https://www.nairaland.com/7842094/never-allow-wife-pay-rent

I read this post on fp and want to read what Nigerians living in Western countries think about this. I don't need arguments on the thread, I want to read you because this issue is a rude awakening to japa couples no matter how long they have lived abroad.

Men are providers. Women are caregivers. Whatever changes this in a home is the beginning of problems

Do what works for you

You come UK with your wife and kids, you wan form boss and massage your masculinity by being the sole provider.....na from where you dey do your shift ambulance go rush you go hospital.

So all the men in uk behave like women?

Mindlog:
You come UK with your wife and kids, you wan form boss and massage your masculinity by being the sole provider.....na from where you dey do your shift ambulance go rush you go hospital.

Blingchic:
Do what works for you

The only answer to this unnecessary arguement.. Situations and challeges play important roles in our life and bring changes to our way of thinking..
Your mindset when u are in ur early 20 is different from when u are 40.
You mindset when u are single is different from when u are married..
If u give urself unnecessary rules and regulation you might die single...

I have nothing to say

talented321:
So all the men in uk behave like women?

Acknowledging your limit, will not effeminate you.

The way u sound i was thinking they were being controlled by their wives..

Mindlog:


Acknowledging your limit, will not effeminate you.

talented321:
The way u sound i was thinking they were being controlled by their wives..

Combining resources, cuts off unnecessary stress.

Any one who seeks "control" in marriage or dating, have underlying issues and is using it as a coping skill, though negative.

What is meaning of your (husband telling u what to do)

Mindlog:


Combining resources, cuts off unnecessary stress.

Any one who seeks "control" in marriage or dating, have underlying issues and is using it as a coping skill, though negative.

talented321:
What is meaning of your (husband telling u what to do)

Communication, just like a wife telling her husband what to do with caring for their baby when she is not available but being coercive about it is a different realm.

Mindlog:
You come UK with your wife and kids, you wan form boss and massage your masculinity by being the sole provider.....na from where you dey do your shift ambulance go rush you go hospital.

I asked a Nigerian man who is married to an European lady with 2 kids how he eat naija food at home, if he or the wife cooks. He said he don't know how to cook and the wife just prepare her type of food which he don't eat. He pay people to cook for him and store in freezer. What about bills?
He said shared. Do I want him to die before his time
Guy was very angry with me

This english is too massive for his brain to comprehend.pls leave him to his folly.

Mindlog:


Communication, just like a wife telling her husband what to do with caring for their baby when she is not available but being coercive about it is a different realm.

talented321:
So all the men in uk behave like women?

Because women share bill with men, so they behave like women?


What a day to be alive

They have decided to grow up and face reality of life.

In this same Nigeria, women have built duplexes and bought cars, just name them for the husband and allow the husband to take the glory.
The family I share the same fence with in Abuja, their house was built by the wife. Her new car as at that time, the husband dey cruise am. And you need to see this man feeling too good with himself.
This woman run her home smooth and perfect yet she runs a parastatal. Trained all the husbands family members, got work for them and as the last time we spoke, building a retirement home for her family after completing the family house. So many like her in Nigeria and you will not hear anything.

You guys just come here to vomit nonsense when reality on ground is different.

That shows inferiority complex and this breds envy and anger. Masculinity chanters.

Mindlog:
You come UK with your wife and kids, you wan form boss and massage your masculinity by being the sole provider.....na from where you dey do your shift ambulance go rush you go hospital.

nigerian men show their masculinity by behaving like boss... This statement sound like nigerian don't marry women who have some cash and assist the family.
Because i believe men are living fine with their women with no problem attached.. So ur husband telling u he's the man of the house is an oppression to you and u belive he is behaving like a boss? Over there everybody is a boss, and between the marriages over there and here which one crash most?

Nigerian men would love to handle all the bills, it's cultural for us and the way we were raised, unfortunately, the reality there is different. The society there expects everyone to earn their keep and most especially, the bills there are overwhelming.

If you're not a cash king, you'll die before your time trying to carry the weight alone.

talented321:
nigerian men show their masculinity by behaving like boss... This statement sound like nigerian don't marry women who have some cash and assist the family.
Because i believe men are living fine with their women with no problem attached.. So ur husband telling u he's the man of the house is an oppression to you and u belive he is behaving like a boss? Over there everybody is a boss, and between the marriages over there and here which one crash most?

A lot of marriages in Nigeria have already crashed and moved to the next phase....cohabitation, till one of them is bold enough to walk out and end the pretence.

If two grown up man and woman cohabit to train sound future leaders, they are better than a married couple who born menace to the society..
Your narrative of how nigeria marriages crashing more than other countries is of ur own view and interest...

Mindlog:


A lot of marriages in Nigeria have already crashed and moved to the next phase....cohabitation, till one of them is bold enough to walk out and end the pretence.

My problem is that most of the guys who are always quick to mouth off how men are supposed to be the sole providers are usually the ones who turn their wives to cash cows who work their butt off to provide everything while deceptive men take all the glory.

It's not about running around in public spaces pretending on how masculine you are, rather it is about working hard in reality to at least lift substantial parts of the family burdens off your wives.

We've seen many cases of men who are providers only by mouth.

zed7:
Nigerian men would love to handle all the bills, it's cultural for us and the way we were raised, unfortunately, the reality there is different. The society there expects everyone to earn their keep and most especially, the bills there are overwhelming.
If you're not a cash king, you'll die before your time trying to carry the weight alone.

So, you completely turn a blind eye to the same becoming a reality even in your Nigeria today abi? I can't wait for Tinubu to finish his term in Nigeria -- maybe a full 8-years even. Na den we go know whether that una culture go also begin to give una money to handle all the bills alone then.

talented321:
If two grown up man and woman cohabit to train sound future leaders, they are better than a married couple who born menace to the society..
Your narrative of how nigeria marriages crashing more than other countries is of ur own view and interest...

It is even more in the West that two grown grown up man and woman cohabit to have and train sound future leaders, dem no dey carry marriage for head as many of my Caucasian colleagues have children with their partners who they live with.

It is more risky for a woman to try that in Nigeria as the society. her family and the man's family would continue to remind her that she is only a baby mama, sometimes the man would also remind her she is a baby mama and not his wife...........make dat man con die and was somehow financially comfortable when alive, his relatives would remind her she was just a baby mama, never their wife.

Mindlog and talented321, understanding and matured discussion..

You don't generalize, every tribe has the way they do their things..
In my own tribe if both of them are living together with kids no man or woman can say they single moms or dads, you can't determine marriage because of mere 1million pride price, though it necessary but not by force.

Mindlog:


It is even more in the West that two grown grown up man and woman cohabit to have and train sound future leaders, dem no dey carry marriage for head as many of my Caucasian colleagues have children with their partners who they live with.

It is more risky for a woman to try that in Nigeria as the society. her family and the man's family would continue to remind her that she is only a baby mama, sometimes the man would also remind her she is a baby mama and not his wife...........make dat man con die and was somehow financially comfortable when alive, his relatives would remind her she was just a baby mama, never their wife.

Mindlog


My police cousin brother who was cohabiting with his wife with grown up kids, i think the first child is 8.
He was shot died 2017 and we the members of the family give 75% of the properties to the wife without sentiment, give 25% to his first son from a different woman.
You can't just maltreat somebody who'd spent 10 or 40
years cohabiting with a man like rag for what because of an ordinary pride that is less than 500k, and you know how much the said couples have spent living for more than 40years with trained children..
Where i come from we don't take cohabiting as a menace and especially my family no woman will be intimidated because of pride price, as far she have a kid with him then her share is legit, no wicked uncle can do anything about it..

No kill me with laugh..

austine4real:
I have nothing to say

talented321:
You don't generalize, every tribe has the way they do their things..
In my own tribe if both of them are living together with kids no man or woman can say they single moms or dads, you can't determine marriage because of mere 1million pride price, though it necessary but not by force.

Yes, you can live together and have children but the Nigeria's Marriage Act recognizes the man as a single father and the woman as a single mother, reason should they end up in court upon the breakdown of the relationship and have issues around the children, the judge would first ask if they were ever married so as to know the direction the case would go.

Getting married involves rites, it is not just about the value of the bride price.

talented321:
Mindlog


My police cousin brother who was cohabiting with his wife with grown up kids, i think the first child is 8.
He was shot died 2017 and we the members of the family give 75% of the properties to the wife without sentiment, give 25% to his first son from a different woman.
You can't just maltreat somebody who'd spent 10 or 40
years cohabiting with a man like rag for what because of an ordinary pride that is less than 500k, and you know how much the said couples have spent living for more than 40years with trained children..
Where i come from we don't take cohabiting as a menace and especially my family no woman will be intimidated because of pride price, as far she have a kid with him then her share is legit, no wicked uncle can do anything about it..

A child who is 8, is not yet a grown up kid but a tweenager.

I acknowledge we are multicultural and what is okay in Community A may likely be an aberration in Community B, just like there are tribes where even when a married woman already had children with her husband, gets impregnated outside their marriage and her husband is even well aware of the away match , na her husband go happily name the pikin.

talented321:
No kill me with laugh..

🤪🤪

I know about that, that is when it's involve the court and many atimes the woman is also a victim because many of them are greedy.
Cohabiting with woman doesn't mean they don't pay those rites, many of them do their weddings after some years , why? Because it's obligation you must fulfil as man, but not by force and no other life threat..
All the same paying the pride also give the woman pride and confidence but you end up with who capture ur heart and understanding..

Mindlog:


Yes, you can live together and have children but the Nigeria's Marriage Act recognizes the man as a single father and the woman as a single mother, reason should they end up in court upon the breakdown of the relationship and have issues around the children, the judge would first ask if they were ever married so as to know the direction the case would go.

Getting married involves rites, it is not just about the value of the bride price.

And such tribe is in this country?..

Mindlog:


A child who is 8, is not yet a grown up kid but a tweenager.

I acknowledge we are multicultural and what is okay in Community A may likely be an aberration in Community B, just like there are tribes where even when a married woman already had children with her husband, gets impregnated outside their marriage and her husband is even well aware of the away match , na her husband go happily name the pikin.

Austine4real u memes legit especially that first one..

zed7:
Nigerian men would love to handle all the bills, it's cultural for us and the way we were raised, unfortunately, the reality there is different. The society there expects everyone to earn their keep and most especially, the bills there are overwhelming.

If you're not a cash king, you'll die before your time trying to carry the weight alone.

This is why women who are not from Nigeria find Nigerian men attractive. They are surprised to see a man responsible for things they will pay for. That is typical way of a Nigerian man taking care of his family. You must be a high value man to take care of the house from a single source.

Arab men will take care of the home without expecting from the woman. Anything she does is saara. The man should earn enough to take care of the house so the day woman show am pepper he is not homeless. It is not a thread to bash women or men but just the reality of life.