if you force the child she will probably not listen to anything and just going to church forced or not does not make u a Christian

I was once like her, My dad was a deacon and founder of a church he always force me to go to church against my wish. I must tell you now I realised he has done a very good job by not letting me go astray. If the parent refuse to play her part now. I am sorry, she will be blamed for that in the furture. I am not a disciplinarian but I beleive better application of punishment could realy work wonders in the life of a teeager like her.

However, if you are not residing in Nigeria you may not be able to have any control over your child.

@ poster
Ur daughter is just a typical young teenager; naive and impressionable, also highly sensitive, so be careful. I suggest u live her alone. Pray 4 her and thank God she is not yet experimenting with satanism or atheism like Seun Osewa. lol. Nah its nuthin to worry about. Just think back to all the things you felt, thought or did when you were 13 and you'll understand what she is going thru now. Good luck.

bawomolo:

MOve your family to Naija which children learnt respect for the elders and follow their parents' instruction.

yes such great parenting skills have really helped. see how nigeria is the 2nd most corrupt country in the world with high crime rate but churches and mosques every corner. parents are guardians/providers and not dictators. olodo

The reason for that is because the parents themselves have corrupt tendencies with religious hypocrisy. That's quite a different thing

The reason for that is because the parents themselves have corrupt tendencies with religious hypocrisy. That's quite a different thing

no there isn't a difference. what's the point of religion if it can't curb the corrupt tendencies of man. something is wrong with the parenting skills of Nigerians if all they can do is instill fear in their kids by forcing them to do things

D-reloaded:

Some of you people are pitiful. What concerns "spare the rod" in this matter? Animals

Did she say that her child steals or sleeps around or kills people. She simply has problem beliving certain things in the Bible, understandable, by prayers she will be led back to the flock if need be. All this talk of rod does nothing, most of you were beaten to death and  supposedly go to church and you're still  no better than Satan himself. Rubbish.

May I humbly request that you make your point without undue recourse to the use of collective insults? C'mon girl, be the lady I know you are and don't reduce urself to such levels. Be cool

I am still waiting for you animals to come and beat me. Yea it's a challenge.

@ poster

it seems you have given them a free hand since they were kids. i'll probably be right in assuming that she's the more spirited twin  

it also appears you've been going about it the best way. dont mind these cane hungry nairalanders. what could also help is

1. find out if there's been an event/wish that has affected her and made her question God's existence.

2. what books she's been reading. mention a few casually - da vinci code? or other such faith-antagonistic books/movies

3. who might have been the influence? her best friend? a teacher she greatly admires?

the purpose isnt to antagonise the person or object. just identify the source and work on ways to (covertly) cut the bonds

does she like novels? (i bet!) offer her christian novels. ask her to help you read it, you dont just have the time, energy, et c, and discuss or just listen to her retell it, even if she sounds critical. there are some really cool authors. my all time favorite is the mark of the lion trilogy (francine rivers), which may i add is the text for a number of college history courses. i dunno how anyone can read all 3 books (trust me, u wont be able to stop at bk 1) and not FEEL something for God.

ensure that her camps every summer are christian oriented and fun

keep up the prayers and xtian living by example

dont pressure her. don't attack her stance. at her age, it's the things that you attack that they cling to fiercely. but you can talk about it from time to time.

try to explain what you know about what's so difficult to understand in the bible. atheism is a response of the flesh in the attempt to establish its absolute dominion over everything. meaning: the flesh is too selfish to want a power bigger than them, and bigger than they are able to understand.

don't be afraid to help her make friends with people who can lead her back.

so far, you're doing great.

my prayers are with you. wish i could help.

no i wld not advice u to force her to go to church.

Kids od these days likes to be independence so forcing her is creating trouble.

Na wa o! Some backward posters are still criticising yvskc for not raising her child properly simply because the child voiced her quite reasonable and legitimate opinion. Like it or not guys, God's existence is only a matter of belief, it can't be proved, and challenging this belief is quite normal. Non-believers (in Xtianity) outnumber Xtians in Naija alone.

But, what's this? Yay! The poll on this topic has swung for the progressives for the first time!
Big ups to all progressive thinkers: Queen D-reloaded, almondjoy, omo.olomo, , Seun, manmust etc etc. Your children will always stay close and will always confide in you.

Hopefully the 'drag ams' and 'flog ams' have not reproduced themselves, as they obviously can't tell the difference between a child and a goat.

I love you guys/gals who went to a good university, but are now saying 'Philosophy? Psychology? All na grammar!' If you are better-educated than past generations, yet you can't make better decisions than your parents, then what have you gained?

TY for that take on the debate danfodriva, I agree that the flog them attitude is a wrong one.
I understand that it is hard for some to break away from this thinking as they have been raised
to believe it is the right way,I take their criticism on the chin,but I know that I am a good parent
After all my daughter's 2 sisters attend church willingly
But again look at the poll and you will see why I ask the question in the first place, 52-48% against forcing
her,that shows that there is no obviously "right" answer to the question.
It is a close call, like Obama and Clinton

Wonder shall never end. That's absolutely true.

But for as long as my child remains a child, it is my responsibility as a parent to see to it that he/she heeds my call and respects me. That invloves going to church with me. He/she can decide to join a rock n' roll band for all I care, but that will happen when he/she has attained adulthood and is no longer under my direct supervision. In other words, such a person no longer feeds off my table.

It is my house. My family. My domain. I (with my wife) call the shots. It is no democracy here. It is a monarchy. It is my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide my family with the very best that I can afford. If that child wants a democracy, he/she can as well pack and go live elsewhere, or join Barack Obama's campaign crew.

I think our teenagers of nowaday should exercise some patience and wait till they attain adulthood before they start contributing their independent opinion to how the house should be run.

This democratic attitude in the family is tearing a lot of families apart and bastardizing family values. Did I get that child's opinion and consent before I decided (together with my wife) that we are going to have children?

I know i sound like a harsh father. But the very fact that I am the father/parent and that child is under 18 years, I legally, ethically and otherwise remain in control. So, she goes to church with me till she attains 18, and then decides what she wants from then on, including how to fend for herself.

These are my thoughts anyway.

@ Rhea, oh really? So if a child came to you and asked your advice that she is also 13 years old, but instead of her parents being Christians they believe in the occult. They want to force her to go to their gatherings and join in their libations and incantations, she says she doesn't believe in it and refuses to go.

What would your advice be then, would it not still be a monorchy sinmce she is under 18 and is "eating from their table"?
It is "their house", "their family", "their domain" too, what would your advice be then?

at dis tender age i think its wise to force her to church, if she were old i wuld av advised against it. try and live an exemplelary life; at dis age a child tends to imitate anything she sees, so be mindful of how u behave wen she's there and be cautious of the company she keeps. most of all. take it to the lord in prayers.

She need to be force to go to church and ensure that she 's attentive to message because salvation come through hearing, hearing thru the word of God.

Also try and get some christian novel, films and tape to keep her busy.

ensure you study bible with her at least once in a week prayerfully.

matthew 11:12 " RIGHT FROM THE DAYS OF JOHN THE BAPTIST UNTIL NOW, THE KINGDOM OF GOD
                            SUFFERETH VIOLENCE AND THE VIOLENT PEOPLE ARE TAKING IT BY FORCE"
                                                  YES- BY FORCE, EVEN BY FIRE BY FORCE.

mark 11:22-24   "HAVE FAITH IN GOD,,,,, YOU SAY UNTO THIS MOUNTAIN,,,,,  AND IT SHALL BE REMOVED" 
           
      IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILTY TO TAKE HER BACK TO GOD B4 SHE TURNS THE HEADS OF OTHER CHILDREN
                                       MAY THE LORD HELP YOU IN JESUS NAME (AMEN)

I dont think I have seen in the bible where it says you can force human beings to do things, examples in the bible like , if you say to this MOUNTAIN refers to THINGS and not PEOPLE. Even God himself who told Adam not to eat of the tree didn't force him not to, he left the choice in the hands of Adam. Trying to use the bible to justify things even God himself doesn't do, is one reason why so many people can't live a so called Christian life.

They manipulate it to justify whatever they want to do.

my 13 year old daughter has decided she wants to be a professional prostitute. Should I force her not to become a prostitute?

Many people here dont even know what it is to be a parent. There are some here who dont seem to deserve to have become parents. Which kind nonsense be that? which time me and my son/daughter wey be underage begin drag matter as to who dey wiser?

God save us all

my 13 year old daughter has decided she wants to be a professional prostitute. Should I force her not to become a prostitute?

prostitution is an harmful trade. freethinking isn't. do u idi amin's think at all.

@londoner,
THE BIBLE INSTRUCTED THAT YOU SHOULD TRAIN A CHILD THE WAY HE/SHE SHOULD GO,
IS THAT NOT?  THEN LET ME BRIEF YOU WHAT TRAINING  REQUIRES:
IT RQS DISCPLINE AND DRILLING WHICH COULD BE OF ANY FORM.
DISCIPLINE ITSELF RQS PUNISHMENT.    NOW What is punishment?
IT MEANS TO HANDLE SEVERELY OR ROUGHLY OR VIOLENTLY.
   VIOLENCE REQUIRES FORCE.  PLS GET UNDERSTANDING

[who is an atheist

Pls,don't try to force her, try do something like, (1) Sit her down and talk to her like one of her friends, thereby asking her what really prompted her to start such things (2) Try get one of her close friends and ask the friend things they talk about whenever they are together, thinks they talk about matters alot (3) If possible, get someone she confides in and let than person get full details of whats' really happening to her.
May God change her heart and seperate her from bad influences. (Amen)

bawomolo:

prostitution is an harmful trade. freethinking isn't. do u idi amin's think at all.

who says prostitution is harmful and freethinking isn't? Is prostitution not also about freethinking?

do you westerner wannabes think at all?

I still feel that at 13 shes way too young to be leading her own life and making such decisions. I mean what next? If the mother didnt feel it was a problem she wouldnt post it here. No one is a good parent. A good parent is a parent who tries. I think its the hardet job in the world to raise another decent human being. But when it comes to children lets stop this free thinking nonesense the modern soceity has good mad. A child is a child end of story.