Lead Does the Body Good

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) -- Contradicting conventional thinking, lead has been found to have some positive positive effects on the body and could play an important role in fighting and preventing terrorism.

Traditionally, abnormally high levels of lead have been linked with muscular disorders, neurological disorders, and birth defects. Lead poisoning can even be fatal.

Recent studies at the University of Tombstone in Arizona suggest, however, that not having enough lead in the body can actually lead to a condition perhaps best described as lead deficiency.

Lead deficiency, especially in the upper body and the head, can also effect the nervous system and cause neurological disorders linked to violent crime and especially terrorism.

Dr. Samuel Colt and Dr. John Moses Browning, professors at the University of Tombstone leading this research, are convinced that they have already found a possible cure to lead defficiency.

LEAD IMPLANTS

According to the two professors, regular lead injections could cure the lead deficiency and the neurological problems associated with terrorism. However, the two contend that a permanent lead transplant might be the most convenient and efficient cure.

"Research for the problem and for the cure has gone hand in hand," notes Dr. Colt. "In trying to test our hypothesis about lead deficiency, we came up with the cure at the same time."

Dr. Browning explains the success the two have had. "We obtained a few would-be terrorists that were captured and then studied them closely. We noted that, upon injecting them with lead or giving them lead implants, their criminal behavior seized immediately."

"We have had a 100% success rate. It doesn't get any better than that. A bit of lead and the terrorist tendencies are eradicated. It surprised us, but it really blew the terrorists away!" boats Dr. Colt.

OPTIONS

The best location on the body for the lead implant is the head, says Dr. Browning. "Right between the eyes." The effects take immediately and are always successful.

Three common sizing options are available. Lead injections and implants are offered in 5.56mm, 7.62mm, and 12.7mm diameters. But even 9mm models and, Dr. Colt's favorite, the 11.4mm model, can be found.

Depending on the injection location and the size of the implant, several implants might be necessary, whereas larger implants are more efficient, but they will all get the job done if used correctly.

"We have worked hard to understand the root cause of terrorism, and we want to help these poor fellas overcome their problem. They simply don't have enough lead in their bodies, so we intend to supply that lead," explains Dr. Colt.



Caption: An example of a 12.7mm lead implant. Researchers at the University of Tombstone in Arizona have discovered these and other lead implants could cure neurological problems that lead to violent crime and terrorism.

So how do we get to inject Osama with a full dose.

Btw, i don't think that pics is nohing but that of a live bullet.

thats exactly the point. The bullet is only the cure.

That would definately blow osama's head.

hehe.. dats what we are talking about....
they need to be blown off...

thats exactly the point. The bullet is only the cure.

LOL, that's a good one, Colt, Browning and Tombstone makes good combination too.

I was i lil bit happy when i heard it was a cure, thought it won't kill though.

Is it only Muslims that suffer from this deficiency? I don't mean to be judgmental, but it seems that the terrorist caught so far are all Muslims? or am i mistaken? Please some one educate me!

No, it's not only muslims. Remember the Irish Republican Army? Well, it's not a muslim organization, is it?

The truth is that organized criminals, some of whom are terrorists, like to hide under the cover of religion or racial/ethnic pride. I assure you, Bin Laden is not any more religious than Tai Solarin, but he uses iIlam merely as a tool to recruit followers.

If we want peace, it is important not to blame religious bodies or racial/ethnic groups for the actions of this new brand of criminals known as terrorists. We even have some in Nigeria who are stealing oil and stockpiling arms in the name of 'South-South Emancipation'.

good one from mr seun.
totally with u.

In related news, Professors Yevgeny Kalashnikov, Binjamin Moshe Uzi and Jason Gatling have announced that in independent international research funded by The Agency For A Humane Cure For Terrorism (a non-governmental agency with headquarters at Langley, Virginia) have announced that although they reached the same conclusions as Drs. Cole and Browning, they have found that for the lead injection to be fully effective, it has to be taken in doses called calibres.

They have thus drawn up the following schedule of treatment:

1) First dose: .22 calibre injection to the upper torso. This should result in a drastic slowdown of terrorist activity. The subject should rapidly approach a dream-like state and become amenable to bed rest at a fine bed and breakfast. Suggested locations are Guantanamo Bay and Leavenworth, both known for their excellent facilities and courteous staff.

2) Should first dose be insufficient, the learned professors suggest an upgrade to .45 calibre in the same area. Such "violent" patients should then be transported immediately to a facility such as the Lubyanka, well known for its ability to handle such persons with equanimity.

In the event of the calibre doses prove insufficient to calm down the terrorists, the professors suggest an increase to a different dose they have christened "millimeters".

Osama na my best friend abeg make Una leave am ooh, he dey help me bomb those magas wey dey get money but no dey wan pay