Nine to fivers know their rights, and boy do they exercise them.

They fulfil their contracted hours to the second, and a stretch target involves touching their toes, not taking on an extra project.

Other skills include reciting the terms of their contract from memory, and knowing how much leave they have available down to the minute.

7. The Leslie Knope

A dedicated over achiever, this upbeat, switched on, motivated individual is the bane of everybody else’s existence.

They love procedures, hierarchy and round table discussions, and truly believe that what they’re doing is right.
The phrase ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ absolutely does not apply to a Knope, as unless you were born that way it’s simply not possible to have that much enthusiasm for whatever it is that you do.

8. The party animal

Young, single and ready to mingle, ‘school night’ is not a term the party animal understands.

They don’t see anything wrong with ordering another round at 2am on a Wednesday morning or getting in a solid Sunday session before the week begins.

You can pick these weekday warriors by the empty painkillers and Barocca tubes littered around their desks, and their tendancy to arrive in the same clothes they wore yesterday smelling like a wheelie bin.

Source: thehippocket

More career advice at: http://vnmanpower.com/en/blog.html

Which type are you?

Nkoghieri!

I am still trying to figure out whether the office you are talking about is in Nigeria or the western world I don't think the types of people you mentioned are commonly found in Nigerian offices!

Now, these are the type of people you will normally find in a typical Nigerian office:

1) The Juju users: This set of people are constant customers and visitors to the alfas, prophets and herbalists around town. They know all the Ogbejugbele shrines in town. They believe they can use charms to get promotion or punish their perceived enemies in the office! If you try dem ehn, dem fit dash u 9 months pregnancy, even if you are a male!!!

2) Gossip folks: This set of people do nothing but talk negatively about others. They know the in and out of everyone. They can tell you why Bisi was promoted...she was promoted because she is the boss's "daughter".

3) The 'Alert folks': This set of people do not bother themselves about contributing to the firm's progress! All they do is wait for alert to come at the end of the month. When they wait for the first 3-4 days without getting any alert, their contenance changes immediately and their face becomes squeezed and rough like potash (Akanwun). If dem see the office accountant, dem go bone like bone thugs and harmony! E go be like say na the poor accountant make dem never receive alert.

4) The office politicians: This set of people have already ascribed various political names to themselves. Some see themselves as Obasanjo, while others see themselves Tinubu! They so much believe in the 'pull-him-down-syndrome'. If you don't belong to their political caucus, they don't wait to pull you down! Some have worked in that organisation for 25 years without any meaningful thing to show for it.

Ok

I have no 1 plenty here. Am even one of them

Lol

Very nice write up. Do some of these apply to Nigeria?

...proudly type 7!

Nice update OP, but come to think of it, some dudes on nairaland can be very funny. What's d essence of space booking, is it for award or for money. Just imagine these ones.. .

Rapmoney:
H

Okemmuo:
.

osedvgirl:

JoaHynppes:
D

Ahmed0336:
Team DARK HORSE

What about d lazy nd dull ones

Wait o

nice one

If u ask me all this ones... U won't get the job

PeinDanzo:
Buhari is a disgrace

Peindanzo's father is a disgrace.

PeinDanzo:
Buhari is a disgrace

wat as buhari gt to do wit dz

I haven't seen my category where I belong

#teamshortcuts.

For you to belong you must be fast , proactive and smart in thinking

#teamwhitehorse

What of the traders ? Selling shoes, clothes and bags

uchennamani:
Nkoghieri!

because you want to type what I don't understand, you had to quote everything, or
have u been taking something?

Rapmoney:
I am still trying to figure out whether the office you are talking about is in Nigeria or the western world I don't think the types of people you mentioned are commonly found in Nigerian offices!

Now, these are the type of people you will normally find in a typical Nigerian office:

1) The Juju users: This set of people are constant customers and visitors to the alfas, prophets and herbalists around town. They know all the Ogbejugbele shrines in town. They believe they can use charms to get promotion or punish their perceived enemies in the office! If you try dem ehn, dem fit dash u 9 months pregnancy, even if you are a male!!!

2) Gossip folks: This set of people do nothing but talk negatively about others. They know the in and out of everyone. They can tell you why Bisi was promoted...she was promoted because she is the boss's "daughter".

3) The 'Alert folks': This set of people do not bother themselves about contributing to the firm's progress! All they do is wait for alert to come at the end of the month. When they wait for the first 3-4 days without getting any alert, their contenance changes immediately and their face becomes squeezed and rough like potash (Akanwun). If dem see the office accountant, dem go bone like bone thugs and harmony! E go be like say na the poor accountant make dem never receive alert.

4) The office politicians: This set of people have already ascribed various political names to themselves. Some see themselves as Obasanjo, while others see themselves Tinubu! They so much believe in the 'pull-him-down-syndrome'. If you don't belong to their political caucus, they don't wait to pull you down! Some have worked in that organisation for 25 years without any meaningful thing to show for it.

lol. on point

Cutecharlz:
Nice update OP, but come to think of it, some dudes on nairaland can be very funny. What's d essence of space booking, is it for award or for money. Just imagine these ones.. .

Bros, wetin dey work you? How i take book space for God sake?

Rapmoney:
I am still trying to figure out whether the office you are talking about is in Nigeria or the western world I don't think the types of people you mentioned are commonly found in Nigerian offices!

Now, these are the type of people you will normally find in a typical Nigerian office:

1) The Juju users: This set of people are constant customers and visitors to the alfas, prophets and herbalists around town. They know all the Ogbejugbele shrines in town. They believe they can use charms to get promotion or punish their perceived enemies in the office! If you try dem ehn, dem fit dash u 9 months pregnancy, even if you are a male!!!

2) Gossip folks: This set of people do nothing but talk negatively about others. They know the in and out of everyone. They can tell you why Bisi was promoted...she was promoted because she is the boss's "daughter".

3) The 'Alert folks': This set of people do not bother themselves about contributing to the firm's progress! All they do is wait for alert to come at the end of the month. When they wait for the first 3-4 days without getting any alert, their contenance changes immediately and their face becomes squeezed and rough like potash (Akanwun). If dem see the office accountant, dem go bone like bone thugs and harmony! E go be like say na the poor accountant make dem never receive alert.

4) The office politicians: This set of people have already ascribed various political names to themselves. Some see themselves as Obasanjo, while others see themselves Tinubu! They so much believe in the 'pull-him-down-syndrome'. If you don't belong to their political caucus, they don't wait to pull you down! Some have worked in that organisation for 25 years without any meaningful thing to show for it.

Thought as much. Couldn't make head or tail of d piece, as it relates 2 9jah office environment. Some NLders with copy-&-paste sef !

Quite true

U dont make any sense, cant u break ur grammar down so we can comprehend easily, or do u think we r in Oxford??

The ones you mentioned don't work in Nigeria...E hard to see office cubicle for naija sha