disturbedman:

Agreed with the bolded but it was said in anger. Is it too much to get away with? So you're saying it was right for her to reply me in same manner?

Well thanks for your advice.

KINGwax: OP, don't disturb yourself. But it's a pity u don't undstnd ladies. That mail is jes an indication that she wants to talk, and tired of the marital problems, she wants it to end. I'm telling you.
She regrets not replyin ur text and wanna hook a fault on u. U shldav understood dt and jes reply, 'i love u' or something that will suprise her.
Women are exaggerators. She needs to put the blame on u. As a man, accept it, (we all knw na format) and talk wit her

garba: good story teller. But rest assured that some ppl know that this is a fake story. Don't start thinking that u have fooled everybody

chaircover: @disturbed man a o ri iru eleyi ri a finn deru ba omo ni. Look there are many many men in your situation especially abroad where the woman HAS to put into the financial purse so you are not alone in this and so lomg as you are not lazy and totally depending on the womans contribution, then its no big deal

The question is how do these men cope? Dont get me wrong, you may be right and it may be that your wife disrespects you because you no longer are able to supply 100% of the family needs but it could also be that you are over reacting too & misunderstanding each other. Of course If your wife is indeed disrespecting you because she is helping out financially then that is wrong. One important thing that many men dont take notice of and I have heard time and time again with these kinfs of issues is the way you as a man treat your wife when you had it all rosy, mostly determines how the wife treats you/behaves when things are not so rosy, so men reading this please take note.

Now back to the romance thing, do you really know what your wife wants? have you asked her? Let me tell you a secret and that is that it doesn't take a lot to satisfy a woman. You dont have to go to all the trouble of wrapping up a brand new car in pink ribbon, but something as simple as her coming home from work to a cooked meal or massaging her shoulders will mean a lot to her. On Saturday when she is doing the housework she can spray the polish and you can wipe it or whatever chore you choose to do together. When she is cooking in the kitchen grab a chair, sit with her and start jisting together. All these things ive mentioned do not cost money and dont need you to crack your brain looking for ideas and it will bring you vloser together and helps bonding.

You both need to draw a line in the sand and say no more decay and both decide to make a new start of things. Make a promise to each other that you will both not talk down at each other and both work out ways to deal with conflict. Conflict will always come and its how you deal with it that really matters. You are in a foreign country and with all the added stresses of that, you two should both strive to be able to find peace with each other. you as the man are the head and therefore you should take the first step. Call your wife pull her to you and let all this bickering and nonsense stop. Remember the kids are watching.

chaircover: @disturbed man a o ri iru eleyi ri a finn deru ba omo ni. Look there are many many men in your situation especially abroad where the woman HAS to put into the financial purse so you are not alone in this and so lomg as you are not lazy and totally depending on the womans contribution, then its no big deal

The question is how do these men cope? Dont get me wrong, you may be right and it may be that your wife disrespects you because you no longer are able to supply 100% of the family needs but it could also be that you are over reacting too & misunderstanding each other. Of course If your wife is indeed disrespecting you because she is helping out financially then that is wrong. One important thing that many men dont take notice of and I have heard time and time again with these kinfs of issues is the way you as a man treat your wife when you had it all rosy, mostly determines how the wife treats you/behaves when things are not so rosy, so men reading this please take note.

Now back to the romance thing, do you really know what your wife wants? have you asked her? Let me tell you a secret and that is that it doesn't take a lot to satisfy a woman. You dont have to go to all the trouble of wrapping up a brand new car in pink ribbon, but something as simple as her coming home from work to a cooked meal or massaging her shoulders will mean a lot to her. On Saturday when she is doing the housework she can spray the polish and you can wipe it or whatever chore you choose to do together. When she is cooking in the kitchen grab a chair, sit with her and start jisting together. All these things ive mentioned do not cost money and dont need you to crack your brain looking for ideas and it will bring you vloser together and helps bonding.

You both need to draw a line in the sand and say no more decay and both decide to make a new start of things. Make a promise to each other that you will both not talk down at each other and both work out ways to deal with conflict. Conflict will always come and its how you deal with it that really matters. You are in a foreign country and with all the added stresses of that, you two should both strive to be able to find peace with each other. you as the man are the head and therefore you should take the first step. Call your wife pull her to you and let all this bickering and nonsense stop. Remember the kids are watching.

chaircover: @disturbed man a o ri iru eleyi ri a finn deru ba omo ni. Look there are many many men in your situation especially abroad where the woman HAS to put into the financial purse so you are not alone in this and so lomg as you are not lazy and totally depending on the womans contribution, then its no big deal

The question is how do these men cope? Dont get me wrong, you may be right and it may be that your wife disrespects you because you no longer are able to supply 100% of the family needs but it could also be that you are over reacting too & misunderstanding each other. Of course If your wife is indeed disrespecting you because she is helping out financially then that is wrong. One important thing that many men dont take notice of and I have heard time and time again with these kinfs of issues is the way you as a man treat your wife when you had it all rosy, mostly determines how the wife treats you/behaves when things are not so rosy, so men reading this please take note.

Now back to the romance thing, do you really know what your wife wants? have you asked her? Let me tell you a secret and that is that it doesn't take a lot to satisfy a woman. You dont have to go to all the trouble of wrapping up a brand new car in pink ribbon, but something as simple as her coming home from work to a cooked meal or massaging her shoulders will mean a lot to her. On Saturday when she is doing the housework she can spray the polish and you can wipe it or whatever chore you choose to do together. When she is cooking in the kitchen grab a chair, sit with her and start jisting together. All these things ive mentioned do not cost money and dont need you to crack your brain looking for ideas and it will bring you vloser together and helps bonding.

You both need to draw a line in the sand and say no more decay and both decide to make a new start of things. Make a promise to each other that you will both not talk down at each other and both work out ways to deal with conflict. Conflict will always come and its how you deal with it that really matters. You are in a foreign country and with all the added stresses of that, you two should both strive to be able to find peace with each other. you as the man are the head and therefore you should take the first step. Call your wife pull her to you and let all this bickering and nonsense stop. Remember the kids are watching.

. . .A man that will look into my eyes and quickly understand my
worries, needs and desires and who will be swift in attending to
those needs and ensure that I am happy.

pro01:

Lol. She for kuku marry Prophet T.B Joshua or whoever the Bleep else is a clairvoyant that can read her fickle mind. And by the way, LOL to "be swift in attending to those needs". What can I say? Smh for this self-appointed Queen without a tiara.

Anyways, @ Topic
I read the the post dispassionately. . .and unfortunately, the one thing I am sure of it that that woman is having a passionate affair currently. . .and it's clear she's enjoying it, and that's why she comes home to you feeling discontented with her reality (i.e. you). Only a woman whose heart/mind is in another man's loins can write such a noxious, conceited, impudent letter to her husband. And to be very honest, do NOT underestimate the role money (or the lack thereof) is playing here: If you read between the lines of her poisonous letter, you would see abundant evidence of this.

In any case, it is your decision to make; your cross to carry (or cast aside). The choice is entirely yours.

debrief08: Go and ask any man who has been happily married for years and is enjoying being a married Man, the secret to their happiness is first making the right choice of a patient, kind and supportive wife and secondly; not shouting and anoouncing your "manship".
My husbands friends laugh at him and call him woman wrapper and he proudly answers because he tells them he is happily a woman wrapper them none women wrappers who stay and argue and exchange words with their wives over every single thing can't stay home and enjoy peace and quiet
They can't enjoy the joy and peace of their families, they jump from joint to joint and club to club because they have failed to take real headship and so created hell in their homes.
What am I saying? It seems you enjoy exchanging words with your wife and hurting her, you enjoy seeing the reaction of your painful words and her tears, let me tell you, the day she stops crying then your marriage is half over because she has given up. The day she starts removing her heart from you.
You married a good woman, one who supports the family financially, so many women wouldn't do that. Stop the bickering, stop wanting to feel like a "man" by hurting her and making her cry, if as a man you build hell in your house then expect to live with the devil.
She poured out her heart and you called it "annoying and silly"
Your wife too has learnt from you to talk and be insultive. Those men you see enjoying their homes may look like fools to you because it seems they agree with their wives and let the wives feel like they are in control but they are the smartest men in the world. A man who makes a wife happy will live in heaven.
Stop making her feel guilty for taking care of your home. Stop saying things like "when a woman is in charge financially she becomes rude", she has done no wrong by being supportive, you are a man stop bickering, your job is LOVE, kill her with Love, that is how submissiveness and respect grows, love her, stop being proud, stop being boastful, stop the bickering and nagging it can be irritating, stop taking out your anger and resentment on your kids.
Grow up please, being a leader and a head is very hard work, if you don't know how to please go and learn and stop spending your enegry hurting the poor woman and the innocent kids

Gboliwe: For some strange reasons which I cant place my finger on, I think you are all your wife explained.
Change your ways, be more tolerant and enjoy your marriage

prince_onx: @poster:
One more thing in addition to what everyone have said, beware of some so called marriage counsellors out there especially in our western world! A lot of them are in it for pure business and most times even advise you to do what they themselves can't even do! Some will advise you as if you're a white man! my wife boosted out laughing during one of our own visit when the lady was advising me on some things to do things like buying her flowers! She knew I'll rather buy her a car, jewelry, take her shopping than flowers! I am speaking from experience and trust me if you can pull through for 10+yrs in a marriage you are good and can do better! Sometimes we think or believe that our wife shouldn't complain about little things after all we're doing the big things but bro sometimes it's those small things that make them happier! Don't ask me how or why just remember that they are product of one rib! Lol!

Chaircover in my own opinion is the best counsellor out there cux her advise is based on an African knowledge! she know us and how we dey think and feel when challenged! She nailed it in the head and most men especially we African men! Then break that down to we Nigerian men are all guilty of that whether you agree or not. We have too much pride in us! We get upset when challenged especially by our wife not to talk of being insulted but guess what bro, it's not a big deal! Na your wife and who will you forgive if you can't forgive her? Forgive her for your own self because if you don't and break up with her you will move on to the next relationship with all that memory and every single time the new wife disagree or challenges you, you will be reminded of the whole thing again. So bro, call your wife when she get home from work, sit her down and talk with her one on one. Please listen to her when she talk and believe it or not we are 80% of what our wife say we are and the best time to hear those truth is when they are upset! A friend once told me that the best approach to fight is to just say "am sorry" even when you don't know what you're sorry for but that will at least tell your partner that you've already accepted part of the guilt. And please bro, don't let me hear you say you're not romantic again! Abi you pay your wife to marry her? I think every guy is romantic in their own way just that some of us are more! There are many things you can do to be romantic and after all these years of marriage you should know what your wife like and don't be ashamed/shy or macho when doing anything for your wife! Can you believe I help my wife lose her braids? This are things I never knew I'll ever do! And finally, the name calling. Try not to insult your wife no matter what! People that are close to us will always remind us of those times we said this or that! Whenever she offend you, just log on NL and trust me you will always find one idiot here to insult lol! By the time you click on 5 topics trust me you will see someone yearning thrash! And if she insult your first walk away if you can or respond like my friend. If them call am goat, he'll respond back to her that she married and had kids with a goat! Her father is a father-Inlaw to goat! Her mother is mother-Inlaw to goat! It's funny but it really really work cux name calling is out of the way for him! All the same, good luck bro and regardless of what we say here, swallow your pride, admit or share the guilt and bring back peace to your home!

ohisola: For example, there was an argument sometimes ago and I said to my wife "O go fun nkan ti o so yen (you are stupid to have said that)" to which she replied "iwo naa go. O go o fi enu ho ara (you are more than stupid as well)"

u amaze me. Witout any doubt fr evn wat u hav said I kn ur wife isn't wrong. So its ok 4 u 2 say she's stupid? Ur own body? Ur own beta half. Y on earth wil u cal ur wife stupid? N u married her? Den she isn't far from d truth wen she also called u stupid. Cos only a stupid man can marry a stupid woman.

buchibabe: D best solution which is not possible now would hv bn to sit both of you down and hear from both sides. In dat way we get to know who's really at fault after all d accusations and counter-accusations being thrown from all corners. because my instinct tells me not to swallow dis ur story,ur being defensive here and I'm forced to believe ur actually d one at fault nt ur wife