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Can I Say “am Sorry’? by basamta: 1:58pm On Oct 12, 2012 |
· Like an helpless goat in the wilderness, I paced… Looking for nothing, and also expecting nothing But brooding only on something-that which I have lost Like a mouse in a rat’s dungeon my heart races Beating wildly, smiling sadly, as I think upon the woman who no longer wants to be called my “baby” Days rolled into nights, and nights into more days, yet my misery continued The sun shone, rain fell, wind blew and mist flew… Yet my heart gallops in exasperation For emptiness consumes me and regrets befriended me As those little devious moments of vanity Were surely responsible for this near loss of sanity Loving never feels much great until experienced And with me, the ecstasy was all the more exponential It took me several trials and countless gambles to stumble upon her But when I did, she was worth the wait in gold Ours was a story heading for glory As love was birthed upon beholding her magnificence I was struck: dumbstruck and lovestruck concurrently The sun always rise in her eye Her words were comfort, her hugs were reassurance When she laughs I dream… When she smiles I fantasize… Her image travelled with me everywhere My phone, laptop, ipad, even in the car But to preserve her magic, I kept her alive where nothing would separate us …my imagination She was with me everywhere She was the first I beheld when I wake The last I see before I sleep She occupied my dreams and dominated my thoughts Her love was a prison-a prison of ecstasy Her loving was an adventure-a trip into paradise and beyond… She loved in ways Shakespeare never knew She loved in a manner Solomon was ignorant of She made little everyday happenings become extra ordinary special treat With her, time flew on endless wings I love her! I loved her in ways adjectives couldn’t describe She was as they say ‘…my everything!” Then… Tragically somehow, I found a way to destroy everything I can’t say how it started Even more bewilderingly, I can’t recollect when it did Like a thief in the night the contemptible seed was sown And like yam in Ondo soil, the seed mushroomed cancerously It began with that girl at the mall… Nails as sharp as thorns, eyes sparkling like a feline I should have known nothing this glossy could be godly But thinking back, my downfall must have began that day Without thought I requested her number Without hesitation she also offered her BB PIN Calls graduated into chats, chats metamorphosed into voice notes and videos Sure the love for my ‘Baby” never waned But undoubtedly my commitment to her soon became diluted Without a thought, I jumped into bed with the devil But instead of stopping there I went romping Where there were church members, I now see potential and willing sissies Where there were competent colleagues, I now see sexy mates I went out of my way to be scandalous Prowling clubs, hounding bars and hunting parties all in a bid to womanize The lie I told myself was I still loved my babe The truth I failed to realize was… ‘Love without commitment and trust is lies!’ But just as nothing lasts forever My deceptions became unveiled soon after Suspicion was birthed, mistrust soon reigned She questioned every move… Checked my phones, querying my trips But on that day when the heavens fell, No one really was left in doubt I had been a fool, but I never realize until mu cup became full She made an unannounced visit And caught me with an unholy receipt My defense was haphazardly unprepared And my appeal was rightfully unheeded Her gait remained classy, her voiced unchangingly glassy The slap on my cheek was a blinding thunder Her orders-the unfortunate lady (with me) need not ponder She never shed a tear; neither did she break a sweat Her silence was deafening, my helplessness was cataclysmic I shrunk like a rag and knelt like a slave But before I could utter a word… She said that 6word sentence that ended life as I knew it “…and you destroyed everything-it’s over” Intending to grab her leg she turned… Racing after her without a robe, yet she looked not back I cajoled, cried and called her names all to no avail She refused my calls; neither did she entertain my visits nor gifts My lust led me to this loss And without her love in my heart, the emptiness took over Now back to my wonderings… Eyes heavy from drinking and spirit weary from torture and will dreary from dark thoughts But as I perish in justifiable punishment, Please call my love and say “just a moment” Just a moment again to behold her and explain Just a moment again to hold her and without restrain apologize Just a moment again to ask for her forgiveness in all sincerity Just a moment again, to see if her trust can be regained again Just a moment again, to work this out, to set my life back on track Tell my baby to give me just a moment again, to make us work But even if she refuses my plea Even If she rejects my call, and denounce my entreatment Then all I’ll like her to know is that I apologize For true contrition might not make everything right But really, it’s all I got… ‘…can I say “am sorry?” Basamta! 2012 |
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