kodewrita: I am curious about this and would like to learn from the wider mass of people on NL.

How do you handle the envy of your colleagues?

How do you handle the former friend who keeps telling tales to all the other coworkers?

How do you handle the snide remarks targeted at staining your image?

how do you handle the open doubting remarks ?

and finally how do you handle unmerited full blown hostility from your coworkers?

There is no silver bullet, one-size-fits-all advice or solution for all the unique issues of bad belle you have listed.
Here is how I would handle each scenario using different levels of what we call Passive Aggression:

How do you handle the envy of your colleagues?
...By becoming their friend! Dont fight them. Appear to share your challenges and problems with them. Let them 'think' that they are instrumental to your progress. Ask for guidance (even on silly things) which you already know. The last thing you wanna do is appear to notice their envy. Dont offer to buy lunch or that sort of thing. That may be seen as condescending. Ask for help/advice on office related matters. In short, demystify your super-worker status by 'appearing' to be vulnerable and imperfect. This is Passive Aggression 101.

How do you handle the former friend who keeps telling tales to all the other coworkers?
....Again, dont confront him directly cos he will derive pleasure in knowing that he is actually making life miserable for you. Take the sting out of his bite. Take the wind out of his sail. You will leave him trapped in a creek without a paddle. In short, take the same stories that he is likely spreading and make fun of YOURSELF. Be the butt of your own jokes. He has nothing to rat or gossip about. He will look foolish especially if you (a) repeat the story and add sugar; or (b) you laugh harder than everyone at the stories; or (c) You mockingly hail him when you meet him with group of friends e.g. call him: Chairman! or Alaye baba!! Ah, Area Fada, e ma binu sir (while prostrating). Omo, try this recipe and I guarantee you, he will come and beg you to stop. Passive Aggression, Level 201.

How do you handle the snide remarks targeted at staining your image?
....Same as above. Mock yourself using those issues. For example, if someone mocks you because your boss called you half-baked; or because mama Chibuzor at the office canteen exposed your credit unworthiness (gbese) then use the issue to yab yourself regularly. Make sure at least neutral people listening laugh at the joke, but DONT appear to be cracking a joke. Passive Aggression 201.

how do you handle the open doubting remarks ?
....See above (201)

and finally how do you handle unmerited full blown hostility from your coworkers?
....Hmmm, this one hard small. There are two ways to approach full blown hostility - depending on the character/disposition or seniority/rank of the hostile person. Do one of the following:

OPTION A: Dont ever react in anger no matter how provocative and unwarranted the hostility is. Treat the person with extra respect. Call him/her 'Sir' or 'Ma'. Pull out a chair for the person to sit. Open and hold the door for them if you meet by the entrance - and wear a cheap, impish, boyish smile as you do all these things, even if no one is around. Make it clear that they dont deserve the respect, but you are mockingly respecting (and avoiding) their harsh tongue and evil eyes. (Passive Aggression, Level 301).

OR

OPTION B: During the hostility, make a serious-sounding, straight-faced remark like: "I dont know why every time you are hungry, you are always taking it out on me". The office will scatter will laughter (even though you said it casually, while walking away as if no big deal). The person will wonder and think twice next time before displaying hostility towards you, cos they dont want to be laughed at. (Passive Aggression 401).

Warning: If the hostile person is your line manager/superior, the "serious yab/joke" in Passive Aggression 401 above will not be advisable or applicable (resort to Passive Aggression 301).

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FOOTNOTES
In all instances, eliminate any wrong doings or short comings on your side, so as to invalidate the unwanted envy/hate shown towards you. The whole idea of Passive Aggression is like Judo: Use your opponent's strength against him/her while conserving your energy and standing your ground.

Sun Tzu (author of The Art of War) said: The greatest general will achieve military victory without fighting even one battle.

Recommended reading: Sun Tzu: The Art of War

look for something about them to like them for, go ahead and love them. pray for them, bless them when they curse you then someday meet them one after the other and tell how much you love and wish them well- this principle has not yet failed to change people!

envy is bound to be present especially when ur moving faster than ur colleagues can dream of or u seem to have supernatural powers...so i've learnt to enjoy it (though i dont like the dense atmosphere it creates) there is no hard and fast rule about it,just flow with the tides...

the silence part of it is has a priceless effect and is difficult to master,ur shock absorption shuld be superb.

there is the part where you play the fool and pretend to be oblivious of all their antics.when they think you a fool,you get a breathing space.

you could also join in making fun of you...this leaves them weak and confused as to what to make of you.

in all these and many more bear in mind that you have a destination and that should be the most important thing. do ur job well. ask your self questions before you are asked. criticise urself bfore the critics arrive. be ready all the time. cos they'll keep trying to pick holes till they succeed. you have just one job...make sure they never do.

[color=#990000][/color]What's happened 2 TARABA STATE GOVNOR plS

I joined a company and in less than 4 months, sent on foreign training, my colleague(who reports to same boss as me) and others who had been in the system before me, but had not been sent on training, started gossiping. They must have talked about it while I was away but one of them stylishly mentioned it when I came back.

My approach is to ignore and pretend as if you don't know. Relate with them normally, don't try to outshine them.

IGNORE

JUST SUPPLICATE TO ALLAH FOR HE IS ALWAY ATTENTIVE TO THE SUPPLICATION OF SUPPLICANT WHEN HE SUPPLICATES...HE IS GOING TO PROTECT FROM THEIR EVIL PLOTS BECAUSE THE EYES ARE REAL

kodewrita: I am curious about this and would like to learn from the wider mass of people on NL.

How do you handle the envy of your colleagues?

How do you handle the former friend who keeps telling tales to all the other coworkers?

How do you handle the snide remarks targeted at staining your image?

how do you handle the open doubting remarks ?

and finally how do you handle unmerited full blown hostility from your coworkers?

Ignore...

If they envy u mk u sing BEEF by M.I for dem.

Charles.nerd:


Sir,you never gave an advice,you only engaged in self adulation and that is not an answer to the question.

Sorry I called you out but please always stay on point and stop being narcissistic.I read on the other thread where you say Nigerian youths are dead intellectually,it was so amusing as it was outlandish. What have you achieved with all your knowledge to be in a position to pass such ill-thought judgement on the generality of Nigerian youths?.You would do well to humble yourself and make guarded statements.

@OP,sorry I derailed the thread.I suggest you maintain your cool,watch what you say and above all, maintain an open line of communication with your superiors.

Didn't even know you would bring the topic of other thread here.
The most intelligent guys are usually low-keyed. That doesn't make them inferior in anyway. When someone forms ITK people would readily look for their downfall.
@poster: you can't please evryone, but do you best and don't let the envious feel threatened about you if you can help it.
Goodluck.

Gosh! Just my situation @the moment..... I treat them with one word 'IGNORED'....... I dey bon demmmm wella!

Not giving a hoot is one way

Grab a copy of this book titled ;HOW TO COPE WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE....I'M SURE U'LL FIND SOME USEFUL TIPS.

There must be a reason for their atitude towards u wether genuine or not. And this marks where u start ur own game. Tolerance is key 4 u. Now is the time to pretend as if u did not hear them or as if u didn't know they hate u. You must be a good player. Never return their hate with hate. U can win them back 1 after the other.

I av a personal exp with a colleague wen I was doing my youth service. I became my oga's fa4rite immediately I joined and he never stop taking a dig at my colleague @ any slightest opportunity. This my colleague took in turn against me and it was war. Thank God for God...application/obedient to d 1st law of power by Green safe me. Even though my boss was already rating me above him, I became extra submissive to him. I'll call his attention on every ass deligated to me eventhou I know wat do. We became frnds and would tell me hw terrible our boss is yet I remain my Oga's fa4rite. Now I work with thesame firm even after my nysc. Wisdom, tolerance and humility will help.

AjanleKoko: @OP,
Don't react in kind. Maintain a calm demeanor, keep doing the job well, and be civil to everyone.
Don't assume a siege mentality. Just observe everyone and everything, take it all in but do not be in a hurry to react.

Thanks brother;I am currently going through this with white people. Its been very challenging but I will apply these advice you gave.

Is it only in the work place?

From now on your name will change from @OP to Ignore. So ignore all of those acts from them.

Then do your work and service well even add extra and you will see how they will be divided within themselves cos of u.

Be unpredictable .

Destroy your enemies by making friends of them the Machiavellian way

Ariyke: IGNORE

Nah Nah, to ignore always cement a big conflict/confrontation to come.

The key word is patience, patience. Tolerance, tolerance and if they don't get the message then go ballistic Kabooom, Kaboom , then maintain, extend hand of friendship, if it continues Kaboom and Kaboom again. It sends a conflicting message and they will eventually get the message you know..... As long as you are fundamentally right, be strong and they will succumb to your strength.

[size=18pt]ignore them and go on about your business.
do what you are there for..your work.[/size]
haters hate to be ignored.

I will read psalm 91 against them and they will surely scatter or keep their f**king trap shut.period.

Just do your job extra well. Avoid group talks. I think thats where it starts and lastly, ignore them.

Jst b truthful 2 urself,strategise nd do ur job very well,b focused on d mission nd vission statement of d firm,do nt b biased,b persistent nd competent,make sure u lv one another nd leave d rest 4 God.

@ OP,you haven't said how you got yourself in this situation. Are you sure you d're not a schemer? People who rise to the top thru hardwork cannot have all his colleagues envying him or talking at his back.

Are you also sure you do not backstab in order to get favoured? Cos if you do, perhaps the person you claim is spearheading may have found out and told the others.

About your former friend, why is he or she "former?" What have you done to win your friendship back?

You need to check yourself first! Goodluck!

I give them the middle finger every morning n after work. Works like magic, you should try it

Go and read the book titled "the rule of work"

kunletech: Envy people are very dangeriouse, especialy at work.
When i faced this problem in my office, thise are what i did;
1. Be prayerfull (mean spiritualy strong)
2. Be very vigilant and sensitive in doing and words that will be comming out of your mouth in their present, because they can use your words against or trap you.
3. Do not trust any body, but be friendly and let them know you know that they don't like u.
4. Have spy among them that ill be given you thier wicked plan, but do not totaly trust the spy.
5. Use youe trap to catch thier leader, that is, let him commite what will make him to lost his job. Strike the shephered and the sheeps will scatered
5. Then, others will scatered.
6. Have the secret of others in your hand.
7. You have silent them for ever.

48 £äwß öf pöw€r. Í £öv€ thät

Just be smart enough 2 ignore them but not totally avoiding dem so u could ve tips 2 their plans. Meanwhile please don't leave ur food or drinks around because the heart of a man is very wicked. And be careful while accepting gifts because even the bible says every man is appointed to live only once on earth. Just ask God 4 wisdom and d spirit of carefulness. Dis will take care of everything

..."Bring ur friends close n ur enemies closer"....
..."don't ever hate ur enemy, it clouds ur judgement".....Don Micheal Corleone

OP you have received alot of advice. I want to believe you are smart enough to analyse, sift and implement the advice u have been given. But i think you should start from yourself. I have former colleagues who call me to complain about the treatment they are receiving from their workmates when in reality their inadequacies is the root of their problem and they wrongly assume its envy. While im not saying thats ur case, it wouldnt hurt to first look inwards. Most people lack the ability to carry out a truly objective self-introspection. I hope that isnt ur case. Wish u the very best.

[size=15pt]Build a mansion on I don't give a fvck (IDGAF) avenue. Enjoy your life, let them keep hating. It proves you are in front...[/size]