Once in a while, when chatting with someone, I could just give them two titles of notes I intend to write about and ask them to take a pick on the one they would like to read first. Whichever title they choose becomes the next note I write about and publish. So, I was chatting with a friend and asked her to choose between two titles. She chose “Not On My Watch.” As at the time of chatting with her I had not really meditated on any of the titles. The titles had only come to me. After she chose “Not On My Watch” I decided to meditate on it and come up with a structure for the note. Then the strangest thing happened to me. When the title opened up to me what I was seeing was a prose and a poem at the same time. Five seconds I will be seeing a prose, three seconds later I will be seeing a poem. That was how this tennis match was going on in my mind. So this note is going to be written in a style I have never used before. I don’t know what to call it, so just bear with me.

How can you say you love me if you only speak to me when the food is bad?
How can you say you love me if I only hear your voice when I broke a plate?
How can you say you love me if you never notice me when I do right?
How can you say you love me if all I keep getting from you are negative feedbacks?

I know that if I were to ask you right now when was the last time you told that cleaner at the office, that office assistant, that junior colleague of yours, ‘good job’ for a job well done, you are most likely to have forgotten. But if I asked you when was the last time you reprimanded them for doing something wrong you definitely remember because it was today. She forgot to arrange the files properly; you noticed it and reprimanded her. He forgot to clean a portion of your desk; you noticed it and gave him a lashing with your tongue. The coffee spilled a little while he was offering it to you; you made him realize how incompetent he was. Why do we do these? Why are we quick to spot out the wrong but shut out the right? You perform better when you get a thumb-up. Why do you think that junior colleague of yours will perform better if you always give him a ‘Thumb-down’?

Our kids no longer know how to affirm one another.
Our youths no longer know how to give the elderly a helping hand.
Our parents no longer know how to tell themselves ‘I love you.’
We are all waiting for when something will go wrong.

I have been criticized severally for asking people to place comments on my notes after reading them and positive ones if possible. They think I am demanding too much. That maybe I have Attention Deficit Disorder. But must you wait till I die before you give that beautiful speech? “Oh, how he touched me with his notes.” You’d say. Why not say it to me now while I am still alive to hear them? Moreover, that is just the secondary reason why I encourage people to place encouraging comments. The primary reason is because it is good to commend people when they do the right thing. When you cultivate the habit of commending people, over time, it will spill to your everyday life. And when it does life becomes more beautiful. It becomes easier for you to love and be loved. When God says we should give thanks it is not because He needs it. It is for our own good. When I ask people to place comments, it is not because I, Mute, need it. It is because it is a good thing to do. But we are men. We are not ruled by instincts. We have the power to change and change we must.

Today, my husband told me he loves me.
Today, my boss gave me a thumb-up.
Today, my dad lifted me up in his arms and told me, “Well done.”
Today, I feel good. I will perform better.

I want to ask you to do me a favor. I don’t know where you are right now reading this note, maybe in the office or at home. I want you to pause for a moment, walk over to that cleaner, that office assistant, that junior colleague, even your boss. I want you to walk to your husband or your wife. I want you to walk over to your kid(s). Tell them you are sorry for never telling them ‘well done’ when they did right but was quick to reprimand them when they made mistakes. Tell your wife you are sorry for never saying thank you when the food was good. Tell your husband you are sorry for not saying thank you when he gave you the monthly home up-keep. Tell your kids you are sorry for not telling them ‘well done’ when they did the dishes. Tell them you want them to know that you appreciate them. And that, over all, you know they are doing a good job. Can you pause and do this now? Please.

Don’t try to continue reading. Get up and do it now, please.

Thank you. Now that you are back on your seat how do you feel? Don’t you feel light? Don’t you feel better? Isn’t the world a little bit more beautiful now? Now imagine if all of us were doing that.

This is your final assignment. Teach someone what you just learnt. And make it a deliberate effort to continue to give positive feedbacks. Even if you have to include it in your calendar, it is worth it. This nation will not collapse. Not on my watch!

The one whom Jesus loves,
Mute Efe,
+234-803-874-9796 (SMS only)
www.facebook.com/mutehimself

Beginning from October 1, 2012. School for Personal Leadership (SPL), an online school that holds on facebook will begin a four weeks online class on the principles of personal leadership to enable you live a life that is almost free of external influences. Two lectures per week, Mondays, and Thursdays, completely online, right on facebook. To enrol for this class, first add Mute Efe as a friend on facebook (www.facebook.com/mutehimself) then text SPL*SURNAME*FIRST NAME*SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE*COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE*EMAIL ADDRESS*GSM NUMBER to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent almost immediately. Fee is N6,000. Registration ends Friday, 28. School opens Wednesday, 26. Lectures begin on Monday, October 1, 2012.

My younger bro is always doing things 4 me and i always take it as his duty, but i said thank you to him now and he was happy and i was happier...

Thanks Efe for all ur beautiful write-ups... Always enlightening nd makes me view tins from a diff angle

gree-die:
My younger bro is always doing things 4 me and i always take it as his duty, but i said thank you to him now and he was happy and i was happier...

Thanks Efe for all ur beautiful write-ups... Always enlightening nd makes me view tins from a diff angle

Actually, my name is Mute (mu-te). Efe is my surname. Thanks for the appreciation. I'm very glad you found the note helpful.