Hi guys, ok I met this guy sometime ago, he is a nice guy tho not perfect. I wasn't in love with him anyway but I just decided to get close to him and see if the love could develop.

When I got closer to him I found out he is an extravagant spender, he just jumps into things without planning them. He can begin 5 projects at a time without a proper strategy/planning and some of the money he uses for these project are bank loans. This aspect of his lifestyle did not go down with me. I kept talking but at the end of the day he will do what pleases him.

The one that broke the camel's back was when he bought a flashy car while he was yet to complete his buildings at the village and city respectively, he bought the car and made a commitment of over 1m just for tourism/travelling around and staying in 5 star hotels.
I just knew that moment he wasn't for me, this guy really loves me but I'm a careful spender and I love planning things before I do them. So I told him to stop coming cos it won't work out between us. And I moved on and even forgot he existed.

Today he called me probably to find out how I'm managing the flood situation, we got talking and somehow we ended up talking about what happened between us. From his voice I could sense his love and desire for me,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,

How do I deal with this aspect of his life? Can I tame him? Is it really possible? Not that it will guarantee any relationship cos I'm yet to developed feelings for him. But I just wanna try, take this baby step and maybe reconsider.......they say love grows right?

Mature advise pls........

You have a big hurdle to jump.
Seems like a very mature (age)man from the story. Some people have cash, but managing it is the challenge.
These are the millionaires today and bankrupt the next.
They sleep at Intercon today and tomorrow under a bridge.
They Dine and Wine in Paris today, then soak 'garri' the next week.

Well.. give it a try but don't let your guard down.Talk to him and see if he listens cz if he does, it means there's room/hope for improvement.
You don't have to commit yet.You see,whether we like it or not some of these 'careless behaviours' spill into marriage and end up causing couples to live in continous debts.A financially unstable man is a big headache.
Let him prove his maturity in spending as a single man before you both get entangled in debts as a couple.

To be sincere, I don't know if there's anything you can do to actually control his spending if he has the money. Maybe you can, maybe you can't but what really is the problem lies within him and only he can mellow down on his extravagant life. Don't beat yourself out on it cos you've done your part and yet here you are again telling him what to do. If he doesn't see that, then it's his problem, not the other way round.

pendo89: You have a big hurdle to jump.
Seems like a very mature (age)man from the story. Some people have cash, but managing it is the challenge.
These are the millionaires today and bankrupt the next.
They sleep at Intercon today and tomorrow under a bridge.
They Dine and Wine in Paris today, then soak 'garri' the next week.

Well.. give it a try but don't let your guard down.Talk to him and see if he listens cz if he does, it means there's room/hope for improvement.
You don't have to commit yet.You see,whether we like it or not some of these 'careless behaviours' spill into marriage and end up causing couples to live in continous debts.A financially unstable man is a big headache.
Let him prove his maturity in spending as a single man before you both get entangled in debts as a couple.

Well, he is in his 30s. The points you mentioned are the reasons I'm scared. Thank you!

[size=13pt]if i say i get advice 4 u, na lie i dey lie.. Ibo boys sabi spend money wela o, especially the uneducated ones. Chai, they no mind to open bar make everybody dey Drink their money [/size]

vivian chinaza:

Well, he is in his 30s. The points you mentioned are the reasons I'm scared. Thank you!

You need not to be.He is only a 'friend' so caution must be exercised.Make it a platonic relationship and use that platform to 'advice' with wisdom.
Try to throw in hints eg.Refuse high cost dinners and a flashy lifetyle and let him know why.Emphasise more on saving.
If that doesn't ring a bell at all, then give him space.I am sure he will find a lady to waste his money on, but he will forever be gratful to you whether you end up with him or not.
They always come back to their senses when they run bankrupt and all friends are gone.

bennyraz: [size=13pt]if i say i get advice 4 u, na lie i dey lie.. Ibo boys sabi spend money wela o, especially the uneducated ones. Chai, they no mind to open bar make everybody dey Drink their money [/size]

Lol you are really funny. On the contrary he is not ibo. And I have no business with an uneducated man when it comes to relationship!

It depends if he truly care for you. If he does, I believe he can adjust. But my sister, make I advice you, some persons, that's their kinda life, if they don't spend it that way, another wouldn't come. But that's not a reason to be a reckless spender.

vivian chinaza:

Well, he is in his 30s. The points you mentioned are the reasons I'm scared. Thank you!

Spambot so I am using my other handle.

Well,You need not to be,
Make it a platonic relationship and use that platform to advice him with wisdom.Throw in hints like refuse high cost dinners,extravagant lifestyle and emphasise more on saving and living within means.
If that doesn't ring a bell then let him be but you can't tame a man.
He will find a woman to waste his cash on, but trust me he will come back running when he runs bankrupt and forever appreciate your advice even though it might be too late.
We all have have friends and some are crazier than others.We just don't spit them but learn from them at times.

.

sanb: [b][/b]It’s very very difficult for you to tame a man let alone an extravagant man. From your write up, he appears to be a man that at least has some qualities that you like in exception of the extravagant side of things. Since he’s still interested, you’ll need to have a heart to heart discussion with him again and let him know your dislike about his extravagant life style. If he is someone who is reasonable then I see no reason why he shouldn’t consider things from your point of view but that’s going to be hard especially if he was brought up in that sort of life style.

If at all you ever come back together then try and work along with him and let him learn how to start and finish projects. Sometimes men just need that extra advice from a woman for them to reduce that ego that they carry about and it works. They don’t need a woman who nags and I’m not saying that you nag but don’t let him perceive that you are nagging him because he won't listen...

Thank you. Well I tried initially, God knows. But I don't know if he sees me as very young to advice him or whatever I can't tell. Considering the age or difference(mid 20s and mid 30s)........well, I will ponder on this. Thank you once again!

People can learn to control their spending. If you haven't told him your main reason for moving on, you should. Let him know you're concerned and worried about his spending. Also, gently remind him to be future-oriented. Some people spend lavishly, focusing only on the present and forgetting how they spend today will affect them tomorrow. You should also find out if he's willing to change and how. Financial Planners can help in this area; him seeking professional help is a good idea. Sometimes, people also spend a lot to fill a void, so there might be a lot more to his spending than meets the eye, and getting to the root cause of that would go a long way in curbing the spending.

vivian chinaza:

Lol you are really funny. On the contrary he is not ibo. And I have no business with an uneducated man when it comes to relationship!

i see, then you should surely know how to make the right decision

i tire for naija girls oh. If you spend less the will say u are greedy if you are extravagant the will say u are lavish

Yield: People can learn to control their spending. If you haven't told him your main reason for moving on, you should. Let him know you're concerned and worried about his spending. Also, gently remind him to be future-oriented. Some people spend lavishly, focusing only on the present and forgetting how they spend today will affect them tomorrow. You should also find out if he's willing to change and how. Financial Planners can help in this area; him seeking professional help is a good idea. Sometimes, people also spend a lot to fill a void, so there might be a lot more to his spending than meets the eye, and getting to the root cause of that would go a long way in curbing the spending.

I'm a financial planner (tho in the making), I'm actually studying Accounting and at my level I have done so many financial management courses.

.

ebamma: i tire for naija girls oh. If you spend less the will say u are greedy if you are extravagant the will say u are lavish

Sorry, I'm not a naija girl! I'm a lady ok, and I'm sure you know the difference.

Cheers.

Well, you can actually reduce the effect of his extravagance. Since you're prudent in spending, whenever you notice he's loaded, always make it an obligation to demand a huge sum of money from him, keep the money with you for the raining days or better still invest it for him. He'll always be grateful whenever he goes broke.

I do not see anything wrong with putting up with someone who's extravagant. It could only be a problem if both of you are.

Trying to 'tame' him could actually turn out disasterously for you. His extravegance and borrowing, that's his way of life.That's probably what's taken him that high up. If you go into his life and try to 'change' him, he'll feel you're trying to hinder his ambitions or dreams and you guys will probably end with a short marriage. Supposedly, there are many ways of showing or representing success and your man has chosen the eccentric one. If you cant handle his lifestyle, look for someone whose lifestyle you can handle. And FYI, I hate women who try to change people and then go on remonstrating later when they've failed, as they always do. Its irritating!

You cannot tame him.

I am waiting for nairalanders to jump on the thread and ask u to pray.... I know they will come

Call him and sit down

Show him your money management skills. Bring out pen and paper, bring out your excel sheets and show him what he can achieve with proper planning.

Some people are impulsive they want to achieve everything at once. I must admit I am like that atimes, Want to build in village, want to build in city, want to build in US all at the same time.

But if you show him what he can achieve with proper planning that he would get there but he needs to plan and take one at a time.

Tell him to give you just 10,000 and see how you would manage it and what you would achieve it and gradually he would have more confidence in you

Maybe the house in the village first next the house in the city, next the cars One thing at a time

Just show him you are a very good manager of money and I am sure he would relax. Most men think a lot women are not good managers of money as they want to spend spend spend buy clothes, buy shoes, buy weaves without planning for the future, they think they only live for the moment. but if you show him you are s different kind of woman that you are ready to sacrifice material things for long term gains He would hand over his life to you.

I have seen one of your previous post and I am impressed by your thinking. Any man who marries you is lucky

bennyraz: i see, then you should surely know how to make the right decision

What did I do to you? Ur laugh makes me uncomfortable joor. Get off me!.....lol

I am sorry to give you this bad news. You cant tame an extravagant man. Bankruptcy will be his greatest tamer. Just enjoy the roller coaster spending and prepare for the rough landing. No one spends a line of credit, except a murrafvcker.

Long and short, you can't change men, live with it or forget it.... Meanwhile.. I'm a careful spender too o!

From the way you speak of him, he's not stupid, maybe that's just his weakness.
Maybe he wants to change and doesn't know how.
Maybe he has even changed and you're not aware of it.
My point is... if you don't find a way of letting him know that it bothers you, you'll never know what to do.
Maybe he's even spending all that money because he's trying to fill a void... a void you can help him fill.
Be a good friend and don't judge him. Help him out.

How can one open a thread on nairaland?? Please help.

You are indeed a good woman! You are trying your best to tame him,but he seems to be wild about his spendings.there are some girls who would even encourage him to lavish his money and dem go chop too and clean mouth,but you are wise enough trying your best to bring him to order.the most painful aspect of it is that its a loan! How on earth is he gonna get the money to pay back?this just reminds me of my neigbour who bought a Toyota Sequaia for 2million meanwhile he still lives on rent in lagos and has no house in the village!
Just try and talk things with him.am sure he is gonna listen to you.

No b u e wan impress ni?
Come 2 think of it he is still better than me...
My hubby is spending of money,dnt knw y.
We can't b changed. We never also never get broke

Is he really extravagant?

What does he do for a living?

Money don't go to fools?

See you at the other side ...

Bunchers stab: No b u e wan impress ni?
Come 2 think of it he is still better than me...
My hubby is spending of money,dnt knw y.
We can't b changed. We never also never get broke

Impress me ni? Lol, you just cracked me up! Sorry, extravagance doesn't impress me!