I feel so sad that my friend's wife after repeated appeals has continue to take instructions from her mother and feel safe to ignore her husband. The worst is, on any issue that her mother has a different view from her husby even when it does not bother on religious doctrine, she would rather heed her mother's or other people opinion.

My friend has also complained about poor sexual lifestyle. He mentioned that his wife has to enquire of her father what sexual preference she should allow. Her father has already warned her never to allow MouthAction that it is not biblical. This has affected their love life seriously to an extent that except the usual MISSIONARY STYLE, she won't accept any other sexual position.

The part that I can't understand is the fact that on every little issue, she would reports her husband to her mother who seems to be scared of telling her the real truth about marriage but would rather side her daughter and find reasons to blame the son-in-law.

The least thing like naming of baby, the wife and her mother insist that the baby's name must first be disclosed and discussed before it can be given. But knowing the type of wife he has, meaning that there is bound to be arguments about names to be given, he decided to go solo yet they are openly confronting him on it.

This lady also has openly accused her mother-in-law of being a witchcraft without fact no any prove just base on mere hatred as the woman from all account of those who knew her affirm otherwise; and this accusation is widely circulated within the family and the community when in reality, the woman is innocent.

My friend is so frustrated and is considering leaving the home. This latest move is unknown to her and its based on her refusal to adjust after several warning and appeals. Your views and advises are needed please.

This things dont just happened. Women inherit such rubbish way back down the lineage. The wife of your friend will eventually influence her daughters too unless they get married to someone who can intelligently break the chain. It's all relative.

I remember a girl that was planted on me when i returned from Netherlands. Initially the girl was sent to me, accompanying me in the car everywhere i go. I came to know a lot about how she reasons and smiles and talks. She got to me really. Then she came one day all moody and wouldnt talk like before. I instantly knew that a demand has been made from her family or friends. I eventually discovered that the flow of gifts towards her relatives, which i blocked was the cause. I thought i knew her mother until the commands started.
She would come to my place to tell me her mother wants me to join them in 5 days fasting, go to one mountain or the other to pray, go to monastry to climb hills with my knees, carry cross like Jesus did thousands of years back, tell me which friends to go with and those to run away from, tell me which time to come back each day etc.
Well after listening to her one day, i asked her if she was ready to leave her mother and live with a man which she had no answers to.
I made up a story too that my own mother wants the relationship to stop.

We all have mothers, dont we.

My advice to the affected person is to be calm and calculated. Declare your authority and face the consequenses. Start by telling your mother in-law to stop coming to your place. That will shake everybody for a while and before they recover, drop another bomb. You have only one life to live.

Sam, this matter is serious so if you have meaningful suggestion that may help, pls say something.

For me, the woman ( your friends wife)does not know what she wants.
How many years doe she think her mother has to stay here on earth?
Tell your friend to be firm in his decsions.
He should make her understand the boundaries of her parents.

"We all have mothers"
Love that phrase.

The woman is using her hands to dig her own grave. I hope its not too late for her sha. Really she needs to grow up and stop attaching herself to her parents apron. Immediately the man gets fed up its going to be a terrible outburst.
No wonder the bible says a wise woman builds her home but the foolish one pulls it down. But the man should have seen signs during their dating days but ignored them. as a friend continue to pray. That's all

Sam Milla: This things dont just happened. Women inherit such rubbish way back down the lineage. The wife of your friend will eventually influence her daughters too unless they get married to someone who can intelligently break the chain. It's all relative.

I remember a girl that was planted on me when i returned from Netherlands. Initially the girl was sent to me, accompanying me in the car everywhere i go. I came to know a lot about how she reasons and smiles and talks. She got to me really. Then she came one day all moody and wouldnt talk like before. I instantly knew that a demand has been made from her family or friends. I eventually discovered that the flow of gifts towards her relatives, which i blocked was the cause. I thought i knew her mother until the commands started.
She would come to my place to tell me her mother wants me to join them in 5 days fasting, go to one mountain or the other to pray, go to monastry to climb hills with my knees, carry cross like Jesus did thousands of years back, tell me which friends to go with and those to run away from, tell me which time to come back each day etc.
Well after listening to her one day, i asked her if she was ready to leave her mother and live with a man which she had no answers to.
I made up a story too that my own mother wants the relationship to stop.

We all have mothers, dont we.

My advice to the affected person is to be calm and calculated. Declare your authority and face the consequenses. Start by telling your mother in-law to stop coming to your place. That will shake everybody for a while and before they recover, drop another bomb. You have only one life to live.

This got me cracked up. Very funny indeed. However, you delivered it the way it should be. A man must be in control of his family, let the mother-in-law face her own family.

integrityfood: Sam, this matter is serious so if you have meaningful suggestion that may help, pls say something.

The man just told you what to do and you are asking him to be serious. Something tells me you are the affected person. Anyways, regardless of who, the mother-in-law must leave/stop visiting. A family meeting should be held, both parties should be represented. The issue and way forward should be discussed.

omosexy1:

The man just told you what to do and you are asking him to be serious. Something tells me you are the affected person. Anyways, regardless of who, the mother-in-law must leave/stop visiting. A family meeting should be held, both parties should be represented. The issue and way forward should be discussed.

This latest comment is a follow up to his earlier statement. However, i found his contribution very enriching and comprehensive. I equally appreciate every contributions. I will draw my friend's attention to the comments here, hence still expect more suggestions and advise. Thank you.

feminine A: The woman is using her hands to dig her own grave. I hope its not too late for her sha. Really she needs to grow up and stop attaching herself to her parents apron. Immediately the man gets fed up its going to be a terrible outburst.
No wonder the bible says a wise woman builds her home but the foolish one pulls it down. But the man should have seen signs during their dating days but ignored them. as a friend continue to pray. That's all

You are right on point!!! i just hope God will intervene. what i hope to do next is draw their both attention (wife & husby) to all the contributions here so they understand the risks involve in what they allow. thanks for your contribution.

Sam Milla: This things dont just happened. Women inherit such rubbish way back down the lineage. The wife of your friend will eventually influence her daughters too unless they get married to someone who can intelligently break the chain. It's all relative.

I remember a girl that was planted on me when i returned from Netherlands. Initially the girl was sent to me, accompanying me in the car everywhere i go. I came to know a lot about how she reasons and smiles and talks. She got to me really. Then she came one day all moody and wouldnt talk like before. I instantly knew that a demand has been made from her family or friends. I eventually discovered that the flow of gifts towards her relatives, which i blocked was the cause. I thought i knew her mother until the commands started.
She would come to my place to tell me her mother wants me to join them in 5 days fasting, go to one mountain or the other to pray, go to monastry to climb hills with my knees, carry cross like Jesus did thousands of years back, tell me which friends to go with and those to run away from, tell me which time to come back each day etc.
Well after listening to her one day, i asked her if she was ready to leave her mother and live with a man which she had no answers to.
I made up a story too that my own mother wants the relationship to stop.

We all have mothers, dont we.

My advice to the affected person is to be calm and calculated. Declare your authority and face the consequenses. Start by telling your mother in-law to stop coming to your place. That will shake everybody for a while and before they recover, drop another bomb. You have only one life to live.

Thank you very much for your very well articulated views and advise. I quite agree with you that sterned action must be taken boldly and on time too to save this union. i plan to invite both parties ( wife & husband) to view this comments here perhaps, they can learn vital lessons of marriage. Once again, thanks for your contribution.

mature women knows information management is key to marriage.

the way the OP described and is concerned about the situation as if he lives with them.
Are you sure you are not the friend you are talking about?

vanitty: "We all have mothers"
Love that phrase.

.....But all mothers differ.

integrityfood: Sam, this matter is serious so if you have meaningful suggestion that may help, pls say something.

Are you for real? Read between the lines, Sam just gave you/your friend correct advise. I particularly like where Sam said to tell her that his own mother also said......
No be only her get mama.. We all do. Even if him mama no de, make he talk say him mama spirit tell am say.....
No matter what the circumstances, partners should respect each others parents... One mama no better pass the other!!!

Was there courtship in this union? because if there was one ur friend would have noticed all this incompatibility....any courtship without intimacy can actually have this problem....However where there is no intimacy during courtship both parties should define clearly there expectations but most of our church goers would pretend all along to be fine and after they expect somebody to change .I GUESS THIS IS THE CATEGORY UR FRIEND BELONGS TO...my advice if u ask me:GET A DIVORCE.

Most men are just to timid to confront an overbearing mother inlaw. Never go cap in hand to discuss issues with them,if my woman is attached to her mum,I'll be also attached to mine.

The guy in the writeup is the cause,he's given them too much chances,that his inlaw as decided to take it as license.

There was a mother inlaw who went to a beer pub to disgrace her daughter's husband cos of seeing anoda woman with him. The man crossed to the other side to get a cane,and whipped the woman,till she bled,and stopped by people. Imagine that.

vanitty: "We all have mothers"
Love that phrase.

i de tell you! I just wish this kind tin will happen 2me. As stubborn and manipulative as i am, i swear, she would kill dat her mum wit her bare hands!! Wat arrant nonsense!!

Didn't he know the kind of girl she was before proposing?? Why do couples now sound as if they were forced into marriage?

integrityfood: Her father has already warned her never to allow o.r.a.l intimacy

That's disgusting anyway

Imagine your wife asking her Dad what style to "allow" in bed? The mindset where a wife thinks what happens in her matrimonial bedroom is because she "allows" it based on her Dad's instruction or advise is absolutely unhealthy for marriage. That to me is a sign of low self-esteem and complete ignorance of what she got herself into i.e marriage.

As we have only heard one side of the story here it is not possible to get the complete picture but people of low-self esteem tend to attract their kind. It is difficult to accept that signs of the recent happenings had not manifested somewhat in their pre-marriage days which may have been ignored by the man. So though according to the story the woman may appear at fault in many ways, I'd like to think the man himself cant be blameless.

However, the same Bible that they say is anti-oral sexx also declares the husband of the head of the house, not the wife nor in-laws. They should be told in clear terms and they ought to respect that if they're not hypocrites.
The way this turns out is entirely dependent on the man because he has the power to create the kind of home he desires. You NEED to put your feet down firm and teach your wife what her responsibilities are to the marriage.

There's no doubt that overcoming this wahala shall not be pretty, people are going to get offended as there's no way out that'll satisfy all. But it is a necessary sacrifice well worth it to save the marriage.

** The bolded is key especially if he is the kind of personality that does not like confrontation or offending others.

Omo Alata:

That's disgusting anyway

wat do you know about marriage?

Omo Alata:

That's disgusting anyway

sharrap

Guy solution is simple,take a second wife infact an open relationship with another woman woould fix that,,if it doesn't. Send her to marry her father and be second wife to her moother

In marriage, the only two people important is your spouse and GOD.
* Your spouse, because its him/her you are married to
*GOD, because He is the one that instituted/established the convenant.

Some persons might act important, even including in-laws, pastors and us that are advising here, but we are totally irrelevant.

Husband and wife should sit down, define their marriage ; doctrince,intimacy,finance e.t.c

I wonder ooh, when i read what men pass tru in d name of marriage it surprises me, i begin to ask if actually they are African men, let ur friend establish his authority as d head of d house by ordering d mother law not to come to his house till further notice nd dat his wife could as well go wit her mother, unless d wife is d breadwinner of d house, in which case he needs to lie low for d mean time.

I smell trouble with time. Please advice her to change. Her husband will get tire very soon and start becoming man in the house. That is trouble coming.

D truth is dat any mother who wants 2 controll,direct and guide marriage 4 her daughter dos nt wish her daughter well in marriage. She shld face her own and allow dem 2 manage their affairs alone. Dis is really disgusting. Honestly, I hate dis. D man shld take d bull by d horn.

@OP... Your friend no get Orientation!

He shud make up his mind to fix this issue or die silently forever.

Ban the Inlaws for coming near his family and Ban the wife from going to her family,if she goes back to their(parents) house,she better not comeback to his house(he has to be more serious than heart attack).

OTOH, sometin tells me that your wifes parents helps a lot,financially in taking care of your friends family,that why he is being Timid about all this suffocations(but I might be wrong sha)

Na why courtship still better. Why u no go gimme doggstyle before I marry you? I dey Madt!

I wanted to comment but, I want to ask....who dey wear the trouser for the that house? Is it the husband or the wife? shey you understand that, I do not mean the literal trouser...

The fact that, the man is thinking of leaving the house, tells me that, it is the wife that is wearing the trouser in that house. Why would he ever think of leaving his house? The mere thought of it is insane...and you said he want to do it 'secretly'?...Good Heaven!

I sincerely think that, the problem here is not with the wife but the husband. He has grown to be less assertive over time that the wife and mother inlaw have noticed it and taken advantage of it.

Let him grow a pair, take a stand and tell the wife to conform or leave the house. Sometimes you have to take drastic steps to stir the ship out of dangerous waters. Let him package the woman back to him mama and papa house until he leave the true meaning of..."For this purpose shall a man (also woman) leave his (her) father and mother and shall be joined to his wife(husband) and they two shall be one".

The challenge I see here is that your friend isn't assertive in his decisions else, he would have put an end to this madness. Let me give you this example my mum use to advice us growing up. "I can only give my opinion on the man/woman you want to get married to but it is for you to be sure and once you do, always remember those things you see before taking the decision to marry him/her". And what this implies is whatever that happens in your home should not be disclosed. The guy should grow up and let his in laws know that this is his family and so he calls the shots.

WHY ARE YOU FEELING THAT SAD ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS MARITAL ISSUES?

ANYWHO!!! THEY MUST ASK A TRUSTED PASTOR TO INTERVENE AND SPEAK TO THE MOTHER.