Hey guys, it's been a while if you knew my past posts you know I come on here to let out steam sometimes when it gets tuff with my family.

My parents are still people I continue to be very amazed at sometimes, not in a bad way but in a very concerned way. What brought this topic to my head is that fact that my parents have been on my neck lately because I've been skipping family prayers most evenings.... The thing is I purposely do it because I'm very tired of seeing everybody, not really that I don't love them but it's that I'm just not in the mental state to engage in family for now.

I already made it clear to them that I always pray morning and evening, I have proper fellowship with God and in everything I do because I basically have an oath with God (that's personal) the thing is they still keep disturbing me and telling me things like "don't feel too big for God", "don't leave God presence", "it's God that is helping you make this money, don't forget what God told you that if you leave him..." and things that make me feel like I'm a sinner and I'm being prideful


When knowing very well that I great everyone and my sister's in the morning, I pay respects to everybody in the house even do I pay for most things and I still have a good relationship with God.

Now the thing is this... I've been very stressed lately because my family has taken 70% of my earnings from December till date so far and in my calculations I've spent 1M+ in just 6months plus by paying the rent this year and the three times I've bought food stuffs in the house and other mini bills so right now I don't even have money anymore, I'm tired because the family is draining me

I don't have support from anybody and we are 5 living (me, my mom, my dad and my two senior sisters) , I worry more than my age and I have developed anxiety because of this reason (I'm working on it), I've been taking care of these bills and things since I was 15/16 years and im 19 years now but I've not made any reasonable thing for myself at all, money i suppose to save I use for family because if I don't we won't eat or survive.

My mom sells plantain and my dad does welding (pipeline and others) but he doesn't have a job for 8 years now so he does agent work to support himself for now and I'm really not angry with him at all because I understand but I atleast want to be left alone to my peace at the very least even if thats all because I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to sustain everybody

My parents did same to my sisters when they were my age by limiting them, controlling them and stopping them from socializing or going to public university then and now they're above 25 (not graduates, at home all day, no job) and I'm left to carter for everybody.

We don't have any good source of daily income and I don't even think they realize that at all, I know prayer is good but goddammit we need to do more because our lives are wasting but nobody can see it but me, they keep talking to me but all i just think is 'none of us are even supposed to be home at thus point of our lives'

With my little successes I'm never supposed to be broke but I always find myself so before now because I limit myself for my family, I don't even spend on myself that much but huge money goes into family and mostly food for everybody, it's a huge burden but I never speak about it to anyone in the family for respect of my father and mother because I know if they had good job I wouldn't be doing so

My sister's on the other hand I partly don't blame them because it's this controlling attitude that made them like that and I don't even know if they realize it because I really expect them to go find jobs even if it's 20k a month to ease my stress, I just paid jamb registration for them recently even though I couldn't do for myself, my parents restricted them from working and finding out life for themselves years ago that they nlw solely depend on my parents to do everything for them even sort out their jamb resources (im disappointed)


I can't tell them about my concerns because they tend to shut me up if I do talk about them getting jobs sometime ago so I just gave up and promised myself to only provide but sort out my own life


I'm trying to gather money soon to park out and only send money monthly for them but I keep wondering if they have nothing doing now then what if when they're in school? It's not like I can't continue giving them money but it's that fact that I'm worried of what if they don't really find their foot in life because as at now they aren't making efforts at all


That's why I said the way my parents are is so loving to the point they shielded us from the reality of life, if not for God helping me I don't how we would be surviving if I act like my sisters because......


I have had to break free from the cave we were in to experience life myself, I have had to put up with fights my sisters couldn't with my dad to break free from something's, honestly I need y'all advice: as breadwinners from not so rich homes how did you survive taking on so much responsibility and if possible I need help to be able to make more money because as at now I'm serious looking for money as I don't have an online job anymore


I'm speaking up now, if others are shy I am not: HELP 🤲🏽 ADVICE AND TIPS WILL BE APPRECIATED

Your dad being a welder, why hasn't he gone into the welding of gates, burglary proofs etc?

Long write up buh, I would move out if I where thee..

Go live elsewhere. Far away from all of the drama..See yourself Excell and thank me later...

Fisiryorh:
Long write up buh, I would move out if I where thee..

Go live elsewhere. Far away from all of the drama..See yourself Excell and thank me later...

True that's what's on my mind seriously

Mindlog:
Your dad being a welder, why hasn't he gone into the welding of gates, burglary proofs etc?

I really don't know why he hasn't honestly and he's very creative in his craft, he's not just industrious as a person and likes following rules and structures

HelpfulBro:


I really don't know why he hasn't honestly and he's very creative in his craft, he's not just industrious as a person and likes following rules and structures

he's relaxed. He's already docile since he's no longer taking the responsibility of the family. If all u wrote here is true, u're now the unofficial head of the family.

U won't have ur own life until u leave there, ur dad have to take the mantle of a father once again while u assist in any way u can.

Bro, if u don't act fast, u will keep taking care of the family cos it's already in ur psyche to be responsible for the family. Time will pass u by before u realize that u have ur own life to live.

theenchanter:
he's relaxed. He's already docile since he's no longer taking the responsibility of the family. If all u wrote here is true, u're now the unofficial head of the family.

U won't have ur own life until u leave there, ur dad have to take the mantle of a father once again while u assist in any way u can.

Bro, if u don't act fast, u will keep taking care of the family cos it's already in ur psyche to be responsible for the family. Time will pass u by before u realize that u have ur own life to live.

I'm realizing that as of recent, because I nor small on terms of finance but my money keeps going to family. If not for these expenses I'd have rented an apartment already now and be focusing on things for myself, the stress is just too much as it is..... I don't know how to talk to them because them dey quick take offense, what I'll just do is limit everything as it is

HelpfulBro:


I'm realizing that as of recent, because I nor small on terms of finance but my money keeps going to family. If not for these expenses I'd have rented an apartment already now and be focusing on things for myself, the stress is just too much as it is..... I don't know how to talk to them because them dey quick take offense, what I'll just do is limit everything as it is

comot for the house first.... Don't tell them; if possible, cos they'll be against it if they know.

If u know u can stay on ur own, just move on. Every other thing will fall into place after that.

Call your dad and tell him about everything , tell him you want to leave house that you feel like to be alone , before you take any step . God will be with you . Stay safe .

Obeyudavid:
Call your dad and tell him about everything , tell him you want to leave house that you feel like to be alone , before you take any step . God will be with you . Stay safe .

thanks for the advice 🤲🏽

HelpfulBro:


I'm realizing that as of recent, because I nor small on terms of finance but my money keeps going to family. If not for these expenses I'd have rented an apartment already now and be focusing on things for myself, the stress is just too much as it is..... I don't know how to talk to them because them dey quick take offense, what I'll just do is limit everything as it is

The easiest way to leave them without any suspicious is to gained admission in to the university and either stay off camp or hostel to continue ur hustle and education b4 u know it u don dey arrange ur life. If u can limit ur support to ur family, it has work for me. Purposely withhold ur assistance and see if everyone ll not rally round to survive.
If u die today, they ll survive and prosper. Don't make it look they wont survive without u.

U are taking care of everyone else except yourself.

Trust me, you gonna regret it someday.

Your sisters will forsake you if u ever need them in the future.

Move out and place them on monthly salary, they will be fine.

Was once in your shoes, Act up like you are dead broke, observe how things will pan out.

Will advice you relocate and play your part from afar.

Just 1 Life 2 Live.

The burden is not yours to carry and never let yourself be emotionally blackmailed into thinking otherwise.

Nigerian parents have PhD in Emotional Blackmailing.

It was their decision to have sex and create a family so they should take care of the children.

Being close to God experience in Nigeria is similar to the feelings you have after smoking weed. Your life is in your hands and never let your failure parents ruin it like they did your sister.

It is not in all cases that old age equals wisdom or experience.

Sapasenator:
The burden is not your to carry and never let yourself be emotionally blackmailed into thinking otherwise.

Nigerian parents have PhD I Emotional Blackmail.

It was their decision to have sex and family so they should take care of the children.

Being close to God experience in Nigeria is similar to the feeling you have after smoking weed. Your life is in your hand and never let your failure parents ruin it like they did your sister.

It is not in all cases that old age equals wisdom or experience.

That's true, I've come realize if I continue like this with them they'll ruin me

Sapasenator:
The burden is not your to carry and never let yourself be emotionally blackmailed into thinking otherwise.

Nigerian parents have PhD I Emotional Blackmail.

It was their decision to have sex and family so they should take care of the children.

Being close to God experience in Nigeria is similar to the feeling you have after smoking weed. Your life is in your hand and never let your failure parents ruin it like they did your sister.

It is not in all cases that old age equals wisdom or experience.

It may sound disrespectful but my dad's needs to do more, sometimes I dey feel am when he's up praying at night.... He needs to do more than pray, e dey kill me inside

Foodqueen:
U are taking care of everyone else except yourself.

Trust me, you gonna regret it someday.

Your sisters will forsake you if u ever need them in the future.

Move out and place them on monthly salary, they will be fine.

Na that monthly salary dey my mind as it is right now

HelpfulBro:


It may sound disrespectful but my dad's needs to do more, sometimes I dey feel am when he's up praying at night.... He needs to do more than pray, e dey kill me inside

He is delusional. Praying will never help him one bit. It's just a wasteful emotional exercise that will produce zero result.

Never disclose your income and plan for yourself otherwise they will make you worse than themselves.

I was born into a similar religious family and was able to escape the delusion.

HelpfulBro:


That's true, I've come realize if I continue like this with them they'll ruin me

I was like you, started working at 14 and carried the burden of the family while everyone carried religion on their head like gala. I sent 5 of my siblings to universities, bought car and built houses for parent, they still were not satisfied.

They spent all their lives in one church program or the other and it never helped them one bit.

HelpfulBro:
thanks for the advice 🤲🏽

Bad advice. Your dad will tell stay and continue exactly where you are. Never listen to that.

Don't abandon or forsake your family. I understand your predicament. This is what most average Nigerian family face, expecially if they had someone doing fine. There are so many family that doesn't even have a single person that could shoulder or support the family responsibilities. They're all living from hand to mouth.

I think you should consider setting up a business for your mum or your parents if you have the means. Both of them can be running the business. While you convince your parents to let your sisters have something to do for themselves no matter how little it is, then you can support them through school.

I wouldn't support leaving the house to stay alone. I will only recommend leaving the house if you get admission or a job offer. You're still young so leaving the house when you didn't get admission or a job doesn't sit well for me. Setting up a business for your parents and allowing your sister to work or further their education will make them productive. It's been 8 years your dad last work, it wouldn't be easy for him to break even back into the profession couple with the fact that he's a religion person (heaven is their goal)

I believe this can be achieve within a year or two. You can now chose to leave as you must have clock 21 by then.

Don't abandon your family yet.

HelpfulBro:


It may sound disrespectful but my dad's needs to do more, sometimes I dey feel am when he's up praying at night.... He needs to do more than pray, e dey kill me inside

You are right. Instead of "work and pray", they "pray and pray" and it always look as if the prayer is not working because they failed to work.

Obeyudavid:
Call your dad and tell him about everything , tell him you want to leave house that you feel like to be alone , before you take any step . God will be with you . Stay safe .

OP, please don't tell them you want to leave the house ooo!

Nobody likes their source of free money leaving them.

Except you still feel too young at 19 to leave your parents house. If you're ready and mind made up, please go rent a small apartment for yourself and leave them.

Don't be a enabler of laziness

HelpfulBro:


True that's what's on my mind seriously

No matter the condition, they will survive, but because you wake up and see them every day, in that same house, it breaks your heart

I was waiting where I can read that you are already in school but you didn't put that path, that means all the money you made goes to the family pot and nothing in place for you

This year Jamb is almost gone, get a Jamb form next year and prepare to go into school, from there, you will start living alone to plan for your future and still train yourself in school

As for your sisters, you gave them money for Jamb, who will train them in the university, do you think university fundings are like KG class

Let them go and learn a skill to keep them busy, from there they will learn social life and start meeting people and get some experience

You need to breath so that you can be strong to face all the challenges

At your present age, you have the responsibility of a married man of 40yrs

At this point
You have to be extremely selfish and face your life and development squarely.

Your main priorities with your money should be personal development and savings.

HelpfulBro:
Hey guys, it's been a while if you knew my past posts you know I come on here to let out steam sometimes when it gets tuff with my family.

My parents are still people I continue to be very amazed at sometimes, not in a bad way but in a very concerned way. What brought this topic to my head is that fact that my parents have been on my neck lately because I've been skipping family prayers most evenings.... The thing is I purposely do it because I'm very tired of seeing everybody, not really that I don't love them but it's that I'm just not in the mental state to engage in family for now.

I already made it clear to them that I always pray morning and evening, I have proper fellowship with God and in everything I do because I basically have an oath with God (that's personal) the thing is they still keep disturbing me and telling me things like "don't feel too big for God", "don't leave God presence", "it's God that is helping you make this money, don't forget what God told you that if you leave him..." and things that make me feel like I'm a sinner and I'm being prideful


When knowing very well that I great everyone and my sister's in the morning, I pay respects to everybody in the house even do I pay for most things and I still have a good relationship with God.

Now the thing is this... I've been very stressed lately because my family has taken 70% of my earnings from December till date so far and in my calculations I've spent 1M+ in just 6months plus by paying the rent this year and the three times I've bought food stuffs in the house and other mini bills so right now I don't even have money anymore, I'm tired because the family is draining me

I don't have support from anybody and we are 5 living (me, my mom, my dad and my two senior sisters) , I worry more than my age and I have developed anxiety because of this reason (I'm working on it), I've been taking care of these bills and things since I was 15/16 years and im 19 years now but I've not made any reasonable thing for myself at all, money i suppose to save I use for family because if I don't we won't eat or survive.

My mom sells plantain and my dad does welding (pipeline and others) but he doesn't have a job for 8 years now so he does agent work to support himself for now and I'm really not angry with him at all because I understand but I atleast want to be left alone to my peace at the very least even if thats all because I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to sustain everybody

My parents did same to my sisters when they were my age by limiting them, controlling them and stopping them from socializing or going to public university then and now they're above 25 (not graduates, at home all day, no job) and I'm left to carter for everybody.

We don't have any good source of daily income and I don't even think they realize that at all, I know prayer is good but goddammit we need to do more because our lives are wasting but nobody can see it but me, they keep talking to me but all i just think is 'none of us are even supposed to be home at thus point of our lives'

With my little successes I'm never supposed to be broke but I always find myself so before now because I limit myself for my family, I don't even spend on myself that much but huge money goes into family and mostly food for everybody, it's a huge burden but I never speak about it to anyone in the family for respect of my father and mother because I know if they had good job I wouldn't be doing so

My sister's on the other hand I partly don't blame them because it's this controlling attitude that made them like that and I don't even know if they realize it because I really expect them to go find jobs even if it's 20k a month to ease my stress, I just paid jamb registration for them recently even though I couldn't do for myself, my parents restricted them from working and finding out life for themselves years ago that they nlw solely depend on my parents to do everything for them even sort out their jamb resources (im disappointed)


I can't tell them about my concerns because they tend to shut me up if I do talk about them getting jobs sometime ago so I just gave up and promised myself to only provide but sort out my own life


I'm trying to gather money soon to park out and only send money monthly for them but I keep wondering if they have nothing doing now then what if when they're in school? It's not like I can't continue giving them money but it's that fact that I'm worried of what if they don't really find their foot in life because as at now they aren't making efforts at all


That's why I said the way my parents are is so loving to the point they shielded us from the reality of life, if not for God helping me I don't how we would be surviving if I act like my sisters because......


I have had to break free from the cave we were in to experience life myself, I have had to put up with fights my sisters couldn't with my dad to break free from something's, honestly I need y'all advice: as breadwinners from not so rich homes how did you survive taking on so much responsibility and if possible I need help to be able to make more money because as at now I'm serious looking for money as I don't have an online job anymore


I'm speaking up now, if others are shy I am not: HELP 🤲🏽 ADVICE AND TIPS WILL BE APPRECIATED

Young man, you are doing drugs, this is the first stage to a very ugly end.

Onyedikachi231:


Young man, you are doing drugs, this is the first stage to a very ugly end.

are you dumb?

avast01:
At this point
You have to be extremely selfish and face your life and development squarely.

Your main priorities with your money should be personal development and savings.

that's what I'm on right now, my savings have literally depleted and I'm stressed and overthinking again

frozen70:


At your present age, you have the responsibility of a married man of 40yrs

This is so true, at 19 I'm already losing hair, my teenage has not been fun at all, it's just recently I have started smiling and being friendly to socialize, the thinking and stress has made me start losing hair and it's makes me lose weight quickly while my sister's are fat. I'm very tired

HelpfulBro:


This is so true, at 19 I'm already losing hair, my teenage has not been fun at all, it's just recently I have started smiling and being friendly to socialize, the thinking and stress has made me start losing hair and it's makes me lose weight quickly while my sister's are fat. I'm very tired

Stop being a SACRIFICE. Are you a goat or malu for eating or what.
Who told you a child is now responsible for 4 adults? Biko you said you can not see your family suffering but somehow you are blind to your own suffering.

Stop working..abi what's the problem. It's not only old people that die , 19yr olds can die too

Its reckless to spend 70% of your income on bills. Terrible lack of financial intelligence, you may know how to make money but you don't know how to retain it.

Do you realize that you have been in child labour.

HelpfulBro:


This is so true, at 19 I'm already losing hair, my teenage has not been fun at all, it's just recently I have started smiling and being friendly to socialize, the thinking and stress has made me start losing hair and it's makes me lose weight quickly while my sister's are fat. I'm very tired

You may continue to be tired untill you sort yourself out

You have read all both the good and bad advice, the choice is yours, the final decision is yours