As in, seriously, can't y'all sort things out yourselves?

Because most of them can barely think.
You will find example of such couples on nairaland. They never reason, they only follow the crowd even when the majority are passing wrong judgement.

When two children get married you have a Union
When two matured minds get married you have a marriage.

acidtalk: Because most of them can barely think.
You will find example of such couples on nairaland. They never reason, they only follow the crowd even when the majority are passing wrong judgement.

When two children get married you have a Union
When two matured minds get married you have a marriage.

GBAM.

They think their pastors are superhuman,who probably doesnt have his own marital problems.They also think their pastors are all knowing who can solve all marital problems.
Funny enough the couples are always wrong with their assumptions and are always left dejected.

I think a married man will hardly resort to that in any cirumstances that ensued. It is a woman that will see something is wrong with the way their mother-in law does things or say whenever she come visiting. You can hardly see men being unnecessarily talking about this and that.

If a woman is reserved in her own way ,she won't have problems there and there. talk talk talk is their flagship. For a woman to keep the home front healthy and balanced. She should avoid unnecessary mingling and dining.

jobaskia: I think a married man will hardly resort to that in any cirumstances that ensued. It is a woman that will see something is wrong with the way their mother-in law does things or say whenever she come visiting. You can hardly see men being unnecessarily talking about this and that.

If a woman is reserved in her own way ,she won't have problems there and there. talk talk talk is their flagship. For a woman to keep the home front healthy and balanced. She should avoid unnecessary mingling and dining.

I agree with you, that is a good tool but most women are ignorant. Couple can have dispute, that doesn't mean the end. Wisdom must be applied in marriage or else

Pastors are not different, they have thier own problems too. I believe Husband are wife should live like tongue and teeth.

the thread title is not so true, but in any case. It may be because they would both likely grant the pastor audience and take to his advice.

yes i wonder toooo

Naija mentality....all pastor re God sent.

This trend is applicable primarily to women.

Sadly many women and wives have replaced their husbands with the pastor.

They submit to the pastor and not their husband, the pastor is their personal adviser and assistant.

I know of pastors who are married but still take advantage of single sisters , single mothers and vulnerable wives.

That's what happens when you put your Pastor before God and your husband.

And some pastors mislead their patronizers

Because dem no get sense! Pastors would only put more fuel in the burning fire!

Nigerian people lack the appropriate communication skills needed to effectively and properly function in society, as a result, this affects interpersonal relationships.

This is what leads to regular visitation to a Pastor, Imam, otherwise - there will be serious physical violence and brewing anger because of the inability to know how to properly communicate.

This is a skill that needs to be purposely worked on.

99% of the time, it is the woman or wife that would suggest going to the Pastor or take the "matter" to Pastor.

They hope that Pastor would talk some sense into their man/husband for him to see the situation her way.....

So despite the fact that, the woman/wife is saying both of them should go for counseling, at the back of her mind....this whole thing is setup to counsel his man/husband.

obowunmi: Nigerian people lack the appropriate communication skills needed to effectively and properly function in society, as a result, this affects interpersonal relationships.

This is what leads to regular visitation to a Pastor, Imam, otherwise - there will be serious physical violence and brewing anger because of the inability to know how to properly communicate.

This is a skill that needs to be purposely worked on.

Okay that's it. . .Who are you and what have you done with the real OBOWUNMI??!!

Tell me! Tell me right now or I'll....I'll...alright I don't know what I'll do yet but it's gonna hurt!!!

Dude, I am so liking the new...a li'l freaked but so liking this new you!

Oh in case twasn't obvious....that was me totally agreeing with you.

obowunmi: Nigerian people lack the appropriate communication skills needed to effectively and properly function in society, as a result, this affects interpersonal relationships.

This is what leads to regular visitation to a Pastor, Imam, otherwise - there will be serious physical violence and brewing anger because of the inability to know how to properly communicate.

This is a skill that needs to be purposely worked on.

That's a fallacy.
People meet with pastors and imams in Nigeria because there is no secular counseling setup to speak of. Counselling occurs only within the religious orbit.
I don't think the so-called lack of communication skills have much to do with it. Couples in the developed world visit therapists as well. Are they also communication-challenged?

AjanleKoko:

That's a fallacy.
People meet with pastors and imams in Nigeria because there is no secular counseling setup to speak of. Counselling occurs only within the religious orbit.
I don't think the so-called lack of communication skills have much to do with it. Couples in the developed world visit therapists as well. Are they also communication-challenged?

It is not a fallacy but I see your POV and I agree about the lack of psychologists, therapists, and counseling centers - outside religious orbits. The system doesn't acknowledge using these channels as a method to solve problems but I do think that developed or underdeveloped world, many couples have communication issues.

if there are no family members or elders around, you go to whoever is available.


the essence of paying brideprice and having all those expensive wedding ceremonies is also partly to have mediators when necessary.

the people who chopped the yam and ate the goats you brought, etc.

ideally, not always reality.

Nigerians see clerics as therapists.

tpia@:
if there are no family members or elders around, you go to whoever is available.


the essence of paying brideprice and having all those expensive wedding ceremonies is also partly to have mediators when necessary.

the people who chopped the yam and ate the goats you brought, etc.

ideally, not always reality.

I would kiss you for this but I'm scared for my lips.

AjanleKoko:

That's a fallacy.
People meet with pastors and imams in Nigeria because there is no secular counseling setup to speak of. Counselling occurs only within the religious orbit.
I don't think the so-called lack of communication skills have much to do with it. Couples in the developed world visit therapists as well. Are they also communication-challenged?

You have a point about Nigeria lacking therapists, but proper communication skills would reduce most of the frictions. So @Obowunmi was not fallacious.
Look at this forum, you'll notice that an average Nigerian does not know what discussion means. We are too emotional, quick to draw conclusion and blame others.
When last did you have a debate with your friends without it turning to some form of shouting? Communication is not all about writing or talking.
Yes!, most couples in the western world have communication issues too.

Dt is what d gullible ones do, i can even help pastors and their wives to solve their disagreement if need be.
Seriously, dt is what u see when immatured minds unite together in d name of marriage, dt is why it is essential to mature in every ramification especially, intelligently, b4 going into marriage, not necessarily talking abt age o.

Because they are daft and can't think for and by themselves. And, do you know what? In several cases many homes,marriages and relationships have been subsequently wrecked. This reminds me of a priest who fell in love and eventually eloped with a bride-to-be (see below). ENJOY!

[b]Oh what a pitiful morning; PRIEST WHO STOLE BRIDE IS WED BY GAY CLERIC IN SECRET DAWN CEREMONY.

T was a cloak-and-dagger wedding ceremony held at the crack of dawn, with no friends or family present. Disgraced priest Father Francis Meehan and his bride Laura O'Shea tied the knot yesterday in a Co. Antrim hotel in a ceremony performed by a gay self- styled "bishop". It was the first time in over a month that the couple had emerged from their hideaway cottage in Wales after their illicit affair was exposed. Father Meehan, 35, fell in love with Laura after she and her fiance Carl Varey booked him for their marriage ceremony in Manchester. But in December, Laura dumped Carl, 27. Father Meehan quit St James's Church in Hattersley and fled with Laura to the Welsh countryside until his resignation was complete. On Friday, they flew to Northern Ireland and spent the evening in the province making last minute preparations.

At 7am yesterday, as a gale battered the Stakis Hotel in Templepatrick, the couple exchanged vows in a private room in front of 47-year-old rebel priest and self-styled "Bishop" Pat Buckley, who outed himself as gay last year. The only onlookers to witness the event were their minders from a tabloid newspaper who had paid a five-figure sum to picture the priest and his bride take their vows and share a kiss. Within 15 minutes the ceremony was at an end and the couple were whisked out of Ulster to Manchester. They later met up with family and friends for a reception where a speech was made by Father Buckley. He caused outrage last autumn when he admitted being gay and later met up with Ulster's best-known transvestite at a Belfast party. The cleric helped to host a "Goscars" ceremony - gay Oscars - at The Kremlin club. And he chatted with Baroness Titty Von Tramp, Belfast's leading cross-dresser. Meanwhile, the new Mrs Meehan's former lover attacked the newlyweds. Jilted Carl said: "This is a real kick in the teeth. I just can't believe they have got married so soon." "Father Meehan should have been marrying me and Laura. Instead, he's nicked my bride and married her himself.'' Carl discovered the couple were getting married only when the four children he had with Laura broke the news to him. So close were the couple to the priest that Father Meehan had agreed to marry them for free. "I never suspected anything was going on until I noticed he kept coming round to our house," said Carl. "Every time I was on the night shift and rang home, Laura would say, `Oh Father Frank's here. "I finally confronted him and he said he was a priest and that I was being stupid. He told me he was my friend. Well, it doesn't look as though I was being so stupid now, does it?"[/b]

SOURCE: http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Oh+what+a+pitiful+morning%3B+PRIEST+WHO+STOLE+BRIDE+IS+WED+BY+GAY...-a060957096

[b]

FATHER DEAR FATHER; Now runaway priest's bride is having his baby.(News)

THE Roman Catholic priest and the bride-to-be who eloped together are expecting a baby, the Sunday Mirror can reveal. And last night defiant Father Frank Meehan said: "We couldn't be more delighted. I'm over the moon. Cuddling his new bride of just six weeks, he added: "Laura's about 11 weeks pregnant and she's had a scan to prove it. "We'd like people to wish us well, but if they don't, we forgive them. We have a picture of our baby and I feel so proud. It will be a fantastic brother or sister to Laura's four other children. "We know it's going to be tough. We've got no money and I haven't even had my back pay from the Church. "But nothing like that matters to us. We are just so in love. A baby will make life just perfect." Father Meehan, 36, shocked parishioners when he declared his love for Laura soon after she and fiance Carl Varey asked the priest to marry them. Bitter Carl, 27, said at the time: "I just can't believe our priest has done this to me. Laura told me she was mad for him."[/b]

SOURCE: http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-60960225.html

[size=18pt]LEARN FROM THE FIG TREE. lol.[/size]

That's a lie. Only confused couples do that. I've been married for almost 3years and all this while, nobody has ever heard us argue talkless of settling our differences for us.

@OP, your post is fundamentally fallacious. It assumes that all married folks see a pastor for every disagreement. You should have been more specific, or put in some refinement.

Understandding is de key to efffective communicatio amongst couples...
what yu see in marriages dese days are just case of coming together "just" to answer "MARRIED" espeecially for ladies and we dont take time to really undastand our partners,
if partners understands each other; knows what to do ween he/she acts dis way, what to avoid at certain times, how to respond to some issues wen dey arise and how to present issssues, u will see dere wont always be a need for a 3rd party.
even wen anoda pperson comess to mediate and leeaves, its left for de both of them to make it up to each other.

@op,
just as someone said earlier, undderstanding and den effective communnication is so defficient in our marriages and as well, ladies do dis more coss dey dot have de maturity to fathom the unio called marriage.

it would do us goood if we would sit down and have a clearer knowledge and undastanding of our partners and see how to curb to de baresst minimum rate of misunderstandings lbetween each other and as well learn how to talk to each other about our flaws and inadequacies with a genuine willingness to change for de better and grow together......not until den, 3rd-parties would alwayss lord in our homes and complications will keeep being on de rise in marriages.

obowunmi: Nigerian people lack the appropriate communication skills needed to effectively and properly function in society, as a result, this affects interpersonal relationships.

This is what leads to regular visitation to a Pastor, Imam, otherwise - there will be serious physical violence and brewing anger because of the inability to know how to properly communicate.

This is a skill that needs to be purposely worked on.

Because marriage is instituted,created&ordained by God.Well you can go to ur age mate or babalawo for counselling. That's why you have so many marital crisis,separation,quashed,broken,name it marriages in d US or where ever your black A$$ is from.

personaly i call it stupidity, cos d so called pastors they seek advice to or they depends on divorc almost everyday. they fail to understand that if u dont solve ur problem it will be there f u till tomorow, everybody have d right to pray to God through christ.

palsm 32:8, the Lord says, i will guide you on the best path of life......., some of them run back to the pastor becose d pastor was d one that arranged the marriage.

odehaj: Because marriage is instituted,created&ordained by God.Well you can go to ur age mate or babalawo for counselling. That's why you have so many marital crisis,separation,quashed,broken,name it marriages in d US or where ever your black A$$ is from.

You mention "god" in your post, yet you insult.

It is apparent that your head lacks any sense or reasoning skills. I suspect you are from ALUU. O go o fi enu ora...oponu, ayiiri.

obowunmi:

You mention "god" in your post, yet you insult.

It is apparent that your head lacks any sense or reasoning skills. I suspect you are from ALUU. O go o fi enu ora...oponu, ayiiri.

Apologises if you felt crossed. Firstly I mentioned God NOT 'god'.

And, iam not from Aluu. Now, let me tell you,there are many Aluus in Nigerian communities,&individuals&they are quick to speaking dialects like you.

hugafella: @OP, your post is fundamentally fallacious. It assumes that all married folks see a pastor for every disagreement. You should have been more specific, or put in some refinement.

The poster should modify his post because he's generalising. Not all 'married folks see a pastor for EVERY little disagreement'.

bernfame:
The poster should modify his post because he's generalising. Not all 'married folks see a pastor for EVERY little disagreement'.

OP equals opinion. He hasn't mentioned his statement as a fact. He's entitled to his opinion and you either ignore, agree, or disagree.