I've never lied before except this once. Actually, the first time I ever lied was telling you that i've never lied before, and I've made up my mind never to relapse. However, you'd do well to swallow this declaration with a pinch of salt, or poison if you're the picky type. Lol@poison, just typical of a guy 'Too Honest Not To Lie.'

Here's the affair:-

It's a great Sunday afternoon, and I'm at the beach with my son. He's only seven. We hang out on weekends cause we want to get closer and perhaps bond with each other. I don't care the type of bond formed. Whether it's metallic, iron or steel bond, as long as it binds us together, any type is fine.

I work in a morgue with a PhD in Human Anatomy.I love my job, though I've tried securing a better one without luck. So far, I've come to realize that the living despise an honest truth. While the dead, on the other hand, are all for honesty. You tell them  
 they're dead, they take it. You say they stink, and they're fine with it. Tell a living-bad man he's bad, and you'd be a dead-good man.

As we sat on the beach under the cool shade of a beach-palm, I decided to tell him something honest.

"You see, my son",I started. "In life, there's nothing more important than honesty save life itself. And an honest fellow who can find? Some people, however make it hard to tell if they're living or dead, let's call them the living-dead. As a man who knows his worth, I'm proud to say that I'm dangerously honest. No shame in it.

Your mom, on our wedding day, right on the altar, almost unmarried me before she eventually married me. Reason-- I am too honest. I mean, what the deuce is the problem with people anyway? They see a plain girl and cleopatarize her just to unlock her pant, they see an uncomely guy, and cry how he's a prince charming (The compliment is most likely for his designer wallet maybe!). And they want me to see an endowed lady and keep mum. For what? In order not  to piss the world off? Never! I'm a free spirit!

Let me take you, my dear son, into confidence and say that it honestly sucks to be honest. Most people now say a thing the way they want it said, a few say it the way it should've been said, and a very 'microscopic' few (courtesy: Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon) say it the way it is. To this endangered specie of homosapiens, that 'say it the way it is', do I belong. I'm bound by oath to speak the truth and the truth only. So help me all gods. Amen!

As I earlier stated, your mom said 'no' before she eventually said 'yes' on the altar of matrimony. On that fateful morning, I was all life and brimming with a heart full of honesty. I was on the altar with my bride receiving the marriage oath, when, maybe from heaven or from God knows where, drop'd in an angel--so I thought she was. An angel come to my wedding! Could it be my worth reached heaven? I mused excitedly.

As she walked through the entrance, her gait was so graceful it seemed she was floating on air. Remember that picture of Jesus walking on water in that boisterous wind? That'll do if you keep it in mind and substitute the male for a feminine figure-- five feet nine inches tall, wearing a pink-armless-evening gown not so loose around the waist with a silk neckcloth adorned with multifarious-colored flowers; Hair, long and fluttering freely in the air; And  complexion,dark-brown like chocolate mixed with a little excess milk such that one won't hesitate licking her skin clean with full satisfaction any day, anytime; I won't say she was slim nor fleshy, but a little of both.

Yes, hypnotized is the word. I was stunned--mouth agape, pupils dilated, pulse so loud that I feared losing my eardrums in that disturbing silence. The background  of the chapel subsided, including everyone, everything along with my bride, your mom. The voice of the priest administering the lethal dosage of the marital verdict was drowned by the heavenly echoes that permeated the whole of my being. Before me stood the apparition of the loveliest creature ever created--pardon my use of 'creature' instead of lady, for so I thought that she was just too beautiful not to have wings! I sincerely hoped to find a pair of wings if she turned around.

In this imaginative state was I when she turned her back towards me halfway between entering the fourth pew to the altar-- only heaven knows why or for what reason she did that. Alas! what I saw blew my mind, and I gazed on! Meanwhile, the priest had gotten to that part of the oath where I was meant to say, 'yes, I do', he had even repeated it thrice , and the whole congregation hungrily straining their ears to catch my response, some hands and mouths were midway between clapping or cheering my 'yes, I do', but I was in the heavenlies completely oblivious of their presence neither was I aware of the earth and its earthlings.


My subconscious took the better of me, and went on autopilot--if I could, I would have been unhonest even for that once--and impulsively, I screamed like someone out of his right mind. It was so loud that the whole hall must have shaken. These were my exact words: 'Gawd! Angel, your @ss is larger than life and I don't mind going to heaven with you right now!!!'. Time stood still, somebody fainted, my bride's eyes became fountains, the priest was speechless,
and the spell on me went on suspension. I tell ya, 'never fall in love on ya wedding day'.

 Son, if you're still wondering what happened afterwards, you're the outcome of the whole affair. Honestly, when you were born, I told your mum that you were too ugly to be called cute, and that, that Angel would've done better. I loved you, so I had to be honest to that love. I couldn't let anyone give you a name not yours. An honest man is hated by all, and I know you must be hating me right now for being candid with you. I truly hope we bond!". To be continued...

Feel free to criticize this work. An honest criticism will do me some mighty good. Thanks.

Humorously good to be a comic movie.'The Diary of an Honest man' would have been better to give u more room to introduce more funny scenes.I love his humorous sense of honesty that portrays him as a crazy dude...funny character u have there that would make d work worth reading

Remind me to read this later.

Very impressive. Keep it up.

nice write up, i luv it

Thanks for the encouragement@all. I almost discontinued it.

^I have finally read it. It is quite good but you need to be sure that you understand some of the expressions you are using and put them in proper context within your work. Never be too eager to publish work because good writing is re-writing. No matter how good your write-up looks, it can always be improved.

You have talent in truth.

I love Donald, my son. He's simply a carbon-copy of me in character (although his temper is quite volatile tending towards violence), but not in looks. The boy is just not those type of babies you see and want to make a baby. However, what he lacked in looks was made-up for in brains. I'm contented with it this way, and I'm not suing God or whoever is responsible. Say, of what use is beauty without brain?

From the look on Don's face, it was obvious he wasn't finding my remark very appealing. He frowned, clenched his tiny fist and gave me a warning look that probably said: watch it, man, or I rip out your slanderous tongue!

"Dad, why do you always say annoying things?" Don whined, still frowning.

Actually, I say honest things, but people say it's annoying. "Chill it, little man. I don't intend to offend anyone, but truth annoys everyone", I replied playfully with a smile, tickling his abs, and he giggled.

I truly wish people are like Don. You tell them the truth and it hits a nerve, then, apply the tickling to make the pain go away.

maclatunji: ^I have finally read it. It is quite good but you need to be sure that you understand some of the expressions you are using and put them in proper context within your work. Never be too eager to publish work because good writing is re-writing. No matter how good your write-up looks, it can always be improved.

You have talent in truth.

Noted, sir. Thanks alot.

The bolded...We can't expect less when one is a drunk-writer.

In the midst of this thought, I observed two voluptuous girls in bikini chattering about devil-knows-what close to Don and I. "Damn. This why I love coming to a beach!" I muttered inaudibly.

I started r@ping them with my eyes, tearing their bikinis off and doing a number of other nasty things to them With my mind; when I caught a glimpse of my seven-year old, Don ,from a corner of my eye (Remember I told you boy is just like his dad).

He gazed thirstily at them girls, licked his lips and swallowed desirously. Never thought I'd live to see this day! And if I die now, I'm fulfilled and beyond happy.

Then, again, I noticed water snaking down from his eyes. This must be tears of joyous longing (sure sign of greatness). My boy is incredibly awesome. He sure has alot of potentials. Boy'll be a great man, I concluded.

"Don, you ok? I asked, knowing he was but asked anyway just to validate my assumptions.

"yas, daddy", he said, swiping the tears from his eyes.

"why then you crying, baby?" I quizzed, feigning shock and expecting him to tell me the truth. My soldier is aswell reliable, ya dig?

For answer, he pointed at the two girls in bikini. I was so happy I barely could restrain myself from letting out a 'whoo-whaa' and dancing Azonto for joy.

One can't be too sure of a thing, but being sure enough is good enough. To be sure enough was all I wanted. "Those girls? What about them?" I prompted him to continue.

He continued. "I want ice-cream".

Crap! The bikini girls were actually licking ice-cream, but i didn't notice anything else save their pretty @sses. Don noticed and was salivating and craving for it. What the hell!!! Boy was I madt at my sissy soldier sobbing for ice-cream in front of girls!

"when you see a pretty girl with ice-cream, soldier, you should go for the girl not the ice-cream, that way you get both the girl and the ice-cream. 'Woo the girl to woo the world', this is the first law of greatness, son!" I scolded, putting up a straight face.

"please, now, daddy", he pleaded,

"Please, now, daddy", he pleaded, giving me one of those puppy-dog looks kids make when they want to take advantage of their elders.

What this my brainy chap didn't know was that he didn't have to coerce me into buying him 'ai-cream' as he calls it. I actually had it in mind, but it almost slip'd my mind.

However, I need to begin teaching this kid how to be a man. He has to understand that nothing in life is free except life itself. Not that it's entirely free. The labour involved in surviving is the price, and in the end, no one lives.

"Don". He looked up at my face without saying anything. I continued. "I'll buy you as much ice-cream as you want..." I paused and he started jumping up and clapping his hands in excitement. "...i-i-if you agree to my deal?" I added, stressing the I in IF.

He stop'd jumping, but his eyes still beam'd excitedly so I knew he'd be in. That's my boy! He never says never. Always eager to check out new things, hence, bound to greatness

"What, daddy?" He asked, looking innocent as ever.

"What, daddy?" he asked, looking innocent as ever.

"You have to walk up to those girls and ask them to be your friend." Not that I wanted to corrupt him, rather, I desired to make him daring.

The smile on his face faded, and was replaced with a puzzled look of 'I beg your pardon.' In reaction to that look, I nodded my head in the direction of the girls to goad him on.

He wrung his hands nervously still looking at me in disbelief. "Seriously, dad, you don't mean I should go to those big aunties?" He said with a quivering kiddie voice.

"Be quick. Go on before ice-cream finishes."

"But..." He hesitated.

I quickly cut him off. "Just go on, big man, they're no monsters and don't bite." I said teasingly.

"But, dad!" He screamed, moving towards their direction.

I added with a stern look, "go on". Then winked at him half smirking.

He nodded in surrender knowing there was no way I was letting him off, and took off without delay.

Hardly had he reached the girls than one of them scooped him into her arms, kissing his forehead and cheeks, and hugging him tightly.

"what? This is child abuse, and I'm so calling my lawyer!" I thought aloud. "Somebody has to teach these perverts to keep their paedophilac fantasies in check!"

One of the girls asked Don something I couldn't make out, and he pointed towards my direction and they all giggled.

Still searching for my lawyer's numbers, I dashed off with full speed to teach them some sense. Molesting my son and poking fun at me was just much too many for me to forgive.

I was definitely going to kill somebody. My rage fueled my speed. I was moving faster than light only to receive the shock of a century and be brought to a screeching stop.

Coincidence, I tell ya, is a b!tch!

Interesting... Kip it up op, u r doing good.

Please continue.........................its interesting...And I'd go with "The diary of a honest man". as suggested earlier.